Good Children
Childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella reminisce on their daffy and deranged childhoods growing up as closeted queer kids on Long Island. With sound bites from over two decades of archival footage and banter only 23 years of friendship can foster, you'll laugh, cry, and grow up all over again alongside these Good Children. Join the Patreon community for an exclusive bonus episode every week!
S5 E25 · Wed, April 30, 2025
I Hate Birthday Parties
HAPPY 29TH BIRTHDAY TO OUR FEARLESS LEADER: Andrew Thee Muscarella. Today we're talking all things birthday. PLUS: Meet Garrett! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E25 · Wed, April 23, 2025
Gays in Spring
This week we talk about the worst season of all time: spring. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E23 · Wed, April 16, 2025
An Episode About Sleep
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE! Grab your PJs. Close your eyes. No seriously—close them. This week, we’re diving under the covers to talk about the one thing we all want more of and still somehow sabotage nightly. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E22 · Wed, April 09, 2025
Our Favorite Subject
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE! This episode is all about something we hold very dear to our hearts. It's long. It’s short. It’s complicated. It’s the root of wars, poems, traffic violations, and bad decisions made in locker rooms, dorm rooms, and boardrooms alike. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E21 · Wed, April 02, 2025
The Hunger Games Made Me Not Suicidal
WE'RE WEBBY NOMINATED VOTE HERE PLEASE! This week, for the third time, we are bringing you back to the woods of Long Island, 2012, as Joe and Andrew partake in a life-or-death battle against fellow high schoolers in a dramatic re-enactment of The Hunger Games. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E20 · Wed, March 26, 2025
Can A Zoo Be Ethical? And Other Moral Debates You Expect From This Podcast
This week we take a very serious look at zoos as Andrew presses Joe on the ethical boundaries of zookeepers and Joe argues for the proper care and conservation of endangered species. No, we’re not kidding, that’s what the episode is about. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E19 · Wed, March 19, 2025
The Midwest Is the Europe of America
This week we bring you along for the ride of a lifetime as we talk through our most recent set of live shows in the midwest. From a rental car debacle that almost ended in disaster to an elevator experience some could describe as impossible, we made it through by the skin of our teeth and the synthetic fibers of our Chappell Roan wigs. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E18 · Wed, March 12, 2025
You (Might) Have A Phone Addiction
This week we talk about our very complicated relationship to the internet, dating back to the dawn of social media and all the way up to the present day, where it’s lowkey our entire livelihood (and what that means for our mental health). We also talk about the addictive quality of going viral and how we secretly compare ourselves to each other. What happens when you think don’t measure up to your best friend? Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E17 · Wed, March 05, 2025
Well, Well, Wellness
Today we tackle wellness culture: from experiments in goop to cauliflower crust ending with some positive affirmations by Pharrell Williams. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E16 · Wed, February 26, 2025
Jon Lovett on Math, Chipotle, & Long Island
Today we're joined by Gay Long Island Podcast Royalty: Jon Lovett. From a career in political speechwriting to a stint on Survivor, Jon traces his life back to his roots: a suburban upbringing on Long Island, New York. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E15 · Wed, February 19, 2025
The Body Keeps The Score, And, Girl, We’re Getting Our Ass Beat
LAST CHANCE Tickets for Indianapolis, Chicago, and Madison HERE! ! TW: Diet Culture, Body Image, and, girlllll, just some typical self-hating gays. Today we move through our journeys with fitness as we giggle and gab about workout classes. From the dark room of SoulCyle to the comfort of an at-home workout, we’ve pretty much tried everything once. Certified Personal Trainer & Fitness Coach, Andrew, talks about his complicated relationship with the fitness world and Joe worries he might be regressing to a less body positive era of his life. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll immediately want to sign up for Patreon for a brand new bonus episode EVERY SINGLE THURSDAY AT 8PM EST! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E14 · Wed, February 12, 2025
If You’re In Your Darkest Hour: Click On This
This week, we are back on the timeless subject of Valentine’s Day. Joe and Andrew discuss angel food cake, the devil, Instagram flirting tactics, Hailee Steinfeld, Hailee Steinfeld’s dad, Sia’s Jamaican patois, and the mental and emotional state of one of our perpetually Valentine-less hosts, who will remain unnamed. Tickets for Indianapolis, Chicago, and Madison HERE! ! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E13 · Wed, February 05, 2025
The Sick & Twisted Story of A Twink & A Redhead
This week we're joined by our IRL besties, Grant Gibbs and Ashley Gill AKA A Twink and a Redhead! We talk about our parallel lives growing up together in the tri-state area, our joint love of chain restaurants, and getting to know each other as neighbors in Brooklyn! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E12 · Wed, January 29, 2025
What Cruise Ships Do To The Brain
Today we're talking CRUISING!!!!! Specifically the family vacation we took together in 2022 that was anything but smooth sailing. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
Wed, January 22, 2025
The Life & Death of Shirley Temple
This week, get a look behind the Patreon Paywall with a very special episode, where Andrew tells Joe all about the life and death of legendary film star Shirley Temple. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE! ! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E10 · Wed, January 15, 2025
Why Ben Platt Performs
Ben Platt joins the boys for an honest conversation about anxiety, aspirations, and The Search for Elle Woods. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E9 · Wed, January 08, 2025
Why Is Spending The Night So Scary?
Today the boys discuss the timeless hell that is a sleepover. HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson LISTEN: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/goodchildrenpod https://www.instagram.com/joehegyes/ https://www.instagram.com/andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: https://www.tiktok.com/@goodchildrenpod https://www.tiktok.com/@bequietjoe https://www.tiktok.com/@andrew_musky
S5 E8 · Wed, January 01, 2025
Getting Naked With Your Best Friend
Happy Nude Year! After a life-changing three day visit to a Korean Spa in Los Angeles, the boys discuss the complications of being in touch with their own bodies, with stories from middle school to Melbourne, Australia. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE! ! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E7 · Tue, December 24, 2024
DO NOT HIRE A GRINCH IMPERSONATOR
Merry Christmas to AWLL! Today Cindy Lou Who and The Grinch work it out on the remix before Joe and Andrew dive into their storied history with The Grinch. From elaborately themed experiential walkthroughs at summer camp, to unsolicited visits in college, all the way to the fateful Grinch impersonator that changed Snowchella forever. Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tour tickets HERE! ! Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E6 · Wed, December 18, 2024
Ilana Glazer on Long Island, Weed, Motherhood, & Broad City
Today we're joined by the icon who made this podcast possible: Ilana Glazer . We discuss growing up on Long Island, weed-induced anxiety attacks, motherhood, working with your best friend, and Ilana's latest project; "Human Magic" out December 20th on Hulu & Disney+. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E5 · Wed, December 11, 2024
Why Does Santa Punish Us?
Is it ethical to raise children under the threat of Santa Claus? Today we join Buddy the Elf and Santa Claws himself for a discussion on Santa Claus... the good.. the bad.. and the freaks! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 40% off your first order. Terms and conditions apply. Join the Patreon community for a brand new episode every Thursday night: patreon.com HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella EDITOR: Kenzie Edmondson FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @goodchildrenpod @joehegyes @andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E4 · Wed, December 04, 2024
Are Christmas Carolers Okay?
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here ! Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every Thursday night! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/50goodchildren and use code 50goodchildren to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping! Today we join Nora and Luther Krank as they prepare for the surprise homecoming of their grown-ass daughter Blair, who ruins their beautiful Virgin Voyages getaway. Then, we discuss, in deep psychological measures, what it takes to be a Christmas Caroler. We round out the episode by processing all twelve days of Christmas.
S5 E3 · Wed, November 27, 2024
The Perks of Touching Grass
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here ! Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every Thursday night! 🏕️ GIVEAWAY ALERT! 🏕️ This week, we’re taking you along on our getaway to Postcard Cabins in Machimoodus, CT— where we unplug and get back in touch with ourselves 🌲✨ AND, because we loved it so much, we’re giving THREE lucky listeners the chance to win a 2-night stay at a Postcard Cabin of your choosing! Here’s how to enter: Follow @goodchildrenpod, @andrewmuscarella, AND @joehegyes on Instagram. Tag your bestie in the comments below (they need to be following all three accounts, too!). 🏕️🍂Winners will be announced on December 4th on Instagram! Don’t miss your chance to cozy up in the cabin of your dreams. 🏕️🍂 Legal stuff: This giveaway is not affiliated with Instagram. Must be 18+ to enter. Open to U.S. residents only. Winners will be contacted directly from this account. No purchase necessary. Terms and conditions apply.
Wed, November 20, 2024
Thanksgiving When You're Gay and Italian and In Your 20s
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets HERE! Today Joe explains why fish are birds, we discuss Thanksgiving as a concept, and the boys ideate on a new ice cream flavor that will change the trajectory of their lives. For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 40% off your first order: https://rebrand.ly/6615b2 HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella MORE: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @ joehegyes @ andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S5 E2 · Wed, November 13, 2024
Do Gays Need Gay Friends?
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets HERE! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! RECORDED PRE-ELECTION: Today we discuss the technicalities of what it means to be a gay person, from coming to terms to coming out. Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 40% off your first order: https://rebrand.ly/6615b2 HOSTS: Joe Hegyes & Andrew Muscarella MORE: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: @ joehegyes @ andrewmuscarella FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: @goodchildrenpod @bequietjoe @andrew_musky
S4 E29 · Tue, November 05, 2024
Our Friendship Was Over
An early release for some much needed distraction right about now WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here ! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week, we have a very serious, very honest, conversation about the state of our friendship.
S4 E28 · Wed, October 30, 2024
The Partying Will Catch Up To You
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here ! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! Today, we’re diving into the wild aftermath of weekend debauchery—why we keep saying “never again” but somehow still show up in the same places every Friday night. We’re talking side effects of partying that nobody tells you about (hint: it’s not just the hangover) and The Hunger Games... again.
S4 E27 · Wed, October 23, 2024
Halloween Horror Stories
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here ! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we listen to horror stories from our beautiful, sexy, gorgeous Patrons and then share a few of our own!
S4 E26 · Wed, October 16, 2024
Are All Priests Gay? & Sick Days
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! Chicago, Indianapolis, and Madison tickets here: https://linktr.ee/goodchildren! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod This week the boys sit down to discuss taking a sick day, something they haven't done since May 4th, 2022. Andrew breaks down his will to cheat in religious education, then takes Joe to confession.
S4 E25 · Wed, October 09, 2024
Charli and Troye (also, we're going on tour. check the bio. for real.)
WE'RE GOING ON TOUR!! PRESALE CODE ON PATREON! Chicago, Indianapolis , & Madison , you're up first Get your tickets here ! For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month. Get ready to SWEAT, this week we’re talking about Charli xcx, Troye Sivan, and other dynamic duos. We also get into our own personal best friends, sharing stories and reflections on relationships outside of each other for once. Plus, Andrew shares some trauma. Use code goodchildren50 at factormeals.com/goodchildren50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month!
S4 E23 · Wed, October 02, 2024
The Halloweentown Reunion
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod This week, Agatha Cromwell sits down with her granddaughter Marnie Piper for the first time publicly since 2004 in a shockingly tense, no-holds-barred conversation about the state of their family, the nation, and their future, mere weeks before Agatha is doomed to leave this mortal realm forever. Marnie reveals Agatha was a combative and difficult coworker, Agatha reveals the unbelievable truth about not only Marnie's father but also her grandfather. Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!
S4 E22 · Wed, September 25, 2024
The War on Apple Picking
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes, join us on Patreon for $7 a month @ goodchildrenpod! We're talking about fall/Gilmore Girls/apple picking for the third consecutive year in a row but this time our opinions fall into a slightly more controversial category. Is apple picking really worth the hype? What exactly does it mean to pick a pumpkin? Is Rory Gilmore apolitical? All this and more. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.com/GOODCHILDREN . For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren . FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: goodchildrenpod FOLLOW US ON TIKTOK: goodchildrenpod
S4 E21 · Wed, September 18, 2024
Yasmine Sahid Fan Club
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes , join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we're joined by the iconic Yasmine Sahid for a discussion on Disney Channel and destiny. In what has been described, by us, as the best episode of the podcast, Yasmine recounts auditions as a child, the expectations vs. reality of moving to LA, and her most toxic job. Upgrade your wardrobe with pieces made to last with Quince. Go to Quince.com/goodchildren for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.
S4 E20 · Wed, September 11, 2024
Talking About The SATs Again...
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes , join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we discuss the trials and tribulations of early college years. From standardized testing to public bathrooms, messy roommates, and everything in between. For FREE breakfast for life go to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!
S4 E19 · Wed, September 04, 2024
Operation Green Acres
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes , join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we take you on a retrospective of some of our favorite family vacations, including the fateful trip to Orlando where Andrew surprised Joe on his 14th birthday. Be your most comfortable self this fall with MeUndies. Get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping, at MeUndies.com/goodchildren .
S4 E18 · Wed, August 28, 2024
Kelon Campbell Radically Accepts Terri Joe
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes , join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we are joined by the legendary man behind the greenscreen: Kelon Campbell, face of Terri Joe. We chat about growing up gay, doing scary things, vampires, ghosts, mediums, and Madonna. Head to CRAPEYEWEAR.COM/GOODCHILDREN and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 25% off your first order! Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MINTMOBILE.COM/GOODCHILDREN ! $45 upfront payment required (equivalent to $15/mo.). New customers on first 3 month plan only. Speeds slower above 40GB on Unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, & restrictions apply. See MINT MOBILE for details.
S4 E17 · Tue, August 20, 2024
When Jenny Comes Calling
For a bonus episode every Friday plus access to 100+ extra episodes , join us on Patreon for $7 a month! This week we talk about the diet culture of the 2000s that made us the insecure freaks we are today. From Weight Watchers to Jenny Craig all the way down to South Beach and Atkins. PLUS: another harrowing story from Andrew. Head to CRAPEYEWEAR.COM/GOODCHILDREN and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 25% off your first order! Go to ROCKETRX.COM and enter code: GOODCHILDREN at checkout for 20% off your first order!
S4 E16 · Wed, August 14, 2024
Ranking Fruit
Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon ! Today we just rank some fruit to be honest. Call in for advice or with a question at (516) 366-0826! Get 20% off your first order at MeUndies, plus free shipping, at MeUndies.com/goodchildren . Get free breakfast FOR LIFE, just by going to HelloFresh.com/freegoodchildren .
S4 E15 · Wed, August 07, 2024
The Bottom of Brooklyn
Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon ! Another episode about bottoming what else is new? This week we cover some sensitive subjects about sensitive areas... PLUS: TikTok Shop, Crumbl Cookies, gooning, coconut oil, girth extenders, African Net Sponges, vegetables in orifices, Andrew's dating life, and proper hygiene. Call in for advice or with a question at (516) 366-0826! Go to Quince.com/goodchildren for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/goodchildren50 and use code goodchildren50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month!
S4 E14 · Wed, July 31, 2024
Ribs by Lorde
Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon . After discovering a new archive of home videos, Joe comes to the crushing realization that he is quickly hurtling toward the same age his parents were when they started having children. What follows is a chaotic, heavy, and strange conversation about the inescapable reality of getting older, just in time for Joe's birthday. Call in for advice or with a question at (516)366-0826!
S4 E13 · Wed, July 24, 2024
Food Noise
This week is all about our favorite subject: food. We talk foods we love, foods we hate, our last meals, our most recent meals, and, randomly, imposter syndrome in your early 20s. Call in: (516) 366-0826 Get exclusive bonus episodes every Friday for $7 a month on Patreon !
S4 E12 · Wed, July 17, 2024
The Riverhead Holiday Inn
Get access to BONUS episodes every Friday on Patreon ! This week let's talk about weed induced psychosis! The boys share their most unhinged weed stories including hallucinations, Snapchat stories, and an ill-fated first date to The Hamptons.
S4 E11 · Wed, July 10, 2024
Boman Martinez-Reid is Made For TV
BONUS episodes every week on Patreon ! This week we're joined by TV and social media star, Boman Martinez-Reid AKA Bomanizer, whose new comedy docuseries, "Made For TV" premieres on Crave on Friday, July 12th. Boman takes us on mental tour of Canada, reveals intimate secrets about condiments, makes us jealous of his performing arts high school, and finally solves the Alessia Cara mystery.
S4 E10 · Wed, July 03, 2024
Chimes and Punishment
BONUS episodes every week on Patreon ! Take off your shoes and grab the rumplemintz, this week we go back to college to learn more about Andrew’s acapella experience. From an stress-inducing audition process to a devastating hazing ritual, it takes a lot to be famous on campus. Plus, we revisit our fourth grade chorus solo, Andrew’s major choir disaster, and Joe’s deeply troubling history of cover videos.
S4 E9 · Wed, June 26, 2024
Kim Chi Can Do It All
BONUS episodes every week on Patreon ! Use code GOODCHILDREN at RocketRX.com for 20% off your first order! This week we sit down with drag superstar, makeup mogul, and queer icon: Kim Chi. From Cracker Barrel to coming out, we cover the bases.
S4 E8 · Wed, June 19, 2024
Sympathy is a knife
BONUS episodes every week on Patreon! It's Charli baby! Inspired by Charli xcx's Brat, this week we try something new: discussing our insecurities! Hang on tight because we get right down to the nitty gritty pretty quickly, but things turn around when we start discussing Andrew's soap habits. When ur in the mirror do u like what u see?! When ur in the mirror ur just looking at me!? We ask ourselves this and much more!
S4 E7 · Wed, June 12, 2024
Bears In The Woods
*LIFE CHANGING EPISODE ALERT* Pack your bags, we're going on a road trip! Join us in the Catskills for a life changing 48 hours in nature. Be cheeky at a waterfall, experience arthritis in a Cracker Barrel, swat green flies on a playground, and talk about the possibility of life after death in the heart of the woods. BONUS episodes every week on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod If you have serious inquiries about places we can travel to for our next field trip, email us at goodchildrenpod@gmail.com.
S4 E6 · Wed, June 05, 2024
A Dog With The Power To Turn Husbands Gay
This week we take some hard-hitting phone calls from listeners about their LGBTQIA+ experiences. From nonbinary haircuts, surviving in a corporate workplace, Che Diaz, masc for mascs, all the way to a dog that might have the power to turn husbands gay. Plus: Andrew learns about Stonewall and the lip filler is finally addressed! BONUS episodes every week on Patreon ! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next month.
S4 E5 · Wed, May 29, 2024
The 100th Episode
The boys celebrate 100 episodes of Good Children by looking back at some standout moments from the past two years of lore, including: Kelly Clarkson, the Italy tip, faking synchronizations, Panera Girls, and more. Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod
S4 E4 · Wed, May 22, 2024
Jake Shane on Taylor Swift, GIRLS & Grindr
This week we're joined by internet darling and comedic genius, Jake Shane! It's a wild ride full of GIRLS references, Taylor Swift rankings, paying for dating apps on your dad's credit card, coming out stories, and more! If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ GOODCHILDREN . Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon!
S4 E3 · Wed, May 15, 2024
It's May, Let's Be Therapists Again
This week, after a 20-minute long intro in which the boys roleplay interviewing for jobs, Joe and Andrew discuss their relationship to touch. Later, Andrew makes a shocking revelation that could change the duo forever. Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon!
S4 E2 · Wed, May 08, 2024
Blacking Out At House Of Yes
Get in the sprinter van and get your neon facepaint, we're celebrating birthdays this week. After a quick catchup about Andrew's 28th, a Joechella power hour, and an extensive discussion on Nikki Blonsky, travel back in time to prehistoric 2018 and 2019 as we unpack two of the most chaotic Bushwick nights we've ever had. For more, join the community on Patreon !
S4 E1 · Wed, May 01, 2024
Does It Get Better? ft. Trixie Mattel
Celebrate our 2-year-anniversary with World Famous Drag Queen: Trixie Mattel! Hang onto your wigs as we unpack Joe and Andrew's long-time yearning to be drag queens, Trixie's views on podcasters, the concept of cacio e pepe, party and play, and more. For more, join the community on Patreon ! If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ GOODCHILDREN. Thank you to Spotify for having us in their lovely LA studios.
S3 E35 · Wed, April 24, 2024
Double F's At Football Camp
Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! The boys discuss the summer going into 8th grade when they both signed up for football camp at Joe's future Catholic high school. After a day of trying their best to fit in, they uncover a dark secret about North Korea. Also: is it up to Good Children to save the Dippin' Dots Dynasty?
S3 E34 · Wed, April 17, 2024
April: Through The Years
Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! Let's take it back to April: Through The Years. The boys discuss important April pop cultural anniversaries including movies like The Hannah Montana Movie and Ella Enchanted and music like Taylor Swift,
S3 E33 · Wed, April 10, 2024
Body Hair, Saunas, & Colonics
Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon ! This week join us on a retrospective through the hairy times of puberty and all that comes after it. from pube-plucking to eyebrow threading to back waxing. Plus, take a field trip with us to Alivio Wellness! If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/GOODCHILDREN. Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box!
S3 E32 · Wed, April 03, 2024
Why Don't I Fit In With The Gays?
Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! This week, the boys put on their professor hats and answer their own early-20s question: "Why Don't I Fit In With Gays?" Let's get deeply introspective about the plight of the newly-out gay man and all of the trauma, insecurities, and fears that go along with it.
S3 E31 · Wed, March 27, 2024
Trying To Die On Purpose In Australia
Get even more personal with us with bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! Prepare to have your bones chilled as Andrew tells what he believes is a fun and silly story about his study abroad experience in our favorite country: Australia.
S3 E30 · Wed, March 20, 2024
How To Love Yourself Even Though You Had Ugly Bangs
This week we let the listeners behind the microphones for a riveting Q&A running the mental and emotional gamut of the human experience. [Video will be returning to Spotify soon-- until then, all episodes are on YouTube!] Subscribe to Patreon for a bonus episode every single Friday!
S3 E29 · Wed, March 13, 2024
Bagpipes
Subscribe to our Patreon for a new episode every single Friday! (This week we're taking you on an extended trip to the cafeteria)! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off pre-prepared chef-crafted and dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door. Let's celebrate the rich cultural history of Ireland. From bagpipes to beer to Academy Award nominated actresses, and a chilling true story of Andrew's lessons in bagpipes this episode covers some of the most necessary facets of St. Patrick's Day. PLUS: learn to make a Shamrock Shake at home with us!
S3 E28 · Wed, March 06, 2024
Four Idiot Girls (ft. Two Idiot Girls, Drew & Deison Afualo)
Join us on Patreon for a new episode every week! Embrace the most embarrassing moments of your entire life with special guests and iconic sister duo Drew & Deison Afualo! From falling at your band concert to collapsing in front of kickline to Peeta Mellark drag to getting hit by a car, you are genuinely guaranteed to laugh out loud multiple times in this very special episode! Thank you so much to Spotify Studios for letting us shoot in your beautiful space!
S3 E27 · Wed, February 28, 2024
The Peanut Butter & Jelly Gang
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! This week the boys bring it back to the basics with a manic conversation on extracurricular activities. Enjoy a trip back to high school and all the trauma that comes along with it: from lacrosse locker rooms to DECA meetings.
S3 E26 · Wed, February 21, 2024
The Top 10 Breakfast Cereals Ranked
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! Head to FACTORMEALS.com/GOODCHILDREN50 and use code GOODCHILDREN50 to get 50% off pre-prepared chef-crafted and dietician-approved meals delivered right to your door. This week the boys have their most important discussion yet: ranking (sugary sweet) breakfast cereals. Join them on a journey to the center of the Cheerio with twists at every corner: buffet horror stories, an edible at Anything Goes, and the death of Sea World.
S3 E25 · Wed, February 14, 2024
Your Singing Voice Develops At 30
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! This week the boys take a trip down memory lane to their very recent respective quarter-life crises. Whether you're selling international travel during a pandemic or editing videos for supermodels, there's always time to turn a new page and start a new chapter. So pull up your salmon pants and dive deep into the Curio Shop of life with us!
S3 E24 · Wed, February 07, 2024
100 First Dates
Join us on Patreon for a bonus episode every single Friday! Gear up for Valentine's Day with the only Valentines you need this year: your favorite podcast duo. This week, the boys discuss the season of love, curbing your dog, Carrabba's Italian Grill, and the deeply isolating experience of a queer childhood. PLUS: A walking tour of Massapequa Park and a chance to join Andrew on the worst Valentine's Day in history!
S3 E23 · Wed, January 31, 2024
I Watched A Snake Eat A Cow
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON FOR A BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY! Break out your burn books because this week the boys are taking you to Northshore High for a look back on all things Mean Girls (gender neutral). From the classic film that shaped American history to the movie musical that's shaping TikTok discourse to the random kids in high school that permanently shaped how we see ourselves, this episode runs the mean girl gamut.
S2 E22 · Wed, January 24, 2024
The Emancipation of Royal Hegyes
Bonus episodes every Friday on Patreon! MYSTERIES! SECRETS! PHOTOSHOP! Sit down with Royal Hegyes for his first on-camera interview in ten years as the boys unpack what it means to truly reinvent themselves. Plus: return to Joe's 17th birthday party and hear directly from party guests as they give alibis and throw blame over who tossed several beer cans over the fence that host August night. ALSO: get answers on who rang our doorbell last Christmas.
S3 E21 · Wed, January 10, 2024
You Get To Exhale Now, Totino
BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Today's episode is NOT FOR OUR MOMS!!! Let's talk the myths and lore and facts and fiction about gay sex. Everything from douching in public bathrooms to shoving water bottles down our throats at the lunch table in high school.
S3 E20 · Wed, January 03, 2024
A Rise From Grace
BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Who would win The Hunger Games? Who would win a figure skating competition? Who would die in a Shakespearean drama? All these questions and more are addressed in our first truly miscellaneous episode.
S3 E19 · Wed, December 27, 2023
Well, It's Over (2023)
BONUS EPISODE EVERY FRIDAY ON PATREON! Well it's over. Let's discuss our favorite parts of the past year, the most popular resolutions, and some of our biggest regrets.
S3 E18 · Wed, December 20, 2023
How The Hell Did The Grinch Steal Christmas?
Subscribe to Patreon for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! After an agonizing three weeks of terrifying our beautiful good children with prosthetics and beating any subject relating to Christmas to an absolute pulp, the boys go for one last ride as Cindy Lou Who and Mayor Augustus Maywho. On this episode, they discuss their favorite things from the past year and try relentlessly not to sound like they're doing sponcon. Does Andrew eat a chocolate bar a week? Are Stanley Cups conservative-coded? Is Joe hotter as a Who? (Don't answer that).
S3 E15 · Thu, December 14, 2023
A Little Bit of TLC
Subscribe to Patreon for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! The boys try to stay on theme this week by talking about TLC original series, but start with Lifetime original Dance Moms and then just decide to start telling random stories, INCLUDING: Joe almost getting stabbed (again) in 7th grade, Andrew's personal trainer quitting on him (again) in 10th grade, the (not-so) secret romance between Elvis-loving nuns, and more.
S3 E17 · Thu, December 14, 2023
The Year Without a Santa Claws
Subscribe to Patreon for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! JUMPSCARE! The boys are back for a very special episode of the podcast featuring YOU! After watching Andrew DIY his costume and a lively discussion about their own Santa Claus journey's let's take a few calls from our listeners on the Nice List this year about the moment their creepy little polar express bell stopped ringing. PLUS: A disastrous Wendy's experience, a special guest appearance by Amanda, and more.
S3 E16 · Thu, December 14, 2023
Homo Loan
Subscribe to Patreon for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat! The boys set the holiday season off on the right foot by discussing some of their favorite Christmas classics, with a special attention to detail on Home Alone. PLUS: A peak into the archive for a very special iJoe holiday special, a life-changing trip to Wendy's, and more.
S3 E14 · Wed, November 22, 2023
Drowning In The Ocean Spray Cranberry Bog
Join us on Patreon for a bonus video/audio episode every Friday! It's that time of year! Join Lorelai Gilmore and Sookie St. James for a retrospective on the controversial holiday of Thanksgiving. Whether you're a fan of the dog show, the Macy's parade, sp*rts, or just here for the food, you'll always have a seat at our table. PLUS: the BFB caller returns with an exciting update!
S3 E13 · Wed, November 15, 2023
Potential Friendship Breakup Song
Join us on Patreon for an extra video/audio episode every Friday! This week, the boys discuss the complicated and difficult reality of best friend breakups, including the years of their lives when they weren't exactly best friends themselves.
S3 E12 · Wed, November 08, 2023
Cocktail Hour
The boys talk catered events and, more importantly, the food at those events. In their investigative journey they ask hardhitting questions like: Who do you think invented the fried Oreo? Why can't Andrew pee at a urinal? Why are funnel cakes so hard to eat? Why are weddings $200,000? Is James Charles OK? Subscribe to Patreon for a brand new bonus episode every Friday and access to our community chat!
S3 E11 · Wed, November 01, 2023
The Get A Boyfriend Challenge
The boys discuss the perils of modern dating, the terrors of dating in high school, the insanity of Andrew's type, the horrors of Joe breaking up with his high school girlfriend, the deep brokenness inside us all that shouts mercilessly into the void "YOU ARE NOT WORTH OF LOVE!!!!" and more!
S3 E10 · Wed, October 25, 2023
Being Pathetic For Attention
Time for even more Halloween antics with a heavy dose of Four Loko. Reflect on the wonders of the Jersey Shore years, Andrew's too-good-to-be-true party story, a hypothetical home invasion, and more!
S3 E9 · Wed, October 18, 2023
Andrew's Got A Date With A Vampire
Let's celebrate Halloween with a spooky episode where we reflect on some of our favorite Halloween memories, audition for roles in the next live action Peter Pan, discuss SMEG appliances, dressing up for school, and immerse ourselves in a deeply theatrical game of FMK.
S3 E8 · Wed, October 11, 2023
A Leaf Of Faith [video]
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- Christian Girl Autumn is officially in full swing and these two gabby queens have a lot to say about the subject. Celebrate the bountiful fruits of the autumnal harvest with hosts Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella as they explore the deeper meaning of the season, how they practice self-care, and challenge one another to take a leaf of faith towards achieving their dreams.
S3 E8 · Wed, October 11, 2023
A Leaf Of Faith
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- Christian Girl Autumn is officially in full swing and these two gabby queens have a lot to say about the subject. Celebrate the bountiful fruits of the autumnal harvest with hosts Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella as they explore the deeper meaning of the season, how they practice self-care, and challenge one another to take a leaf of faith towards achieving their dreams.
S3 E7 · Wed, October 04, 2023
Serving Bow (A Look Into The Archive)
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- We're back to the basics this week with a deep dive into the archive! Watch in horror and glee as Andrew and Joe discover never before seen footage of their 11-year-old selves. But fret not, audio-only listeners (Billy Bob Joe), lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting conversations about Littlest Pet Shops, potato salads at backyard barbecues, and the power of friendship!
S3 E7 · Wed, October 04, 2023
Serving Bow (A Look Into The Archive) [video]
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! ----- We're back to the basics this week with a deep dive into the archive! Watch in horror and glee as Andrew and Joe discover never before seen footage of their 11-year-old selves. But fret not, audio-only listeners (Billy Bob Joe), lay back, and feast as this audio guides you through new and exciting conversations about Littlest Pet Shops, potato salads at backyard barbecues, and the power of friendship!
S3 E6 · Wed, September 27, 2023
Riding in Cars with Twinks
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! This week the boys discuss the psychological ramifications of driving a car, including stories about Andrew driving Joe to meet his internet boyfriend in the middle of a pandemic, an incident involving french onion dip we’ll never forget, and a brief history of lines.
S3 E6 · Wed, September 27, 2023
Riding in Cars with Twinks [video]
Pasta, wine, Lizzie McGuire, podcasts, Roman statues, food tours, cooking classes, your favorite gay podcast duo… and YOU? We’re planning a Good Children Study Abroad trip to Italy next summer and we want YOU there! First step: fill out this survey link . We’ll circle back with details soon! Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! This week the boys discuss the psychological ramifications of driving a car, including stories about Andrew driving Joe to meet his internet boyfriend in the middle of a pandemic, an incident involving french onion dip we’ll never forget, and a brief history of lines.
S3 E5 · Wed, September 20, 2023
F.A.Q.QOTS (Part II)
Learn all about our extensive work history, dream blunt rotation, toxic ex-friends, icks for each other, how to manage your anxiety, and more in this Patron-submitted Q&A!
S3 E5 · Wed, September 20, 2023
F.A.Q.QOTS (Part II) [video]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Learn all about our extensive work history, dream blunt rotation, toxic ex-friends, icks for each other, how to manage your anxiety, and more in this Patron-submitted Q&A!
S3 E4 · Wed, September 13, 2023
FMK: BJ's, Costco, Sam's Club [video]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys literally talk about wholesale clubs for 48 minutes straight. You're gonna love it.
S3 E4 · Wed, September 13, 2023
FMK: BJ's, Costco, Sam's Club
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys literally talk about wholesale clubs for 48 minutes straight. You're gonna love it.
S3 E3 · Wed, September 06, 2023
Let's Have a Kiki / Turkey Lurkey Time (Slayyyter's Version) ft. Slayyyter [video]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Special guest Slayyyter joins the boys to talk about middle school trends, the price of fame, how her first time relates to Defying Gravity, the economic strains Webkinz put on families across the united states, and her upcoming album, STARF*CKER out on September 22nd.
S3 E3 · Wed, September 06, 2023
Let's Have a Kiki / Turkey Lurkey Time (Slayyyter's Version) ft. Slayyyter
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Special guest Slayyyter joins the boys to talk about middle school trends, the price of fame, how her first time relates to Defying Gravity, the economic strains Webkinz put on families across the united states, and her upcoming album, STARF*CKER out on September 22nd.
S3 E2 · Wed, August 30, 2023
Actually Let's Rename It Bad Children
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Is Staples gay? Is Darren Criss gay? Is the quest to be good a fruitless endeavor that will lead to general emptiness forever? The boys talk first impressions, first days of school, and their relationship to god in this week's totally normal episode of Good Children.
S3 E2 · Wed, August 30, 2023
Actually Let's Rename It Bad Children [video]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Is Staples gay? Is Darren Criss gay? Is the quest to be good a fruitless endeavor that will lead to general emptiness forever? The boys talk first impressions, first days of school, and their relationship to god in this week's totally normal episode of Good Children.
S3 E1 · Wed, August 23, 2023
I Wish Josh Peck Was Gay [video]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Things get spicy in this season premiere of the world's greatest podcast, Good Children. The boys talk about their most embarrassing encounters, memorable middle school experiences, and answer tough questions from listeners.
S3 E1 · Wed, August 23, 2023
I Wish Josh Peck Was Gay
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Things get spicy in this season premiere of the world's greatest podcast, Good Children. The boys talk about their most embarrassing encounters, memorable middle school experiences, and answer tough questions from listeners.
S2 E30 · Wed, August 16, 2023
Try Not To Say AnnaSophia Robb Challenge [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe plans his funeral, Andrew talks about getting bitten by a spider in Slovakia. The boys discuss their beliefs on death and the afterlife, childhood experiences with death in pop culture, whether or not they’ll be ghosts, and the high-camp drama of a funeral home.
S2 E30 · Wed, August 16, 2023
Try Not To Say AnnaSophia Robb Challenge
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe plans his funeral, Andrew talks about getting bitten by a spider in Slovakia. The boys discuss their beliefs on death and the afterlife, childhood experiences with death in pop culture, whether or not they’ll be ghosts, and the high-camp drama of a funeral home.
S2 E29 · Wed, August 09, 2023
The Bachelor Party
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Andrew and Joe reflect on their trip to New Orleans for a bachelor party before pivoting to an impromptu q&a.
S2 E29 · Wed, August 09, 2023
The Bachelor Party [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Andrew and Joe reflect on their trip to New Orleans for a bachelor party before pivoting to an impromptu q&a.
S2 E28 · Wed, August 02, 2023
Blame It On Cheesecake Factory ft. Tefi [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Try to keep your head on straight as the boys interview special guest Tefi! From childhood experiences, pop culture, the Osbournes, Robin Williams' passing, self-worth, inner child work, and Checkers milkshakes, no stone is left unturned.
S2 E28 · Wed, August 02, 2023
Blame It On Cheesecake Factory ft. Tefi
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Try to keep your head on straight as the boys interview special guest Tefi! From childhood experiences, pop culture, the Osbournes, Robin Williams' passing, self-worth, inner child work, and Checkers milkshakes, no stone is left unturned.
S2 E27 · Wed, July 26, 2023
Who Drank At Joe's 17th Birthday Party?
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys investigate a cold case from 2013 in which 12 beer cans were discovered at Joe's 17th birthday party.
S2 E27 · Wed, July 26, 2023
Who Drank At Joe's 17th Birthday Party? [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! The boys investigate a cold case from 2013 in which 12 beer cans were discovered at Joe's 17th birthday party.
S2 E26 · Wed, July 19, 2023
Food Court [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe and Andrew, discuss a variety of topics all relating to their love of food; from childhood memories of being rewarded with garlic knots at basketball games to a very passionate conversation about the quality of Chipotle’s chips. They discuss their undying love for Taco Bell (despite the controversy), rank fast food burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries, chat about In-N-Out, get brutally honest about Shake Shack, and more.
S2 E26 · Wed, July 19, 2023
Food Court
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Joe and Andrew, discuss a variety of topics all relating to their love of food; from childhood memories of being rewarded with garlic knots at basketball games to a very passionate conversation about the quality of Chipotle’s chips. They discuss their undying love for Taco Bell (despite the controversy), rank fast food burgers, chicken nuggets, and fries, chat about In-N-Out, get brutally honest about Shake Shack, and more.
S2 E25 · Wed, July 12, 2023
Boys State [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Did you know Andrew accidentally signed himself up for military camp? Joe interviews Andrew about his experiences at Boys State, a summer leadership program for high school students. They talk about the strict and disciplined environment, physical training, and psychological aspects of the program. Andrew reflects on the nationalist agenda of the camp and the impact it had on him. It's insane.
S2 E25 · Wed, July 12, 2023
Boys State
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . Don't forget to rate us 5 stars (and write a little review while you're at it)! Did you know Andrew accidentally signed himself up for military camp? Joe interviews Andrew about his experiences at Boys State, a summer leadership program for high school students. They talk about the strict and disciplined environment, physical training, and psychological aspects of the program. Andrew reflects on the nationalist agenda of the camp and the impact it had on him. It's insane.
S2 E24 · Wed, July 05, 2023
Rainy Days And Nights In L.I.
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . But it’s rainy!!!!! Andrew thinks he has schizophrenia, Joe thinks he has binocular vision dysfunction, and we all think Cadet Kelly was gay. IT’S A RAINY DAY! Let’s reminisce about childhood memories, being the worst possible camp counselors on earth, playing pretend at Joe’s house, and our love for the queer-coded Disney Channel Original Movies of the early 2000s.
S2 E24 · Wed, July 05, 2023
Rainy Days And Nights In L.I. [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes every Friday! Find out about merch, tours, and more HERE . But it’s rainy!!!!! Andrew thinks he has schizophrenia, Joe thinks he has binocular vision dysfunction, and we all think Cadet Kelly was gay. IT’S A RAINY DAY! Let’s reminisce about childhood memories, being the worst possible camp counselors on earth, playing pretend at Joe’s house, and our love for the queer-coded Disney Channel Original Movies of the early 2000s.
S2 E23 · Wed, June 28, 2023
Exploring Gender In Pigeon Forge, Tennessee [VIDEO]
Subscribe to our Patreon! Have you ever been on a road trip that changed your life? In today’s episode of Good Children, we take a trip down memory lane to our 2012 trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. From John Green, to the dawn of Instagram, to Machine Gun America, this episode is quintessentially American (and that’s not a good thing)! Not to mention Andrew’s drag debut, pool trauma, the OceanGate submersible sort of, and a retelling of the infamous sh*t plate story.
S2 E23 · Wed, June 28, 2023
Exploring Gender In Pigeon Forge, Tennessee
Subscribe to our Patreon! Have you ever been on a road trip that changed your life? In today’s episode of Good Children, we take a trip down memory lane to our 2012 trip to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. From John Green, to the dawn of Instagram, to Machine Gun America, this episode is quintessentially American (and that’s not a good thing)! Not to mention Andrew’s drag debut, pool trauma, the OceanGate submersible sort of, and a retelling of the infamous sh*t plate story.
S2 E23 · Wed, June 21, 2023
Queer Pressure [VIDEO]
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod ! Are you tired of feeling like you have to fit in with the cool kids? Well, in this episode of "Good Children," the boys are spilling the tea on all the crazy peer pressure they've faced over the years. From feeling obligated to wear salmon shorts to trying drugs for the first time, they've been through it all. Grab your headphones and get ready to laugh and learn as Andrew & Joe take you on a journey through the wild world of peer pressure. Remember, it's always better to be true to yourself than to try to fit in with the crowd!
S2 E23 · Wed, June 21, 2023
Queer Pressure
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod ! Are you tired of feeling like you have to fit in with the cool kids? Well, in this episode of "Good Children," the boys are spilling the tea on all the crazy peer pressure they've faced over the years. From feeling obligated to wear salmon shorts to trying drugs for the first time, they've been through it all. Grab your headphones and get ready to laugh and learn as Andrew & Joe take you on a journey through the wild world of peer pressure. Remember, it's always better to be true to yourself than to try to fit in with the crowd!
S2 E21 · Wed, June 14, 2023
Escape From Shelter Island [VIDEO]
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod ! It's time to tell the story of how we almost broke up. In this very special episode of the Good Children, Joe and Andrew discuss the codependence in their friendship that almost ended in disaster on a trip to Shelter Island. Get ready for a heinous experience at the beach, a backyard party that spun out of control, and a fight so major it made the boys realize just how codependent they truly were.
S2 E22 · Wed, June 14, 2023
Escape From Shelter Island
SUBSCRIBE TO OUR PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/goodchildrenpod ! It's time to tell the story of how we almost broke up. In this very special episode of the Good Children, Joe and Andrew discuss the codependence in their friendship that almost ended in disaster on a trip to Shelter Island. Get ready for a heinous experience at the beach, a backyard party that spun out of control, and a fight so major it made the boys realize just how codependent they truly were.
S2 E20 · Wed, June 07, 2023
Transformation Tuesday [VIDEO]
Welcome to the land of transformations! From bagels to bodies, the boys cover what it means to change for the better (or, at least, for good). We talk Abercrombie's rebrand, the desire to #MCM, and feeling like a perpetual "before" picture.
S2 E20 · Wed, June 07, 2023
Transformation Tuesday
Welcome to the land of transformations! From bagels to bodies, the boys cover what it means to change for the better (or, at least, for good). We talk Abercrombie's rebrand, the desire to #MCM, and feeling like a perpetual "before" picture.
S2 E19 · Wed, May 31, 2023
Hi Hater
Today we discuss everything in life we hate! From men who run shirtless to paper straws to being the first person to slice a birthday cake, this episode is a nonstop hatefest of fun.
S2 E19 · Wed, May 31, 2023
Hi Hater [VIDEO]
Today we discuss everything in life we hate! From men who run shirtless to paper straws to being the first person to slice a birthday cake, this episode is a nonstop hatefest of fun.
S2 E18 · Wed, May 24, 2023
Last Day of School [VIDEO]
MITCHIE, WAKE UP! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Celebrate the final weeks of school with your favorite boys as they unpack board game days, the trauma of a slip and slide, and have a slightly major breakthrough about the past 22 years of their friendship.
S1 E18 · Wed, May 24, 2023
Last Day of School
MITCHIE, WAKE UP! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Celebrate the final weeks of school with your favorite boys as they unpack board game days, the trauma of a slip and slide, and have a slightly major breakthrough about the past 22 years of their friendship.
S2 E17 · Wed, May 17, 2023
The Hardest Working Gay Men Alive
*CORPORATE VOICE* We would love to walk you through our professional resume starting with 2008 for Joe's first job as a counselor in training and Andrew's tenure "employed" by his parents. From summer camp disasters to ice rink days off, we've shared a varied history of working together. This week, we unpack the layers of what it means to mentor 11-year-old boys as a 13-year-old boy, the Brown University Board of Admissions process, the mechanics of a lawn mower, and why every social media manager is gay. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
S2 E17 · Wed, May 17, 2023
The Hardest Working Gay Men Alive [VIDEO]
*CORPORATE VOICE* We would love to walk you through our professional resume starting with 2008 for Joe's first job as a counselor in training and Andrew's tenure "employed" by his parents. From summer camp disasters to ice rink days off, we've shared a varied history of working together. This week, we unpack the layers of what it means to mentor 11-year-old boys as a 13-year-old boy, the Brown University Board of Admissions process, the mechanics of a lawn mower, and why every social media manager is gay. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
S2 E16 · Wed, May 10, 2023
Jillian Michaels For Prison
Oh jeez. Things get serious in this week's conversation about body image. From the shows that taught us to crash diet to the people who told us we weren't good enough, this episode covers a lot of difficult topics we simply don't have the answers to! Joe and Andrew unpack their relationships to their bodies, their privilege, and their minds. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
Wed, May 10, 2023
Jillian Michaels For Prison [VIDEO]
Oh jeez. Things get serious in this week's conversation about body image. From the shows that taught us to crash diet to the people who told us we weren't good enough, this episode covers a lot of difficult topics we simply don't have the answers to! Joe and Andrew unpack their relationships to their bodies, their privilege, and their minds. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
S2 E15 · Wed, May 03, 2023
Julia Fox's Keys To Confidence (ft. Julia Fox) [VIDEO]
Happy 1 year of Good Children! How do you find confidence? How do we return to the level of delusion we had when we believed we'd be model scouted in a mall at 12 years old? What's Julia Fox's go-to Subway order? Sit down with the legendary artist, icon, and Italian, Julia Fox as Andrew and Joe explore the psychological damages done by putting themselves out there as children and the emotional rewards received when those risks pay off. We talk Julia's middle school experiences as a goth cat girl, high school in Northern Italy, and the side-effects of fame in this EXTREMELY MAJOR episode. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
S2 E15 · Wed, May 03, 2023
Julia Fox's Keys To Confidence (ft. Julia Fox)
Happy 1 year of Good Children! How do you find confidence? How do we return to the level of delusion we had when we believed we'd be model scouted in a mall at 12 years old? What's Julia Fox's go-to Subway order? Sit down with the legendary artist, icon, and Italian, Julia Fox as Andrew and Joe explore the psychological damages done by putting themselves out there as children and the emotional rewards received when those risks pay off. We talk Julia's middle school experiences as a goth cat girl, high school in Northern Italy, and the side-effects of fame in this EXTREMELY MAJOR episode. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
S2 E14 · Wed, April 12, 2023
The Farmville Moms Reunion Special
Get ready for an emotional reunion special of FarmVille Moms featuring the beloved Debra Rollatini and Linda Russo! These two best friends turned business moguls captured the hearts of millions with their hit reality show in the early 2010s, but after a decade of silence, they are finally back together to address the long-standing rift in their friendship. Join us as we witness the heartwarming reunion of these two iconic women, and see if they can put their differences aside and rekindle their once-unbreakable friendship.
S2 E13 · Wed, April 05, 2023
The Body Dysmorphia of Christ [VIDEO]
Why is Catholicism so depressing? Why is the Easter Bunny 6-feet-tall? Why does Andrew keep getting pinkeye? In today's very special episode, the boys dive into the childhood trauma of egg hunts, child stars, and what they imagine Jesus might be like if he was in the room with them today. Whether you're a repressed former Catholic, a practicing Christian, a pagan witch, Jewish and happy, or experiencing spiritual-psychosis, this episode has something for everyone!
S2 E13 · Wed, April 05, 2023
The Body Dysmorphia of Christ
Why is Catholicism so depressing? Why is the Easter Bunny 6-feet-tall? Why does Andrew keep getting pinkeye? In today's very special episode, the boys dive into the childhood trauma of egg hunts, child stars, and what they imagine Jesus might be like if he was in the room with them today. Whether you're a repressed former Catholic, a practicing Christian, a pagan witch, Jewish and happy, or experiencing spiritual-psychosis, this episode has something for everyone!
Wed, March 29, 2023
Sexual Awakenings & Diary Entries ft. Mackenzie Thomas
You know her finger. You know her journal. Do you know the girl? Our FIRST EVER GUEST Mackenzie Thomas takes us on an introspective retrospective of her childhood sexual awakenings... from Mike Wazowski to Bill Hader (and everything in between).
S2 E12 · Wed, March 29, 2023
Sexual Awakenings & Diary Entries ft. Mackenzie Thomas
You know her finger. You know her journal. Do you know the girl? Our FIRST EVER GUEST Mackenzie Thomas takes us on an introspective retrospective of her childhood sexual awakenings... from Mike Wazowski to Bill Hader (and everything in between).
S2 E11 · Fri, March 24, 2023
Video: The Bushwickification of Boy Bratz
Bratz. Max Steel. ZhuZhu Pets. Scented Shrek Dolls. Today's episode is an interactive experience with some of the toys that raised us. Why do Boy Bratz give Bushwick twink? Why is Max Steel a circuit gay? Why did Joe put the cursed Shrek sunflower in his mouth again? Unpack the trauma of Toy Story, Chucky, and American Girl Doll Horses with us this week.
S2 E11 · Wed, March 22, 2023
The Bushwickification of Boy Bratz
Bratz. Max Steel. ZhuZhu Pets. Scented Shrek Dolls. Today's episode is an interactive experience with some of the toys that raised us. Why do Boy Bratz give Bushwick twink? Why is Max Steel a circuit gay? Why did Joe put the cursed Shrek sunflower in his mouth again? Unpack the trauma of Toy Story, Chucky, and American Girl Doll Horses with us this week.
S2 E10 · Wed, March 15, 2023
Video: The Dangers of Marijuana
We made it to graduation day! 12th grade brings new hopes, dreams, and fears as Joe and Andrew sort every iconic American chain restaurant on the Kinsey Scale. Why were we made to believe college admissions counselors were stalking our Facebook albums? Why was Andrew dressing like a 60-year-old father of 3? Were we bad children the whole time?
S2 E10 · Wed, March 15, 2023
The Dangers of Marijuana
We made it to graduation day! 12th grade brings new hopes, dreams, and fears as Joe and Andrew sort every iconic American chain restaurant on the Kinsey Scale. Why were we made to believe college admissions counselors were stalking our Facebook albums? Why was Andrew dressing like a 60-year-old father of 3? Were we bad children the whole time?
S2 E9 · Wed, March 08, 2023
The Definitive Ranking of Lindsay Lohan Movies
Let's find out why Joe's emotionally stunted and never learned to drive and the official definitive ranking of every Lindsay Lohan movie ever in this episode all about 11th grade! (Sorry for the reupload)!
S1 E9 · Wed, March 08, 2023
Video: The Definitive Ranking of Lindsay Lohan Movies
Let's find out why Joe's emotionally stunted and never learned to drive and the official definitive ranking of every Lindsay Lohan movie ever in this episode all about 11th grade!
S2 E7 · Wed, March 01, 2023
Video: The Long Island Hunger Games
Things take a dark and scary turn in 10th grade for Joe and Andrew. Between fatphobic lacrosse coaches and homophobic theology teachers, the boys learn more about each other than they ever knew possible in this introspective deep dive into some stories you know and love-- and some you'll wish you could forget.
S2 E7 · Wed, March 01, 2023
The Long Island Hunger Games
Things take a dark and scary turn in 10th grade for Joe and Andrew. Between fatphobic lacrosse coaches and homophobic theology teachers, the boys learn more about each other than they ever knew possible in this introspective deep dive into some stories you know and love-- and some you'll wish you could forget.
S2 E6 · Wed, February 22, 2023
video: the next george santos
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day. Today's episode is all about ninth grade!!!! Freshman year is host to so many firsts, embarrassing moments, and learning lessons. For Joe, it was time to become a guido (and join The Order of the Phoenix). For Andrew, it was time to become a jock (and stan Katy Perry). Let's reflect on the wonderful woes of being 14 years old in 2010 and all of the drama, missed connections, and body dysmorphia that comes along with it!
S2 E7 · Wed, February 22, 2023
the next george santos
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors it's the morning of your very first day. Today's episode is all about ninth grade!!!! Freshman year is host to so many firsts, embarrassing moments, and learning lessons. For Joe, it was time to become a guido (and join The Order of the Phoenix). For Andrew, it was time to become a jock (and stan Katy Perry). Let's reflect on the wonderful woes of being 14 years old in 2010 and all of the drama, missed connections, and body dysmorphia that comes along with it!
Tue, February 14, 2023
an (uncut) improvised date
What do you think would happen if we never met? Joe and Andrew explore the very dark and troubling possibility of being total strangers meeting in their mid-20s for a drink on Valentine's Day. Enjoy this departure from Good Children's usual programming in which the boys genuinely do an hour long improv with minimal editing and get progressively drunker.. how decadent!💕
Wed, February 08, 2023
cupid’s chokehold
Let’s celebrate Valentine’s Day the only way we know how: candy, stuffed animals, and a general sense of impending doom for the world. Joe and Andrew dive deep through four categories of their February 14th’s: elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. Learn more about the boys first girlfriends and first rejections, the importance of mailbox valentines in 4th grade and the unseriousness of feeling lonely. We’re all gonna die, so let’s treat ourselves like someone we love!
Wed, February 01, 2023
No Homo
It's 2009: FarmVille, Flash Mobs, Hannah Montana and homophobia were all the rage. We're beginning to say goodbye to our childhood and prepare for high school with the rise of Glee, Gaga, and Picnik. Join Good Children on the journey of self-awareness and self-deprecation as Joe and Andrew dive deeper into the final troubling times of middle school: 8th Grade.
Wed, January 25, 2023
How It Feels To Chew 5 Gum
Let's take it to 2008 for a second and dissect the very alarming reality of growing up (whether you want to or not). Stretch marks, being 12 at Retro Fitness, the 5 gum trade, pulling up your pants, getting scoobed, playing with toys in a godly way, and more.
Wed, January 18, 2023
Sixth Grade Fight Club
It's 2007: Harry Potter is ending, the iPhone is born, and Joe and Andrew take their very first steps into middle school. Today's episode is all about the trials and tribulations of SIXTH GRADE, including, but not limited to: Thursday afternoon fights at Gino's pizzeria, body odor, rainbow rockets, Webkinz, Aeropostale, milk for every meal, the birth of cell phone culture, Miley's pregnancy rumor, giving sixth graders power tools, Axe body spray, and more nauseating experiences from one of the worst years of our lives.
Wed, January 11, 2023
We Need Assemblies For Adults
The boys are back with a special 80-minute season 2 premiere! Let's learn to put ourselves out there together: from using the internet to gain noteriety as a middle scholer to dealing with bullying and humiliation in high school, this episode gets traumatic. The boys talk about body image, their first gay dates, their most embarrassing moments, childhood crushes (Sharkboy), fear of rejection/failure lol, and the full-body experience of an elementary school assembly. Come for the jokes, stay for the 5-step program on how to be your authentic self in situations where it might seem fully impossible!
Tue, December 20, 2022
A Very Good Christmas Special
Surprise! The boys are back for the holidays with a reflective, weirdly sad, totally kooky Christmas special! Unpack Joe's Grinch fetish, desperately try to hear the ringing bell from the polar express, and learn to believe all over again in this special installment.
Tue, December 06, 2022
What Dreams Are Made Of (LIVE SHOW)
The time has come to share the most important night of our lives with you: Good Children: LIVE! Join the crowd at Good Children's first ever live show in this very special season finale! OK so FINE, we talk a lot about Thanksgiving, but the sentiments still stand a few weeks later. Laugh, cry, learn what dreams are made of, and cherish every moment like this. Thank you all for a great season 1, we'll see you next year.
Wed, November 30, 2022
Everyone Had A Trampoline But Me
In their *actual* penultimate episode of Season 1, the Good Children reflect on the trends that made them who they are and the ones they wish they could forget. From Silly Bandz to Pillow Pets to Andrew's very first Webkinz, "Shinning star." Reflect on a season of heartwarming memories, a lot of self-indulgent growth talk, and moments we'll literally keep like a photograph and hold in our hearts forever. Whether you popped out the lenses of Disney 3D glasses to look like a hipster or wore Von Dutch as a young child, this episode has something for everyone. We've come a lawwwwwng way from where we've begun and we'll tell you AWLLLL about it when we see you again for Season 2 (but don't forget to check back next week for our LIVE EPISODE).
Wed, November 16, 2022
Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen
The boys talk reinvention (Royal Era), letting go, New York City, and being teenage drama queens on this penultimate episode of Good Children. Joe and Andrew walk through the days they spent longing to be cool/thin/hot/rich/famous/etc. and wandering around the city trying to impress everyone while no one paid attention. Andrew's a Maxxinista, Joe's longing for longing, Jill's back, and everyone wants to put a stop to Rose's Pizza.
Wed, November 09, 2022
Health Class
The boys get down and dirty on this educational episode of Good Children. Stories range from near-death encounters on the middle school bridge to learning about sex from fan fiction. Joe and Andrew get deep about their intimacy problems and beg the question: do we ALL have sex issues? All this and more.
Wed, November 02, 2022
When Will We Stop Hating Ourselves?
BUCKLE UP FOR A HEAVY EPISODE. The boys talk self-loathing, guilt, shame, being the Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift, Andrew getting taken to the Honor Council, lying, fessing up, breaking down, binge eating, and more in this deeply psychological episode of Good Children. PLUS: A FULL Midnights review.
Wed, October 26, 2022
Twitches Take Halloweentown
You’re invited to a JOE HEGYES HALLOWEEN PARTY. Bring out the marshmallow mummies, fire up the smoke machines, get to work on your costume, because stakes are HIGH. On this VERY SPOOKY EPISODE of Good Children, Andrew and Joe walk through some of their favorite Halloween memories (including every costume they’ve literally ever done). Halloweentown was gay representation, Joe was problematic, and we ALL love Brenda Song.
Wed, October 19, 2022
Being Gay On YouTube
On this very viral episode of Good Children, the boys travel back to the dawn of time and a land before TikTok: the internet in the late 2000s. From Farmville to Facebook to Grape Lady Falls, Joe and Andrew explore the holy times of performance on the early internet. After unpacking the deep psychosis of Andrew's acapella days, the boys react to a few of their videos #FromTheVault. PLUS: live show planning, LGBTQIA* allyship lessons, and more.
Wed, October 12, 2022
It All Goes Downhill After 4th Grade
Get your permission slipped signed, it’s time to go on a field trip with Good Children! In this hyper-descriptive episode, Joe and Andrew walk you through some of the most memorable experiences they’ve ever had— all involving trips. From running for Mayor in 5th grade (you’ll never guess who wins), to risking your life for a school play (you’ll never guess who’s driving the car), to enjoying a stay at Universal Orlando Resort, this episode as it all.
Fri, October 07, 2022
BAD INFLUENCES: virginity & boston (First 10 Minutes)
Surprise: we're officially on Patreon! We're excited to share a side of us you don't normally get on the pod and have the chance to work closely with our listeners on creating the BEST content yet. This is a clip from "bad influences," our first Patreon-exclusive series where we get a littttttle tipsy on camera. The cuts are slower, the vibes are chiller, and the stories are even more vulnerable. Check out the full episode at the link in our bios!
Wed, October 05, 2022
Grindr In Your Hometown
In today’s VERY SPECIAL EPISODE, join Andrew and Joe in Joe’s childhood home as he dog sits on Long Island for the weekend. The boys cover everything from Grindr in your hometown to girls who had ferrets as pets. Whether you self-identified as Jay Gatsby in high school or believe you could win a verbal argument with a pigeon, this episode has something for everyone: from Long Island culture to ghosts caught on camera. Come one over and sit a spell as Joe struggles to tame a 6-month-old puppy and Andrew silently suffers from digestive trauma.
Wed, September 28, 2022
Coming Out
In this reflective episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe journey through the moments in their life they tried their hardest to be the best little boys in the world. From a Cub Scouts cheating scandal to a religious education chocolate bar MLM to praying the gay away, the boys come to realize that only shooting stars break the mold. For the first time ever, Joe and Andrew tell their long-requested coming out stories.
Thu, September 22, 2022
English Teachers Are Allies
WE'RE DOING OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW ON NOVEMBER 22ND AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN. CHECK INSTA FOR MORE DETALS! - Who do you have for AP Bio? Are you dressing up? Should we audition for the musical this year? It’s the first day of school for our Good Children and things get weird fast when Andrew confesses his genuine love of math. This episode is essentially a trauma dump of Andrew fighting his teachers sprinkled in with some good old fashioned nostalgia. The bus is here, gtg!
Wed, September 14, 2022
Disney Adults Anonymous
Pumpkins, fawlling leaves, the prowess only a flannel can bring, republican energy. It’s officially fawll at Good Children HQ and the boys are inviting you to share in their seasonal spirit. From pumpkin picking photoshoots to the clown epidemic of 2016 to dressing up in full drag to go to Disney as an adult, Joe and Andrew unpack it all. Come along on a $15 hayride and practice your dynamic lumbar stretches as we prepare to pick the hottest pumpkin in the patch!
Wed, September 07, 2022
F.A.Q.QOTS
Ask box is officially open! Join Andrew and Joe as they get HONEST when answering YOUR questions. Ponder life’s greatest mysteries like: Lizzie McGuire or That’s So Raven? What does Andrew love about Joe? When did Joe first listen to Taylor Swift? And more! Things get emotional, things get comical, and things get a little too serious on this week’s Good Children!
Wed, August 31, 2022
Slenderman Is A Twink
Joe Hegyes and Andrew Muscarella were so pretty and so smart and got good grades and dated all the popular boys in high school. Ppl in their school TOTALLY HATED THEM so they planned to lock them in a closet forever. Unless you send this message to 10 other people, they will come to your room tonight and harmonize. They will show up every night. You have seven minutes to send this. LOLJK! In this very SCARY episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe unpack some of their earliest fears, and a few fears they have today. Ranging from chain messages to intimacy, basements to rejection, no holds are barred.
Wed, August 24, 2022
My Super Sweet 16
You walk into a Long Island catering hall, there’s fried calamari, wyd? Celebrate our Sweet 16 with a look back on some of our more memorable Sweet 16 experiences, a polite conversation about Debby Ryan, and an emotional candle ceremony celebrating all of our favorite people. An introspective journey into the psyche of “LMFAO,” an inspiring call to action to bring back Bump Its, and the mortifying ordeal of being watched at a wedding. It’s a celebration fit for Good Children and YOU’RE invited.
Wed, August 17, 2022
Remember When Frozen Yogurt Came Up?
Susan Boyle, Balloon Boy, Joe’s wart doctor… the stars align on this very nostalgic episode of Good Children! Andrew and Joe talk headlines and trends that had them glued to their TVs and abusing frozen yogurt topping bars. BeReal about chasing your dreams, negotiate the terms of your laundry service, finalize your Whale Rep application, and journey Into The Vault for more classic videos from the archive!
Wed, August 10, 2022
Sports (But In A Gay Way)
OK sooooo this episode is about sports but not in a way that you will be bored/triggered/scared of. Joe and Andrew expose the seedy underbelly of sports through locker room trauma, halftime performances, Taylor Swift’s next album, and a weirdly sentimental speech on self love. Strap up your shin guards, put on your jockstrap, and get start praying for rain, because it’s time to play ball!
Wed, August 03, 2022
Fighting For Your Life At Gymnastics Parties
It’s another year around the sun for Joe! Celebrate the old fashioned way with nearly losing your life at a gymnastics party, exploring repressed middle school homophobia, technical difficulties and a fondant cake. Joe and Andrew talk birthdays then and now— and invite you along to the extravagantly themed party of your dreams!
Wed, July 27, 2022
Repressed Theater Gays
Life’s a stage and Joe and Andrew will do anything it takes to get into the spotlight. The Good Children vault is officially opened in this retrospect of life’s greatest performances. Andrew and Joe react to childhood videos, unpack movie theater trauma, and wonder what life would be like if they took a page from Troy Bolton’s playbook and pursued musical theater in high school.
Wed, July 20, 2022
Sharpay's Fabulous Adventure
Wake up at 3am and get on your way to a traumatic flight to nowhere with Joe and Andrew. This week, the boys talk all things travel (and toilets). Fasten your seatbelts, stow all carry-ons under the seat in front of you, and don't forget to check in on your straight (gay) boyfriends as they explore the world of PrEP and Grindr.
Wed, July 13, 2022
Growing Pains
Take a trip to the doctors office with Andrew and Joe. In this week's GOOD CHILDREN, the duo talks all things growing: from getting weighed in to getting checked out. You'll be instantly transported back to 7th grade health class, taken to a Pride party under a bridge in Williamsburg, and demand legal retribution for the cultural impact of Nicole Scherzinger.
Wed, July 06, 2022
Abroad Changed Me
In this very special travel episode of Good Children, Andrew and Joe take you abroad to the streets of Italy, where their lives have been forever changed by the Roman lifestyle. A discussion on Michelangelo's body dysmorphia, a revelation about toilet paper, and an honest look at American idealism. These good kids cover it all and more.
Wed, June 29, 2022
Can You Push Me In The Pool?
In quite possibly the darkest episode to date, Joe and Andrew discuss the chilling experiences that filled their summer breaks. A glimpse into the psyche of two emotionally disturbed Spanx for Men-wearing camp counselors, a retrospective look at the Cold Stone Industrial Complex, a dip in the pool, a trip to the spa, and a hopeful glance forward into summers unwritten.
Wed, June 22, 2022
Gay Serial Killers
The truth comes out in the latest installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Andrew and Joe discuss the absolutely insane tall tales they've told over the years and get to the psychological root of why so many gays lean towards lying. From buying likes on Instagram to buying stock in an energy drink pyramid scheme, these Chatty Kathies leave no stone unturned in their proverbial pet cemetery of childhood stories.
Wed, June 15, 2022
Best of Both Worlds
TV! Movies! Bulges! Joe and Andrew dive into the pop culture that shaped them on this episode of GOOD CHILDREN. Our hosts talk parental controls, Glee's impact on the global social and economic systems of the world, and Jason Earle from Hannah Montana.
Wed, June 08, 2022
Ogre 4 Ogre
First dates, middle school crushes, and a DTF donkey.. Joe and Andrew talk all things relationships, romance, and emotion on this week’s GOOD CHILDREN. From coming out to fitting in, theater gays to straight girlfriends, Justin Bieber to Danny Phantom, no stone is left unturned in this sticky, sweaty, swampy episode.
Wed, June 01, 2022
Locked In The Closet
Things get tense in this week's installment of GOOD CHILDREN. Joe and Andrew explore several longstanding points of contention throughout their school years, as well as unpack the psychological terrors of standardized testing, the "time-out closet," and the pacer test.
Wed, May 18, 2022
Leave It All To Me
After drinking 500mg of caffeine each, Joe and Andrew talk triple threats, late 2000s pop cultural icons, and the celebrities who made them who they are today through intense soliloquy and home videos. Andrew unpacks the trauma of his American Idol audition. Joe unloads his devotional love to Taylor Swift. Everyone seeks justice for Rebecca Black.
Wed, May 11, 2022
The Rachel Berry House Party Train Wreck Extravaganza
Underage drinking! Half-off apps! Sweet Sixteens! BBM screenshots! Joe and Andrew take you out from the comfort of their living room and Into The Woods on the sophomore episode of Good Children.
Wed, May 04, 2022
Meet You At The Mall
Childhood best friends Joe Hegyes and Andrew muscarella unpack the "trauma" of the late aughts mall experience: from the dark abyss of an Abercrombie & Fitch dressing room to the philosophical reasoning behind your food court selection. Come with us on a journey through time, space, and body odor to any given mall on Long Island. TREAT OF THE WEEK: Pop Tarts. COME TO OUR LIVE SHOW , SUNDAY, JUNE 4TH, AT 7PM IN NYC! Join the community on Patreon for an exclusive bonus episode every week . Follow Good Children on Instagram , TikTok , & Twitter . Follow Joe on Instagram & TikTok . Follow Andrew on Instagram .
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