Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast on Steno.fm

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast. You get to be a fly on the wall in Leslie Cohen-Rubury’s office and listen in as she sits with parents who share their stories in therapy sessions recorded live.

Thu, April 03, 2025
Bonus Episode: Understanding Problematic Thinking Patterns
This is the third mini bonus episode that looks at rigid thinking which is quite common in both adults and children. It often leads to frustration and even conflict within yourself and in your relationships. In this episode, we explain problematic thinking patterns, identify lots of examples and how to catch and change your thinking to help you live more effectively to get what you want and deserve. Time Stamps 1:40 Definition of Rigid thinking and its various names: All or nothing thinking Black and white thinking Dichotomous thinking 3:01 LImits of Dichotomous thinking - creates conflict because it Limits our ability to take another person’s perspective It often leads to the two categories of right and wrong 4:35 There is an impact of your words on both yourself and on others 5:04 These are cognitive skills - understanding and observing your thoughts 6:20 Label thoughts as “a thought is just a thought” — Planning thoughts, worry thoughts, judgmental thoughts 7:50 Society teaches us and reinforces all or nothing and dichotomous thinking 8:45 First step is to recognize your thoughts Look for problematic thinking patterns (formerly known as thinking errors) All or nothing thinking Catastrophizing or predicting negative outcomes Mindreading Overgeneralization Mental filter Disqualifying the positive Emotional reasoning - Should statements Labeling Personalization 12:28 Strategies: Listen to yourself - observe your thoughts Catch it A thought is just a thought Don’t believe everything you think Imagery of passing clouds 13:13 Learn to think dialectically Ask what’s missing Adding other perspectives Use the phrase, “its a feeling, not a fact” Use the magic “AND” to make a dialectic statement Change your extreme words (ex - always —> often) See the negatives as well as the positive aspects of a situation Resources: Handout of Problematic Thinking Patterns (formerly called thinking errors) Leslie-ism: When it comes to your problematic thinking pattern - look for it, catch it, and change it For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and <a href='https://www.youtube.com/cha
S3 E74 · Tue, April 01, 2025
Jean & Alex Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Can't Handle Needles or Bandaids
Children need to feel safe and capable as they venture out into the world. Jean and Alex are parents who came to me for help with their 6 year old daughter’s challenging behavior when she didn’t feel safe or capable. Ellie is a highly sensitive child for whom getting a shot and then taking off the bandaid have turned doctor visits into scary events for both Ellie and her mom. In this episode we assess the problem and discuss how rigid thinking make these situations so difficult and ultimately what you can do about it. This episode will get you thinking about your own thinking patterns and help you understand the importance of feeling safe and capable in your life or your child’s life Time Stamps 4:30 The bandaid coming off is not going to be a lifelong issue. It’s the sensitivity that will the lifelong issue 6:05 Anticipatory Anxiety is thinking ahead of what could go wrong 6: 25 Problematic thinking patterns: See handout below 9:36 Avoidance is a short term solution to a problem of discomfort but not a long term solution 11:58 The balance between respect and authority. Respect her through validation Setting the limit with your authority communicates that she is actually safe 13:10 Here’s how to deal with the anxiety Feel the anxiety and do it anyway I am scared AND I can do it anyway. A dialectic statement. Repeat this over and over again as your child grows 17:15 Replace “good and bad” with “is it working and is it not working” 18:00 When children have a big emotions there may be an underlying belief, “I am not safe, I am not capable or I am unloveable” 21:25 The learning after an exposure is a critical for growth Drawing pictures- graph sin curve Rating scale numbers that go up and down. 23:50 Some children/adults are slow return to baseline after an event 28 50 Watch out for the “shoulds” and the fears 30:00 Make a list of handling-my-discomfort-list even when its a struggle 31:05 Using the line “Feelings come and feeling go” 34:10 Shaping her behavior so her communication becomes more accurate. Identify social signaling or inaccurate expression Give her time to practice and learn these skills 35:35 Children who are born more sensitive: Look at 3 biological markers Emotional sensitivity (low—--------------------high) Emotional reactivity (low—--------------------high) Emotional recovery (quick—------------------slow) 36:10 Teach your children the difference between rigid thinking vs. flexible thinking Other interpretations Other possible outcomes Dialectic thinking: Use the magic “AND” Resources: Handout of Problematic Thinking Pa
S3 E73 · Tue, March 25, 2025
When To Give In and When To Stand Firm with Special Guest Amy Kalasunas
One of the more common questions parents ask is when do I give in and when do I stand firm. Todays special guest speaker is an expert on this question. Amy Kalasunas is a board certified Dialectic Behavior Therapist who, among other things, provides interventions for parents of struggling and complex young adults using DBT and SPACE, which stands for Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. We talk all about how parents can make an effective decision as to when to accommodate to their child’s big emotions and intense behaviors and when it's not effective. Time Stamps 15:05 Six ways that parents accommodate To avoid the big emotions and the intense behaviors When life goes on. The parent has to deal with their lives as they are and they can’t deal with the consequences of setting a limit Parents have their own history - their own childhood experiences which impact their current parenting When parents fear or are simply affected by the social judgments When not accommodating may lead to self-harming behaviors or Suicidal Ideation 19:35 How to decide whether or not to accommodate Do I have the bandwidth? Does my child know that I am going to do this Can my child do what I am asking? 22:25 Explanation of Three States of Mind - wise mind, emotion mind, reasonable mind 30:05 SPACE redefines what it means to support your child Validate Express confidence that they will be ok Stop talking - Put a period after #2 (kids are master debaters) Resist the urge to solve the problem Be a Broken record 34:00 Aim lower: Slice the salami thinner and set smaller realistic expectations Leslie-ism: Check in with yourself about your own bandwidth when dealing with your child. Resources: Amy Kalasunas Website DIalectic Behavior Therapy Resources DBTSelfHelp.com Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions - SPACE Website For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and YouTube . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , <a href='http
S3 E72 · Thu, March 20, 2025
Bonus Episode: Understanding Shame
This is the second mini bonus episode where we will focus on understanding shame. In this bonus episode we discuss the difference between shame and guilt, the beliefs and myths associated with shame and an effective skill to deal with shame. Shame was present in the third session with Sarah in its many forms. Our children can feel shame even when we try very hard not to shame them. As parents we can easily feel shame that we carry from our childhood or trying to do this job called parenting. And this list goes on. Time Stamps 1:49 Defining Shame 2:22 Identifying some myths that go along with shame “I am not good enough” “I am bad” “People are going to reject me” “I’m broken” 2:32 Defining Guilt 4:00 Child can internalize shame through interpretations that they are doing 4:45 Overt Shaming - the “should” statements and other judgments 5:55 Myths are mistaken beliefs 7:30 When the shame is not justified or is not effective because of the duration of the feeling or the intensity of the feeling 7:55 Opposite Action Identify the urge to hide which associated with feeling Act opposite to that urge - such as pick up your head, make eye contact, speak the feared item out loud Do it over and over again 12:35 Separate the behavior and the interpretations of that behavior Check the facts Finding other interpretations Doing opposite action Resources: MSNBC Video Clip talking about the New Book I Hate Myself I Hate Myself: Overcoming Self-Hatred and Why You Are Wrong About Yourself By Dr. Blaise Aguirre Blaise, Opposite Action Skill from Dialectic Behavior Therapy Article on Applying Opposite Action to Guilt and Shame 10 Practical Examples of Opposite Action by Laura Schenck, PhD For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and <a href='https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVcszFgY4rjHq
S3 E71 · Tue, March 18, 2025
Sarah Part 3 of 3: When Parents and Kids Feel Shame
Shame is a common emotion but a painful one as well. In this episode we talk about shame and its many forms. Children feel shame, parents feel shame and we can unintentionally pass down shame to our children. This is my third and final session with Sarah, a mom of two boys James, 12 yrs old and Noah 15 yrs old. Sarah and her husband are both ex-military and we discuss the impact of military life on mental health and how that impacts the family. It may be surprising to learn that in this episode I also talk sitting with emotions and about “embracing the struggle”. Time Stamps 3:43 Learning to sit with mistakes, learning to sit with emotions, learning to sit with discomfort. 5:30 Being in the discomfort and in the unknown brings up anxiety 5:50 Taking hold of your mind: Definition of Mindfulness 6:05 Paced breathing turns off the sympathetic nervous system to the parasympathetic nervous system - exhale twice as long as the inhale 8:00 Mindfulness to current emotion skill - DBT skill This feeling is part of me, not all of me 11:59 A child who is struggling with their emotions is not “losing”, its living! 12:29 Get away from winning and losing language…all behavior is grist for the mill 13:13 Embrace the struggles - accept myself first and then change to improve 13:57 Trials of medications is tricky 16:45 Pay attention to the context - the timing of your child’s challenging behavior Before starting a new school most kids get anxious even when they are excited Observe and Describe or Notice and Name it Use a rating scale about various aspects of the situation Ask “what am I missing?” Look at the timing and the context of the situation 21:08 Description of Emotion Mind (DBT skill) also described as a “ring of fire” 22:30 Description of Wise Mind where you can begin to problem solving 27:15 Distraction is an effective distress tolerance skill but be careful not to use it to avoid your emotions 28:30 Walking the middle path 29:48 Raising emotionally intelligent boys 32:24 - 36:16 Being open about mental health struggles in the family reduces shame 37:08 How much information do you share with children? 38:03 There is a natural tendency for children to assume that “its their fault” when their parent is upset. Check in with your child! 40:26 Explaining that adults are responsible for their own reactions 43:12 Parents need to check in with their own shame “am I good enough” 46:20 How your actions to be fully involved with your children can have unintended consequences of pushing away your child 48:20 description of being an active listener so Children feel UNDERSTOOD 49:49 Active listening means taking a non-judgmental stance as resist the urge to be the “fixer” 51:00 Clarify the intention of a conversation - do you want t
S3 E70 · Tue, March 11, 2025
Sarah Part 2 of 3: When Parents Struggle with Control
Kids are not the only ones who are controlling and trying to get what they want. As parents we do the same thing. We really want what we want and we act in controlling ways to achieve those ends. This is the second session with Sarah, mother of 2 boys, 12 year old James and 15 year old Noah where we explore topics, including when one sibling tries to parent the other, when children feel responsible for their parents’ emotions, how to let our kids make mistakes and how to be a less controlling parent. Time Stamps 4:55 Words with strong negative connotation - Negotiation, control and dictating - 5:35 reframed as giving our child personal power with a voice and agency. This is respect if you change your perspective 6:15 Finding the middle ground vs Finding a synthesis 7:04 When your child likes to negotiate…let them have the last word 7:10-13:40 Role play - A one way conversation vs a two way conversation One way conversation works when the child is likely to be dysregulated Two way conversation works when we both want to share our ideas and perspectives 13:32 Sometimes we need to accept that our child is going to have their big emotions 15:50 Validation and reflect back and appreciate the positive in your child’s behavior Parents often miss when a child is being respectful 19:35 When the child worries about disappointing the parent and acts like a “good kid” to prevent you from getting upset. This is how a child tries to take care of the parent 21:40 Children often worry more about their parents being upset than the sibling being dysregulated 22:14 Assume that your child may be carrying a burden and ask them directly if that may be true 24: 50 Role play with validation 27:08 When someone escalates, they probably feel invalidated. Validate in order de-escalate the child’s emotions 28:15 Keep it short and sweet. Say LESS - listen twice as much as we speak 32:00 If you say or do something that you are not happy with, own it. Own your own reactions and ask for a redo 33:59 The antidote to controlling your child is to practice acceptance of the moment 35:49 Sarah’s own advice “in the uncomfortable is where we learn 36:11 Learning to be less controlling is letting your our children make mistakes or have their feelings Resources: Leslei’s Handout on a Dialectic Synthesis Leslie’s Video on Listening to Your Own Advice Leslie-ism: “In the uncomfortable is where we learn” by Sarah For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/
Bonus · Thu, March 06, 2025
Bonus Episode: Understanding Why a Good Parent-Child Fit Matters
Welcome to the first mini-bonus episode where I focus on one or two key concepts or skills in a conversation with my producer Alletta Cooper. Every once in a while we will add one of these bonus episodes to further explain a concept/skill that came up in the previous session. In this episode I explore and explain what the parent-child fit is and why it is so important. In parenting, there are often conflicting needs and wants. Navigating these dilemmas and finding solutions is critical for creating a validating environment which fosters a "good" parent-child fit. Time Stamps 1:48 Defining the parent-child fit 3:21 The “goodness” of fit vs the “poor” fit 4:03 Creating a safe environment for the child to feel safe, feel capable, feel seen 4:45 Balancing between accepting your child vs changing your child 6:34 Figuring out what works to validate everyone’s needs 6:44 Respect = creating a validating environment 6:58 An example of unintentionally creating an invalidating environment 8:30 A dialectic dilemma is the tension between expectations or needs 8:40 The synthesis is the solution to the dilemma 9:10 Name it for the child that they may be different but not bad! 10:38 Asking parents to open their eyes to ALL of their children, not just the child with the disruptive behaviors 11:57 - 16:08 Steps to create a good parent-child fit This is called the bio-social fit - a transactional model Look at biological make up your child Look at the environment (the parent, the teacher, the classroom) Acknowledge the differences without judgement Validate, validate, validate Use flexible thinking and problem-solving including Brainstorming Balance between acceptance and change Be creative in your solutions Respect, connect and collaborate with your child Resources: Leslie’s Handout: Understanding the Parent Child Fit Leslie-ism: Remember to respect, connect and collaborate with your child For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and YouTube . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Al
S3 E68 · Tue, March 04, 2025
Sarah Part 1 of 3: When your Teen is a Great Negotiator
Welcome to Season 3! We start this season off with a family from Australia. Sarah is a mom of 2 boys- James is 12, Noah is 15, Sarah and her husband are both ex-military personnel which has a direct impact on their parenting. In today’s episode we discuss how Sarah’s parenting style matches with James who has been recently diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, and Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Many parents can probably relate to Sarah who tween is a really good negotiator especially when it comes to getting off video games. We explore the big picture concept of the parent-child fit. I also discuss and teach practical skills including setting the stage, coping ahead, and brainstorming to support Sarah in her parenting. Time Stamps 6:18 How a parent feels when a child is defiant: 7:30 When a parent is works on rules and boundaries and command and your child doesn’t work that way 8:55 Children who work well with predictability and structure like knowing what will happen and when it will happen and how it's going to happen. 10:30 Sarah changes her words from “his emotional regulation problems” to emotional regulation that is still developing 11:36 Raising an obedient child is different from raising a responsible child 11:41- 14:40 1When a parent thinks that a child’s behavior is a reflection of them (personalizing their behavior) and which leads to mom-guilt 17:00 When parents get diagnosis for their child and when they fear how their child will respond to a diagnosis 18:32 Describing the concept of a “good fit” between the child and the parent as well as the child and its school environment 20:42 The difference between a validating environment and an invalidating environment 23:49 Turn the volume down on the “shoulds” and increase the volume up on the learning. What have I learned from this? - A learning model of raising kids 26:55 When your child is an avid gamer and the challenges associated with it. 28:35 Describing a skill called “Setting the Stage” - prepare your child for what is likely to happen and how they will respond vs how they want to respond 30:50 An example of using the brainstorming skill 34:47 Don’t judge the big emotional reactions, just plan for it 35:50 A description of the Cope Ahead Skill (from Dialectic Behavior Therapy) 38:10 Practicing skills over and over again is what makes them effective 39:00 Parenting is a long-term investment Resources: Leslie’s Handout: Understanding the Parent Child Fit Leslie’s Handout: Misbehavior is a form of communication Leslie’s <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/20123
Trailer · Tue, January 21, 2025
Help us Shape Season 3 of Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Skills Podcast
Help us shape Season 3 of Is My Child A Monster? ! For the first time ever we’re doing a listener survey. You have the opportunity to tell us what you love —or would love less of — on Is My Child A Monster! The anonymous survey should take less than 10 minutes, and you’re welcome to answer as much or as little as you like. We’d love your thoughts even if you’ve never listened, help us understand why! Or maybe this is a good time to check out an episode. Click here to fill out the survey. Visit ismychildamonster.com to: subscribe to my newsletter fill out an application to be a parent volunteer on the podcast complete the short survey to help us
S2 E66 · Tue, October 08, 2024
Giving and Receiving Feedback with Special Guest Dale Rubury
Do you need feedback? Of course you do. We all do! But giving and receiving feedback whether it's from or to your child or co-parent can be challenging. Feedback can often feel like criticism and can even feel invalidating. This episode is all about giving and receiving feedback skillfully so that you or the other person doesn’t become defensive or shut down. Today’s episode welcomes back Leslie’s daughter Dale Rubury who shares how she moved from the defensive stance as a child to the open and willing stance as an adult. Time Stamps: 3:18 Feedback is part of communication in all kinds of relationship 3:55 Defining Feedback as nonjudgmental information about their behavior that is intended to help someone grow 7:49 Why is feedback so important 9:00 The person receiving feedback has complete power over HOW they receive it 9:07 What is RODBT? Radically Open Dialectic Behavior Therapy Fact Sheet 12:55 The faith of parenting means you believe that the child heard you 16:18 Why some kids have more difficulty getting feedback than others 19:05 In public some kids will receive feedback differently than when they are at home. It may be known as masking (click here for more information) 21:18 Notice and name their reaction 21:25 "Did i just say something was invalidating to you" 22:20 Watch out when the child gives feedback to you the parent 23:30 It’s the parent’s job to model receiving feedback for the child 24:33 Give kids time and space to learn to accept feedback 27:40 “Is this a good time to give you feedback?” 33:03 Use the metaphor of a buffet 37:49 Tips on receiving feedback 38:34 Recovering from invalidation 40:19 Not everything has to be processed, sometimes it’s healthier to let some things go Resources: Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast Radically Open DBT Fact Sheet Leslie’s Video: Stop Repeating Yourself Leslie’s Newsletter on I-Must-Have-Done-Something-Wrong Street Leslie-ism : Growing as a parent is about being open to new ideas, open to learning, and open to feedback. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcas
S2 E65 · Tue, October 01, 2024
The Power of Books with Guest Speaker Deborah Farmer Kris
Exposure to books makes a big difference for children. Reading not only fosters cognitive and emotional development but also builds closeness and routines. This week, Leslie spoke to author Deborah Farmer Kris about her experience as a teacher and parent, highlighting the unique needs of each child and the intellectual and emotional challenges of parenting. Kris also promotes the use of public libraries and simple, consistent reading routines. Kris's books, including those in the "All the Time" series, aim to teach emotional literacy and provide caregiver tips. She stresses that being a stable, caring adult is crucial for a child's resilience and well-being. About our guest: Deborah Farmer Kris is a parent educator, journalist, and children’s book author. Deborah has written for CNN, PBS KIDS, NPR, The Washington Post, the Boston Globe Magazine, and Oprah Daily. She is an advisor for the PBS KIDS show “Carl the Collector,” and is wrapping up edits on a parenting book, called “Raising Awe Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Can Help Our Kids Thrive.” She also founded the parenting website Parenthood365 Time Stamps 9:50 Cascading benefits of reading aloud- many cognitive benefits 12:15 Building memories, building routines 13:50 Creating a literacy rich environment Developing a context for understanding the world around you Building routine establishes a sense of groundedness 15:13 Libraries are under utilized which are free and public 19:20 Creative ways to bring books into the lives of children 22:40 Comprehension is higher than one’s ability to read 25:50 Books can teach emotional literacy 30:43 “I notice….” is a phrase you can use to open the door to communication 33: 20 Books have a therapeutic effect on children and adults alike Using children’s books to teach therapeutic concepts. For example “Quick as a Cricket” teaches about our many parts and a dialectic perspective 36:07 Harvard ‘s research study on resilience in children found that it boils down to one factor: the presence of one stable, caring adult in their life. Resources: To Learn more about Deborah Farmer Kris visit her Parenthood 365 Website Click here to get Deborah Farmer Kris’ fabulous books for emotional literacy Leslie List of Children's Book for Developing Emotional Literacy A Video made by Leslie about How to use Books as Conversation Starters Harvard University: The Center f
S2 E64 · Tue, September 24, 2024
Mary and Antoine Part 3 of 3: When Parents Fight
An unspoken agreement with parents raising children is that they will be on the same page and they will be a united front. But that is often easier said than done. In part 3 of our 3 part series with Mary, her husband Antoine joins us to discuss what happens when they disagree, how it affects their 6 year old Oliver, and what they’re doing to make sure they come back together in healthy ways. Time Stamps 7:34 What does “being on the same page” mean to you? 9:51 What does it mean when your child picks up that you are two different people, with two different personalities 12:42 For some people, harmony is necessary for the nervous system 15:56 Parents might be comfortable with conflict, and your child might need extra reassurance that you’re okay 18:43 It’s okay to give children a sense of control in the situation 22:03 Start having your child become aware of their level of discomfort - check in with them, and have them name it 22:40 An incredible lesson for a child: I’m uncomfortable, and I can handle it 25:50 In uncomfortable moments, prepare the family to brave the storm, and that it will pass Sometimes we need to table arguments to have them away from children, but it is beneficial for children to see their parents arguing; it can be damaging to only see harmony/”perfection” 30:46 Learning to “fight fair” 34:28 Repair is incredibly important for children to witness 34:40 Ideas of mutual respect and benefit of the doubt 40:40 Definition of radical acceptance 44:29 Idea that we can be different and still respect each other’s ways; you’re respecting your individual differences 45:49 What do tolerating differences look like? Resources: Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast Time Out: Resolving Family Conflicts available in both English and Spanish Rules on Fighting Fair provided by Therapist Aid Leslie-ism : Mutual respect is key for repairing relationship ruptures For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and <a href='https://www.youtube.com/chan
S2 E63 · Tue, September 17, 2024
Mary Part 2 of 3: When Kids Have a Low Frustration Tolerance
Sometimes there’s nothing more frustrating than dealing with a frustrated child. In part 2 of our 3 part series with Mary, mother of six-year-old Oliver and a newborn baby James, Leslie explores just how exhausting being stuck in the frustration loop with your child can be—and how to break out of it. They also get into bedtime, setting limits, and parenting guilt. Time Stamps 0:36 Low frustration tolerance 3:03 Letting go of expectations is about accepting the moment in order to move forward. Remember: it’s supposed to be hard 11:54 “I need him to” is a dangerous thing to say 23:09 The tough job of being a parent 23:12 Bearing witness to your child’s discomfort or pain 23:19 The guilt of doing it good enough 23:47 The definition of guilt; we don’t need the extra burden of it 25:36 When to give in, when to ignore and when to set limits - these are confusing choices all parents face. 30:41 Assessing is important: there’s a cause for all behavior 33:13 Kids may need to be active to actually calm down their neurological system before bed: compression, getting wrapped up in a blanket, hugging a teddy bear, etc 39:25 Allow the misbehavior to communicate what’s going on 39:47 Take a guess at why your child misbehaved: scared of nightmares, not wanting to end the day, feeling stimulated in his body and need to release tension of the day, wanting to be closer to mom. Leslie-ism: Learn as you go, learn from the past, and learn from mistakes. Resources: Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast Leslie's Video of Using the STOP Skill to Deal with a Low Frustration Tolerance For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , AJ Moultrié , Camila Salazar , and Leslie Cohen-Rubury . Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone w
S2 E62 · Tue, September 10, 2024
Mary Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Hates Change
Dealing with change can sometimes feel like ripping off a bandaid. Change is stressful, whether you are five or 55; and people respond to those changes in all different ways. And it is especially challenging when you are someone who likes structure, order, and predictability. In today’s episode Leslie explores this topic with Mary. We met Mary last season when she was seeking support around grief and sleep for her then four-year-old-son, Oliver. Things have changed in Oliver's world, and that's why Mary’s back. The past year has been full of transitions and adjustments for Oliver and his family. Starting a new school year and having a new baby in the home are some of those changes that most parents can relate to. Time Stamps 4:37 Change is the only constant and children respond to those changes in many different ways. School, new siblings, caregivers all create change in family life. 8:13 Assess your child’s behavior as they respond to changes 12:04 Adjustments can feel scary, frustrating or full of unknowns 12:53 Reestablishing his sense of safety, connection and groundedness 16:60 Parents want things to go right, and be right. Adjustments are often “messy moments” 17:15 Buddhist phrase: no mud, no lotus 19:18 The child needs validation AND the parent needs validation, and that’s so hard 20:30 Anxiety often underlies the No’s, the opposition, the resistance, and the rigidity 21:27 Don’t ask WHY questions. Make a few statements to choose from 22:10 For nail biting, avoid saying “don’t do that” and instead suggest what else the child can do with their hands. 26:57 Part of a parent’s job is to guide their child through the unknown 31:57 When your child says “no,” unpack that no with them. YES AND approach for the child who doesn’t want to hear a NO 32:40 Teach your child that feelings come and go. Create anchors for the anxious child 37:15 Help your child Balance out the knowns and the unknowns, the predictable and the unpredictable. Leslie-ism: You can be an anchor for your child in the sea of change. Resources Sign up here to be a parent guest on Is My Child a Monster? Podcast Well Hello Anxiety Podcast episode with Luke Beardon who discusses anxiety for neurodivergent kids <a href='https://www.thriftbooks.com/w/no-mud-no-lotus-the-art-of-transforming-suffering/9292618/item/15664808/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=shopping_everything_else_customer_acquisition&utm_adgroup=&utm_term=&utm_content=593719077582&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8--2BhCHARIsAF_w1gyx4FEk9zdqjRzaANttmv1G_of83lGBHTdf5-atX1Fio0swP
S2 E61 · Tue, September 03, 2024
Calm the Chaos: Parenting Neurodivergent Kids with Special Guest Dayna Abraham
Having a roadmap to deal with your child’s Intense emotions and behaviors sounds like a great idea. Oftentimes when parents reach out for professional help, they want changes and they want them NOW. But instant results are not always the reality of raising children. On today’s episode Leslie has a conversation with bestselling author and educator Dayna Abraham about raising neurodivergent children and offering listeners a roadmap that can help. We also focus on making sure our kids don’t grow up feeling “badly” about themselves even if they do feel different by creating changes in their home environment About our guest Dayna Abraham: Dayna Abraham, bestselling author of Calm the Chaos: A Fail-Proof Roadmap for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids. As a National Board Certified educator, parent of three neurodivergent children, and an ADHD adult herself, Dayna brings a unique and out-of-the-box perspective to parents raising kids in the modern world. Time Stamps 6:08 Dayna Abraham’s abbreviated professional life story 10:00 The Roadmap framework: (Venn Diagram - The YOU Piece, Connection, Understanding, Empowerment 12:55 Description of Stages - Stages 1,2,3 set the foundation when you are in the eye of the storm 14:07 How to recoup energy 15:10 Putting ideas into practical examples 21:47 Determining when is a good time to push your child, and when to back off. 24:01 Work smarter not harder; sometimes kids just need to feel understood 28:49 Modeling flexible thinking for your child 29:20 Kids don’t have meta-cognition, so it helps to “think out loud” 29:43 Before you can self-regulate, you have to be self-aware. Kids learn self-awareness through the adults around them 30:58 Parents cannot expect results overnight; need to focus on themselves and their patience 32:06 Start with what we can control: ourselves 36:22 If raising a neurodivergent child, adjust your timeline and adjust your expectations 38:08 You’re exactly the parent your child needs Leslie-ism: The first step to help yourself and your child is to ride out the storm. Show Note LInks: Danya Abraham’s Website Her podcast: www.calmthechaospodcast.com . Her Book: CALM THE CHAOS: A Failproof Roadmap for Parenting Even the Most Challenging Kids Article by Child Mind Institute What is Neurodiversity Is My Child A Monster? Episode with Special Guest Dr. Liz Angoff: A conversation about Neurodivergent children Handout by Dr. Liz Angoff - <a href='ht
S2 E60 · Tue, August 27, 2024
Pedro & Claudia Part 3 of 3: When Nagging Your Kid Doesn't Work
Is there an epidemic of overparenting? And if so, where does it come from? Is it parenting from a place of fear, from a place of information overload, from the anxiety that is all around us, the drive to make our children perfect or is it from the frustration of trying to raise a child who doesn’t do what you want them to do? In this third and final session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores these questions. Pedro and Claudia want to be the best parents they can be to their 16 year old son LIam, but are overparenting and doing too much undermining their efforts? Leslie turns her attention to the “overparenting problem” that’s shaping the next generation, and leaving them with lasting consequences. Together Leslie, Pedro, and Claudia discuss how to pivot from being “nagging” parents, to “chill” ones, and how to do that while still instilling your child with your core values and healthy limits. Time Stamps 3:10 The impact of “less is more” motto on the parent-child relationship (yes we are well aware of the reversal in the podcast where by Pedro and Leslie said “more is less” 5:15 Parenting is forgiving 8:43 Three ways to change your behavior as a parent 9:29 Shift from “I can’t do this” to “I will feel so much better if I do this” 9:46 Get some support from partner who give you reminders and help out with the change 10:35 Permission-giving. Getting the okay from someone else, someone you trust 14:25/16:39 The benefits of being a bit more “CHILL” 14:52 Finding the balance - the middle path of parenting (see the video in the show notes) 17:25 Overparenting as result of parenting from a place of fear 19:40 The myth of the parenting “deadline” 21:25 The metaphor of a plant growing and the space it needs (see video below) 24:04 Understanding who your child is to is in order to build a foundation for them Biological make up Social environment 29:43 Parents have the privilege of seeing every side of their child 30:29 We want to send the message that a child is a whole person, and that includes the good the bad and the ugly 35:16 What are you missing? What is your child’s perspective? Parents often skip this step 36:50 How would you validate your child (clue to finding their perspective) 39:07 Reframing from “my child is taking the easy way out” and “manipulating” to “he’s doing what works” 44:14 Have faith that your child will be able to solve their own problems as they grow as adults 44:39 We don’t want our children to be afraid of growing up - what can parents do about this? Show Note Links: Leslie’s Video: Plants Need Space and So Do Kids Leslie’s Video: Stop Repeating Yourself Handout on <a hre
S2 E59 · Tue, August 20, 2024
Pedro & Claudia Part 2 of 3: When Panic Attacks Disrupt the Whole Family
Anxiety attacks are not something we ever want to see our kids suffer through, especially if as parents we suffer them as well. In her second session with Pedro and Claudia, Leslie explores panic attacks and how they might differ from parent and child. The session also takes a turn towards the idea of “having the last word,” and what negative things are being reinforced when you continue to have this power struggle with your child. Time Stamps 4:58 How panic attacks affect the whole family in different and unique ways Symptoms of panic attacks in a child vs parent The hangover of the panic attack The role of a person whose partner is suffering a panic attack 10:22 The difference between guilt and shame 12:23 Feelings come and feelings go 13:13 Definition of panic attack. 15:18 Self talk skills help you when having a panic attack. Use these phrases: “I am safe. I am capable.” “Feelings come and feelings go” “This too shall pass” 17:00 Understand the cause of panic attacks 17:13 Develop skills before during and after panic attacks 19:23 Sympathetic versus parasympathetic nervous system 20:48 T.I.P.P.Skills to use to calm down the nervous system: The divers reflex Skill Intense exercise Skill Paced breathing Skill 27:35 Finding the middle path between acceptance and change — 28:45 When parents practice doing less as an antidote to overparenting 32:12 Kids and parents who want the last word - a power struggle 32:20 Discuss the skills you are using with your child and even with the school so everyone is on the same page 35:00 When having the last word works 36:22 Why parents engage in the power struggle of wanting the last word 38:12 Have faith that what you say “registers somewhere” 39:30 Parents have to remember that you don’t have to prove your own sense of personal authority without getting the last word 40:10 Reframing where the control lies. You want to have control over your own emotions 40:38 Overparenting is a strategy when parents are being controlled by their fears Show Note Links: NIH Research Article on Panic Disorder and Best Practices TIPP Skills including a Video of Divers reflex skill Leslie Demonstrates How to use the Diver Reflex Skill on Video New York Times Article about Inside Out 2 <br/
S2 E58 · Tue, August 13, 2024
Pedro & Claudia: Part 1 of 3: Fear and Frustration when Parenting your Teen
Sometimes parenting is so hard and exhausting, it doesn't feel worth it. In today’s session, Pedro and Claudia explain how much energy and effort they have spent trying to raise their 16 yr old teenage son Liam who has been diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. While supportive, Pedro and Claudia are met with resistance at every turn, and have yet to see results from their parenting. Is that an assumption or is that really true? In this episode, Leslie checks the facts, unpacks the fear and frustration, and addresses these issues with an upbeat and hopeful shift in perspective as well as practical strategies to try. Time Stamps 4:35 What is your definition of being a good parent - getting the results from your child 5:09 Growing up with the culture of the “village” when raising a child and the support that comes with that 7:15 Feeling isolated when friends have neurotypical kids and you have a neurodivergent kid 8:45 Myths or limiting beliefs: We don’t want to burden other people with our problems 14:05 It’s more challenging dealing with a teen with diagnoses than with a toddler with diagnoses 16:00 Remember to see your child’s strengths in order to get a whole picture 16:55 Wanting your child to achieve their potential can be a great deal of pressure for both parents and teens 21:00 Raising your child with Values creates a solid foundation 21:30 The frustration and fear of raising the teenager when you are getting the results you expect 28:58 Fear impacts your parenting mindset and perspective. Where would you be without the expectations? Fear feeds frustration which feeds feeling like a failure 29:50 What behaviors are due to his diagnoses vs what’s developmental and age appropriate (see show notes for a handout) 31:00 Toddlers and teenagers have a lot in common. Learning to individuate and differentiate from their parents. This is when they practice saying NO to use their voice 32:25 The value of empathy that is expressed even after the situation 33:08 Give your child the problem and let them solve it rather than telling your child what to do. Teach your child to find a synthesis when problem solving 38:30 The quality of being strong-willed and the behavior of getting the last word - relates to the child who has a single track mind 40:00 Save your Breath and listen twice as much as you talk 41:50 Turn the volume down on your passion for raising your son 42:55 Your parenting effort IS working. Have faith in the process. It takes patience 44:45 Finding your “Passion” or living to your “potential” are dirty words because they put pressure on you and your child Resources: Handout on Parenting Dilemmas from DBT
S2 E57 · Tue, August 06, 2024
The Life of a Rule Follower with Guest Dale Rubury
“How can my child be a rule follower if they always say no to the family rules?” Leslie often catches parents off guard by suggesting that their child may actually be a rule follower. In this episode, Leslie has a conversation with her daughter Dale about what it’s like to grow up as a rule follower. In this episode Leslie and Dale explore the many traits that are often associated with the rule-following child such as perfectionism and intense focus on fairness. Assessing whether you or your child is a rule-follower may not be so obvious but may be critically important to understanding their behavior and ways of thinking. This conversation pulls back the curtain on what really goes on in the mind of the rule-following child. Time Stamps 2:40 The importance of knowing your child and knowing what it means to be a rule follower 3:37 What “rule-followers” get out of following the rules 10:07 Being careful not to reinforce the child’s need to do everything perfectly 10:36 Helping your children practice being uncomfortable 17:56 The need for flexible thinking 26:12 Keep an eye out for when a child has an obsession with fairness 29:12 Advice for parents who have children who are rigid rule followers Show Note Links: Free virtual Q&A with Leslie August 21st, 8 PM EST “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success” by Carol Dweck Leslie-ism: Flexible thinking takes practice. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook , Instagram , TikTok and YouTube . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , AJ Moultrié , Camila Salazar , and Leslie Cohen-Rubury . Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S2 E56 · Tue, July 30, 2024
Hannah & Alex Part 3 of 3: The Balancing Act of Parenting
It’s no secret that parenting is a challenge. We want our children to be happy, and it can be difficult to see them upset or hurting. Leslie has been working through this with Hannah and Alex, parents of three year old Paxton, who’ve returned for their third and final session. Together they reinforce the changes they’ve already implemented with Paxton, like correcting habits and communicating clearly. Leslie also shows them how they’re setting Paxton up for success now when it comes to very adult things like handling disappointment and pain. Hannah and Alex have also begun communicating their emotions more clearly, adopting the “emotion mind” language with each other, which in turn helps model it for Paxton. Time Stamps 5:30 Using Logic with someone in Emotion Mind usually doesn’t work (at any age) 6:20 Address issues, validate feelings, and move on (without bringing it up over and over) 7:03 Extinction burst - why behaviors tend to get worse before they get better 8:33 Teach kids early that they can handle disappointment 10:54 How to reinforce manners without giving in every time a child asks for something “nicely” 15:30 Life can be hard when you are a rule follower 20:04 Short-term gratification can cause children to always want more, more, more 20:38 Practice delayed gratification Even if you don’t get the short-term results you want keep exposing your child to new foods and new activities 24:25 Practice communicating with your partner about being in emotion-mind 31:01 To promote flexible thinking and Dialectic thinking use “and” instead of “but” 37:34 You can’t protect your child from the pains of life, and the greatest gift you can give them is the ability to know that they can handle that pain 39:03 Review an event in the past is for the purpose of learning, not for re-experiencing. Ask something like “what do you think would work for you next time?” Show Note Links Three States of Mind Reacting vs Responding Youtube channel videos on Behaviorism How to increase wanted behaviors How to shape behaviors How to decrease unwanted behaviors Leslie-ism : When your urge is to react, take a pause and then choose to respond . For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on <a href='https://www.facebook.com/lesliecohenr
S2 E55 · Tue, July 23, 2024
Hannah & Alex Part 2 of 3: When Saying No to your Kid feels Impossible
There are many reasons why children feel uncomfortable. And when your child is uncomfortable you as the parent often feel uncomfortable. This week we’re back with Hannah and Alex for their second session, who have come to Leslie about their three year old son Paxton. These parents are vulnerable with Leslie when they speak about how hard it is for them to say no to Paxton when he wants something. They also admit that they regret some of the parenting choices they’ve made with Paxton, and fear that they are responsible for some of their son’s habits. Hindsight is hindsight. The focus of the session is about figuring out what to do now in the present time. But these parents are committed to growing and changing and Leslie is there for them every step of the way. Time Stamps 3:24 Parents feel amazing when they do the hard work of taking technology out of the bedtime routine 7:40 Remember to reintroduce skills or foods or ideas at a later time 8:10 Commitment is necessary to make change - and it provides the motivation 9:17 Creativity is great when it comes to food issues : how you serve it, when you serve it, what you serve, where you serve it 11:58 Dialectic perspective - honor and respect your partner’s perspective 13:55 Giving in to the short term relief at the expense of long term gains. Especially when our children are struggling 18:40 Parents can always look back and say, “I should have done it differently,” but parents shouldn’t shame themselves when they are doing the best they can with the skills they had at the time. 25:13 How should we as parents engage with our child’s big emotions; be careful to acknowledge without reinforcing it 26:43 When do we transition kids from distracting from big emotions to acknowledging big emotions Teach your child that feelings are valid Distraction is one option (you can revisit the emotion later) Validate the feelings, do nothing to fix it, and move on 29:40 Separate your feelings from you child’s emotions 33:57 When children have “comfort” habits like picking their parents’ fingernails 39:10 You can be emotionally connected with your child without being physically connected Show Note Link Leslie's Blog writing on The Dilemma of the Chinese Finger Trap Leslie-ism: Take a moment to look at the ways you both physically and emotionally connect with your child. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and <a href='https://ww
S2 E54 · Tue, July 16, 2024
Hannah & Alex Part 1 of 3: When you Feel Unprepared to be a Parent
Parenting is often counterintuitive and makes the job of parenting even more complex. Whether it's saying no to your child using technology or saying goodbye to your child, understanding the short term and the long term benefits and consequences is important. This is just one of the topics we explore in this episode with Hannah and Alex and their 3 year old son Paxton. The struggles of being parents of a toddler, the hindsight of seeing what they may have done that has made things worse and the desire to raise an emotionally intelligent child are some of the other issues that they work on with Leslie. The practical tools as well as understanding concepts from Dialectic Behavior Therapy are useful to parents with children of any age. Time Stamps 6:55 Noticing if you or your child is very literal or detail oriented. This helps you understand the way your brain works 8:36 Being a first time parent often means stepping into the unknown and not knowing what to expect. 10:55 A broader perspective: is something going on in the environment that needs to be changed, is my child responding in a way that reflects who they are, or is my child’s behavior a problem that needs attention? 12:45 Parenting is often counterintuitive 13:10 Helping children feel safe in the world - how to give them that message 14:50 Avoiding the cue that sets off the “pain” for your child is not teaching them that they can handle life. Give them a step by step approach for helping your child deal with the “pain” of a situation 15:55 Parents don’t want to see their children unhappy 16:40 He can handle more than you think, you can handle more than you think 17:45 The short term relief vs the long term benefits - understanding the consequences of the short term relief 21:22 Picky eaters need to be accepted and at the same time, parents can shape their child’s behavior with exposure to new foods (see behaviorism video in show notes) 23:45 When parents have challenges growing up it makes them vulnerable to coping with their child’s feelings 26:39 Changing the bedtime routine - from technology for hours to books and lullabys 27:55 Behaviorism - What happens when a parent gives the child what they want after emotions escalate 30:00 Parents can name when they are in emotion mind so they can model it for their child 31:51 Description of the three states of mind 35:24 Use specificity and details if you want make behavioral changes Resources: Leslie’s Blog posting on Dialectic Behavior Therapy’s Three States of MInd Child Mind Institute’s Research Article on <a href='https://childmind.org/article/why-is-it-important-to-read-to-your-
S2 E53 · Tue, July 09, 2024
Louise & George Part 3 of 3: When a Parent Feels like a Trainee
Sometimes when parenting a child that is struggling, tensions arise between the parents. This especially goes for parents with different parenting styles, or those with different levels of experience with young children. This is what Leslie gets into on this week’s episode with Louise and George. In her third and final session with the parents of six-year-old Anna and a newborn baby, Leslie uncovers the vulnerabilities of parents who want to break away from the way they were parented and feel like they want to do better when dealing with their daughter who has intense emotions. This session is a raw look at what it means to make mistakes as a parent and we invite you to listen with compassion and openness. Time Stamps 3:30 How to use the T-graph with your child 6:39 Unpacking what it means to be an equitable parent vs being a “secondary” o or “trainee” parent 8:35 A dialectic approach to holding both concepts together: being equitable and being a trainee 10:50 Making the goal of parenting a process of lifelong learning as your priority 11:24 Concepts of worthiness, learning, levels of contribution 15:50 How to give feedback to your partner I have an idea that might work for you Is there something I can do to help out here Set the stage - I respect that you are doing the best you can 18:39 Dealing with timely matters and feeling the pressure of time: getting to bed, getting out of the house 20:27 Celebrating differences in parents so children learn about tolerance and have a chance to learn from each parent 22:56 Your child is going to help you learn as well 26:00 Golden nuggets from Leslie The qualities that drive you nuts now are going to be positive attributes later The idea that the quality of your child is a reflection of you is a LOT of pressure Focusing on the process rather than the outcome of parenting 28:10 Children may only show their big reactions at home and not in public 29:30 Being the “trainee parent” doesn’t really exist; we’re all trainees. Have faith in the process 36:06 The cost of aggressive anger in a parent and how to be responsible for it 38:30 The Three Step Apology State what you did state how you it affected the child and yourself Make an amends: talk about what you will do differently next time 40:45 Power struggles with your child 41:40 Children help us see what need to work on and we are all parents in training Resources: Leslie’s Blog Posting The Three Step Apology Leslie’s Handout: <a href='http://lesliecohenrubury.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/20213L1a_UsingaT-graphtoUnderstandourQualitiesandEmotionsHandout.pdf
S2 E52 · Tue, July 02, 2024
Louise & George Part 2 of 3: Parenting Your Child Without Punishments or Rewards
Louise and George have committed to parenting without force and want to parent without punishments or rewards, but what happens when their six year old Anna has what feels like never-ending tantrums? In her second session with them, Leslie reinforces the importance of connection, and sheds light on the pressures Anna may be putting on herself. Leslie also continues her conversation with George about helping him find joy in parenting. In an incredibly honest and vulnerable conversation, they talk about what it feels like when there’s a favored parent, what might be causing this behavior, and what Dad should do to change that. Time Stamps 2:34 How a child’s frustrating attributes will be beautiful qualities when they’re an adult 4:05 How noticing and naming a child’s behavior can be effective in helping them change it 6:18 Example of how connecting with your child increases cooperation 8:27 Defining processing speed 9:10 Dealing with what parents would call “temper tantrums,” or what Leslie would say is a child having trouble regulating their emotions 12:35 How feeling trapped negatively affects mental health 15:45 It’s all about connection and disconnection 16:03 Staying one step ahead: Identifying and naming your child’s vulnerabilities as prompting events 18:40 How to not reinforce unwanted behaviors by not giving in, but inadvertently reinforcing behavior by ignoring it 21:57 Speaking to your child’s expectations that maybe they’re not even aware of 24:04 Teaching your child a T graph: when does this quality work for you, when does it not 28:07 Discussion of different parenting approaches 29:10 Children have a common worry of disappointing their parents 33:30 Relationship between mom and child vs dad and child 35:35 The challenges of co-parenting: when one parent feels invalidated by the other Resources: Leslie’s Handout: “Staying One Step Ahead of your Child” Leslie's Handout: A Visual Presentation of Family Organization Leslie’s Handout: Using a T-Graph to Understand our Qualities and our Emotions Leslie-ism: Try to stay one step ahead of your child. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on <
S2 E51 · Tue, June 25, 2024
Louise & George Part 1 of 3: When You and Your Kid "Flip Your Lid"
Leslie delves into one of the most common challenges parents face: how to navigate a strong-willed child who doesn’t do what you want them to do, This is first session with Louise and George who have a 6 year old daughter Anna and a newborn baby. They bring to light the frustration many parents feel when their child refuses to do simple tasks, like brushing teeth or following a bedtime routine. And it is understandable when the frustration leads to the feeling that parenting is like a slog. This episode also focuses on the different parenting styles and how that might be impacting their child’s behavior. Time Stamps 6:35 Start with Compassion for yourself as a parent since this job is really hard 10:05 Mirror Neurons Children pick up on what the parent is feeling and visa versa 10:40 Patience is needed for when seeking changes in behavior 14:13 Strategies for stepping into a conflict between parent and child Be a reporter and name what is happening - give information to others Do nothing Bait them with “I think you have something very important to say” Connect with your child especially when they are pushing you away with their behavior “I am here and I want to hear you” “Hitting is working for you but its not working for me” Shape the behavior hitting—->yelling yelling—--> using a talking voice 20:35 Yetzer Hara and Yetzer Tov - two ideas from Wendy Mogel’s book The Blessing of A Skinned Knee 23:35 Engage the child in “a plan” in order to problem solve challenging behaviors such as brushing her teeth 27:05 The theme of connection and how important that connection is 27:43 Getting at the root cause using the phrase “you must have a very good reason for (not brushing your teeth) or whatever the behavior is. 29:50 Communication is more than just the words: 70% of communication is nonverbal. Your child is responding to your tone, gestures and facial expressions. 33:10 Ask yourself how can parents have fun at the job of parenting 37:07 Connect first and then ask for the cooperation Resources:: Wendy Mogel’s Book: The Blessing of a Skinned Knee For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Leslie-ism: Connection is the foundation for cooperation.
S2 E50 · Tue, June 18, 2024
Building Mastery with Special Guest Dale Rubury - Reprise
Today’s episode is a revisit of the conversation between Leslie and her adult daughter Dale. It focuses on the skill of building mastery with new information and resources. Parents can use this skill to build their children’s sense of confidence and competence. Building mastery can also provide a sense of accomplishment for all adults. This is an inside look at Leslie as a mother using this skill to help her anxious daughter. This episode is also a unique opportunity to hear these parenting skills from the child’s perspective. And in an unexpected move, Dale turns the tables and puts the spotlight on Leslie’s own building mastery. About the guest: Dale Rubury was a producer and special guest in several episodes. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years, she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently enrolled in a graduate program to become a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Resources : Leslie 's Handout on The Need to Feel Capable Youtube Video Building Mastery Skill For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Leslie-ism : Building a sense of accomplishment comes from challenging ourselves. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Mia Warren , AJ Moultrié , Camila Salazar , and Leslie Cohen-Rubury . Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S2 E49 · Tue, June 11, 2024
Emma Part 3 out of 3: When your Kid Misbehaves
Today’s episode marks the third and final session with Emma, mother of four in a blended family who relies on parenting strategies of the past. But things change, and we may also need to change the way we raise our children. Leslie continues to explore Emma’s family patterns from her past, myths about parenting and fears that are so much a part of raising children. In this session, Leslie offers alternative strategies to the traditional punishments that parents so often rely on. Once again Leslie redefines how we understand misbehavior and more specifically how we look at “punishment”. Does taking things away and giving out time outs actually work? Or is there a more effective way? Time Stamps 4:40 Myth: Parents have to fix their children’s problems 4:56 Being a calm authority and pillar of support 5:55 Validation has the power to make children feel heard and they stop repeating themselves 12:15 Be responsible for your own panic 12:31 Some people need more time to process (their feelings, instructions, or a situation) 15:35 Take a step, take a beat, and see if the step works. If not, go back 20:20 Leslie’s class: Making the Punishment Fit the Crime 21:39 Class name was intentionally provocative, because punishment doesn’t work 22:58 It is not a crime for your child to misbehave 23:20 Misbehavior is not a crime, it’s a learning experience and a form of communication 29:30 Punishment creates shame (and abandonment) in the child 30:24 An alternative to time out: take space, time in, staying connected 31:20-35:30 Tool box for dealing with misbehavior What does it communicate Let it go Validate, validate, validate Problem solve (finding other options) Conflict resolution steps Observe and describe what’s happening Do Nothing is an option 32:18 Principles of reinforcement 35:30 Let’s not throw away “time out,” let’s transform it into “do you need some space” Resources: Miles Davis quote: “It’s not the note you play that’s the wrong note – it’s the note you play afterwards that makes it right or wrong.” Leslie’s newsletter: The Art of Healthy Neglect Leslie-ism: People including kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have at the current time. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the convers
S2 E48 · Tue, June 04, 2024
Emma Part 2 of 3: When You Need A Perspective Shift
This is the second session with Emma, mother of four children. After just one session, Emma is having breakthroughs about how her own traumas are affecting her judgment with her kids. She and Leslie discuss the warning signs of rumination (a symptom of her anxiety) and how to reel it back in once she’s started. They also work through a few role-playing scenarios in order to see how Emma can validate her children without unfairly punishing them. Sibling dynamics are never easy, and while Emma’s anxiety may be telling her she needs to “fix” every problem, Leslie gently reminds her that children don’t need fixing, but they do need some very important things from their parents in order to feel emotionally safe and secure. Time Stamps 4:34 Use the line “I wonder if…” to clarify what your child is thinking or feeling 6:31 Stop putting your adult expectations and standards on children 8:43 The shift from being a victim in your relationships can be a shifting of expectations as well as empowering you with skills to make you feel confident in the situation. 13:15 Whose problem is it? 14:43 How body sensations help us identify emotional reactions. 16:06 Understanding Rumination (and how to prevent it) 21:43 Is your child tuned into fairness and unfairness? And what it means in terms of sensitivity and dichotomous thinking 23:50 How we help children have a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset 25:17 Children repeat themselves when they don’t feel they are being heard 27:42 How to validate children: reflecting back what they’re saying so they know you understand 34:20 Shifting from “tell me what happened” to “what’s your version of what happened (each child tells their POV) 35:51 We’re not looking for blame, we’re looking for understanding and empathy 36:12 Shame: let’s avoid interrogations, and make them feel safe instead Resources: Video of Leslie doing a handstand - demonstrates the bottom up approach to mindfulness Video: The Story of Ruby - how misbehavior is a form of communication Blog writing on Staying One Step Ahead of Your Child Handout on Conflict Resolution Strategies for Kids by Scholastic <a href='https://www.amazon.com/Mindset-Carol-S-Dweck-audiobook/dp/B07N48NM33/ref=sr_1_4?crid=4C74LW3QXMU&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.5DuAdsiUyK3P4dQEhw5A2nVQUbmaLxmF3l9BYE_btbwT2ZSJEqI0VrmyHhSJyG88p8R_bvaoxAAC86UFKUOJAt-87ipz1uU0VTTqYkyB9O90WRWNIpRnhdz9GyRcTNwc8pLRn_EQGkavvMaFuSxHvYKbvuhuYYhHQBybwCG2VqyWhhTZNBrQRaUuEC_ZikRi_tIjWFb6EplI_DDpWqvB8TEUDy9eWG60GesWmMFVkdsLgTVnK6iS4zt5MLh7EaWBXVocCZoeya1NRwji1_
S2 E47 · Tue, May 28, 2024
Emma Part 1 of 3: When You Think Your Kid is Manipulating You
Today is the first of three sessions with Emma who is a mom of 4 children in a blended family. Henelly, her 7 year old daughter is from her first marriage. Emma and her second husband have 3 year old twins, Grayson and Claire and a new baby, Olivia. Emma reached out for therapy concerned that Henelly is manipulating her. Parents may often feel this way but it's a serious accusation. Leslie unpacks that word and explores how Emma’s past experiences are influencing the way she interprets her child’s communication style. And there’s more to this episode which includes when parents feel helpless, when kids give voice to the fighting refrain - “it’s mine, no, it’s mine” and those seldom-working promises that you make with your children. Time Stamps 4:30 Reframing the word manipulation - children are designed to get their needs. 7:10 Varying communication skills - nonverbal to indirect to direct 9:58 Examples of dialectic dilemmas - clearly articulate the dilemma 13:00 Reinforce the behavior you want more of. 15:15 The continuum of nonverbal to indirect to direct 21:20. The parent trap of promises 22:43 Use the phrase “what's going to happen when….” 25:00 How to give your child some healthy ways to be in "control" 28:00 Reasons why children take on the role of parenting 25;45 The feeling of being trapped is a terrible feeling. The antidote is identifying some options. 35:25 The unintended consequences of possessiveness of toys and finding a balance between mine and ours Resources: DBT Handout on levels of intensity for making a request Video on Levels of intensity for making a request Leslie-ism : Fostering effective communication means learning to speak your child’s language. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits : Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Mia Warren , AJ Moultrié , Camila Salazar , and Leslie Cohen-Rubury . Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by
S2 E46 · Tue, May 21, 2024
Managing Anxiety for the Whole Family with Special Guest Lynn Lyons
This week, host Leslie Cohen-Rubury sits down with anxiety expert Lynn Lyons. Together they discuss the challenges of parenting anxious children and the importance of addressing anxiety in families. Lynn’s work is research-based and her practical strategies for dealing with anxiety may surprise you but will make sense as you listen to this episode. There’s a lot to learn about anxiety. Leslie and Lynn’s conversation focuses on how parents and caregivers can unintentionally make anxiety worse, how anxiety works and how to live with it effectively - and no, the answer is not eliminating it. About our Guest: Lynn Lyons is a psychotherapist, author, and speaker with over 30 years of experience and a special interest in interrupting the generational patterns of anxiety in families. Her latest book, The Anxiety Audit, looks at the seven sneaky ways that anxiety and worry weave their way into our families, friendships, and jobs, and provides actionable steps to reverse the cycle and reclaim emotional well-being. Her podcast, Flusterclux, is filled with so many of her strategies for managing anxiety, as is her website: lynnlyons.com Time Stamps 3:43 Defining Anxiety 5:00 Avoidance begets Avoidance 8:43 The keys of anxiety are certainty and comfort 9:38 Plans that work vs plans that don’t work 12:20 The three X’s - expect it, externalize it, experiment with it. 15:40 Elimination strategies make anxiety worse 15:50 Tolerating uncertainty is what makes it better. 20:45 Research on kids who are raised by anxious parents - 4 takeaways 26:25 Change the question from how do we help the child calm down to how does this child continue to freak themselves out. 29:20 Why the accommodation model at schools to treat anxiety is not working 31:50 Parental Experiential Avoidance - Parents unable to tolerate their distress or their children’s distress 33:05 Expectations of therapy if your child is being treated for anxiety 37:24 Stopping the transmission of generational anxiety 38:40 Anxiety and Depression are disorders of passivity. Retraining the brain for action Resources: Website: lynnlyons.com Podcast: Flusterclux.com Instagram: lynnlyonsanxiety Facebook: Lynn Lyons Psychotherapist L eslie-ism : Remember Lynn Lyon’s 3 X’s - We need to expect it, externalize it, experiment when dealing with anxiety For more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . Y
S2 E45 · Tue, May 14, 2024
Leigh & Pierre Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid is Having a Meltdown
This episode is the third and final session with Leigh and Pierre whose nearly 5-year-old daughter Jean has big emotional reactions. Leslie explores how her big emotions and reactions part of a bigger picture of anxiety, perfectionism, and discomfort with vulnerability - things so many children struggle with. And it's no surprise that Leigh and Pierre have their own history and journeys with anxiety and vulnerability. Leslie talks about ways to manage anxiety in the day to day as well as in heightened emotional states for both parents and children. Leslie also recommends teaching mindfulness at an early age because you can’t “control” those big emotional reactions in your child but with mindfulness, you can control how you and your child respond to them. Time Stamps 3:30 Step one when facing challenging situations - make a list, visualize it, and carry it with you. “Take anxiety with you when you travel” metaphorically. When you get new information from an evaluation 9:53 Strategies to use when your child is having really big reactions Using a change in temperature to help calm your child 11:25 Teach your child the TIPP Skills from DIalectic Behavior Therapy - TIPP Skill 12:25 When do you teach the skills to your child 13:28 How do we know if somethings not working - what does success look like when you're teaching skills to your child 15:20 Mindful awareness of anxiety/discomfort Observe and describe Choose what you want to be mindful to Radical Acceptance: “it is what it is” Self-talk and Encouragement 19:27 Teaching mindfulness to our even if there’s nothing wrong - expose them to the concept of mindfulness at an early age so they can grow into - use it the word itself 21:55 Mindfulness exercises as a family connection and togetherness 24:30 Dealing with your child’s big reactions in public - be compassionate with yourself 26:37 The Power of Vulnerability - Learning to deal with the discomfort of the moment 28:32 What a child needs from their parent Resources: “ Packing Anxiety with You ” video Victor Frankle Quote Image Leslie’s Handout on Breathing Mindfulness Exercises Video <a href='https://www.google.com/search?q=mindfulness+videos&oq=Mindfulness+videos&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUqBwgAEAAYgAQyBwgAEAAYgAQyBwgBEAAYgAQyBwgCEAAYgAQyBwgDEAAYgAQyBwgEEAAYgAQyBwgFEAAYgAQyBwgGEAAYgAQyBwgHEAAYgAQyBwgIEAAYgAQyBwgJEAAYgASoAgCwAgA&sourceid=chrome&ie
S2 E44 · Tue, May 07, 2024
Leigh & Pierre Part 2 of 3: When Your Kid Likes to be in Control
This episode is part two of a three part series with Leigh and Pierre who have two daughters, Jean, almost 5 years old and Nina, 2 years old. This episode explores two very common parenting patterns: we want our children to fit in, and we don’t want our children to suffer in ways we may have suffered. And yet, trying to force those things causes a different kind of suffering. Leigh and Pierre also seek to gain understanding of what they describe as Jean’s “controlling behavior”. Leslie supports Leigh and Pierre to understand the controlling behavior from the perspective of identifying its causes and function. These behaviors may be relatable for many families especially as it relates to anxiety. Time Stamps 3:15 When parents replace the pressure to be like a “normal kid” with giving themselves permission to “not worry” or to accept who their child is 3:55 Wanting the best for your child and what that means 5:45 What it means when your child is a people pleaser 9:35 Children who are “observers”are actively learning an 11:10 Assessing what is a child’s behavior of shutting down communicating I may not be ready I maybe be overstimulated There may be too much going on I don’t know what is expected of me I don’t like what is expected of me 13:50 The fear of what will happen to my child as an adult 15:15 Defining exposure work to teach children that they are capable of handling uncomfortable situations 17:10 Assessing why some children will NOT try something new or shutdown Afraid of being watched Perfectionism - I have to do it well or I don’t want to do it at all Not feeling safe Feeling like she is not in control 20:05 How to give a child a sense of personal control 25:35 When making travel plans - Use paper and pencil to make it concrete List what things will be fun and easy List what things will be challenging and hard Remember to add a space for unknowns and surprises that may happen 31:31 What skills you can use if your child is in emotion mind - See the TIPP skills in show notes Cold compress, cold air Intense exercise Parents talking quietly so your child has to listen Parents talking about something that will catch your child’s attention Resources: TIPP SKILLS HANDOUT when your child is in emotion mind - and they cannot use other skills past their skills breakdown point Articles explaining exposure therapy for children: Facing Fears: How exposure therapy can he
S2 E43 · Mon, April 29, 2024
Leigh & Pierre Part 1 of 3: When your Kid Doesn’t Want to Talk
This is part one of a three-part series with parents Leigh and Pierre. Leigh is from the US and Pierre is from France, and they moved their family from France to the states one year ago. They have two children - almost 5 yr old Jean and 2 year old Nina. However, they came to Leslie to talk about Jean who is not speaking outside of her immediate family. Over time, Leigh and Pierre have heard the diagnosis “selective mutism” and have made changes accordingly, but they’re still struggling with what they should do. In this episode Leslie walks Leigh and Pierre through an assessment of why a child might be selectively speaking. While there are lots of causes, they mostly boil down to vulnerability. Is Jean stressing about her learning two languages at once? Struggling with perfectionism? Or Is she not feeling safe when she’s out in the world? We ask these questions and many more in this session Time Stamps Selective Mutism Parents explain how they’re reacting to their child’s struggles When parents can relate to their struggles - is there a genetic component Developing an avoidant behavior: the child speaks when they feel safe Confidence, safety, willingness: 3 important things, without them child is left feeling vulnerable Talk about what perfectionism looks like in kids and adults. Perfectionism and its relationship to anxiety Practice being vulnerable - the problem with avoiding or suppressing those uncomfortable emotions. Some kids gravitate to only wanting to experience the pleasant emotions Practice learning to be comfortable in an uncomfortable situation Indirect ways to support: Letting child use nonverbal and indirect communication (and validating it) When you’re with other people, practice talking (not to them, but around them) Tell them “can you give yourself practice making a mistake” Resources: The podcast Well, Hello Anxiety with Dr Jodi Richardson episode on selective mutism Other resources on selective mutism Leslie-ism: What is the loud and clear message you may be sending to your child For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper</
S2 E42 · Tue, April 23, 2024
Special Guests Dale and Carrie Rubury: When your Sibling is the “Monster” Child
Today’s is a special episode focusing on sibling dynamics. We take a break from our typical therapy sessions to talk to Leslie’s 34-year-old twins, Dale and Carrie. Together they share in an open and honest conversation the challenges of being themselves and being in relationship with each other. Dale had intense emotions and challenging behaviors as a kid, and doesn’t understand how Carrie didn’t hate her, or at the very least resent her. Carrie was easy going and flexible, and she grew up wondering if there was something wrong with her. In this dialogue we look at how complex sibling relationships can be. What happens when one sibling has higher needs than the other? How do parents balance the needs of each child when helping one can actually hurt the other? Hear what Dale and Carrie reveal about the evolution of their relationship not just as siblings, but as twins, from childhood to adulthood. About our guests: Dale Rubury is excited to be back on Is My Child A Monster? as she was a producer and special guest in Season 1. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years, she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently enrolled in a graduate program to become a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Carrie's passion for exploring humanity, in all its messiness and wonder, has driven her career. Her career has led her across the globe, working in Latin America and Africa, and across various industries, from public relations and restaurants to leadership development and healthcare. Carrie continued to follow her curiosity about how people change and grow into graduate school to earn her MSW. Carrie is currently working as a clinical social worker in a community practice in upstate New York. She lives with her husband and dog, Lou. Outside of work, she is likely cooking with friends or adventuring in some wilderness. Resources: Leslie’s Handout on The Need to Feel Significant Leslei’s Handout on The Need to Feel a Sense of Belonging Is My Child a Monster? S1 Ep 14 The Apology Episode with Special Guest Dale Rubury Leslie’s video of the Orchestra Metaphor which t
S2 E41 · Tue, April 16, 2024
Molly & Alastair Part 4 of 4: When Everyone in the Family has a little bit of Anxiety
This is the second half of the final session with Molly and Alastair. Their kids, Katherine (4) and Elizabeth (8), are benefitting from the changes that their parents are making at home. As parents we want quick behavior fixes, but let’s not underestimate the power and impact that modeling behavior has on children. Molly and Alastair are no different. Leslie’s focus on the parents helped them realize that anxiety exists in the family—from the grandparents, to the parents, to the children themselves. Together, they face these generational patterns head-on. It’s often surprising how anxiety can fly under the radar for everyone in a family, but it’s a significant factor in raising kids, so how can we better identify it and, more importantly, learn to manage it. Time Stamps 5:25 Myth are mistaken beliefs that we may have learns from childhood or society It’s not ok to experience the natural consequences because its too painful It’s my responsibility to make sure everything goes “right” If something goes wrong, someone is going to be blamed. It has to be someone’s fault It’s your job to make sure everyone has to be happy 7:03 Generational anxiety - stop the cycle 7:55 Dichotomous thinking of seeing things as right or wrong, good or bad. Use the phrase: That’s your version, this is my version. 10:20 Find another interpretation skill - to teach that there are other perspectives 11:15 Molly added the expression: Don’t yuk someone else’s yum 14:55 Wanting everything to go right is a way of expressing anxiety 16:10 Compassion is an effective way of dealing with one’s anxiety 18:10 Preparing our children to handle the uncomfortable situations (see The coping skills toolbox for Anxiety in show notes below) 19:50 Various ways that Anxiety presents itself Suppress it, avoid, procrastinate, go into a hole Get into a frenzy, ruminating, making sure everything is “right" 21:55 Modeling for your children willingness to be vulnerable and willingness to be uncomfortable. Choose your long term value as a guide for the dialectic dilemmas Resources: Handout on The Coping Skills Toolbox for Anxiety Video of The Coping Skills Toolbox for Anxiety Handout on When Being Right is not Effective: How dichotomous thinking can be problematic. Dialectic Behavior Therapy Handouts: Myths that get in the way of Interpersonal Effe
S2 E40 · Tue, April 09, 2024
Molly & Alastair Part 3 of 4: When your Co-Parent Steps in to Help
Today’s episode is the third session with Molly and Alastair where things take a turn inward. Molly and Alastair first contacted Leslie to get help with their two daughters, 8 year old Elizabeth and 4 year old Catherine but in the process began to face their own struggles with their belief systems and expectations. In addition, in this session Molly and Alastair face the complexities of family communication and interactions. This episode throws a spotlight on the delicate dance of respecting different parenting styles. Leslie shares strategies to increase effective communication in their relationship. In this heart-to-heart conversation you are bound to feel a shift in their perspective and possibly a shift in your own perspective as well. Time Stamps 3:00 When the parents “gives more” the child ends up cooperating more 4:30 Connection = mutual respect = trust 5:03 Refocusing from the “end goal” to the present moment 5:17 Children remind us to be in the present moment 6:50 As a parent your battery gets worn down Worry and stress about kids getting along Desire to do things right causes us stress 9:50 Parents avoidance to letting the child get upset 11:30 Generational myth to make sure everyone is happy 11:50 Kids relax when parents aren’t constantly trying to fix them. 12:30 Parents are learning to get used to when the kids are upset with each other or with you. 13:25 When the second parent steps in to the interaction between a parent and a child. Ways to step in: You can say “Is that working for you” come in with a neutral non-judgmental stance You can say “I notice there is a bit of a struggle” You can say “Can I be of help to either of you?” 19:30 Doing things the right way and letting go of wanting to be right 21:08 Find the positive intention of another person’s behavior 26:05 Accurate communication: Put words to those chaotic moments - Narrate it One minute check in Expect and accept the bumps and rough spots in parenting Molly’s idea of naming the “unicorn parent” who is the parent on point Resources : Handout on When Being Right is not Effective: How dichotomous thinking can be problematic. Handout on Seeing the Positive Intention of Another Person’s Behavior Leslie-ism : When you want to step in, pause and ask your partner, “is there anything I can do to help?” For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit <a href='https://lesliecohenrubury.com/
S2 E39 · Tue, April 02, 2024
Molly & Alastair Part 2 of 4: When you’re in a Power Struggle with your Kids
This episode is part two of three sessions with parents Molly and Alastair. Last week Leslie focused on the sibling dynamics between their daughters, 8-year-old Elizabeth and 4-year-old Katherine. This week we focus on a different kind of dynamic: the power struggle. In the fight for power between child and parent, Leslie offers an alternative: stop struggling for power and put an end to the power struggles. In this episode Leslie discusses identifying the problem behind the struggle, what the problem really is, whose problem is it, and learning to ask: can we try that again? Time Stamps: 5:02 Whose problem is it? Is it the child’s problem or is it the parent’s problem 7:07 Definition of power struggle 8:15 What happens if the parent give in 9:52 Example of sibling rivalry and how parents reinforce the escalation Strategies to deal with power struggles 12:02 Say that you need a moment (to get into wise mind) 12:39 Engage your child in the problem solving process 12:54 Do a pros and cons 13:34 Notice and name what’s going on 14:12 Use the phrase “try it again” 15:20 How to give the problem back to your child 19:39 Go below the surface - Restate child’s blaming statement into naming the underlying emotion 23:10 Parenting using “try it again” between the parents 27:31 If I had the superpower of mindreading - add levity to a situation and tapping into your child’s imagination 27:40 Mindreading is known as a problematic thinking problem 28:23 Again - give the problem back to your child 30:05 Stop and acknowledge when your child gets through a struggle - reinforce that they did it!! 32:21 How to gain some distance and perspective on past experiences so you don’t end up re-experiencing 35:20 Naming the dialectic dilemma and identifying priorities 36:10 Understanding how to find a synthesis as a solution to a dialectic dilemma Resources: Handout titled: Whose Problem is it? Handout on choosing between power over, power under and personal power belief system Leslie-ism: When you don’t like a Child’s response use the phrase “Try Again” For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. <
S2 E38 · Tue, March 26, 2024
Molly & Alastair Part 1 of 4: When your Kids Need Different Kinds of Support
This is part one of the three part series with Molly and Alastair. These parents have 2 children who are very different. Elizabeth is 8 years old and is an easy going kid. Katherine is a high energy 4 year old with intense emotions and more challenging behaviors. While the parents originally reached out to Leslie for help with their youngest, this episode ended up focusing a little more on their eldest. How exactly can a parent make sure they’re still there for a child when they don’t need literal support? Turns out children may not need the same level of support but they do need the same level of connection. Leslie also discusses sibling dynamics, the myth of the “oldest sibling,” mom guilt, and more. Time Stamps 8:30 Birth order traits - the oldest daughter who feels responsible for the younger sibling 8:44 Pet peeve when parents say “YOU are the big sister” Or “you should act like the big sister” Tuning into our children - leads to strong attachments Observing our children help children feel like their parents see them and understand them 12:55 Name the dilemmas - you want to take care of your sister AND you want to play with your own friends 15:11 Metaphor of needing to go shopping, but prioritizing which store you can make it to today vs next shopping trip (drugstore, shoe store and grocery store) 15:48 There is a difference between what’s important to you and what’s the priority of the moment 22:07 She may not need the same level of support, but she does need the same level of connection. 25:22 The child coming from a secure, safe and validating environment is more prepared to cope with life challenges 28:10 Mom’s narrative - I was the capable one 29:00 How to reassure and support Elizabeth (the “easy” child) Create a tool box: 29:33 Notice and name her behavior 29:47 Get rid of narrative of “you are the older sister or the big sister” 30:45 Validate the hard parts 35:00 If I had a magic wand 31:36 What happens when the parent grew up with a sibling with disabilities 33:36 Save the stories of your childhood when its not in the moment of emotional upset 36:01 The metaphor of instruments in an orchestra - treating each musical instrument differently 38:21 Whose problem is it? 39:24 Myth - it's not ok for others to be upset with me. (mom still struggles with this) Resources: Newsletter on myths that may be guiding your parenting that you may want to question, titled " Have you Outgrown your Childhood Beliefs? Video: Dilemma Metaphor o
S2 E37 · Tue, March 19, 2024
Special Guest Jamilah Lemieux: Deciding to Take your Kid to Therapy
Today’s bonus episode is with special guest Jamilah Lemieux, and it’s all about therapy. Leslie and Jamilah discuss things like figuring out when to take your child to therapy, how to find therapists for all needs, how to talk to your kids about taking them to therapy, and more If you’re curious about therapy, for yourself or your kids or both, be sure to check out our resources. With some help, anyone can begin the journey to a better self. About the guests: Jamilah Lemieux is an American writer, cultural critic , and editor. She rose to prominence for her blog, The Beautiful Struggler. She has worked for Ebony , Cassius Magazine, and Interactive One , part of Radio One , Inc. Lemieux currently writes a parenting column and co-hosts for Slate's Care and Feeding Podcast formerly known as Mom & Dad Are Fighting . Resources : Resources for finding therapy Jed Foundation’s How to find a culturally competent therapist which provides many resources for finding a therapist of color Therapy for Black Girls Psychology Today is a nationwide directory for therapists that can be sorted by location, insurance, specialty, and more. What Good is Therapy : An article about the balance of insight and change as goals for therapy What kind of therapy do I need ? A general review of the types of therapy, the types of therapists and other questions A Glossary of Therapy Approaches and Modalities A very extensive list of the types of therapy modalities. Five Tips to Discuss Therapy with Their Child Handout by Andrea Dorn Listen to Leslie’s guest appearances on Slate’s Mom and Dad are Fighting Podcast My Kid Refuses Therapy. I Think She Needs It Slates parenting podcast on helping your kid feel better…and feel heard. July 20,2023 <a href='https://slate.com/podcasts/mom-and-dad-are-fighting/2023/0
S2 E36 · Tue, March 12, 2024
Salimah Part 4 of 4: When Parenting Feels Relentless
This week’s episode is our last with single mother of three Salimah. After three sessions focusing on each one of her children, today Leslie turns the attention to Salimah and the many roles that she plays. Let’s face it, being a parent is hard. It’s important for parents to supply themselves with an anti-burnout toolkit while also giving themselves grace. In addition to learning to reduce and prevent burnout, Leslie and Salimah also talk candidly about how to advocate for yourself, how to ask for help, and how to get the support and validation you need from your community (and not just from your kids). Time Stamps 6:47 “Kiss your brain” an expression of compassion when you are trying to be kind to yourself 8:50 Parents should give themselves grace 13:51 Braided hair analogy: the separate strands represent each child and you are them, woven together 17:18 Correcting other people when they get your name wrong - why that can be so hard 26:23 Praise vs feedback Tool box for burnout: 10:43 Lowering expectations 14:45 Get in touch with your values and beliefs 21:07 Punctuate your life with pauses and taking breaks 25:14 & 30:45 Get someone to acknowledge how hard you work 26:56 Give yourself credit for effort 28:00 Keep your head down and stay present 33:30 & 36:39 Learn to ask for help 34:31 Random acts of kindness 37:39 When asking for help: How do you make sure you’re not over-asking? 38:04 Collect data - get the facts and ask yourself, am I really asking excessively? 38:34 Is there any reciprocity? Identify the relationship and ask is what you’re asking for fair from this type of relationship 39:12 Give them permission to say “no” when you go for the ask and tell them you have other options 40:51 Its ok to talk to strangers Links : Newsletter: Punctuate Your Life Newsletter: How to ask for help Handout on a practice of Self-Compassion called RAIN by Tara Brach. Video of the Weaving Braid metaphor Leslie-ism : Ask for help because you deserve to get it For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on <a href='https://www.f
S2 E35 · Tue, March 05, 2024
Salimah Part 3 of 4: When Your Happy Kid is Mean to You
This is part three of the four part series with Salimah, single mother of three. This week, Leslie and Salimah focus on 5 year old Terrel. Terrel is the youngest child and also the only “man of the house.” He is typically a happy go-lucky child. But there are other behaviors that have Salimah confused and frustrated. He can sometimes say mean things, he can be quick to anger and he is dealing with issues with his bowel movements. These different parts of the same child motivated Salimah to come to this session to understand what is at the root of these behaviors. Time Stamps 2:35 Reviewed homework of validation 5:16 Learning how to read the shoulder shrugs and what they mean 7:40 When our children “push our buttons” which really describe our vulnerabilities 8:15 ABC of looking at a child’s behavior: Antecedent, Behavior, Consequence in order to understand problem behavior 13:29 Give your child back the actual problem without personalizing their behavior. 14:01 When children say mean things it's often a reflection of how they are doing 26:05 Children can have control of their lives in two ways: eating and bowel movements 26:50 Control helps the child feel a sense of safety. 30:52 Finding other means to find happiness 31:30 Dealing with his vulnerabilities of his sad and angry emotions 34:09 Learning to sit with uncomfortable emotions 34:35 Give your child the chance to feel capable and independent 36:48 Teach him to be able to handle the fears Resources An article on Encopresis in children Leslie's handout on The Need to Feel Capable Leslie's List of Ideas for Making Kids Feel Capable Leslie-ism : Give your child a chance to feel capable For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits : Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Mia Warren , AJ Moultrié , Camila
S2 E34 · Tue, February 27, 2024
Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders
Welcome to part 2 of our 4-part series with Salima, a single mother of three children with very different needs. Last week we discussed her middle child, 7 year old Rene. This week we focus on her oldest, 13 year old Alani. Alani has been getting in trouble at school and uses the “shoulder shrug” to dismiss all of Salimah’s attempts to connect. Tune in to hear Leslie talk Salimah through ways to give your child the time and space to open up to you. Time Stamps: 13:10 and 17:30 Narrate what you are doing so others can learn 13:30 Choosing your words more intentionally 14:00 Using imagery such as the ring of fire to increase the learning and understanding of a concept or skill. 15:27 Starting with validation before we start problem-solving 17:54 When you ask the direct “why” questions, it can be like flashing a flashlight in someone’s eyes. Instead make statements or observations 19:30 Shifting your expectations - short term vs long term parenting 20:09 Role play 21:33 Getting your reserved or shut down child to engage in conversation. 22:51 Say less and give them space 23:11 The dominoes metaphor 27:20 The 5 communications of the shoulder shrug - it means different things at different times 29:31 Parent’s job description - helping a child understand who they are. To know who you are. 31:18 The gift of connection - when our children think we know them better than they know themselves 34:12 The six levels of validation (show notes link and possible newsletter or sample video) 35:57 Validation is in the eye of the beholder Resources: The 6 levels of validation Video of the Domino Analogy How to guide to validation worksheet Leslie sent Salimah home with For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Leslie-ism: Turn your challenges into opportunities
S2 E33 · Tue, February 20, 2024
Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room
This week we meet Salimah, single mother of three wonderful children, 13-year-old Alani, 7-year-old Rene, and 5-year-old Terrel. Parenting isn’t one-size-fits-all, and Leslie’s sessions with Salimah are a perfect example of that. The first of this four-part series focuses on middle child Rene. Salimah needs help figuring out why is Rene destroying her room, and how to handle those big emotions. TIME STAMPS 6:58 The three states of mind- emotion mind, reasonable mind, wise mind 8:05 The ring of fire as a metaphor when your child is emotionally dysregulated 12:50 Explaining the difference between a trigger vs prompting event Can you identify the five prompting events that set you off to emotion mind 15:50 Power of pause - the gift of the pause 16:55 Re-considering the use of time-out as a form of punishment 20:40 Create a toolbox of alternatives of how to react when your child has the big emotions; how can you connect and at the same time to give her space Redirect them to do another activity such as go outside Problem-solving or engaging in conflict resolution with the other person Validate and stop talking. Sometimes talking less is more effective. 23:12 Narrate what you are doing and what you are thinking, as both a model and a strategy in difficult times 25:49 Change your language away from “I’m in combat with my children,” which implies that they are your enemy 27:44 Having children put a mirror to us, and show us the ways we need to grow. 33:00 Rules of the game - share with your children what you are thinking and doing Show Note Links: A visual explanation of the three states of mind Video on three states of mind Leslie’s blog posting explaining the three states of mind Leslie’s newsletter on becoming aware of violent language: Why words matter? Two articles on why time-outs aren’t effective: https://kidcrew.com/why-time-outs-are-not-effective https://childmind.org/article/are-time-outs-harmful-kids/ For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and
S2 E32 · Tue, February 13, 2024
Special Guest Dr. Liz Angoff: Explaining a Diagnosis to Parents and Children
Brains can be confusing - how they work, what they do, how yours is different from other people's. And explaining brains to kids can be a challenge. Today’s special guest is Dr. Liz Angoff, an Educational Psychologist who specializes in explaining brains to kids and their families. She primarily works with families undergoing assessment and diagnosis, but her tools and language are helpful for anyone who has a brain. Leslie has been recommending her book and website to clients for years. About our guest: Liz Angoff, Ph.D., is a Licensed Educational Psychologist with a Diplomate in School Neuropsychology, providing assessment and consultation services to children and their families in the Bay Area, CA. Dr. Liz’s mission is to empower children and families by helping them understand their amazing, unique brains. She is the author of the Brain Building Books , tools for engaging children in understanding their learning and developmental differences as part of the assessment process. More information about Dr. Liz and her work is available at www.ExplainingBrains.com . Timestamps: 7:50 Understanding the difference between the medical model diagnosis and neurodivergent affirming language approach 10:40 Different is not broken, different is a mismatch (between child and environment) 17:41 Diagnosis can be powerful tool, gives you the language that can help meet our child’s needs 20:10 Validating a child’s struggle is powerful 20:53 How do you tell your child about their assessment 28:12 How do I help my child to not have such a hard time 32:27 Three things that Liz wants parents to take away from this conversation Resources: Visit her website, full of wonderful resources Here is the script for explaining a diagnosis Dr. Liz mentioned in this episode You can find her book, The Brain Building Book , here Leslie-ism: Dr. Liz said "Talk to your child about their brain, do it early, do it often.” For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Cred
S2 E31 · Tue, February 06, 2024
Emilee & David Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Metaphorically Throws Up On You
This is the final session with Emilee and David. Emilee felt a big difference when she stepped back from her son’s big reactions and no longer took his words and actions personally; that’s a huge achievement. David said he felt less pressure on himself as a parent—also a huge achievement. In this session, Leslie also explained creative ways to teach children about emotions, like using children’s books and other media. Leslie also addresses Jack’s neuropsychological testing and the results. Leslie supports Emilee and David as they digest this helpful information while remembering to see Jack as a whole person. Time Stamps 10:55 Throwing up analogy: a way to not take your children’s words personally 12:05 Neuropsychological testing and school accommodations 17:35 How to teach your child about emotions- books, model it, watch other people, tell stories 24:01 Concept: being able to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time 24:41 Bibliotherapy: using books to help teach children 26:50 Receiving a diagnosis, and how to make it helpful and useful 30:45 Movement breaks 37:27 Childrens are like puppies: they all have big paws that they grow into, just like children and their big emotions Resources: Video of throwing up analogy Handout of feeling words for kids Dr. Liz Angoff’s Website and resources : How to explain testing to kids Leslie’s sample list of books she likes to read with children Leslie-ism : Let’s honor the individual learning styles of child and adults alike For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits : Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Mia Warren , AJ Moultrié , Camila Salazar , and Leslie Cohen-Rubury . Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by <a href='https://www.saborde
S2 E30 · Tue, January 30, 2024
Emilee & David Part 2 of 3: When You Have Different Parenting Styles and How to Do Less
This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David. In the first session, we learned about Jack, their six-year-old son who is having trouble expressing his emotions. He often defaults to kicking and saying “I don’t know.” In this episode, Leslie looks closer at their differing parenting styles: David wants to get to the bottom of it, and Emilee tends to distract and redirect. Is it important to be on the exact same page as your partner when it comes to parenting styles? And what happens when what you dislike about your partner’s approach is exactly what’s missing from your own. Time Stamps 10:38 Anticipatory Anxiety: kids and adults can get more upset by the anticipation of the event than the event itself. 15:57 It’s not misperception, but rather simply having a different perception 18:00 Instinct to “get to the bottom of it” might be causing more stress 18:30 Can we normalize emotions rather than inflating them 19:18 When you have different parenting styles: determine what’s working and what’s not working. 19:45 How to get the best of both worlds 22:08 Emily distracts and redirects (indirect) David wants to get to the bottom of things (direct) 26:05 Announce and name what you are doing, the change you’re imposing 29:35 Their homework: Don’t work so hard 34:40 Normalize children who are arguing vs teaching children conflict resolution skills 36:50 The lost ART of healthy neglect 41:40 Use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake” 43:20 "Plant the seed" and get out of there RESOURCES: Why ‘how was school?’ isn’t a good question to ask kids. Here's a CNBC article with some ideas of what to say instead Distress Tolerance STOP technique NYTimes article on unsupervised Play The Anti-Helicopter Parents Plea: Let Kids Play! Risky Play Encourages Resilience Leslie’s book recommendation: The Last Child in the Woods by Richard Louv Leslie-ism: Do Less For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. <p
S2 E29 · Tue, January 23, 2024
Emilee & David Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "I Don’t know"
This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Emilee and David. Emilee and David have a six year old son who repeatedly says “I don’t know” when they try to help their son understand his big emotions. Many parents like Emilee and David want to teach their children how to regulate their emotions and how to understand their emotions. But what happens when what you are doing is not working and actually producing the very opposite results than what you were hoping for. Time stamps: 13:10 How children physically express their emotions, and what to do 13:55 Name and notice those body sensations and physical actions 16:07 Alexithymia: when a child doesn't have the skills to name what they are experiencing 18:30 Masking: a survival tactic for social situations 22:20 Change from asking questions like "how do you feel?" to making statements about the situation 26:45 & 34:07 Social Signaling: what is your child communicating to others 28:41 Go below the surface: anger with mean words and an intense physical response is above the surface and disappointment is below the surface 30:50 Take the pressure off of the child to express their emotions 32:27 Beware of praise and instead, give feedback 35:40 Create a bridge from the behavior to describing the emotion: children may need help finding the words 40:50 What to do if your child is masking 44:43 Difference between when a child WON’T express emotion versus when they CAN’T Resources: Alexithymia Autism Parenting Magazine's Guide to Alexithymia Children's Alexithymia Measure handout The Alexithymia Wheel and more resources Masking Masking in Children Explained NHS's Guide on "Masking" Behavior in Children Praise vs feedback The Psychology of Feedback vs Praise How to Give Feedback to Your Child Leslie-ism: The slower you go, the faster you get there. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://l
Trailer · Tue, January 16, 2024
Trailer for Season 2
Season two of Is My Child a Monster? A parenting therapy podcast with host, Leslie Cohen-Rubury launches next week. The first full episode will drop on January 23, 2024! Listen to the trailer for a taste of whats to come. For more information about the Leslie Cohen-Rubury visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: The Is My Child A Monster? team is Alletta Cooper , AJ Moultrié, Camila Salazar, and me. Special thanks to Eric Rubury and Mia Warren. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Mon, November 27, 2023
Focus On Understanding Your Kid’s Big Reactions With Guest Dale Rubury
This mini episode between season one and season two focuses on understanding your child’s intense reactions. Although there are many causes for a child’s strong reactivity, Leslie and returning guest Dale Rubury discuss expectations as one of those many causes behind those big reactions. Dale had a long list of unmet expectations from her childhood, so she joins her mom on today’s episode to unpack one example for parents and caregivers to learn from. About the Guest: Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently pursuing a degree as a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Time Stamps: 1:48 Parents often say “what’s the big deal?” when their child is having such a big reaction 3:40 Kids can have a “script” in their head about how they think things should go. 3:50 Ironically, parents also have “shoulds” in their head about how they think things should go 6:00 Assume that the child feels embarrassment and shame about their reaction 7:11 Add compassion to the child’s reaction 7:55 “Staying One Step Ahead of you Child” - we do this by understanding what is happening below the surface of the child’s reaction 8:39 Look for the prompting event such as the child’s expectation which set off this whole chain reaction 8:56 Parents may personalize the child’s behavior which will add to the problems 9:20 Ask yourself what’s my problem, what’s my child’s problem 12:08 How to teach “expect the unexpected” to your child 13:10 Ask your child before they do something “what are your expectations of….” For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences around holiday issues at Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community on Facebook. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by A
Mon, November 20, 2023
Managing Holiday Stress with Michael Ian Black and Martha Hagen-Black
Today’s bonus episode is with special guests — and Leslie’s former clients — comedian Micheal Ian Black and interior designer Martha Hagen-Black. They join me to talk through holiday stress, and how to manage expectations around family and holiday plans. About the guests: Micheal Ian Black is a comedian, actor, author and podcast host. You can find his podcast, Obscure, here. Martha Hagen-Black is an interior designer, murder mystery lover, and architecture nerd. You can find more about her work on her Instagram @studiohagenhus. Show Note Links: Cope Ahead Video: A Dialectic Behavior Therapy Skill Leslie-ism: May you find moments of joy in your holiday season. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences around holiday issues at Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community on Facebook. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Bonus · Mon, October 30, 2023
What It’s Like To Be A Guest On Is My Child A Monster?
Is My Child A Monster? is on break, but we’re looking for guests for season two! So this between season bonus episode is a conversation between Leslie and her producer, Alletta Cooper about what happens behind the scenes making the podcast. They discuss what it’s like to be a guest on the podcast as well as what types of parenting questions and concerns they’re hoping parents and caregivers bring to them next season. Learn about why and when you might choose to volunteer and get free therapy and how to apply to come on the show. Alletta Cooper is a freelance producer, researcher, and storytelling consultant with more than a decade of experience in podcasting. She's worked with clients including StoryCorps, Google, The Mellon Foundation, and On Being Studios. Alletta is a recovering "Monster Child" who is delighted to work with the Is My Child A Monster? team to bring practical, skills-based therapy to curious parents and caregivers. She also once won an episode of Wheel of Fortune. Find out more about her work at allettacooper.com . For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Bonus · Mon, October 16, 2023
Revisit: Michelle & Emiliano: When Your Kid Is Afraid To Do New Things
We’re between seasons right now, but for those of you who joined us later in the season we wanted to revisit this earlier episode about when children are afraid to do new things with my parent guests Michelle and Emiliano. This is a common topic for many caregivers. If you’ve heard it before I invite you to re-listen, as a way to reinforce new skills. And you might hear something you didn’t hear the first time! There is a newsletter that comes out bi-weekly! The next one is about living life according to your values and what to do when those values are in conflict. It happens everyday. In this episode Michelle and Emiliano's values are also in conflict. Do they respect their child's desire to say NO, or do they honor their value of exposing her to a rich experience. You can listen to this episode with the new perspective of what to do when your values are in conflict. You can find the link to this newsletter in the show notes. Or sign up at ismychildamonster.com Show Notes: Go to ismychildamonster.com to sign up for the newsletter Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E23 · Mon, October 02, 2023
Focus On Raising A Responsible Child Versus Raising An Obedient Child With Guest Dale Rubury
This episode is a change in our typical format where parents share their struggles and challenges in therapy sessions recorded live. This is a conversation between Leslie and her daughter, Dale. It focuses on the topic of raising a responsible child versus an obedient child. We all want children who listen to us. But it's not as simple as telling our children what to do, and expecting them to do it. In today’s conversation, Leslie will help us define the difference between these two ideas. Dale and Leslie explore these ideas in her childhood and reflect on the value of these principles in her adult life Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she was building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is currently pursuing a degree as a Physical Therapy Assistant. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Time Stamps 4:08 The dangerous side of raising an obedient child that you don’t always think about. 4:48 Raising a responsible child means raising a “thinking child” 5:55 Using the line “I see that you are practicing being a teenager” when teens talk back to their parents 7:30 Powering over your child vs giving your child “personal power” 9:42 Engage your child in the process of chores to increase and motivation cooperation 10:30 the importance of giving children choices and loosening the reins to allow for more freedom and autonomy in their daily responsibilities. 11:22 Leslie Cohen-Rubury suggests giving children more risks to take to make them feel capable and confident, which leads to increased cooperation. 15:10 In order to foster cooperation, let your child take more risks. More capable more confident which leads to be more cooperative 20:55 Balancing limits for the child and respect for the child 23:45 Complaining is a secondary problem to doing the chore. Instead MAINTAIN YOUR FOCUS on what you are asking your child to do. 24:50 Use the paradoxical statement “It looks like you need more practice doing the dishes” when your child is complaining. 27:25 Raising an obedient child means you may end up with a selfish child who uses victim language 27:55 Raising an obedient child ends up feeling smaller vs raising a responsible child helps to empower the child 29:00 How power struggles develop between parent and child 32:22 Are you coddling your child? Do you think you are giving in to your child? 37:25 What it sounds like when you as the parent start defending yourself 37:55 Brief description of the DBT (Diale
S1 E22 · Mon, September 25, 2023
Alice Part 3 of 3: When Your Kids Complain
This is part 3 of the 3 part series with Alice. She's a recently divorced mother of two boys, Dan, who's nine, and Jake, who's six. In the first two sessions, Alice and Leslie focus a lot on her anxieties about her children, and her parenting perfectionism. It's so hard to raise kids, especially after a big life change, like divorce. This episode, Alice reviews what strategies have been working, and what still needs work. Today’s session focuses on additional practical strategies for things like chores, politeness, and the transition between Mom's house and Dad's house. Time Stamps 7:25 How much control do I give my child? A discussion of personal power vs powering over another person 9:35 Example of dialectic thinking for a child who they should have done something different 11:10 Zoom in and Zoom out 15:50 Flexibility and flow when the kids transition between two homes 20:10 What to do when your child refuses to do what you ask them to do 21:00 Raising a responsible child, not an obedient child 22:20 Joining your kids in the chaos of yelling 25:07 An example of the paradox of parenting 27:12 Resist the urge to fix the moment 30:36 What to do when your child says no. - give them space 31:35 Leave the complaint, Don’t pick up the complaint and it won’t go anywhere 32:05 Maintain your focus and don’t get distracted by the complaints - using an example of picking up your child at a friend’s house For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Leslie-ism: You need both insight and practical skills in order to make a change in your parenting. Show Note Links: Leslie was interviewed on Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene. You can listen to that interview here where we discuss the causes of certain behaviors of children. You can also follow Rebecca Greene at: Blog https://www.whinypaluza.com/ Facebook https://www.facebook.com/whinypaluzaparenting Instagram https://www.instagram.com/becgreene5/ @becgreene5 Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcrip
S1 E21 · Mon, September 18, 2023
Alice Part 2 of 3: When Your Life Is Full Of Shoulds
This is part 2 of the 3 part series with Alice who is parenting her two boys Dan, 9 years old and Jake, 6 years old. Alice is coming to this therapy session feeling overwhelmed and not having the time and focus to do what we talked about in the previous session. Parenting IS overwhelming and its very likely that many of you also feel overwhelmed. We unpack those feelings and discuss strategies to help Alice stay present in her parenting. You can’t do it all. And sometimes we just need permission to let go of other people’s expectations. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Time stamps: 14:13 Being overwhelmed by thoughts, beliefs and shoulds: Is that adding any value? 17:35 The difference between mindfulness and meditation 18:03 Definition of mindfulness 20:52 Understanding the doing mind vs the being mind 23:09 Identifying a parenting myth: “It only counts if we are interacting together” 24:25 Connection is the foundation of your parent-child relationship 26:35 Examples of how to “be” present with your children 31:35 The richness of diversity between the parents 33:50 What to do with nagging thoughts 37:49 Take another look at politeness 38:46 Are you modeling politeness: Do you actions speak louder than words 40:50 How to cue a child to develop their manners without shaming them Leslie-ism: Being present is more important than being perfect. Show Note Links: A short video of Jon Kabat Zinn who describes mindfulness Handout on Being Mind and Doing Mind A short video on Balancing the Doing Mind and the Being Mind Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubur
S1 E20 · Mon, September 11, 2023
Alice Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "It's Unfair"
This is part 1 of the 3 part series with Alice. Alice is a recently divorce parent with two boys ages 9 and 6 In Part 1 we learn about Dan who struggles with FAIRNESS, often melting down in ways that impact that whole family. We will discuss the candy wars, the ruined birthday parties, and the issue of fairness. Alice also admits that she is struggling with the fear of being a bad parent and worries about who her son will be as an adult. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Time stamps: 6:12 The need to see and heard and understood 6:45 Use the phrase “I notice….” to help your child gain intrapersonal and interpersonal awareness 9:40 Validation - not all validation is not all equal - its in the eye of the beholder - try to get the primary emotion - I identify when you unintentionally invalidate your child 12:05 We are parenting in the short term and the long term 15:43 Do you expect your child to misbehave? We actually need to expect our child to misbehave 16:41 When parents feel like they are a failure 17:49 and 18:50 Examples of using the skill of coping ahead for the misbehavior: “Bring it on” 20:45 Talking about the fear of what your child will be like when they grow up 26;26 The issue of fairness and unfairness 27:35 When kids need predictability and uncertainty 31:28 The difference between equality and equity 33:50 An example of dialectic dilemma 35:20 Sibling rivalry as a process of individuation and differentiation 40:16 Think outside the box - fill the emotional bank 45:05 When parents feel like their children are manipulating them 46:14 The “shoulds” that parents may feel. Leslie-ism: Take a moment to check your own expectations, check your fears and check your shoulds. Show Note Links: A visual image illustrating the difference between equality and equity An article on Why kids have meltdowns afterschool A blog posting exploring The Need to be Heard and Understood A blog posting exploring The Need to Belong <br
S1 E19 · Mon, September 04, 2023
Focus On Parenting A LGBTQ+ Child With Special Guest Lindz Amer
This is a special episode in which Leslie is joined by guest Lindz Amer (they/them) to talk about their work within the LGBTQ+ community. Leslie and Lindz talk about various topics regarding being a caretaker and ally to LGBTQ+ children. Last week’s episode was about parenting Jack, a transgender child. Leslie wanted to have Lindz on the podcast to further discuss the important ways we can create a safe and validating environment for LGBTQ+ children.: About today’s guest: Lindz created their award-winning LGBTQ+ family webseries Queer Kid Stuff in 2016 which now has 4M lifetime views and counting! They are the author of the nonfiction parenting book Rainbow Parenting: Your Guide to Raising Queer Kids and Their Allies (St. Martin’s Press) and their picture book Hooray for She, He, Ze and They! What are YOUR Pronouns Today? (Simon & Schuster, February 2024). Currently they host the Rainbow Parenting Podcast and perform at school and libraries across the country, while writing and consulting for children’s television. You can watch their viral TED talk on why kids need to learn about gender and sexuality. See Links below for these resources and more information For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Leslie-ism: Take a look at the assumptions you are making about your child that may not even be true. Show Note Links: Here are the links to Lindz Amer’s website , Rainbow Parenting , Hooray for She, He, Ze and They , Rainbow Parenting Podcast Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E18 · Mon, August 28, 2023
May Part 1 of 1: When Parenting A Trans Child
This is a single session with our guest May. May is married to Charlie and they have a child named Jack. Jack is 13 years old and was assigned female at birth, but identifies as they/him and approached May to start calling them Jack in middle school. May, who is wonderfully supportive of Jack, finds herself struggling to be the mediator between Jack and the conservative members of their family, including Jack’s father, Charlie. In this episode, May’s story will help us consider how we can best help a child navigate the complexities of gender identity and the associated stigmas. CW: Brief mention of Self-harm and Statistics on Suicide in LGBTQ youth For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Time stamps: 15:10 Finding common ground between parent and child 16:16 Different ways of responding to a problem 25:00 Creating a validating environment 27:00 Buddhist meditation: Have strong back and soft heart 40:10 Feel the fear and do it anyways Leslie-ism: Keep in mind advocacy starts at home Show Note Links: Call 988 - Suicide and crisis hotline. Available 24 hours. If you or anyone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts. LGBTQ+ Resources https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ https://glaad.org/transgender/resources/ https://thesafezoneproject.com/resources/vocabulary/ Research on a validating environment for the well being of LGBTQ youth Quotes on Courage including Maya Angelou’s Brene Brown’s Strong Backs, Soft fronts + Wild Heart s on Unlocking Us Podcast Strong Back, Soft Heart meditation by Roshi Joan Halifax starting at 27:35 on Omega’s podcast. Handout on the Five Ways Solve to a Problem Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and LeslieCohen-Rubury. T
S1 E17 · Mon, August 21, 2023
Zach & Sarah Part 2 of 2: When Your Teen Doesn't Want To Grow Up
This is part 2 of the 2 part series with Zach and Sarah. Sarah and Zach are divorced co-parents of two children. They came to Leslie to talk about Andrew, their 16-year-old son who is withdrawn and struggling in school. Last session Leslie explored ways to approach Andrew with curiosity and compassion in order to connect with him. She touched on family dynamics and how Andrew may feel like an outsider in a family of high achievers. We’re going to dive more deeply into that today - how putting pressure on your child, intentionally or otherwise, can set them up for shame and anxiety. Having intense feelings like you are not good enough or that you can’t live up to your parents expectations (perceived or real) can cause major disruptions even when it's unintended by the parents. Parenting is hard and we are all learning as we go. Sarah and Zach are dealing with very different issues with their two children. Andrew’s withdrawn behavior can feel so invalidating to the parent who is trying hard. Parenting the challenging child as we hear in this episode, is not very validating because your child doesn’t tell you that you're doing a great job. Even though we all love getting the smile, the hug, and hearing the words, I love you, it's NOT the child's job to validate you. Remember, they’re just trying to survive adolescence. Parenting is hard and so is being a teenager. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Time stamps: 5:15 “Shoulding” your child is shaming your child 8:05 Teaching parents to not work so hard 8:14 Talking less. Listen more to your kids. Listen twice as much as you talk 8:45 Nonverbal ways of connecting with your child 8:53 Make simple observations. Use the phrase “I notice that” Connecting to your kid in simple little ways that don’t put them in the “hot seat” 9:26 Say it and let it go 10:01 Indirect ways of connecting: talk about yourself 10:35 Be a real person 12:35 Manage your expectations and don’t personalize what your teen says or what they do. 15:50 Three Step Apology 17:10 The core belief of shame and what that means 26:54 Feel the fear and do it anyways: People/children may not realize that the anxiety is often present when you are doing something new 27:41 “Can you give yourself permission to….” 28:25 “You must have a good reason for…” 34:18 Creative solution brainstorming with your child - Practice brainstorming without evaluation 36:52 Shaping behavior - ste
S1 E16 · Mon, August 14, 2023
Zach & Sarah Part 1 of 2: When Your Teen Is Withdrawn
This is part one of a two part series with Zach and Sarah. Zach and Sarah are co-parents of two children. This series focuses on their 16 year old son Andrew who they describe as withdrawn, irritable, and “not engaged in life”. His parents have been struggling to get him to complete tasks related to school, getting a job, and just basic things at home. Leslie helps Zach and Sarah focus on the importance of connecting to Andrew as a foundation to trying to parent him successfully. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Time stamps: 11:50 How adolescents who say "no" are asserting independence which is similar to toddlers 15:46 Being a curious alien instead of fixing your child 18:19 Living in your sibling's shadow 25:30 Dialectic perspective of a situation. Doing mind vs. being mind 28:42 Learning to ride the wave of discomfort 33:51 Looking at your child with a dialectical perspective Leslie-ism: Slow down and ask yourself what is the cost of the pressure that you may be putting on your child Show Note Links: I appeared as a guest on Slate’s Mom and Dad Are Fighting Podcast in two episodes.. In the first episode I join hosts, Zak Rosen and Jamilah Lemieux, and together we help a listener who’s worried that her daughter’s meltdowns might be a sign of depression. In the second episode, Zak and Jamilah start by talking about lessons from therapy and how my podcast, Is My Child A Monster? Is helping make therapy advice and resources more accessible. Together we also help a listener whose kid pulled a disappearing act after a fight during family vacation. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Gabriela Glueck. Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E15 · Mon, August 07, 2023
Mary: When Your Kid's Worries Disrupt Bedtime
In today’s episode, Mary shares how her 4 year old son, Oliver seems to be struggling after the loss of his infant cousin. Oliver began to show signs of regression with bedtime during which he seems to experience high anxiety and fears. Sleep regression is normal and very understandable when dealing with something as big as death. Mary explains how Oliver is most open and communicative at bedtime. While it may seem intuitive to re-enforce this behavior so that Oliver continues to open up at bedtime, it's actually important to not keep reinforcing the behavior of doing this right before sleep. Instead, keep the intention to connect to your child, but change the time and place for it. CW: Brief mention of Infant Loss and Death For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community . Time stamps: 7:35 Regression in your child’s sleep is normal when dealing with difficult times 11:40 Common for kids to open up most around bedtime. Parenting can feel counterintuitive to stop your child from expressing themselves at bedtime and switch that openness to a different time of the day. 16:40 The worry box or the worry tree 26:03 Bedtime techniques/mindfulness practices Leslie-ism: Help your child to understand: feelings come and feelings go Here are two books mentioned in this episode. Starbright: Meditations for Children by Maureen Garth Jibberwillies at Night by RachelVail (Author) and Yumi Heo (Illustrator) Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and LeslieCohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E14 · Mon, July 31, 2023
Skills Focus on Apologies with Guest Dale Rubury
This is the second skills focused episode of the season in which Leslie and Dale talk about the art of apologizing. Leslie talks about The Three Step Apology and how it evolved into the technique it is today. Dale shares her journey with apologies and how she went from feeling like apologizing was impossible to finding the power of apologizing as an adult. She also shares how she went from a blaming child to a responsible adult taking ownership of her behavior. This conversation between mother and daughter, emphasizes the importance of apologizing and the specific parts of an effective apology. They use examples to illustrate the impact that parents can have by apologizing to their children to model that behavior/skill. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster Parenting Community . Time stamps: 4:33 A description of the Three Steps Apology 10:45 Why so many adults have difficulty with apologizing 16:23 Parents modeling apologies 19:50 Children being hard on themselves for making a mistake 21:03 Blaming instead of apologizing 27:00 Apologies without behavior change lose meaning Leslie-ism: Children can become responsible adults who know how to apologize when given the space to make mistakes. Show Note Links: Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill.. I would like to give a shout out to Simple Families podcast where I was a guest talking with Denaya Barahona, Phd. all about exposing our children to things they are afraid of, things that we are afraid of and much more. Book Reference: Janis Abrahms Spring How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, The Freedom Not to A well written book with practical advice about the power of forgiveness. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and Website Design by Br
S1 E13 · Mon, July 24, 2023
Kathryn Part 5 of 5: When Conflict Escalates
This is the final episode in the five part series with Kathryn. Kathryn shares how implementing some of her newly learned skills has been going. Kathryn describes how these tricky conversations with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette have felt both satisfying and at times frustrating and where she is still feeling stuck. Through role playing we take an indepth look at two examples. Leslie gives Kathryn some tips on how to communicate well, particularly when the topic of conversations is sensitive and might bring up some intense emotions. These strategies for de-escalating polarizing conversations are key for effective communication. An additional note: Leslie is qualified to share parenting knowledge and also appears to be challenged by her counting skills. Listen for when she confidently proclaims that “tell me more” is a two-word phrase. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community Time stamps: 11:00 Role playing difficult conversation with daughter about drugs 12:57 Leslie’s definition of a responsible child 16:19 Emotion mind vs wise mind in difficult conversations 18:24 Leslie describes new ways to consider a “time out” in a conversation 21:05 The importance of timing in difficult conversations Leslie-ism: It's hard to be effective when you’re in Emotion Mind. Pauses can be helpful.. Show Note Links: A video that demonstrates how validation/active listen can de-escalate conflicts Everybody Loves Raymond Uses Active Listening A handout on how to de-escalate a conversation 10 Tips for Difficult Conversations "Setting up anxious kids for long term success" is the title of the episode where Leslie Cohen-Rubury is a guest on Well Hello Anxiety with Dr Jodi Richardson Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and Website Design by <a href='https://www.sab
S1 E12 · Mon, July 17, 2023
Kathryn Part 4 of 5: When Your Teen Deserves An Apology
This is part four of the five part series. Kathryn and Leslie meet for a fourth time to continue to work on her relationship with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. In this session, Kathryn describes the event that led to a break in trust between her and Bridgette. Leslie introduces The Three Step Apology skill to help guide Kathryn in repairing her relationship with her daughter. This skill is meant to replace the kind of apologies that have an unintentional element of blame and shame. Kathryn demonstrates the vulnerability and practice that's needed when trying to learn and implement this new skill. It's noteworthy that Kathryn was willing to make the apology first. No matter what age they are, children continue to imitate our behavior. Kathryn’s apology will model for Bridgette how to repair relationships throughout her life. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community . Time stamps: 5:10 Reinforcing skills. Giving partial credit when learning skills in order to build mastery and reduce shame 8:32 Description of betrayal event 14:37 Description of Three Step Apology 20:45 Why parents get overwhelmed when dealing with their child’s issues - bringing up the past 23:55 Role Play of practicing the Three Step Apology with Kathryn Leslie-ism: Find an opportunity to apologize to your child for your part in a conflict. You may be pleasantly surprised at the response you get from your child. Show Note Links: Three Step Apology A description of what the steps are and examples of how to use this skill.. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E11 · Mon, July 10, 2023
Kathryn Part 3 of 5: When Your Teen Breaks The Rules
Children breaking rules is nothing new in the world of parenting. Teens breaking rules is almost a given. In this third part of the five part series, Kathryn is eager to learn how to set limits with her 17 year old daughter Bridgette. Trying to set limits with a child who seems like they have no limits may feel like an impossible task. But there are ways to do it. Even though the terminology of a dialectic perspective is not used in this episode, it is very much employed in the conversation. Leslie takes a dialectic approach with Kathryn in two ways during this episode. First, she begins by balancing the parent’s limits and the teen’s limits. Leslie also differentiates between limits and boundaries. Second, Leslie counterbalances the fear that parents often have when dealing with the problematic behaviors of their children. Children often feel “my parents don't understand me”, or “my parents only focus on what I'm doing wrong and they don't see what I'm doing well”. This schism can be the root of conflict and potentially damaging to your child's mental health. As parents, holding the dialectic perspective means embracing both your child's skills and strengths as well as their problematic behaviors. As in Kathryn’s first two sessions, this episode has a lot of mature themes and contains adult language that may not be suitable for all audiences. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community . Time stamps: (rough estimates based on rough cut) 6:04 Assessing skills of your child before setting limits 10:13 Having a balanced view of your child: their strengths and weaknesses 14:18 Generational shame and how it impacts you and your child 15:58 Defining limits vs boundaries and personal limits vs child’s limits 28:08 How to have tough conversations with your kids. Leslie-ism: Take the time to notice your child’s strengths, not just their problematic behavior. Show Note Links: Understanding the Three Dialectic Dilemmas in the Adolescent-Parent Relationship Resources: If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763) National Substance Abuse Ho
S1 E10 · Mon, July 03, 2023
Kathryn Part 2 of 5: When Your Teen Says "You Don't Understand Me"
This is part two in the five part series with Kathryn. As we heard in the first part of this series, Kathryn’s 17 year old daughter Bridgette is making decisions around sex, drugs, and alcohol that deeply concern her mother. Karthyn is frustrated, fearful, overwhelmed, and unsure how to best parent her daughter. In this episode Kathryn shares her experience of putting “the curious alien” technique into practice. As many parents experience, the advice from the so-called experts sounded great on paper but when put into practice, she found that it didn’t have the immediate impact: her daughter still shut down. Since this is so frustrating for parents, in this session Leslie and Kathryn learn to have the difficult but necessary conversations with her daughter through role-playing. Role playing the curious alien showed her how to talk to her daughter in a way that will lead to mutual respect, connection and honesty. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences on Is My Child A Monster? Parenting Community . Time stamps: 6:37 Role playing The Curious Alien - Take 1 8:07 Planting a seed. Being patient with skills you implement knowing that they may take time to see results. 9:00 Role playingThe Curious Alien -Take 2 21:05 Recognizing “whose problem is it” so that we don’t personalize the issue and become defensive. 22:42 Using validation and questions, rather than accusatory statements, to make “Curious Alien” strategy more effective. Curious Alien should be a validating tool and create connection. Leslie-ism: In order to connect with your child, practice being a curious alien. Show Note Links: Handout on Whose Problem Is It? when you are trying to solve a problem with your child Resources: If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763) National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303 Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357) National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264 Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by <a href='https://www
S1 E9 · Mon, June 26, 2023
Kathryn Part 1 of 5: When Parenting YourTeen Feels Like a Rollercoaster
This is the first episode in a five part series with Kathryn. She's been struggling to deal with the roller coaster ride of parenting her 17 year old daughter, Bridgette. Bridgette has been making what most parents might consider risky choices. Her choices surrounding sex and drugs has her mother extremely concerned and feeling unsure of how to best to parent her. She is afraid for her daughter’s safety and is feeling overwhelmed and panicked. This episode unpacks the complex issues underlying Bridgette’s behavior. Leslie looks at how effective communication can support their relationship and will focus on questions such as: How do you establish a judgment-free line of communication with your teen? How do you parent a child whose personality is unlike your own? How do you help your child navigate decision-making without imposing your own beliefs and judgements? Look for the answers to these questions and more in this episode of Is My Child A Monster? Time Stamps 9:06 Raising our children will challenge us in ways that give us the opportunity to grow as people 16:22 Begin where your child is 16:55 An example of nonjudgmental language to open lines of communication. Say what you see 18:30 Be the curious alien - zoom out, zoom in depending on what you are dealing with. 23:22 Parenting by the Paradox - Giving children the room to make mistakes 27:06 Parenting is so much about the FIT between the parent and the child 28:53 When does it work, when does it not work - A way to look at those qualities that drive you nuts Leslie-ism - The best insurance against life’s hardships for your child is the quality of your relationship Show Note Links: Handout on Understanding the Importance of the "Fit" between Parent and Child Book reference: Kathryn spoke about a book that she was reading: Girls & Sex: Navigating the Complicated New Landscape by Peggy Orenstein If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, sexual assaults or other mental health issues there are resources available for you. National Sexual assault hotline 800-656-HOPE (4763) National Substance Abuse Hotline 866-210-1303 Substance abuse and mental health administration 1-800-662-HELP (4357) National Alliance of Mental Illness 212-684-3264
S1 E8 · Mon, June 19, 2023
Skills Focus: Building Mastery with Guest Dale Rubury
This episode is a change in our typical format where parents share their struggles and challenges in therapy sessions recorded live. Instead, we focus on the skill of building mastery which we spoke about in a previous episode. After listening to that episode and reading Leslie's newsletter, Leslie's daughter Dale, who is also a producer on this podcast, suggested a conversation about their personal journey building mastery. This is an inside look at Leslie as a mother using skills to help her anxious daughter. This episode is also a unique opportunity to hear these parenting skills from the child’s perspective. About the guest: Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years, she has been in the world of construction where she is currently building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Show Note. Links Youtube Video Building Mastery Skill For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community. This week's Leslie-ism: It's important to practice being comfortable in an uncomfortable situation, especially when you are bearing witness to someone else’s pain. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E7 · Mon, June 12, 2023
Tim & Natasha Part 4 of 4: The Blame Game
In this final session, both Tim and Natasha describe a shift in their relationship with their 6 yr old daughter Rosie. Leslie reinforces these changes and continues to work on shifting the conversation away from focusing on the negative. Instead, Leslie looks below the surface of behaviors to identify strengths of the child that may be less obvious. All children have a need to be understood and seen for who they are. Children with ADHD have many challenges, including getting hyper-focused and having trouble shifting from one activity to another. Understanding who your child is and helping them understand who they are reduces the blame and increases effective parenting. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community. Key Time Stamps: 03:57 “Can you give yourself permission to…” Use this when blaming shows up 04:35 The cycle of blaming. Be careful of reinforcing the blaming behavior 06:13 A Problematic Thinking Pattern is to focus only on the negatives and disqualifying the positive 09:38 Go below the surface to get at what's underlying a behavior 11:18 Help your child express themselves accurately 13:13 Hyperfocus is a common behavior of the ADHD child 18:00 Using Kinesthetic awareness, touch and compression as tools for the ADHD child 21:35 Strategy for shifting - move your body, move your mind (and your attention) 22:30 The value of movement and touch for ADHD 24:40 Executive functioning strategy of breaking down big projects into small achievable steps This week's Leslie-ism: Can you give yourself permission to … Make a mistake, to forget your toys, feel uncomfortable Show Note Links: A blog exploring Understanding Why Children Blame Understanding and examples of Problematic thinking patterns A blog exploring The Need to be Heard and Understood Click here for more info about Contact Improvisation Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by <a href='https://www.allettacoo
S1 E6 · Mon, June 05, 2023
Tim & Natasha Part 3 of 4: When You Lose Your Cool
This episode with Tim and Natasha and their 6-year-old daughter Rosie focuses on the reality of actually implementing the parenting skills they've learned in the previous two sessions. And the reality is it's often trickier than it seems and requires lots of patience. It's easy to get triggered by the frustration of not seeing immediate results with your kid, and so this episode discusses multiple strategies for identifying and dealing with those reactive emotions when parenting. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community. Key Time Stamps: 04:36 Check the facts -Don’t believe everything you think 09:30 STOP skill 13:15 Prompting event - what event (thought, feeling or action) leads you to feeling an uncomfortable feeling or emotion mind 14:19 Time management - a challenge for the ADHD child 15;28 Discussion of vulnerability 16:28 Cup of Enoughness - measure of your vulnerabilities 19:37 Giving yourself permission…(to feel frustrated) 23:30 How we inadvertently shame our children This Week's Leslie-ism: Can you give yourself permission…(to make a mistake) Show Note Links: Define Prompting Events and Finding Other Interpretations Cup of enoughness video S.T.O.P Skill Book References: Don't Shoot the Dog! : The Art of Teaching and Training by Karen Pryor Keep Your Head Up by Aliya King and Charly Palmer Children’s book Video of a read-aloud Episode Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by <a h
S1 E5 · Mon, May 29, 2023
Tim & Natasha Part 2 of 4: How Your Parents Affect Your Parenting
This is part 2 of the 4 part series with Tim and Natasha who share their concerns and challenges with their 6-year-old daughter Rosie. This episode discusses how Tim and Natasha’s own childhood experiences and their personalities affect how they in turn parent their own child. Tim and Natasha both feel strongly about not repeating what their own parents modeled. It’s harder than you think, to not impose your own issues into parenting. And it doesn’t help that children often and easily make the interpretation that they are BAD. Children can feel invalidated when that is not the intention of their parents. And its not only the child that can feel badly about themselves. Parents can also feel judged or struggle to feel good enough as a parent. Takeaways from this session: 6:09 Use the expression - when does this work for you and when does this not work for you 7:03 Practice being dialectic - use two hands when helping the child become aware of what’s happening inside themselves and what’s happening outside of them. 7:37 Slow down when dealing with your child. It helps you and it helps them 7:56 Playing the Other-Interpretation-Game. 8:49 S.T.O.P. Skill 14:25 Telling a child what to do, rather than telling your child what not to do. 17:32 Clarifying the intention of communication 21:05 Being responsible as the adult for your own anger (children don’t make us angry, that’s how you respond to whatever they are doing) 21:50 The three states of mind - Emotion Mind, Wise Mind, Reasonable Mind 24:30 Shoulding our children is shaming them - Example of shaming statement 31:50 It is very common for children to feel like they are bad - that’s shame.Beware of the shame-blame game. 32:50 Using the line: That’s a feeling not a fact LESLIE-ISM Every quality or behavior we have works for us some of the time and doesn’t work some of the time. Whether it is being loud or doing nothing, there are two sides of the coin for each behavior or quality that we have. Ask yourself and ask your child: When does this work for you and when does it not work for you Show Note Links An overview of What Dialectic Behavior Therapy Three States of Mind STOP Skill For a full transcript of
S1 E4 · Mon, May 22, 2023
Tim & Natasha Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Drives You Crazy
This is part one of the four-part series with Tim and Natasha. In today's episode, we meet Tim and Natasha whose 6-year-old daughter, Rosie, is exhibiting ADHD behaviors in school and at home. Leslie challenges Tim and Natasha to shift their perspective and understanding of their child’s “problematic” behaviors. Feeling confused about how to interpret your child’s behavior is a common feeling of being a parent. What’s “normal” behavior and what is an actual “problem”? This therapy session takes us on an inside look at family dynamics and family patterns as we explore these topics. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community. Key Time Stamps: 1:08 Discerning between when a normal behavior is a problem and when a problem behavior is normal 8:36 Which are you? Slow vs quick recovery from emotional situations 11:45 Brief explanation of multiple intelligence theory 15:25 Dealing transitions and shifting attention 18:27 Balancing between respecting who she is and helping her deal with limits 19:25 Managing expectations about the same behaviors at different ages 20:51 Building a muscle of mindfulness 23:23 Managing expectations about the time needed for children to develop these skills 24:17 Behaviorism and nonverbal cueing for changing behavior Show Note Links: Click here for more information about the BioSocial Theory Book Reference: Howard Gardener: Multiple Intelligence Theory Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and Website Design by Brien O’Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E3 · Mon, May 15, 2023
Michelle and Emiliano Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Is Afraid To Do New Things
This is part three of the three part series with Michelle and Emiliano. In this final session, Leslie coaches them to empower their 10-year-old daughter to become an expert on her own anxiety. For highly anxious and sensitive children, a fun overnight school field trip can feel like a looming nightmare. Parenting children through their anxieties when they are very heightened can be troubling and upsetting for the parents as well. Listen as we unpack the phrase: feel the fear and do it anyway. Join us today as Michelle and Emiliano ask the question over and over again about how much to push and how much to give in. A question parents and caregivers come up against. Finding ways to expose our children to what makes them anxious in a way that allows them to build up their confidence that they can feel anxious AND do it anyways. Repeatedly exposing your child to uncomfortable situations and helping them push through and succeed will help them towards the path of mastery. Sometimes we may need to think outside the box and get creative in order to find that balance of exposing them but not pushing them too far outside their ability and skill level. We don’t want to throw our child into the deep end of a pool without the skills to swim. But we also don’t want to avoid the pool all together. This is when we need to balance the art of parenting with the science of parenting. The science in parenting teaches us to develop a hierarchy of step-by-step exposures when conquering a fear. The art of parenting is knowing who your child is and creatively brainstorming the steps to help THEM feel safe and ready to take risks. I want to thank Michelle and Emilliano for showing up in this final episode in the 3 part series. See you next time with new parents sharing their challenges. Disclaimer: Exposure therapy is a formal therapeutic treatment modality. I am suggesting that raising children with an informal approach to exposures helps build a sense of accomplishment as well as self-confidence in your child. Parents do this naturally in raising children but understanding what you are doing and having a name for what you are doing is more likely that you can use the tool more effectively. Show Note Links: Youtube Video “The Nervous Guy Sings'' as an example of when we can be anxious and do it anyways. Youtube Video Building Mastery Skill For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in th
S1 E2 · Mon, May 08, 2023
Michelle & Emilliano Part 2 of 3: When Your Kid Can't Sleep
This is part two in a three-part series with guests Michelle and Emiliano, whose 10-year-old daughter struggles with severe anxiety. In this session, Leslie reviews the skills from session one to figure out what did and didn’t work to help manage Willow’s anxiety. In this episode, we look at the relationship between parents’ behaviors and the unintended consequences that impact their children and can contribute to things like separation anxiety. Toward the end of this session Leslie “hits a nerve” In other words, she asks some tough questions about the impact of parents’ well-intended actions. Listen as Michelle and Emiliano show us their vulnerability and model what growing as parents can look like. We live in a society where we expect immediate results. Many parents have the same expectation about raising children. Spoiler alert: parenting is a long-term investment process. In this session Michelle and Emiliano share that some of the skills they used had immediate results — that feels good to all parents. And some skills didn’t get immediate results — that’s the hard part. Hang in there. Have faith in the process. Certain skills don’t show immediate change but under the surface, they are making an impact and will have long-term positive results To learn more: Dialectics: What is it? And A How-to-Guide Handout on Breathing Mindfulness Exercises Book References: Our Children Will Raise Us Edited by Eden Steinberg — A compilation of Essays Don’t Shoot The Dog by Karen Pryor — This is a good resource for understanding behaviorism For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences in the Is My Child a Monster? Facebook parenting community. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and website design by Brien O'Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
S1 E1 · Mon, May 01, 2023
Michelle & Emiliano Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Struggles With Anxiety
This is part one in a three-part series. Michelle and Emiliano have a 10-year-old daughter with extreme anxiety and panic attacks. In our first full episode, Leslie sits down with these parents to strategize ways to help Willow with her sleep difficulties, school anxiety, and panic attacks when faced with new situations. This session explores the causes that are underlying these behaviors, and Leslie goes over practical skills to help parents manage their children’s anxieties. In today’s session, Michelle and Emiliano shared many stories of how sensitive their daughter Willow has been throughout her life. This is a family of highly sensitive people. Their life choices of sending Willow to a small school, living in the countryside, and their human-rights work careers, support this fact. These all too often missed biological family traits should not be ignored when trying to understand your child. The old adage the apple doesn’t fall from the tree is relevant when parenting. To learn more about these skills: Three States of Mind Misbehavior is a Form of Communication Book Mentioned: The Fussy Baby Book: Parenting Your High Need Child From Birth to Age Five by William Sears, MD, and Martha Sears, RN For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work and join the conversation about this episode on Facebook and Instagram . Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and website design by Brien O'Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Bonus · Mon, April 24, 2023
Meet The Host: How parenting made me the therapist I am
This get-to-know-us episode is different from what will be the typical format. Get to know host Leslie Cohen-Rubury as a parent through a conversation with her adult daughter, Dale. Hear her journey of parenting Dale, who had intense emotions and challenging behaviors from an early age. In their conversation, Dale shares her experiences, including the epiphany she had when she realized how her mom's parenting approach was helping her many years later. Up next, the first full episode of Is My Child a Monster? will be released May 1st, featuring a therapy session with parents dealing with their 10-year-old daughter’s anxiety. For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcast/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook and Instagram . About the host: Leslie Cohen-Rubury is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, with a Masters in Social Work as well as a Masters in Special Education. She has 37 years’ experience working with families and children in school and community settings. She is trained in evidence-based therapies including Dialectic Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, DBT-PE and CPT Trauma Treatments. Leslie has been married for 42 years and has 3 adult children and two grandchildren. Leslie is passionately committed to helping people develop a new perspective and new skills to enhance their emotional well-being. About the guest: Dale Rubury is Leslie’s daughter, a producer of this podcast, and today’s guest. After graduating from college with a degree in Zoology, Dale moved to warmer climates to pursue a career with animals. She worked at the largest primate sanctuary in North America for 7 years before moving on to a different career path. For the past few years she has been in the world of construction where she is currently building yurts and working for Habitat for Humanity. Dale is proud to say that she has a healthy relationship with her anxiety. Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper , Dale Rubury, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by L-Ray Music . Public relations is handled by Tink Media . Graphics and website design by Brien O'Reilly . Transcriptions by Eric Rubury. A special thanks to everyone who contributes their wisdom and support to make this possible.
Trailer · Sat, April 08, 2023
Trailer
Welcome to Is My Child A Monster? A brand new parenting therapy podcast with host Leslie Cohen-Rubury with new episodes weekly. The first full episode will launch on May 1st. Listen to the trailer as a hint of what's to come.

Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Therapy Podcast

Bonus Episode: Understanding Problematic Thinking Patterns

Jean & Alex Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Can't Handle Needles or Bandaids

When To Give In and When To Stand Firm with Special Guest Amy Kalasunas

Bonus Episode: Understanding Shame

Sarah Part 3 of 3: When Parents and Kids Feel Shame

Sarah Part 2 of 3: When Parents Struggle with Control

Bonus Episode: Understanding Why a Good Parent-Child Fit Matters

Sarah Part 1 of 3: When your Teen is a Great Negotiator

Help us Shape Season 3 of Is My Child A Monster? A Parenting Skills Podcast

Giving and Receiving Feedback with Special Guest Dale Rubury

The Power of Books with Guest Speaker Deborah Farmer Kris

Mary and Antoine Part 3 of 3: When Parents Fight

Mary Part 2 of 3: When Kids Have a Low Frustration Tolerance

Mary Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Hates Change

Calm the Chaos: Parenting Neurodivergent Kids with Special Guest Dayna Abraham

Pedro & Claudia Part 3 of 3: When Nagging Your Kid Doesn't Work

Pedro & Claudia Part 2 of 3: When Panic Attacks Disrupt the Whole Family

Pedro & Claudia: Part 1 of 3: Fear and Frustration when Parenting your Teen

The Life of a Rule Follower with Guest Dale Rubury

Hannah & Alex Part 3 of 3: The Balancing Act of Parenting

Hannah & Alex Part 2 of 3: When Saying No to your Kid feels Impossible

Hannah & Alex Part 1 of 3: When you Feel Unprepared to be a Parent

Louise & George Part 3 of 3: When a Parent Feels like a Trainee

Louise & George Part 2 of 3: Parenting Your Child Without Punishments or Rewards

Louise & George Part 1 of 3: When You and Your Kid "Flip Your Lid"

Building Mastery with Special Guest Dale Rubury - Reprise

Emma Part 3 out of 3: When your Kid Misbehaves

Emma Part 2 of 3: When You Need A Perspective Shift

Emma Part 1 of 3: When You Think Your Kid is Manipulating You

Managing Anxiety for the Whole Family with Special Guest Lynn Lyons

Leigh & Pierre Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid is Having a Meltdown

Leigh & Pierre Part 2 of 3: When Your Kid Likes to be in Control

Leigh & Pierre Part 1 of 3: When your Kid Doesn’t Want to Talk

Special Guests Dale and Carrie Rubury: When your Sibling is the “Monster” Child

Molly & Alastair Part 4 of 4: When Everyone in the Family has a little bit of Anxiety

Molly & Alastair Part 3 of 4: When your Co-Parent Steps in to Help

Molly & Alastair Part 2 of 4: When you’re in a Power Struggle with your Kids

Molly & Alastair Part 1 of 4: When your Kids Need Different Kinds of Support

Special Guest Jamilah Lemieux: Deciding to Take your Kid to Therapy

Salimah Part 4 of 4: When Parenting Feels Relentless

Salimah Part 3 of 4: When Your Happy Kid is Mean to You

Salimah Part 2 of 4: When Your Teen Shrugs Their Shoulders

Salimah Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Destroys Their Room

Special Guest Dr. Liz Angoff: Explaining a Diagnosis to Parents and Children

Emilee & David Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Metaphorically Throws Up On You

Emilee & David Part 2 of 3: When You Have Different Parenting Styles and How to Do Less

Emilee & David Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "I Don’t know"

Trailer for Season 2

Focus On Understanding Your Kid’s Big Reactions With Guest Dale Rubury

Managing Holiday Stress with Michael Ian Black and Martha Hagen-Black

What It’s Like To Be A Guest On Is My Child A Monster?

Revisit: Michelle & Emiliano: When Your Kid Is Afraid To Do New Things

Focus On Raising A Responsible Child Versus Raising An Obedient Child With Guest Dale Rubury

Alice Part 3 of 3: When Your Kids Complain

Alice Part 2 of 3: When Your Life Is Full Of Shoulds

Alice Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Says "It's Unfair"

Focus On Parenting A LGBTQ+ Child With Special Guest Lindz Amer

May Part 1 of 1: When Parenting A Trans Child

Zach & Sarah Part 2 of 2: When Your Teen Doesn't Want To Grow Up

Zach & Sarah Part 1 of 2: When Your Teen Is Withdrawn

Mary: When Your Kid's Worries Disrupt Bedtime

Skills Focus on Apologies with Guest Dale Rubury

Kathryn Part 5 of 5: When Conflict Escalates

Kathryn Part 4 of 5: When Your Teen Deserves An Apology

Kathryn Part 3 of 5: When Your Teen Breaks The Rules

Kathryn Part 2 of 5: When Your Teen Says "You Don't Understand Me"

Kathryn Part 1 of 5: When Parenting YourTeen Feels Like a Rollercoaster

Skills Focus: Building Mastery with Guest Dale Rubury

Tim & Natasha Part 4 of 4: The Blame Game

Tim & Natasha Part 3 of 4: When You Lose Your Cool

Tim & Natasha Part 2 of 4: How Your Parents Affect Your Parenting

Tim & Natasha Part 1 of 4: When Your Kid Drives You Crazy

Michelle and Emiliano Part 3 of 3: When Your Kid Is Afraid To Do New Things

Michelle & Emilliano Part 2 of 3: When Your Kid Can't Sleep

Michelle & Emiliano Part 1 of 3: When Your Kid Struggles With Anxiety

Meet The Host: How parenting made me the therapist I am

Trailer