Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.
Parenting teens and tweens? Welcome to your multi-award winning weekly audio hug where no question is a bad question, and curiosity beats judgment—every time.Each week, I chat with expert guests to figure out what’s really going on in this fast-changing world, and how to connect with our teens so we can actually enjoy parenting them.Susie - friend, mindfulness guru, and fellow parent in the trenches - brings her wisdom and personal stories to help us contemplate a different perspective.No one has this parenting thing mastered—even parents or experts who seem like they do. Making mistak...
Wed, April 16, 2025
138: How to get your teenager out of their bedroom - even one who's into gaming.
Send us a text So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed. In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers. In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us: 1. Separation – from the family 2. Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions. 3. Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity. 4. Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society. And the six common thinking traps parents fall into. Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident. Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts. Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions. Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them. Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons. It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent. We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room. Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships. We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment. ANITA CLEARE: https://anitacleare.co.uk/ BOOK: How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling do
Wed, April 09, 2025
137: Identity formation - the main job of a teenager?
Send us a text In psychology, the term "identity" is most commonly used to describe the distinctive qualities or traits that make an individual unique. Identities are strongly associated with self-esteem, and individuality and - for a teenager - forming their identity is a crucial job. It's been over two years since I created the first episode looking at the topic of identity formation. In this episode I have pulled material from the orginal discussion, and brought in Susie to revisit the topic so we can discuss what we have learned during our parenting journeys. One of the key issues we discuss is the importance of being flexible and not fixing a child's identity, so they have room to develop and grow. We can help this by supporting their teens' self-worth and personal growth; having open discussions about perceptions and roles. BOOKS: Inventing Ourselves; The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah Jayne Blakemore His Dark Materials - Phillip Pullman How to Raise a Healthy Gamer - Dr Alok Kanojia RESOURCES: Identity https://www.choosingtherapy.com/identity-crisis/ https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/#:~:text=Identity%20formation%20in%20teens%20is,most%20of%20their%20adult%20life. The 8 stages of development Eric Ericson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCBdZLCDBQ&t=28s Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, April 02, 2025
136: Society has changed: Are education and hard work less important now than parents?
Send us a text I grew up believing in a meritocracy; with hard work - and government funding of my university education - I eventually escaped a difficult home and poor schooling to succeed in journalism. But times have moved on, and the reality now is that getting a university education is no longer the gateway it used to be. In fact, according to generational expert and historian, Dr Eliza Filby, our life chances and opportunities are no longer shaped by what we learn or earn but by whether we have access to the Bank of Mum and Dad. She says, we’re living in an Inheritocracy, where parental support is what matters most, and Western society is beginning to shift more towards an Asian model of family reciprocity. This is definitely what I found when I researched my episode on whether teens should pay rent. There's been a quiet revolution of multiple generations now living under one roof because it makes more sense than casting our young into a world in which things have changed so dramatically. RELEVANT EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-styles-that-enable-teens-to-grow-into-capable-adults-1/ DR ELIZA FILBY: https://www.elizafilby.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr_eliza_filby/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS82Ka2wcPerdEGx6Z1d1eA https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inheritocracy-Should-Talk-about-Bank/dp/1785908588/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.aFtkjtdKIWYZQUwxEK8p5vmrfiov9IVFwcGxhrbE3bA.EY2LeRMRlEqIxdqf1NZed1ZZIgBSqtu8XNlMv5uGPhQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=inheritocracy&qid=1715590848&sr=8-1 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Tue, April 01, 2025
135: Adolescence: Help for parents with the core themes. How to discuss and connect with our kids
Send us a text The mini-series, Adolescence, is a global hit, topping Netflix charts in 71 countries and amassing 24.3 million views in its first four days. It's sparked a global conversation about parenting, masculinity, and the impact of social media on young people. It's brilliance rests on holding up a mirror to everyone in society, showing us the complex factors that cause toxic ideas to take root. When I started this podcast I set out to create somewhere that is a safe space for us parents to explore the challenges we face, judgement free. The links below are all referenced in the episode offering tools to think about, and unpack, our own parenting and how best to connect with and support our own kids. BLOG: What to think about before handing your child a phone : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ BOOK : When you lose it by Roxy and Gaye Longworth EPISODES: Screen time: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/ Andrew Tate and the manosphere: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/role-models-andrew-tate-misogyny-red-pills-and-the-manosphere/ Sexting and nudes: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/ Porn culture: episode https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/ Andrew Hampton interview: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Masculinity vaccinations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ Talking with boys: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ Bigorexia and bodybuilding: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/ Looksmaxxing : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/112-boys-looks-and-masculinity-on-social-media-the-hard-and-soft-of-looksmaxxing/ Staying connected: (second part of this episode) https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/ Male friendships and the masculine mask: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ For a t <a rel="pay
Wed, March 19, 2025
134: Are we too cynical? Helping our kids see hope in a world of cynicism.
Send us a text Twenty years ago The Times asked young people in Britain a series of questions. The new Millenials gave answers which showed that the majority thought the UK was forward-looking and tolerant; they were proud to be British. This year that same survey - this time asking Gen Z - has brought in radically different results. 48 per cent thought that Britain is a racist country, compared with 36 per cent who did not, and only 11 per cent said they would fight for Britain. In fact, 41 per cent said there were no circumstances in which they would take up arms for their country This caught my eye, because I've been reading about the sharp rise in cynicism across many societies. What's particularly fascinating is that the opinions of people, when asked in research aimed at trying to understand cynicism, seem to be far less extreme and more peaceful, than we generally believe them to be. So the question is, are we too cynical, and what can we parents do to help our kids feel more hope about the intentions of others and the world in general? It's a very tricky subject, with lots of opportunities to offend, so do try to listen to the episode with the spirit in which it is intended. The Times poll: https://www.thetimes.com/uk/society/article/generation-z-survey-young-people-britain-ld076s8qr Books referenced: Hope for Cynics by Dr Jamil Zaki Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity--And Why This Harms Everybody by Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsay Useful episodes for blended families with a newborn: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/1-your-parenting-toolbox-and-tidy-teen-rooms-rummaging-in-your-toolbox-and-how-you-get-your-teena/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/differing-parenting-styles-and-future-careers-parenting-together-when-you-cant-agree-on-a-parenti/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/123-avoid-parenting-burnout-and-troublesome-chore-charts-with-this-simple-method-an-interview-with/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My
Tue, March 11, 2025
133: How to plan ahead for an empty nest that's full of possibility
Send us a text Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be very painful to navigate. I've already discussed it with Susie, including ideas for how we can manage our feelings in a positive way to help us move on. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/ But are we looking at it in the wrong way? Change management specialist, Hanna Bankier, hates the term empty nest because it has such negative connotations. 'How can the nest be empty if I'm still in it?' She encourages us mothers to take a pro-active approach to that next stage of life by planning ahead from as early as when our kids turn tween and teen. In this discussion, Hanna helps us think differently about this life stage, explains the key mistakes we make and which areas need focus, and how to plan for the nest stage of our life in a really positive, life-affirming way. Hanna's top five tips: Start early: Begin preparing for this transition during your child's teenage years by gradually shifting your parenting style from hands-on to mentorship. Create a personal plan: Map out your own identity and interests beyond motherhood. Use Hannah's exercise of drawing a circle with your name in the center and identifying activities that energize you. Build a supportive community: Cultivate female friendships and join groups or activities that interest you. These connections are crucial for emotional support and personal growth. Communicate openly with your child: Have honest conversations about how your relationship will evolve, setting expectations and creating a new dynamic as they become independent adults. Embrace the joy of this new chapter: Recognize that this is not an ending, but a new beginning. Celebrate your success in raising an independent child and look forward to the opportunities ahead for both of you. The key is to view this transition as a positive opportunity for personal growth and rediscovery, rather than a loss. Free tool: https://www.birdylauncher.com/freeoffer Hanna Bankier: https://www.birdylauncher.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com<b
Wed, March 05, 2025
132: Work: What we parents can do to help our kids end up with a meaningful role in society.
Send us a text Another day another newspaper headline that says young people aren't working. According to the Financial Times newspaper, 13.4 per cent of people in the United Kingdon in the 16 to 24 age group were not in employment education or training - “NEET” - at the end of last year. The ONS figures showed a higher rate of young men outside work or training, with 14.4 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds classed as NEET compared with 12.3 per cent of young women. and mental health issues seem to be a rising factor. This podcast is all about helping parents see a way through the maze of problems, rather than dwelling in it, so in this episode I decided to put the figures in context and look at what we parents can do to ensure our kids a way to play a meaningful role in society. PWC Report: https://www.pwc.co.uk/economic-services/assets/youth-employment-index-2024.pdf The World Economic Forum - Future of Jobs Report 2025 What employers consider to be core skills for the workforce: 1: Analytical thinking 2: Resilience, flexibility and agility 3: Leadership and social influence 4: Creative thinking 5: Motivation and self-awareness 6: Technological literacy 7: Empathy 8: Active listening Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, February 26, 2025
131: Culture clash: When the ‘black sheep’ of the family forces us to learn
Send us a text Parenting is a hard enough, but doing it in a culture that is different from the one we grew up in creates an extra layer of challenges to navigate. When it's our kids who have the greatest connection to that new culture it can be their demands that make us grow the most in our role. It might seem strange, because I'm a white woman who always spoke English and had English parents, but arriving in the UK from the African continent aged 10 was a total shock to my system. There were very specific cultural cues that I had to deliberately learn, but obviously the differences were eased by the fact that my parents came from this culture. So when I met the podcaster, Amma, I was fascinated by how she and her family have had to navigate living in a country where the language and societal beliefs are so different both inside and outside the family unit, and how Amma was the person who ended up having to coax and cajole her parents to grow into their adopted country. We parents can learn so much from her story about what is at the heart of good parenting, and having a relationship that will last into adulthood. AMMA BROWN GIRL: https://shows.acast.com/amma-brown-girl-1 https://www.instagram.com/ammabrowngirl/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Fri, February 21, 2025
Spilling the tea: Exams, family get-togethers and a Big Hug
Send us a text Exams discussions. How to parent through the pressure: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ How exams fail everyone: An interesting interview with Sammy Wright on the impact of grades and why we need to rethink them. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ Bowling: https://lane7.com/venue/london-victoria/ Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/teenagersuntangled The Big Hug membership group: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks: A regular community catch up Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you Access to all past interviews Links to downloadable PDF documents Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/ Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, February 19, 2025
130: Worries about skin care obsessions? The social media 'Sephora' kid craze from a teen perspective
Send us a text Most teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up? When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said. I would like you to advise on though and maybe your daughters can help? My 13 year old has been heavily influenced in the last year or two by social media posts on skin care. She has now changed from being content with a simple cleanse and moisturise before bed to having a morning and evening skincare ritual lasting more than an hour. She is getting up at 5.30 every morning to start the ritual! The most concerning thing is the use of products and preparations that I would normally associate with more mature ladies ( things I would use!) and these often include hyaluronic acid, retinol, collagen etc. she spends all her pocket money, birthday and Xmas money on these products and is constantly asking for extra jobs to earn more money to support to this expensive obsession. I am hoping it’s just a short lived phase and thinking that I should treat it a bit like ‘bad fashion’ and keep cool and non judgemental about it, rather than expressing my concerns, which would probably make things worse! Do you have any advice? In this episode I talk at length with my girls about the trend, how her daughter might be feeling, and what Clare can do to support her without shutting down communication and connection. PRODUCT MENTIONED (NO AFFILIATE OR SPONSORSHIP INVOLVED) Garnier Vitamin C Daily UV Brightening Fluid Sheer Glow, SPF50+, For all skin types, Cruelty-Free, Vegan, 50ml Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, February 12, 2025
129: Parenting stages: Coaching and mentoring teens and young adults
Send us a text Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is. Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about how the stages unfold and what it really feels like for us. What do you think? Send me a message on teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Ellen Galinsky's six stages of parenting: Nurturer - Birth to one year Your baby learns that they are safe and the more they find their needs met the more confident they'll become as a youth. Boundaries - Ages one to five Children start to test boundaries. They need to be clear and consistent. When you set a boundary it needs to be the same every time, and the consequences need to be applied consistently. Training the Heart -Ages six to twelve You begin answering questions about boundaries and consequences, and putting them in context with the way society works. It's important to listen to your child, and respect their opinions. Coaching - Ages thirteen to eighteen Give advice but allow the child to make the ultimate decision. We also have to allow our children to suffer the consequences of bad decisions. Nagging, or constant correction, will just cause our kids to tune our voice out. Mentoring - Ages eighteen to job or marriage Refrain from telling them what they should do and from judging the decisions they make. Understand - and treat them - as if that they are capable of solving their own problems. Our job is to offer advice when asked and not to judge. Be curious. Friendship - Job or marriage and beyond Now our kids are established as adults it's time to tone down the parenting and allow them to be our equal. The one key thing to remember is that they will always crave our unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of how old they become. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: <a href='https://www.instagram.com/teenag
Wed, February 05, 2025
128: Supercharge your teen's life skills with a working holiday.
Send us a text Sponsored by JENZA Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life. Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an ideal way of giving them the skills they need with an added boost to their 'explorer' mindset. I’ve already made an episode talking in general about gap years, but I'm still getting a lot of enquiries about specific opportunities, so when JENZA - the earn as you explore youth travel group - offered to sponsor an episode it was an obvious way to get lots of useful tips for us parents. In this discussion with JENZA’s head of Global Operations, Adam Janaway, he shares: The benefits of working abroad, emphasizing skills like responsibility, adaptability, and problem-solving. The career advantages of cultural exposure and work experience in foreign settings. Three types of work abroad experiences: short-term structured programs, longer-term flexible working holidays, and professional internships. His own experiences, including working at a US summer camp and in Canada, and stresses the importance of asking for help and building emotional intelligence. Advice for us parents to encourage independence and planning for our children's working holidays. JENZA : www.jenza.com GAP YEAR EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/gap-years-what-is-a-gap-year-and-should-our-teens-take-one/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, January 29, 2025
127: How to be a good parent to teenagers, using evidence. An interview with Matilda Gosling
Send us a text It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it. Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as 'A rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful.' I knew we all needed to hear about what Matilda had found. THE BOOK Teenagers: The Evidence Base, weaves together insights from fields including social and experimental psychology, neuroscience, family systems and adolescent development. CONTACTING MATILDA: https://www.matildagosling.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/matilda-gosling-11a95521/?originalSubdomain=uk https://matildagosling.substack.com/ In the interview we cover: Navigating the ups and downs of the teenage years - The book discusses how the teenage years are not just constant "storms and stress" but have complex weather patterns with both positive and negative aspects. Supporting teenagers' identity exploration - The book advises letting teenagers experiment with different identities and not labeling them, to allow them room to continue developing. Facilitating healthy friendships and relationships - The discussion covers how parents can support their teenager's friendships, even if they don't approve of all their friends, and have conversations about healthy romantic relationships. Talking to teens about sex and sexuality - The book emphasizes the importance of parents proactively discussing sex, sexuality, and porn with teenagers, rather than leaving it to schools or the media. Maintaining self-care as a parent - The book stresses that parents taking care of their own needs and well-being is crucial for supporting their teenager's well-being. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: <a href='https://www
Fri, January 24, 2025
Community catch up: Relaxing, skin care obsessions, leaving school and finding work and boredom.
Send us a text This is Community Catch-Up: Your bonus episode BOOKS MENTIONED: Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves 10-25: The Science of Motivating Younge People - David Yeager https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more - Elaine Taylor-Klaus https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/ Ken Rabow on Failure to Launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/ Manners: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/ The Disengaged Teen - Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, January 22, 2025
126: Reduce parenting stress and improve our kids' core skills with this simple fix. An interview with Sam Kelly
Send us a text Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to: ✅Avoid burnout. ✅Have a happier home life. ✅Help our kids to be successful in life. ✅Avoid nagging. ✅Break the old stereotypes cycle. I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the mental load with the whole family and increase our kid's chances of having a happy life at the same time. She summed up what I've been struggling with my entire adult life: the fact that if we don't learn household skills at home it's way harder to develop them as adults when we have busy lives, careers, and our own family. Some of Sam's key suggestions are: Teach kids the "big three" daily tasks to build cleaning skills. Guide kids on how to "notice" what needs to be done around the house. Have "cycle breaking conversations" with kids about gender equity and mental load. Try the "notice and grab" approach when grocery shopping with kids. You can find Sam on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world/ And her own website at: https://hellosamkelly.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, January 15, 2025
125: How to motivate our teens to love learning and why parents are the missing piece of the puzzle.
Send us a text We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did. A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Some take a lacklustre approach, doing the bare minimum, some work hard but never really think about the path they're on, others simply check out by disrupting the class or refusing to turn up. The result is a high boredom high stress environment, but in this amazing book Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson explain that we parents have a immense power to influence our kids' engagement. Drawing on sciencific studies, and research with thousands of parents and educators, they have come up with an easy to understand framwork and language for us to use with our own kids both in and beyond the classroom. LEARNING MODES: Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out. Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs. Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges. Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals. THE BOOK: The Disengaged Teen by Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson Dr Rebecca Winthrop https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: <a href
Wed, January 08, 2025
124: Enduring sibling relationships: Why some last and others fall apart, and how we parents can help
Send us a text There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other. Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die. When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it came at the same time as another, Helen, who said she'd noticed lots of her female friends are struggling in their relationships with their sisters. In this episode I talk with Susie about the factors in our own family setups that affect sibling relationships long term and whether there's a secret to making sure your kids don’t hate each other some day. We also try to help Helen with some ideas about how she can ameliorate her own situation with her sister. BOOK: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343433834_Sibling_Relationships_in_Adulthood_Research_Findings_and_New_Frontiers https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7399693/Findings https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04983-006 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, January 01, 2025
123: New Year 2025: resolutions, stress, being more fun, most interesting books, and most downloaded.
Send us a text MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ PARENTING STRESS : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/ NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/ 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/ Sexism and Sensibility by Jo Ann Finkelstein https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/ When Girls Fall Out by Andrew Hampton https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Hold on to Your Kids by Dr Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Failing our Future by Joshua Eyler https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-how-grades-harm-students-and-what-we-parents-can-do-about-it/ Exam Nation by Sammy Wright https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ Of Boys and Men by Richard V Reeves Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. MOST DOWNLOADED EPISODES OF 2024: 80: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/79-taking-things-personally-coping-with-adversity-teen-love-and-changing-our-minds-when-we-get-ne/ 110: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ 77: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ 88: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/ 93: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you c
Mon, December 23, 2024
122: Family gatherings without the fireworks, and staying connected with your young teen
Send us a text Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics that cause problems, move away from stale family tropes, and create an atmosphere that sets us up for positive connection. Help for Helen: Incorporate traditions or rituals that mark transitions and changes in your relationship with your teenagers, like a special one-on-one trip or creating a photo book. Communicate openly about the changing nature of your relationship with teenagers and reassure them that you are still a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. Be open and clear about how they can tell you anything and you will not tell a soul, to encourage trust and a sense that they can open up to you. Episode 2 covers how to stay connected Episode 3 how to talk so they’ll listen Episode 13 is great ways to spend time with your teen Episode 41 covers conflict resolution Family parties without the fireworks: Episode 70: Giving presents. Is your teenager ungrateful? Episode 69: Festivities or fights? Focus on being proactive and setting the tone for gatherings by approaching them with positivity and an intention to connect, rather than just trying to get through them. Be intentional about creating spaces and activities that bring your family together, such as having everyone bring a game to play. Identify and highlight the unique quirks or interests of family members to spark engaging conversations and connect on a more personal level. Deputize unexpected guests or assign roles to family members to mix up the group dynamics and prevent the same people from dominating conversations. Channel any argumentative or competitive energy into structured activities or games that allow for healthy expression and bonding. Seed new conversation topics that encourage sharing stories and personal experiences rather than just opinions, such as asking about the best new food tried or songs discovered. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you c
Wed, December 18, 2024
121: Suicide: How to talk about it with teens, and offer proper support.
Send us a text In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months. She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode. In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it. So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents. RESOURCES: https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups https://afsp.org/ https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp https://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/ Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved: The Kita Center in Maine : https://www.thekitacenter.org/ This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita , a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Preventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.” Coping After Suicide Peer Support Groups : https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/ New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men). Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation: https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloud Award-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss. Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building: https://www.elpis-consult.com/ Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving. Elpis means “Hope” in Greek, reflecting the <a rel="pay
Wed, December 11, 2024
120: Support: It takes a village to raise a child... as long they do it my way.
Send us a text So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that? Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion. Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whilst complaining about its absence. When we think about community it's easy to desire the positives, whilst forgetting that a lot of selfless contribution goes on behind the scenes in order for it to function. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, December 04, 2024
119: Girls: Talking with teens about beauty standards, entitlement and misogyny an interview with Jo-Ann Finkelstein
Send us a text Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread. We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambitious, and the misogynistic reactions they will face as they navigate the world? Jo-Ann Finkelstein's book, Sexism and Sensibilty: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, has been described by Lisa D'Amour as required reading for anyone who is raising, educating, or caring for girls. In this interview, Finkelstein discusses the challenges girls face, such as internalizing sexism and the pressure to conform to beauty standards. She highlights the need for us parents to open about the challenges girls face so they learn to understand their worth beyond appearance. She has some great tips on how to help boys and girls notice the subtle signals and explains how we parents can help them by moving away from comments about their bodies and emphasising their other qualities. Another great tip is to encourage discussion around the dinner table and give girls time and respect when they want to make a point, since men interrupt women 33% more then they interrupt other men. COMPATIBLE EPISODES: Girls posting bikini shots on social media: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/ Girl friendships: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Negotiating allowances: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/ Eldest daughter syndrome: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/ Friendship groups: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/ Jo-Ann Finkelstein, is an advisory board member of the nonprofit, SSAIS, which has teen resource to empower youth to address SH/SA through peer education and advocacy. Jo-Ann has a toolkit on this page: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/toolkits/ , and SASH Club is described here: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/sash-club/ and on its own website at the previous link. <a rel="pay
Fri, November 29, 2024
Community catch up: University applications, emotional teens, accepting differences
Send us a text EPISODES: How not to overreact: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/ WHAT TO WATCH: University admissions scandal - https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81130691 The Durrells - https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80989475 BOOK: How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare GRATITUDE: Mark Hyman MD says Gratitude is the ultimate biohack. It reduces stress, improves sleep, strengthens your immune system, and even aids digestion. The vagus nerve connects your brain and guy – gratitude activates it, calming your system. A grateful heart is essential for health. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, November 27, 2024
118: Cancel culture. Bullying or bravery?
Send us a text The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner. '[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perceptions of wrongdoing, poses a significant risk to student mental health and well-being.' I brought Susie in to talk about where cancel culture has come from, why it's become popular, and how we parents can help our kids be a force for good. PODCAST ON DEI : This Isn't Working by Tanya de Grunwald FICTION BOOK: The Outcast - Sadie Jones EPISODES: Conflict resolution skills: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/ Consequnces: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ BLOG about consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ Seven Ideas to Reduce Cancel Culture in Yourself or Your Students and Build Resilience from https://growingleaders.com/the-correlation-between-cancel-culture-and-resilience-in-students/: Do not react on impulse. Think first. Give yourself a day to reflect. Practice the 101% Principle. Find the 1% you agree on and give it 100% of your attention. Listen before you speak. Recover the art of really hearing from the other side. Phone a friend. Don’t respond in a vacuum. Include others’ perspectives before acting. Apologize when and where you’re wrong. This goes a long way in fostering relationships. Forgive when appropriate. To make a mistake is human; to forgive is divine. Build a bridge where there’s a wall. Find a way to connect with the opposing side. https://comment.org/why-we-cancel/ https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/cancelculture.php https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375520893_Cancelled_Exploring_the_Phenomenon_of_Cancel_Culture https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/oxford-student-took-own-life-after-ostracism-over-sexual-encounter-cjx389t5r https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/ https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/ https://medium.com/@julesdixon/ostracism-social-exclusion-in-adulthood-8764ea1a4003 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Pl_86DNyN4cicero <a rel="payment" href="https://www.buymeaco
Fri, November 22, 2024
Community catch up: Allowances, chores, robot vaccums, and the tween boy perfectionist.
Send us a text ALLOWANCES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/ PERFECTIONISM: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/ GRADES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ MASCULINITY AND FEAR OF SHAME: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ MASCULINITY VACCINATION: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ BOYS NEED ROLE MODELS WHO SHOW HOW TO BE VULNERABLE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, November 20, 2024
117: Friendships, frenemies and banter. What to expect and why.
Send us a text Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do. Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong. Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys. He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow. Andrew Hampton FRSA ahampton@girlsonboard.co.uk https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk https://andrewhampton.net BOOKS: When Girls Fall Out Working With Boys Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, November 13, 2024
116: The damage of an emotionally immature parent
Send us a text If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves. Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships. Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline: An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others. THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson TYPES: 1: The emotional parent . Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives. 2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children. 3: The Passive parent. They’re more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children. 4: The Rejecting parent. They don’t enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves. THE TECHNIQUE 1: Become curious and observe rather than react . Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/ 2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier? Once you’ve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go . 1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you. 2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my <a rel="pay
Wed, November 06, 2024
115: Masculinity and image: the Looksmaxxing hashtag that boys follow but parents don't see
Send us a text What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys. The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value. There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/ is well aware. SOME KEY INFLUENCERS: Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho Dillon Latham NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY: Open Wide PODCAST: LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize) APPS MENTIONED: UMAX LOOSKMAX AI MEWING: The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube. The basic principles of mewing include: Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth. Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment. Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time. When to seek help: from medical news today Your son is... spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirror feelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday life spending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearance persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shame becoming irritable more easily feeling tired or low in energy difficulty getting to sleep , staying asleep, or sleeping too much feeling restless and having difficulty concentrating having thoughts about death or suicide https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/ <a rel="pa
Mon, November 04, 2024
Community catch up: Underage sex, the lying teen, parenting responsibilities and thank you's
Send us a text BOOK MENTIONED: Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore EPISODE TO HELP THE PARENT WITH AN UNDERAGE TEEN: https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1882538/episodes/12524413-39-relationships-and-sex-how-young-is-too-young EPISODES RELATING TO THE LYING TEENAGER: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/lying-teenagers-and-teens-who-complain-that-theyve-got-it-harder-than-their-siblings/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/differing-parenting-styles-and-future-careers-parenting-together-when-you-cant-agree-on-a-parenti/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/communication-how-to-talk-so-your-teenager-will-listen-and-dealing-with-teen-sex-in-your-home/ FAMILY DIARY: We currently use Timetree. I'd love to hear about your favourite family diary app. LINK TO THE KATHERINE RYAN PODCAST: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/domingo/id1507148315?i=1000675437248 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, October 30, 2024
114: Boundaries: How to set them and why they’re so important.
Send us a text Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans. In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families. It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged. We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes. SOURCES: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well. https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips https://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802 Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied: Use "I" statements: I feel ______ when _____ is said to me. When this happens______, I feel_____. When you feel disrespected: I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now. I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time. I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it. Buy yourself some time: I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it? I need more time to think, but I will get back to you. When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation: I would love to, but my plate is really full right now. I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now. I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating. Seeking consent with sexual boundaries: Are you okay with this? Do you want to continue? Are you comfortable if I____? Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if y
Mon, October 28, 2024
Community catch up. The award, thank you's, coming up, and a trip to the big Apple
Send us a text A quick catch-up with news of what's been going on, what's coming up, thank you's and my trip to Apple HQ in London. Wednesday's episode: Setting boundaries Email me: teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Where Apple is based: www.batterseapowerstation.co.uk This year's Independent Podcast Award winners: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/multi-room/6680200242 Reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/reviews/ email: teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, October 23, 2024
113: Motivation: How to motivate your teenager. An interview with eminent Psychologist David Yeager
Send us a text When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect. According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring. In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best. BOOK: 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist yeagerds@austin.utexas.edu Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Mon, October 21, 2024
Community thank you's, and what's coming up
Send us a text THE BOOK: 10-25: The science of motivating young people by David Yeager LISTENERS SHARING WITH OTHERS: Middlesbrough Boston Miami Dubai LARGER COMMUNITIES: Manchester Toronto Birmingham Sydney POPULAR EPISODES: 93 I updated screen time for tweens and teens with the latest study results. 88 Nagging, Reducing friction using the magic of routine. 65: Parenting styles that enable teens to grow into capable adults. 47: Anger issues, tips for dealing with an explosive and angry teen. 5: How to motivate your teenagers when they’re not enjoying school. 3: How to talk so your teenager will listen. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, October 16, 2024
112: Stress - the major health issue for parents in our 'culture of comparison'.
Send us a text Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy. According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.' It goes on to say “Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time.” We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all. Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode: Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus. Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor. Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits. Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated. Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities. Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency. Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved. Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you. Trust that stressful situations will pass and focus on your capacity to manage them. Act as an ambassador for stress management by sharing resources and pushing back against unnecessary stress. MY BLOG POST ON THIS EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/our-culture-of-comparison-is-a-key-factor-in-the-damaging-levels-of-stress-experienced-by-parents/ PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/ THE SOURCE: https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/ AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE LISTING IDEAS OFFERD IN THIS EPISODE: h <a rel="pay
Wed, October 09, 2024
111: How to parent complex kids with ADHD or other differences
Send us a text How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years. But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation. Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast. Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time. BOOK: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm. CONTACT: https://impactparents.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, October 02, 2024
110: The hardest part of parenting a teen? We discuss the 18-22 year stage.
Send us a text A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues. As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better. My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her. In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives. For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back. We'd love to know what you think about this discussion. BOOKS: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas ARTICLE: https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgf Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, September 25, 2024
109: Therapy. Should all teens get it? Also, do boys actually need male role models?
Send us a text When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about. The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life. Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast. The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all. REFERENCES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/ Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men Bad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, September 18, 2024
108: How grades harm school students and what we parents can do about it and nterview with Josh Eyler
Send us a text Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children. In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology. He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students. He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA. For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades. https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.php Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, September 11, 2024
107: Teen weight and body image: Mother and daughter explore the issues.
Send us a text As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place. Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation. Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up. It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself. BOOK MENTIONED: Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, September 04, 2024
106: Festival tips - straight from the mouths of teenagers.
Send us a text Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience. I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night. My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, August 28, 2024
105: Grades. Our obsession with them fails everyone. An interview with Exam Nation author Sammy Wright
Send us a text What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers. It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone. Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times. In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person. https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, August 21, 2024
104: Driving lessons - Top tips for a smooth road ahead
Send us a text Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead. Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible. The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course: https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES: What are you responsible for in terms of cost? Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations. Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications. Remind them of the consequences if they break the law. Be a good role model. RESOURCES USED: https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/ https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/ https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-driving Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, August 14, 2024
100: Rachel's top ten lessons to celebrate 100 episodes!
Send us a text It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human. To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up. In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes: Connection over correction. It's not personal, and it's not about you. Kick the bullies out of your head. It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are. Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell. Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good. Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate. Community is way more important and helpful than we were told. Be honest about your own failings. Make time to enjoy the ride. This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and help us all out; we need all the support we can get. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, August 07, 2024
103: Exams: how to cope with boys who fail them and seem apathetic. Email from a step-parent
Send us a text In the West, we tend to see success for late teens as passing exams, getting into further education or getting a job, and moving on with life. So when we received an email from a mother, concerned for the welfare of her two step-sons who've performed poorly in their final high school exams, and who don't seem to be interested in finding work, we thought it would be a really interesting topic to unpack. Her step-sons aren't alone. There is growing concern about the relative underachivement of boys in education across the Western hemisphere, and the term 'failure to launch' was even referred to as a syndrome in a recent article in The British Journal of General Practice. We discuss coping with our own expectations and feelings of fear about our children's suceess, managing a complicated situation as a step-parent, and the structural issues affecting boys in today's society. BOOKS REFERENCED: Boys Adrift , Leonard Sax explores the alarming trend of boys falling behind in education and life. Of Boys and Men: Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it. USEFUL EPISODES: Masculinity: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions--vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ Step-parenting: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/ Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ Charging rent: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/charging-rent-should-you-charge-your-teens-and-young-adults-rent-and-if-you-do-whats-the-best-wa/ Failure to launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute cons
Wed, July 31, 2024
102: Boys: Emotions, masculinity vaccinations, and online influencers an interview with Brendan Kwiatkoswski
Send us a text Extreme misogyny, and the resulting violence against women and girls, has recently been described in the UK as a national emergency. According to the National Police Chiefs Council, online influencers like Andrew Tate are radicalising boys in and a way that is 'quite terrifying'. Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth said officers who focused on violence against women and girls are now working with counter-terrorism teams to look at the risk of young men being radicalised. But what should we parents be doing, and how can we best support our boys? I reached out to Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski who's a researcher and educator specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men. We talked about the emotional lives of boys and men, online influencers, and the idea of innoculating our boys before they hit puberty so they are prepared for the issues that tend to crop up. Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski: www.remasculine.com Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski is a researcher, educator, speaker, and consultant specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men—and how that intersects with the wellbeing of others. His PhD research investigated teenage boys’ experiences and beliefs about being male and compared their experiences based on their levels of emotional expression. He is passionate about positive-focused and person-centred research that humanizes and empowers participants, as well in research that is transformative and practically useful for people in the real-world. He lives in Vancouver, BC, and is part of the faculty of education at a local university. Some of the things Brendan enjoys regularly is breath-work, cold plunges, and free-diving. Previous episodes: MASCULINITY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ BIGOREXIA: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/ BOY FRIENDSHIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ TALKING ABOUT PORN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're no
Wed, July 24, 2024
101: Shyness: How to support a teen who lacks self-belief and confidence.
Send us a text We'd all love our kids to have self-belief, and the confidence to make friends easily. The problem is that it's not something we can simply give to them. Seeing our teen struggle in social settings, or suffer with crippling shyness, can be really challenging for us; particularly if it's a feeling we experienced as a teen and seeing our kid go through it brings our own discomfort flooding back. Today's episode is designed to help our listener whose daughter's shyness is sometimes misconstrued as rudeness. We discuss our own experience of shyness, how it can be misunsderstood by others, and ways in which we can help our teens develop more self-belief. RESOURCES USED: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/shyness#:~:text=Shyness%20emerges%20from%20a%20few,fear%20of%20judgment%20and%20rejection. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness#:~:text=Social%20anxiety%20disorder%20usually%20starts,in%20adolescents%20and%20young%20adults. http://socialanxietyshortcuts.com/why-shyness-is-mistaken-for-arrogance-and-what-to-do-about-it/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, July 17, 2024
99: Sleeping in until late during the holidays. Tips for coping with teens and tweens who're waking up later and later.
Send us a text When a lone mother came onto our Facebook group to look for support with her teenage son who's done very little with his summer holiday other than sleep in late I thought it was a great time to revisit this topic, and talk about the severe level of sleep deprivation our society deems acceptable, and how important sleep is for teens. They're not lazy; there are some important developmental things happening when they sleep. That said, there are also some concrete things we parents can do to help our teens make the most of their holidays which can be a huge boost to their self-knowledge and ability to regulate themselves. Reminding ourselves that academics are just one of the important things our kids need for life helps us to steer our focus onto other gains they can make in the holidays. MY PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH RESEARCH ON SLEEP: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/ MY TIPS: KEY: Remove all tech from their rooms, at the very least it should be done well before they ought to go to sleep. Choose one life-skill a week and teach them how to do it 'perfectly' using praise and ecouragement as your weapons. Help them to talk about what really interests them. Be very careful not to judge whatever it is, but help them to create a routine that involves working towards their goal. Agree a regular check-in time to look again at how they're getting on, and whether it's realistic or needs adapting. This is an amazing life-skill which will protect them from 'failure to launch'. Book things that give the holidays structure. Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to spend time with their friends; social skills and socialising are vital for teens and my kids' screen time drops dramatically when she has social things to do. Get them used to playing games that don't involve online time. We've been loving Uno, Monopoly Deal, Kick the Can, and one unlikely hit has been Sussed which isn't a game, but a card system where each person has to ask the group questions about themselves and people in the group have to guess which they think is the right answer. BOOK REFERENCED: Why Students Don't Like School by Daniel Willingham Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.
Wed, July 10, 2024
98: Public displays of affection and sex in your home. Listener email.
Send us a text Living with a teenager can make us feel queezy at times because we keep losing our bearings. They're changing rapidly, and bringing new challenges into our home, while we're just trying to do our best. For many, the start of a romantic relationship can feel particularly difficult. You're not just negotiating new territory, but having to do it with another person in the equation. One listener has contacted me to for support over her teen daughter snuggling with her new boyfriend on the sofa in front of other family members. Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether we're being unreasonable, and even what it is that we're objecting to. In this episode I directly address her feelings, and how challenging this can be for us parents, before sharing an old episode in which we talked about 16 year olds having sex under our roof. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, July 03, 2024
97: Switching parental gears for their new school year.
Send us a text The holidays are a great time to begin preparing our kids for the next year, but there's so much we could be doing it's hard to know where to start. I've turned to and someone who specialises in helping parents with tweens to give us some great, actionable tips. JoAnn Schauf, who founded Your Tween and You, and is the author of Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween, emphasizes the importance of focusing on fostering autonomy and confidence in children. In this episode we talked about: Goal-setting and allowing them to use their voice to set their goals. The way our role changes and being clear about the new relationship. The confusing changes that happen in our tween's brain. The benefit of an accountability partner. Using an accomplishment journal. Noticing when the good things they do. Focusing only on effort. Allowing our kids to set their own goals. Discussing homework building blocks. Discussing screen time and empowering them to manage it. CONTACT JOANN SHAUF: https://www.yourtweenandyou.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, June 26, 2024
96: Screen time for tweens and teens: The latest on what works and what doesn't.
Send us a text If you're a bit confused about how much you should be wading in on your young adolescent's screen time then you're not alone. The truth is, there's been very little clear data to prove what we should and shouldn't be doing. Jonathan Haidt's book Anxiety Generation has turned the dial up on the whole subject and he's pushing hard for a ban on social media for younger teens because of the impact he says it has on them. Meanwhile, Natasha Devon is more keen on getting us parents to engage positively with our kids and teach them how to be their best selves online. So who's right? A new study from the University of California, published in the journal Paediatric Research, looked at the behaviour of ten thousand 12-13 year olds, and it's given parents a clearer understanding of what we should be doing. The most positive impact: is if we parents place limits on our own screen use, especially in front of our kids. The most negative thing to do is using screen time as a reward or a punishment - because they found it tends to increase the desire to be on their screens. Which is exactly what Natasha Devon said in my interview about how to help your teens be their best selves online. NEW STUDY: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-024-03243-y#Sec19 TOOL FOR CREATING A FAMILY MEDIA PLAN: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspx MY INTERVIEW WITH NATASHA DEVON: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/42-social-media-and-how-to-help-your-teens-be-their-best-selves-online-with-natasha-devon-mbe/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, June 19, 2024
95: Summer flip or summer flop? What will your teen be doing with their summer, and does it really matter?
Send us a text The amount of holiday teens get varies enormously around the world. For some, it's a much needed break from routine, for others it's a real chance to flip the script of their life and focus their attention on things that aren't part of the rigid educational agenda. In this episode we talk about ways in which we can help our teens use their summer to grow in ways that genuinely interest them. Lots of skills get little time for development whilst they're at school, so it's a great chance for them to explore their passions in an unstructured environment, or get some experience in the workplace. There's no right way to do summer, but hopefully some of these suggestions can give you ideas for things you can do; including simply working on your connection if you think that things haven't been going too well. Resource used: https://www.daniel-wong.com/2015/11/09/productive-things-to-do-during-school-holidays/ The blog detailing my method for change: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, June 12, 2024
94: Is your teen being lazy, or could they be lacking a key executive skill?
Send us a text It's incredibly frustrating to parent a teen who seems smart but is constantly late, can't set effective goals, can't keep going after their initial burst of enthusiasm, who's messy, doesn't start projects on time, or can't seem to control their impulses. Are they being lazy or is it that they lack a key skill which is holding them back? The latest book I read makes it clear that problems with any of these tasks isn't necessarily lack of interest or laziness, but can be a lack of skill in an area called executive function. In this episode I talk through the types of executive function deficits, and how we can spot them. What's exciting is that the book implies that with the right training our teens can learn how to overcome the sorts of things that drive us nuts and are holding them back from achieving their goals. It's an exciting prospect, because it puts the emphasis on the need to learn skills rather than on personal failing, and gives us parents hope that by being supportive in slowly acquiring the skills our kids can lead lives free of the enormous frustrations that these deficits can cause. BOOK: Smart but Scattered Teens, by Richard Guare PhD, Peg Dawson, EdD, and Colin Guare Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, June 05, 2024
93: Values, and how being strong about our own can help teens navigate a society of desires. Listener email.
Send us a text Hermes was a Greek god able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, helped by his winged sandals. We mere mortals, on the other hand, are stuck here on Earth, and more likely to associate the word, Hermes with expensive handbags. When a listener wrote a beautiful email talking about her struggles with a young daughter who has been begging for one of these extremely expensive Hermes bags for her birthday I thought it would be a great topic for discussion. The problems our listener faces trouble so many of usthe various issues in the hope of supporting the listener and helping others along the way; after all, we're a community here to help each other. TOPICS COVERED: Parenting styles Desire for posessions as a way to feel included The importance of values Celebrating our own culture The impact of society on our desires and choices BOOK SUGGESTION: Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, May 29, 2024
92: Exams, depression, work, national service, Sigma and Bigorexia, we cover it all in our May chat
Send us a text I scan the newspapers daily to keep an eye on what's going on that might be relevant to us parents. I usually share it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds, but it's also good to sit down with another, equally interested but unpolitical, parent, to simply chat about the state of the world that our kids are growing up in. None of it is scientific, or based on deep fact, but sometimes it's nice to chew the cud and hear other parents talking freely about the issues that might affect our own parenting and kids. I'd love to hear if there are any topics that particularly interest you, or if you agree/disagre with any of our views. Email Rachel @teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and you can sign up for my newsletter on the website at www.teenagersuntangled.com. Quote: Viktor Frankl: 'When a person can't find a deep sense of pupose he distracts himself with pleasure.' Sources: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13454193/Mel-Stride-blames-pornography-video-games-alarming-surge-jobless-young-men.html#:~:text=Mel%20Stride%20said%20that%20easy,of%20economic%20inactivity%20across%20Britain. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/china-president-xi-high-school-pupils-military-training-gkgwmj2q7 https://news.sky.com/story/which-countries-have-national-service-and-how-does-it-work-elsewhere-13143261 @Mrpink on Twitter https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/01/muscle-dysmorphia-bigorexia-are-severe-problems-thanks-to-tiktok/72792612007/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, May 22, 2024
91: Failure to launch: What we can learn from struggling young adults about how to help our teens.
Send us a text We all love our kids and hope for the best, but we also worry about how well they'll navigate life once they're old enough to leave home. It's a fine balance between supporting them enough for them to feel loved, and letting them fail so that they learn the skills they need. With the reported increase in kids who 'fail to launch' I thought it might be really helpful to talk with someone who spends his days helping young adults who're struggling. We talked about the vital importance of routine, helping them to feel positive about themselves - especially in the face of failure - what we can do to help them find their own purpose in life, and giving our kids healthy role models on which to build their own life. KEN'S TIPS: Start with the sleep/wake routine, helping them to create their own schedule. Once they have a solid routine in place, introduce three extra things: Something creative Something reflective Something physical Types of anxiety: Body-based Mind-based Totems: something that represents a challenge Time-based Distance: Having to leave a safe space Depression: All the parts of the daily routine will help make a difference to their depression. If you would like to ask Ken any questions, or learn more about mentoring: Www.kenrabow.com Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, May 15, 2024
90: Missing out: The pain of FOMO. Why it’s particularly bad for teens, and how to help your teen.
Send us a text Missing out can cause visceral pain; particularly for teenagers, but why is it so awful and can anything be done to help them with it? This episode was inspired by a parent whose daughter is at an expensive private school, but the family are finally having to accept that they can't afford it and will have to withdraw her. We love our, kids and want the best for them, but why choose something that's a massive stretch for us? What is 'the best' and where do we get our ideas from? I would argue that FOMO is at the root of the decision to put her there, and even the daughter's request a Hermes handbag, rather than a present more suitable for a young girl. In this episode we talk about where our desires come from and why our social environment can have such an impact. We discuss why figuring out, and staying anchored to, our own values whilst getting our kids to find something that really matters to them, is at the heart of protecting us from the pain of FOMO. RESOURCES USED: https://mo-issa.medium.com/ren%C3%A9-girards-mimetic-theory-changed-the-way-i-looked-at-my-own-desires-3ed029d042bf https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664 https://www.theteenmagazine.com/what-teens-need-to-know-about-fear-of-missing-out Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, May 08, 2024
89: Nagging: Reducing the friction using the magic of routine.
Send us a text Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households. The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life. KEY REFERENCES: Atomic Habits - James Clear Podcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine? App I've started using: Streaks RESOURCES USED: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/ https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/ https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspx https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/ SOME LISTENER RESPONSES: Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc. Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting. Grant: As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us. Natalie: No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it. Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises. Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep for Holly We have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the room Sarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier. I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my teens for almost everything. I rarely have trouble with them as they can see the benefits of trust e.g. they get to do more! it’s worked wonders for my 17 year old who is having the time of her life going to lots of “social gat <a rel="pay
Wed, May 01, 2024
88: School: Angry kids, bad behaviour, and school avoidance. What can parents and teachers do?
Send us a text Nearly one in five teachers in England has been hit by a pupil this year , according to a BBC survey. But it's not just in England. Stricter school discipline is making a comeback to Australian classrooms in a bid to help teachers stamp out disruptive behaviour. France is bringing back school uniforms to tackle the issue, and in America, more than 70% of 1,000 educators said in a recent national survey that students are misbehaving more now than they did before the pandemic in 2019. Meanwhile, teachers are leaving the profession faster than they're joining in the UK, and school avoidance rates are at an all-time high. It's a complex issue that Simon Currigan talks about a lot on his podcast, School Behaviour Secrets. In this conversation he gives us his version of what's happening, gives us a top tip on how to deal with a teen when they've lost control, the importance of asking why... at least five times, and gives us a framework for understanding school avoidance. NOTES TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST: SEND - Special Educational Needs and Disability SEMH - Social Emotional Mental Health needs; part of SEND EMOTION COACHING: Empathise with their position - connection before correction. Boundaries based on values. Problem-solving - get them to engage in coming up with solutions. The Toyota Five RAIDED framework for understanding school avoidance: Relationship problem Anxiety Identity - what do people like me do in a situation like this? Direction - where they are focusing so it can be a desire to be out of school because of what's happening at home. Environment - is the school too overstimulating or do they have sensory needs? Dislocation - do they feel unwelcome in the school community, as if they don't belong. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation
Wed, April 24, 2024
87: Where’s my village? The stress of parenting in the ‘sandwich generation’.
Send us a text My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles. Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time. Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.' In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life. GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITION Gen Z – 1997 – 2012 Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996 Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980 Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964 And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945 RESOURCES USED: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions. https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400 https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definition https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-out https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2023/03/22/caregivers-s <a rel=
Wed, April 17, 2024
86: Perfectionism: Help your teen, and yourself, overcome the need to be perfect.
Send us a text Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects. So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule. In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again. Some signs: Frequent catastrophic reactions Refusal to try new things Being very self-critical and self-conscious BOOKS: The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens by Anne Marie Dobosz Perfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books) When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications) When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing) A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. ' SOURCES: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asp https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432 ANXIETY PDF: //www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdf Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: <a href='https://m.facebook.com/teenager
Wed, April 10, 2024
85: Money: Giving teens and tweens an allowance. Two years on my daughter talks about how it’s impacted her.
Send us a text What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom. When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it. Early on, I decided that I would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of responsibility in an attempt to teach my teens the value of budgeting and managing their own finances. This episode is an opportunity to hear how my system works and - two years on from when I first talked about it - to hear one of my teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister. It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us. Let us know what you think teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, April 03, 2024
84: Fun: Having fun with our teens, and the bonding power of laughter.
Send us a text Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted. Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life. Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy. Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, March 27, 2024
83: Resilience: Growing Resilience In Teens, or GRIT. An interview with Dr Louise Randall
Send us a text Grit is the ability to keep going toward a goal, even in spite of significant obstacles and distractions. It's a very apt name for the charity created by Dr Louise Randall, who was seeing many kids coming into her doctor's surgery needing help with difficult problems - such as self harm, eating disorders, and other mental health issues - and very little help available. In this interview we talk about how she uses boxing to teach resilience to help teens connect with their place in life and their own bodies, in a meaningful and healing way . One thing I love about this interview is that Louise gave us parents some of her top tips. Although she was reluctant, I pointed out that this podcast is all about helping parents to realise that we don't need to be experts to be good parents. We can all offer tips and support to each other because we all gets things wrong but we also learn things that might help others. Removing the judgement is critical to allowing us all to grow and do better. A great acronym to remind us not to talk with our teens about something that's been bothering us if we are: HALT Hungry Angry Late Tired The beautiful letter recommended by Louise: https://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?format=amp Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, March 20, 2024
82: Concentration, and the troubling effect of too many choices
Send us a text Does a goldfish have a longer attention span than us humans - as a Microsoft study found - or do we believe the latest study on concentration which says adults have actually increased in their ability to pay attention since the 1990's? The latest study made us wonder about what's really going on, because we all know that gamers have phenomenal powers of concentration, but the rest of us feel we're struggling with attention. Perhaps our real problem is a lack of focus caused by too many choices for what we could be doing. In this episode, we talk about the two studies, other studies relating to the problems associated with too much choice, the impact of sleep-deprivation, and positive ways in which we can help ourselves to get things done in our daily lives. TED talk: The gratification monkey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkU BOOKS: The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sachs THE MAIN STUDY: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377035152_Is_there_a_Flynn_effect_for_attention_Cross-temporal_meta-analytical_evidence_for_better_test_performance_1990-2021https://pure.hw.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/106082041/1-s2.0-S0191886923003409-main.pdf https://www.csoonline.com/article/551475/microsoft-goldfish-have-higher-attention-spans-than-we-do-thanks-to-digital-lifestyles.html https://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jul/24/secret-to-improving-concentration#:~:text=Fuel%20your%20mind.,water%20as%20dehydration%20impoverishes%20concentration. https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/ ( https://standard.asl.org/27705/uncategorized/social-media-causes-attention-spans-to-drop/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20conducted,use%2C%20was%20distracting%20to%20them .) Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/te
Wed, March 13, 2024
81: Eldest daughter 'syndrome' and the trouble with parentification.
Send us a text The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention? We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society. The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood. In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family. THE EXCELLENT BOOK I MENTIONED: The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough USEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-lives https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO: The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by Lisette Schuitemaker The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger Sisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah Tannen Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson REFERENCES USED: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age. https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest%20daughters%20often%20shoulder%20a,mode%E2%80%9 <a re
Wed, March 06, 2024
80: Taking things personally, coping with adversity, teen love and changing our minds when we get new information.
Send us a text Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles. In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier. We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled. The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true. Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes. CHAPTERS: 00:02:02 Not taking things personally 00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time 00:14:53 The importance of practice 00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship 00:20:21 Same-sex relationship 00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new facts Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the foll
Wed, February 28, 2024
79: Manners: Parenting to help teens succeed in life by teaching the importance of good manners.
Send us a text Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners. I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/ For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens, about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success. I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you. Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/ Posting bikini shots: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/ Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ SECTIONS: Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06) Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18) Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03) Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52) Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31) Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11) Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, February 21, 2024
78: Admitting our mistakes - talking to our kids about our own sex and drugs and rock and roll teen years.
Send us a text We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point. Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from. Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents. In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/ SEGMENTS: Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02) Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12) Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09) How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29) Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18) Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28) Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41) Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31) https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.html https://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/article https://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-children https://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabused https://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/ https://drlizhale.com/talking-to-your-child-about-your-past/ https://www.moralrevolution. <a rel="pay
Wed, February 14, 2024
77: Standards: Setting high expectations without the pressure.
Send us a text One of the trickiest questions for parents is how to set expectations that help our kids thrive and grow without crushing them or making them feel low self-esteem or shame. If we don't set expectations we run the risk of making our kids feel like nothing they do really matters, so they can feel overlooked and apathetic about life, but we've all heard about parents who damage their kids through unreasonable demands. Our expectations are born out of our own ideas of what matters, so how do we know that we're not pushing toxic ideas on to our kids? In this episode we talk about how today's society has come expect very little of our teens, whilst seemingly piling on pressure and expecting too much. We talk about how critical the growth mind set is, the stages we go through in learning a skill, and how we parents can support out teens to grow a wide range of important skills without damaging their self-esteem in the process. PREVIOUS EPISODES THAT ARE RELEVANT: Episodes 5, 10, 38 & 40 https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/40-exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/ THE SKILL MATRIX: Unconscious incompetence. Conscious incompetence. Conscious competence. Unconscious competence. QUESTIONS THAT WILL EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER: Are the expectations placed upon me realistic? Do they align with my values? Is meeting those expectations within my control? What and how do I communicate if the expectations are unreasonable or make me resentful? https://www.sec-ed.co.uk/content/best-practice/nqt-special-what-do-high-expectations-actually-look-like/ https://sonyalooney.com/the-paradox-of-expectations-pressure-and-comparison-in-sport-and-life/ https://www.teachwithmrst.com/post/setting-clear-expectations Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov Marie Amaro, principal presenter at the You Tube channel the Highly Effective Teacher https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/life-smarts/202004/parental-expectations-the-helpful-and- <a rel=
Wed, February 07, 2024
76: What should I say about my daughter posting bikini photos on social media?
Send us a text They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired. Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them. When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us. EMOTIONAL EATING HELP: https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htm RESEARCH: https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfie https://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
Wed, January 31, 2024
75: Diet: Does my teen need to lose weight? How to navigate diet culture with Elyse Resch
Send us a text Diets, and an obsession with weight, are so much a part of Western culture that it's hardly surprising our teens can struggle to understand how to eat well. When I researched the topic for episode 9, I discovered that many experts are using mindful - or intuitive - eating to treat patients who develop disordered eating patterns. Indeed, the Intuitive Eating Workbook, which is now in its fourth edition, is recommended on the website of the UK's premier eating disorder charity Beat. I reached out to Elyse Resch who is co-author of that book, because she has a long list of academic and industry accreditations, and decades of experience in dealing with eating issues. Even better, she's created The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens to help our kids at one of this vulnerable stage. I’m delighted that she agreed to help us unpick how we are talking with our teens about this tricky subject. CONTACT ELYSE RESCH: elyseresch@gmail.com https://elyseresch.com/EResch/ DEALING WITG EMOTIONAL EATING: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm THE TEN PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/ • Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently • Honour Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat • Make Peace with Food . If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing. • Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud no to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating minimal calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. • Discover the Satisfaction Factor. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. • Feel Your Fullness. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current hunger level is. • Cope with Your Emotions. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you. But food won’t solve the problem. • Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally futile (and uncomfortable) to have a similar expec <a rel="pay
Wed, January 24, 2024
74: Regrets? Things we parents would do differently
Send us a text My teen daughter has told me that the fact I am open about my own failings, and quick to apologise, makes it much easier to trust me and to feel safe admitting when she's gone wrong. It's so easy to look back and see our mistakes, or where we might have done things better, but it’s hard to admit to them and forgive ourselves. The truth is, it's incredibly difficult to get it right in the moment. As we discuss in this episode, when it comes to the sliding doors versions of life we can never really know whether a different path would have turned out better. All we can do is to try our best with what we have right now. We've made this episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully some good tips too. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk
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