Bonus · Fri, April 25, 2025

Introducing: Integrated - Why Being a Team Is So Hard

Jayson and Ellen have started a new podcast! Integrated is for entrepreneurial couples who want both a high-impact career and an exceptional partnership. Jayson and Ellen blend cutting-edge relationship science with decades of coaching experience to help you balance leadership at home and in business, fostering deeper connection and lasting success. Subscribe to Integrated here: Spotify Apple Podcasts In this episode Jayson and Ellen talk about five reasons why being a team is so hard. How do culture and personal history impact teamwork? Is your sense of entitlement holding you back from effective collaboration? How can differences between people make for a stronger team? Find the answers to these questions and more in this episode! Timestamps: 1:00 - 5 reasons why being a team is so hard 1:47 - Cultural backdrop 7:00 - Personal history 11:49 - Your entitlement 16:56 - Differences 20:41 - Sharing leadership takes time Follow Jayson and Ellen here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Ellen's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Jayson's Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you find this show valuable, please follow the show on your podcast platform of choice, give us a rating and tell your friends and family about Integrated!

Tue, April 22, 2025

Understanding Over Solutions - Jayson Gaddis - 523

What’s wrong with going into fix-it mode when someone shares their problems? Jayson explains why it’s better to offer understanding rather than jumping in with solutions—and how people are more likely to come up with their own answers when they feel truly heard. Timestamps: 0:03 - What's wrong with "fix-it" mode? 3:49 - Reflecting instead of fixing 7:08 - Giving people space to come up with their own solutions 8:30 - Understanding first, then solutions Links: ⁠⁠⁠ Follow Jayson on social media: ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠ ⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠ ⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠ ⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Twitter⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Facebook⁠

Tue, April 15, 2025

Coaching Someone Who Wants a Successful Relationship - Jayson Gaddis - 522

How should you coach someone who wants to be in a successful relationship? Jayson breaks it down. Do you need to have successful relationships yourself to coach effectively? How can you teach your clients the skills they need to develop, and what does that process look like? Don’t miss this insightful episode. Timestamps: 0:36 - You have to have successful relationships 7:05 - Skill acquisition 13:27 - Don't be uncomfortable with intimacy Links: ⁠ Follow Jayson on social media: ⁠Instagram⁠ ⁠YouTube⁠ ⁠LinkedIn⁠ ⁠TikTok⁠ ⁠Twitter⁠ ⁠Facebook

Tue, April 08, 2025

Coaching Using Motivational Interviewing - Jayson Gaddis - 521

Jayson breaks down motivational interviewing. What is it? Can you force your clients to change? What should you do if a client is ambivalent about change? Is your client placing value on the right things? Whether you're a coach or a client, you won’t want to miss this insightful episode. Timestamps: 1:50 - Placing value on the right things 3:34 - Motivational interviewing 5:57 - Ambivalence about change 11:37 - You can't force people to change Links: Become A Certified Relationship Coach (RCT)  Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, April 02, 2025

Pros and Cons of Coaching - Jayson Gaddis - 520

Jayson explores the pros and cons of coaching. Is coaching more effective than therapy? He discusses the lack of standards in coaching, the absence of trauma training, and the potential shallowness of the approach. Jayson also examines why prioritizing results over feelings can be problematic. However, he also highlights why coaching can sometimes be a better option than therapy. Why choose coaching? Tune in to find out. Timestamps: 0:57 - A lack of standards 4:26 - Results over feelings 7:47 - Does coaching get better results? 14:10 - Conclusion Links: Become A Certified Relationship Coach (RCT)  Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, March 26, 2025

Pros and Cons of Talk Therapy - Jayson Gaddis - 519

Jayson breaks down the pros and cons of talk therapy. Where does talk therapy come up short? What are its strengths? What kind of therapy should you progress to after talk therapy? Why are relationships better than talk therapy? Whether you’re a client, coach, or therapist, you won’t want to miss this insightful episode. Timestamps: 3:13 - Where talk therapy comes up short 5:55 - Positive outcomes of talk therapy 8:33 - Moving on after talk therapy 10:28 - Relationships are better than talk therapy 13:11 - Conclusion Links: Become A Certified Relationship Coach (RCT)  Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, March 19, 2025

Your Main Job as a Coach - Jayson Gaddis - 518

What is your main job as a coach? Jayson discusses the importance of giving your clients permission to be messy, finding key relationships where they can be authentic, and providing them with a sense of certainty. He also explains why your ultimate goal as a coach should be to work yourself out of a job. Tune in to discover how to help people authentically be themselves while achieving what they want in life. Timestamps: 4:52 Giving your clients permission to be messy 8:45 Finding key relationships 13:15 Summery Links: Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, March 12, 2025

What It Means to Love Our Clients - Jayson Gaddis - 517

Jayson talks about what it means to truly love a client. What is the real definition of love? Why is being challenged so important? How do we “accept” ourselves and work on being better at the same time? How does accepting our limitations empower us? And why is it crucial not to expect relationships to be easy? Join Jayson as he explores the second principle of present-centered relationship coaching. Timestamps: 1:09 - What is love? 8:25 - Don't expect relationships to be easy 14:53 - Self-acceptance and self-mastery Links: Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, March 05, 2025

The Foundational Principle To Have as a Coach or Therapist - Jayson Gaddis - 516

Jayson shares his #1 principle for coaches and therapists. Learn how to empower your clients instead of treating them as fragile. It’s time to stop missing the forest for the trees and take a broader view. Tune in to discover what powerful phrase he comes from in this episode.  Timestamps: 1:10 - Taking a larger view 4:14 - The foundational principle 10:00 - Empower you clients Links: Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Thu, February 27, 2025

How Humans Operate in Relationship - Jayson Gaddis - 515

What is the role of therapy and coaching? In this overview episode, Jayson explores how humans navigate relationships. Why do we betray ourselves in pursuit of belonging? How can coaches challenge clients who seek the path of least resistance? When we choose not to grow, we pass on trauma. Whether you're a coach or a client, you'll find valuable insights in this episode. Timestamps: 2:28 - What is the context of coaching and therapy? 10:13 - Seeking pleasure and avoiding pain 13:47 - Projecting onto your partner 17:48 - Your shadow 22:49 - Challenging clients who choose the path of least resistance Links: Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Wed, February 19, 2025

Big Changes: The Future of This Podcast (for now) - Jayson Gaddis - 514

Big changes are happening at The Relationship School Podcast! In this special update, Jayson Gaddis shares the new direction of the show, now called The Relationship Coaching School Podcast, focusing on coaching, therapy, and transformation. Whether you're a coach, therapist, or an engaged client looking to maximize results, this new format will deepen your understanding of human relationships and personal growth. Plus, Jayson teases an exciting new podcast with his wife, Ellen, and announces updates to his coaching training program—including in-person intensives. Tune in to hear what’s next! Links: Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, October 01, 2024

Bypassing Your Relational Needs - Coaching Session - Jayson Gaddis - 513

In this coaching session, Jayson works with Becca, a woman navigating a relationship with a partner who doesn’t acknowledge her feelings. How should you deal with a partner who isn’t open to seeking relationship help? What should you do if your partner struggles to handle your emotions? If you're in a relationship with someone who doesn’t recognize your feelings, you won’t want to miss this powerful session. Timestamps: 6:11 - When a partner isn't on board to get help 13:00 - When a partner won't recognize your feelings 16:50 - Don't settle for not being met Links: Communication Breakthrough System Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 24, 2024

How to Increase Your Self Worth - Coaching Session - Jayson Gaddis - 512

In this live coaching session, Jayson coaches Sharon, a woman struggling with self-worth and feelings of not being enough. How can you stop repeating untrue stories to yourself and create new associations? What’s the best way to start focusing on the ways you are enough? What are you gaining by staying in negative patterns? If you’re struggling with self-worth or feeling like you’re not enough, you won’t want to miss this inspiring coaching session. Timestamps: 6:00 - Struggling with shame 10:00 - The pattern of feeling not enough 15:24 - Recognizing the areas where you are enough 20:28 - Creating new associations Links: Communication Breakthrough System Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 17, 2024

How to Face an Addiction: Coaching Session - Jayson Gaddis - 511

In this live coaching session, Jayson coaches Susan, a woman who has identified her spending patterns as problematic. How do you know when a behavior crosses over into an addiction? How does a lack of meaning contribute to addiction? What role can healthy relationships play in helping someone escape from addiction? If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, you won’t want to miss this inspiring coaching session. Timestamps: 4:29 - Spending addiction 11:51 - How do we define addiction? 14:37 - The root cause of addiction 17:35 - The role of meaning 22:48 - Religion Links: Communication Breakthrough System Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 10, 2024

Anxious Spiritual Guy vs. Avoidant: A Live Coaching Session - Jayson Gaddis - 510

In this live coaching session, Jayson coaches Derek, an anxious man struggling with an avoidant partner. How should couples balance the need for space with the need for connection? How can you tell if your relationship concerns stem from care or fear? How do you know if couples therapy is working? Don’t miss this powerful coaching session! Timestamps: 6:09 - How to set boundaries while maintaining a relationship 9:09 - Balancing the need for space and connection 15:27 - Is your therapy working? 21:16 - Are you working from fear or care? 24:12 - Being honest with your partner Links: My Relationship Coach (MRC) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, August 27, 2024

3 Upcoming Trainings to Change Your Life - Jayson Gaddis - 509

In this episode, Jayson introduces three powerful trainings designed to transform your life and relationships.  First, explore the Communication Breakthrough Experience , where hands-on demos and live coaching sessions help you overcome communication barriers and deepen your emotional connections.  Next, learn about Relationship Coach Training , a program that empowers you to turn your passion for personal growth and relationships into a fulfilling career, making a meaningful impact on others.  Finally, discover Couples Coach Training , a comprehensive 9-month journey that combines cutting-edge science and experiential therapies to equip you with the skills and confidence to coach couples effectively. Whether you're seeking personal growth, a new career, or the tools to help others, these trainings offer the potential for profound change. Don't miss this opportunity to take your life to the next level! Timestamps: 2:43 - Communication Breakthrough Experience 5:27 - Relationship Coach Training 7:16 - Couples Coach Training Links: Communication Breakthrough Experience Apply to Relationship Coach Training Couples Coach Training U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, July 30, 2024

Communicate Like You Did When You Fell in Love - Jayson Gaddis - 508

Do you wish you and your partner still communicated like you did when you first fell in love? In this episode, Jayson delves into the science of infatuation—why we experience it and why it fades. Can you rekindle the magic of the early days of your relationship, or is there something even better ahead? Tune in to discover how to earn your second honeymoon stage. Timestamps: 2:48 - Infatuation 6:16 - Falling out of love or working toward relational maturity? 9:49 - Learning how to communicate 13:48 - Earning your second honeymoon stage Links: Reignite your connection-communicate like you did when you fell in love The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, July 09, 2024

Teens, Screens, and Mental Health - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 507

Jayson and Ellen delve into the complex relationship between teens, screens, and mental health. Is it okay to use screens to help kids calm down? Are teens becoming more anxious? At what age should children have their own cell phones? What societal changes are needed to protect the mental health and well-being of children and teens? How can you effectively implement boundaries at home? Tune in to find the answers to these and many more questions. Timestamps: 2:35 - Why screen time matters 5:50 - The Anxious Generation 9:00 - Using screens to help kids calm down 17:00 - The problem with content 21:00 - The problem with texting 23:30 - Setting boundaries 30:30 - Haidt's four recommendations 33:30 - Jayson and Ellen's recommendations 43:00 - Action steps Links: My Relationship Coach (MRC) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero The Anxious Generation | Jonathan Haidt Peter Gray | Substack Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, July 02, 2024

Setting Boundaries With Dysfunctional Family Members - Terri Cole - 506

In this episode, psychotherapist Terri Cole shares some creative (and funny) strategies for handling problematic family relationships.   Timestamps: Why Interacting With Family Can Be So Difficult [1:30] Terri Cole’s Family Experience [3:30] The Importance Of Boundaries and Language With Family [7:30] Examples Of Managing Family Dysfunction Successfully [9:30] Strategies For Avoiding Unwanted Conversations With Family [14:30] Is It Okay To Just Walk Away From Shitty Family Conversations? [23:00] Taking A Break From Family And Avoiding Family Holidays Altogether [25:00] When Mom And Partner Are Competing For Attention [29:00] Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Terri Cole - Psychotherapist and Relationship Expert Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, June 25, 2024

AMA: Phone Snooping, Sexual Trauma, Emotionless Partners - Jayson Gaddis - 505

Jayson answers listener questions: How should you deal with trauma responses in intimate situations? Should your partner have access to your phone? What should you do if your partner isn’t interested in personal growth? What is the right way to apologize? Is it possible to make a relationship work with an emotionless partner? Find the answers to these questions and more on this episode of The Relationship School Podcast. Timestamps: 2:19 - Trauma responses in intimate situations 5:55 - Dealing with a condescending partner 7:45 - Should your partner have access to your phone? 11:58 - Partner isn't interested in personal growth 14:32 - Apologizing 16:13 - Emotionless partnerships 18:45 - Intentions and apologies Links: My Relationship Coach (MRC) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, June 18, 2024

Advice for Anxious Fathers & Their Wives - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 504

Jayson and Ellen offer advice for anxious new dads. Why do many new dads struggle to enjoy parenting? What happens when men become aware of their relational needs for the first time, and how should they approach meeting those needs? Should new dads consider therapy? What kind of support should new dads seek from their male friends? What about sex? If you're a new parent or know new parents, you won't want to miss this. Timestamps: 1:23 - When men struggle to enjoy parenting 14:57 - Men becoming conscious of their relational needs 24:42 - Support from other men 29:33 - Avoidant men 33:52 - Sex Links: Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, June 11, 2024

Trauma–Peter Levine’s Heartbreaking & Inspiring Story of Healing - Dr. Peter Levine - 503

Jayson talks with Dr. Peter Levine about the subject of trauma. Peter shares the harrowing story of what happened when his father testified against the mafia and explains why he decided to get vulnerable about his trauma in his latest book, An Autobiography of Trauma: A Healing Journey. Jayson and Peter discuss how the perception of trauma has changed recently, the danger of retraumatizing people, the process of healing trauma, and why you should be careful about who you choose to share your trauma with. Don’t miss this powerful episode. Timestamps: 4:05 - Why Peter decided to get vulnerable 11:39 - Is it important to tell your story? 18:15 - Testifying against the mafia 26:22 - Healing from trauma by sharing 34:29 - Relationships and trauma 40:46 - Trauma and association 50:07 - Retraumatizing people 59:21 - Action step Links: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/ https://traumahealing.org/ Healing Trauma With Peter Levine - Peter Levine - 328 My Relationship Coach (MRC) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, June 04, 2024

How to Handle Hurt Feelings - Jayson Gaddis - 502

What’s the #1 mistake people make after getting their feelings hurt? Jayson discusses how to handle hurt feelings, his experience with shutting down after experiencing hurt feelings, and how to work through hurt feelings. Tune in to find out how you can turn hurt feelings into an opportunity to grow into a more resilient, self-respecting, and confident person. Timestamps: 3:09 - The mistake people make when their feelings get hurt 6:18 - Jayson's experience with hurt feelings 10:18 - Feel your feelings 14:47 - Takeaway Links: The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, May 28, 2024

Helping Teen Girls Thrive - Johannah Reimer - 501

Ellen Boeder interviews Johannah Reimer to find out how women can help teen girls. They discuss the unique problems that teen girls face today, the evolutionary mismatch between the environments we evolved in and modern life, the importance of doing hard things and Johannah’s Girls Group Facilitator Training, “Pathways to Womanhood”which is about guiding and supporting girls on their journey to womanhood. Johannah is a soulcentric educator, ceremonialist, teen mentor, and an artist of many trades. Trained as a Waldorf teacher, Johannah has been working with children of all ages for over 20 years and holds a particular passion for tweens/teens striving to meet their developmental needs for mentorship and initiation in a culture that has forgotten how to do so. An apprentice of visionaries: Sage Hamilton and Melissa Michaels of SOMA Source, Johannah has worked for many years as a Waldorf teacher under the guidance of her elder Sage, and as an embodied leader for international youth in movement based Rites of Passage with Golden Bridge & Golden Girls Global. Timestamps: 5:33 - Johannah's path to becoming an educator 13:19 - Why create girls' groups 26:56 - Evolutionary mismatch 30:20 - The value of doing hard things 34:22 - Becoming an entrepreneur 37:55 - What will people take from the training? 43:26 - Advice for teenage girls Links: Free Workshop on Becoming a Village Auntie Pathways to Womanhood ~ Girls Group Facilitator Training Johannah Reimer's Instagram My Relationship Coach (MRC) Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn <a href= "https://www.tiktok.com/@jaysongaddis" target="

Tue, May 21, 2024

My Experience with Cancer - Men Listen Up - Jayson Gaddis - 500

Jayson opens up about his recent prostate cancer diagnosis. He talks about the causes of cancer, letting people’s care in and his recommendations for how men should monitor their health as they age. This episode is a PSA for men over 40, if you haven’t been screened for cancer, now is the time. Timestamps: 2:16 - Jayson's experience 6:34 - Causes of cancer 9:01 - Letting people's care in 12:15 - Recommendations for men over 40 Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, May 14, 2024

When to Stay or Leave + True Love - Annie Lalla - 499

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self The true characteristics of a long-term partnership How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow. And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave: Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with. However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points. Timestamps: 1:47 - What are we getting into when we say yes to long-term relationships? 6:04 - Becoming the best version of yourself 9:49 - Annie's story 16:48 - Taking responsibility when we don't feel loved 21:35 - Getting out of your victimhood 30:34 - When to leave Links: Annie Lalla – Love Coach for Singles & Couples Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, May 07, 2024

The Cost Of Stress In Your Primary Relationships with Dr. Gabor Maté - 498

Most of us have no idea how damaging relational stress can be. In this episode, legendary medical doctor and psycho-physio-spiritual trailblazer Dr. Gabor Maté brings some very grounded, practical examples of how relationship stress can impact our lives. The result of stress can be seen throughout the web of our life and it’s up to us to learn how to relate and attach well to our fellow humans. I love how this man turns such complicated topics into common sense. If you want a deeper cut about your marriage, children, or any stressful relationship, this episode is a must listen. SHOWNOTES What happens when Gabor’s wife forgets to pick him up at the airport. [8:30] How our partners are perfectly suited to help us grow. [10:35] What happened in Gabor’s childhood that makes his wife a perfect match for him now. [13:00] The long-term cost of not dealing with stress. [15:00] How parents can be compromised by raising their children. [17:30] The link between our relationship health and our physical and mental health. [19:30] What’s the best way to deal with our own relational and attachment issues? [29:00] Why relational healing modalities are so effective. [30:00] What we can learn from pygmy cultures about parenting and relationships. [32:30] How relationship can most effectively be taught to children. [34:00] The effect of Facebook and Internet on kids. [38:00] Links: My Relationship Coach (MRC) Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Addiction Expert, Speaker and Best-selling Author Dr. Gabor Maté (drgabormate.com) Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, April 30, 2024

Advice for Couples, Therapists and Coaches - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 497

Are you attending couples therapy but feeling like you're not making progress? Jayson and Ellen delve into why couples often find themselves spinning their wheels and offer insights on how to propel your relationship forward if you're feeling stuck. They also tackle the issue of spiritual bypassing, emphasizing that true letting go is a gradual process. Timestamps: 2:01 - Couples not making progress 7:36 - Doing the work 22:28 - Overly spiritual couples Links: The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, April 23, 2024

Polyamory vs Monogamy - Irka & Eugene - 496

Irka and Eugene join Jayson to talk non-monogamy. Is monogamy inherently restrictive? Do people in polyamorous relationships have boundaries? Is non-hierarchical polyamory possible? What role does sexual exploration play in a polyamorous relationship? Is non-monogamy for you? Whether you’re monogamous or not, you’ll find plenty of wisdom in this insightful conversation. Timestamps: 8:45 - Definitions and terms 11:40 - Boundaries 19:52 - Thirds 34:09 - Is monogamy inherently restrictive? 37:39 - Sexual exploration 42:27 - Is non-monogamy for you? 51:03 - Communication 53:51 - Advice for high school kids 57:45 - Links 59:15 - Action step Links: Covalent Life Ethical Monogamy My Relationship Coach (MRC) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, April 16, 2024

28 Years Strong Even After Affairs - Satyen and Suzanne Raja - 495

In this podcast, I interview Satyen and Suzanne, both long-time students of David Deida. These two are super honest, loving individuals, and wow have they been through a lot! There share some very vulnerable details about how they navigated religion, affairs, and fighting. They give you concrete practical tools you can try right now with your partner. These guys live it! SHOWNOTES How did Satyen and Suzanne start caring about relationships? [4:27] Why did Satyen resist marriage? [7:00] What ingredient was the “it” factor for Suzanne’s attraction to Satyen? [7:44] What role did religion play in their relationship? [10:42] How did fighting about food bring them closer? [12:15] What impact did David Deida have on their connection? [14:28] How did they create a new template for their relationship? [16:06] The most challenging period of their relationship [18:02] One really important practice to heal from infidelity [20:15] Satyen and Suzanne demonstrate a powerful tool to express emotional pain to your partner [26:30] The often-missed key to understanding your partner [32:43] What is PCP and ISE and how do they create connection and turn-on? [34:50] Links: FREE Webinar: How To Resolve Conflict & Create Powerful Relationships Enroll in Relationship Mastery U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number: 720-704-4850 http://warriorsage.com http://ignitepassionnow.tv http://acceleratedevolutionacademy.com http://dyad.org Follow Jayson on social media: <li dir="ltr" role="presentati

Tue, April 09, 2024

My Take on Andrew Huberman and His Relationship Issues - Jayson Gaddis - 494

Jayson shares his thoughts on the controversy surrounding popular podcaster Andrew Huberman. What can we learn about ourselves and our relationships from the online reaction to the recent revelations about Andrew Huberman? What are you projecting onto the authority figures in your life? Are you putting people in your life on a pedestal, and how will you react when they inevitably fail you? Timestamps: 2:17 - What can we learn from the Andrew Huberman situation? 5:24 - Pedestal to pit 13:55 - Are you projecting on to authority figures? Links: FREE Webinar: How To Resolve Conflict & Create Powerful Relationships Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, April 02, 2024

The Purpose of Relationship Pain - Jayson Gaddis - 493

Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise?   Relationship Pain Daily Practice I have two choices with my relationship pain: 1. Use it to make me weaker by whining, complaining, and blaming others (or myself). 2. Use it to make me stronger by seeing it as my ally to master the lesson it’s bringing me. It’s 100% of the time up to me to choose. Timestamps: 3:15 - Two choices when it comes to relationship pain 9:32 - The first thing to NOT do when in relationship pain 13:40 - The good news about pain and stress 19:40 - The link between your emotional pain and your numbing habits 24:37 - Action step Links: The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, March 26, 2024

Dan Savage On Being Monogamish - Dan Savage - 492

Are you simply defaulting to monogamy? Have you ever genuinely asked yourself, "Would a different sexual model work better for me?" Dan Savage, an author, sex-advice columnist, podcaster, and public speaker, suggests that we should all regularly pose these questions to ourselves. Dan and his husband have chosen what they call a "monogamish" relationship. They've acknowledged that it's impossible to fulfill all of your partner's needs, and that's a message from which we can all learn. While we typically focus on monogamous long-term relationships, in this episode, we'll explore how various types of relationships can be successful. Tune in and prepare for some introspection into your own sexual expression. Timestamps: 5:00 - What does monogamish mean? 11:27 - Eroticism in a long-term relationship 17:24 - Bringing in a third 23:37 - Monogamy as the default setting 31:00 - Changing broken marraige norms 33:50 - Dan's relationship journey 46:49 - Allowing for erotic autonomy 53:57 - Dan's advice for young people 59:00 - Action step Links: Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, March 19, 2024

Conflict, Communication, Fixing, Problem Solving - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 491

Jayson and Ellen discuss conflict, communication, and problem-solving versus understanding. What's the issue with being a conflict-avoidant couple? When is it appropriate to problem-solve and offer advice to a long-term partner? Can excessive understanding become problematic? Tune in to hear Ellen and Jayson offer a few simple strategies that you can use to resolve your communication issues. Timestamps: 1:51 - Avoiding Conflict 11:21 - Solving communication problems 17:04 - Problem solving vs understanding 20:28 - The conflict-repair cycle 22:31 - Taking action vs understanding Links: Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, March 12, 2024

Couples Coaching: Anya & Bodhi Part 2 - Jayson Gaddis - #490

Jayson coaches the couple, Anya and Bodhi. The last time this couple appeared on the podcast was in episode #364 when they were in the midst of deciding whether to stay together or break up. Since their last appearance, they have grown into a strong and stable couple. In this episode, they discuss the turning point in their relationship that led to them staying together. They also work through current tensions in their relationship related to conflicting schedules and navigating a small living space. You won’t want to miss this insightful conversation. Timestamps: 5:17 - Anya & Bodhi's turning point 13:23 - Individual growth 20:00 - Getting to the root of relationship tension 33:34 - Feeling trapped by a lack of connectedness 39:05 - Spontaneity vs. responsibility 43:00 - Different schedules 47:00 - Helping your partner feel less judged 1:00:30 - Being true to yourself vs. being considerate 1:08:59 - Action step Links: Coaching a Couple Through Staying Together or Breaking Up – Jayson Gaddis – 364 FREE Webinar: How To Resolve Conflict & Create Powerful Relationships Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, March 05, 2024

Teen Talk: An Intimate Conversation With My Son - Jayson & Lucian Gaddis - 489

Jayson is joined by his son Lucian for a conversation about the unique challenges of being a teenager in high school. What are the challenges of being from a relationally focused family? What kinds of stereotypes do teens face? Why do so many parents over-parent their kids? You won’t want to miss this candid father-son conversation. Timestamps: 3:52 - Boys in high school 5:28 - Social media apps 6:19 - Waldorf vs. public high school 9:21 - The relational family experiance 16:41 - Challenges high school kids face 20:25 - Over-parenting 23:41 - How to get teenagers involved Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, February 27, 2024

The Trap of Falling in Love - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 488

Is it possible to truly love someone while you’re still infatuated with them? In this episode, Jayson and Ellen talk about the trap of falling in love and why it’s important to learn to live with the reality of who your partner actually is instead of projecting your fantasies onto them. How can you make your partner your priority every day? What should your relationship boundaries be? It’s time to take a deep dive into the world of love after infatuation. Timestamps: 2:16 - Infatuation vs. love 6:16 - Reality vs. fantasy 20:00 - Accepting people for who they are 24:48 - Know your relationship boundaries 28:16 - Love after infatuation 31:52 - Our impact on others Links: Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok  

Tue, February 20, 2024

Dealing with Division and Getting Unstuck - Jayson Gaddis - 487

Jayson talks about dealing with division in the world, digital minimalism and getting unstuck in your relationship. Can solving division in the home help make the world a better place? How do you know when you’re stuck as a couple? What should you do if you’re stuck? Would you like to be the next guest on The Relationship School Podcast? Listen in to find out more! Timestamps: 4:01 - Couples, how do you know when you're stuck? 11:47 - Dealing with division 19:25 - Action steps Links: FREE Webinar: How To Resolve Conflict & Create Powerful Relationships Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, February 13, 2024

Coaching Session: From Being Ghosted to Self Love - Jayson Gaddis - 486

Jason coaches two women live on the podcast. How should you deal with the experience of a long-term partner ghosting you? What should you do when you feel self-doubt and loneliness? How can you find meaning in the end of a long-term relationship? You won’t want to miss the chance to sit in on this powerful coaching session with Jayson, Katie and Camille. Timestamps: 4:09 - Katie's story 8:27 - Being there for yourself 16:26 - Katie's personal growth journey 26:17 - Camille's story 29:56 - Dealing with a partner who ghosted 37:46 - Finding meaning in the end of a relationship 46:51 - Finding your anchor Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, February 06, 2024

Allowance, Chores, Family Economy & Empowering your Kids with Money - James Ure - 485

Helping children learn to be financially responsible is one of the most important jobs that parents have. James Ure joins Jayson to talk about how a family economy can help you give your child the best chance to achieve success and independence when they leave home. Should you pay your child for chores? How much of an allowance should you give your child? What is the difference between bribery and empowerment? How can you teach your child the importance of saving, investing, and giving to charity? You won’t want to miss this insightful conversation. Timestamps: 8:31 - What is a family economy? 13:55 - Creating incentives for kids 25:55 - Tracking a family economy without an app 37:41 - Using money and screentime as motivators 41:54 - Bribing vs. empowering 45:37 - Implementing a family economy 53:31 - The Greenlight app 57:46 - Big purchases 1:01:09 - Where to find James 1:02:34 - James' advice for high school students 1:03:40 - Action steps Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, January 30, 2024

Working With Men in Coaching and Therapy - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 484

Jayson and Ellen team up to talk about working with men in coaching and therapy. How can you tell when a man is ready to grow? How does couples' work help men? What are the advantages of attending a men’s group? Are men more comfortable with male or female therapists? If you’re a man or you have men in your life, you won’t want to miss this insightful conversation. Timestamps: 6:16 - Ways that men get stuck 10:52 - Working through men's defensiveness 13:56 - Recognizing men's issues 17:27 - How male clients project 21:10 - Are men more comfortable with male or female therapists 24:48 - Men's groups 29:44 - How couples work helps men 31:35 - How to get men to change 34:09 - Making sure a man is ready to grow 36:34 - Action steps Links: Free Webinar: Relational Warriorship for Men The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, January 23, 2024

How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have the Balls to Marry My Wife - Bruce Tift - 483

Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it. Timestamps: 4:29 - Jayson's history with Bruce 7:22 - Dealing with contradictions in relationships 15:11 - The value of separateness 23:04 - The practice of personal responsibility 27:26 - Bruce shares about his marriage 32:37 - How Bruce became a therapist 38:42 - What is a successful relationship? 43:19 - The impact of parenting on Bruce 47:13 - Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship 55:43 - Personal responsibility 1:01:19 - Bruce's book, Already Free Links: Bruce Tift's Website 10 Agreements of an Indestructible Marriage Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, January 16, 2024

What’s Wrong With Wanting a Healthy Relationship? - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 482

What’s wrong with wanting a healthy relationship? Jayson and Ellen are here to break it down. "Healthy" is a poorly defined concept, which can create nebulous expectations that are impossible to live up to. If you’ve written yourself off because you believe you’re incapable of having healthy relationships, it’s time to level up and start focusing on how you can foster growth-oriented relationships going forward. Tune in to learn how you can set realistic expectations and define the relationship experience that you want. It’s time to plan for reality and aspire for greatness. Timestamps: 4:57 - Defining what “healthy” means 7:09 - Deciding on the relationship experience you want 8:41 - Creating realistic expectations 11:14 - Plan for reality, aspire for greatness 15:00 - Don’t write yourself off 16:49 - Growth oriented relationships 19:17 - Action steps Links: U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, January 09, 2024

How Menopause Changes You and Your Relationships - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 481

Ellen joins Jayson to discuss menopause and its impact on relationships. What is menopause? Do women in non-western cultures experience menopause differently than women in western cultures? What happens to women’s hormones during menopause? What about hormone replacement therapy? Tune in to hear Jayson and Ellen share their personal experiences surrounding menopause and learn how you can nurture your relationships through the menopausal journey. Timestamps: 3:34 - What is menopause? 7:02 - How does menopause impact relationships? 13:53 - How does culture impact the experience of menopause? 16:50 - Why are resources for menopause scarce? 19:01 - What happens to women’s hormones during menopause? 21:54 - Jayson’s perspective 30:40 - Keeping your partner in mind 37:24 - Resource recommendation 41:51 - HRT Links: Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok

Tue, January 02, 2024

Challenging Sensitive Kids - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 480

Jayson and Ellen share valuable insights about nurturing antifragile confidence in sensitive children and offer practical tips for creating a supportive environment that encourages resilience and emotional well-being. Gain a deeper understanding of what defines a sensitive child. Discover practical strategies and compassionate approaches for navigating moments when your sensitive child is hesitant or resistant, and learn how to find the balance between challenging your child and respecting their emotions. Whether you're a parent, caregiver, or simply interested in understanding the dynamics of parenting sensitive children, this episode offers a wealth of wisdom. Tune in for a discussion that will empower you to embrace and celebrate the uniqueness of your sensitive child while fostering a foundation of strength and confidence. Timestamps: 5:54 - What is a sensitive kid like? 9:29 - Overprotective parenting 14:20 - Are you asking too much of your child? 19:40 - Helping your child build antifragile confidence 23:09 - Validating your child's feelings 32:07 - Action steps Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, December 26, 2023

3 Simple Tips to Optimize Your Health, Snoring, and Breathing - Sachin Patel - 479

In this episode, Jayson is joined by best-selling author and functional medicine practice success coach Sachin Patel. Do you or your partner struggle with snoring? Is it a constant challenge for you to get enough sleep? Sachin offers some basic steps that you can take to begin turning your health around. These range from simple changes you can make today, such as adjusting ambient home lighting, to incorporating effective breathing techniques. If you’re interested in taking control of your health, you won’t want to miss this fascinating conversation. Timestamps: 6:23 - Who is Sachin Patel? 8:11 - Sachin's wellness journey 17:44 - Why don't people do what's good for them? 28:16 - Why is nose breathing so important? 33:20 - Snoring 43:07 - Basic steps to change your health 48:42 - Advice for young people 52:59 - Action step Links: Connect with Sachin Patel Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, December 19, 2023

Common Misconceptions About Secure Attachment - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 478

Everyone wants to be in a securely attached relationship, but what does secure attachment really look like? In this episode, Jayson and Ellen talk about secure attachment and address some common misconceptions. How can you know the difference between infatuation and secure attachment? How long does it take to develop secure attachment in a romantic relationship? How do securely attached relationships differ between different couples? Tune in to learn how you can create and maintain long-lasting and meaningful partnerships. Timestamps: 2:00 - Secure attachment vs. infatuation 5:21 - How long does it take to know if you’re securely attached? 8:59 - Working through the challenge stage 11:26 - Misconceptions about secure attachment 20:25 - Make sure you both want the same type of relationship 23:02 - Action steps Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, December 12, 2023

Leadership and the Longing to Belong - Jerry Colonna - 477

Jerry Colonna joins Jayson to discuss leadership and the longing to belong. How can parents help get their kids to adulthood? Why is it important for leaders to do the inner work? How can self-awareness help you access your empathy? How can you be more effective as a coach and a leader? Whether you’re a parent, a coach or a leader in some other capacity, there’s plenty to learn from Jerry’s story and his insights. Timestamps: 8:19 - Why is it important for a leader to do the inner work? 12:11 - Accessing empathy through self-awareness 15:52 - How parents can help kids get to adulthood 19:23 - Being effective as a coach 27:54 - Where's the power? 30:27 - Depression in middle-aged men 33:09 - The seductive nature of doing 36:43 - Belonging 40:09 - The family dynamic 42:21 - Feeling alone in a crowd 45:16 - Nurturing true belonging 52:20 - How many corporations are doing the work? 57:16 - Taking a relational position as a leader 59:28 - How important are partners? 1:01:00 - Psychoanalysis 1:06:50 - Leaders need therapy too 1:13:27 - Jerry's advice for highschool kids 1:15:47 - Action step Links: Jerry Colonna - Reunion (reboot.io) FREE Webinar: How To Resolve Conflict & Create Powerful Relationships The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn</a

Tue, December 05, 2023

7 Signs of the Spiritual Narcissist and How to Know if They Are Truly Healing - Jayson Gaddis - 476

Jayson explores the seven revealing signs of spiritual narcissism and the journey to authentic transformation. Join Jayson for insights into recognizing these behaviors in spiritual narcissists, from lingo mastery to their struggle with attachment work. Learn how to distinguish genuine growth and see when a spiritual seeker becomes an empowered, empathetic individual. Timestamps: 3:57 - Seven signs of the spiritual narcissist 4:42 - Talking the talk without walking the walk 5:54 - Unsuccessful long-term relationships 6:37 - Recreating the family of origin 7:25 - A lack of empathy 8:05 - Fear of attachment 9:19 - Refusing to do the work 10:47 - How do you know if they’re changing? Links: 7 Signs of the Spiritual Narcissist and How to Know if They are Truly Healing 2 Types Of Narcissism & How To Avoid Them - Dr. Stan Tatkin The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, November 28, 2023

Decoding the Meaning of 'Doing the Work' - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 475

If you’re in the personal development space, chances are you’ve heard the term 'doing the work' thrown around often, but what does it really mean? Is there a right way to do the work? How can you gauge whether your personal development work is really having an impact? Jayson and Ellen share their insights about what it means to 'do the work' and touch on topics from intimate relationships and family to psychedelics and yoga along the way.   Timestamps: 5:14 - What does "doing the work" look like? 8:17 - The litmus test for personal growth 10:15 - Why intimate partnership is so important for personal development 16:25 - Holding more complexity 21:12 - Doing the work should have results  23:45 - The role of relational context Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, November 21, 2023

Epic Personal Growth Tips From the Masters - Brian Johnson - 474

Jayson sits down with author, philosopher and CEO, Brian Johnson, to talk about how you can reach your heroic potential. Brian shares Seven Objectives that you can implement today to supercharge your personal growth journey. Learn how to forge antifragile confidence, optimize your big three and dominate the fundamentals. If you want to master yourself and activate your superpower, this episode is a must listen. Timestamps: 4:35 - Who is Brian Johnson? 12:04 - Seven objectives 13:55 - Antifragile confidence 23:23 - Sidestepping lizards vs slaying dragons 27:03 - Dominating the fundamentals 32:00 - The victim inside 35:20 - Knowing the ultimate game 44:11 - Optimizing your big three 48:52 - Tips for learning and reflection 52:45 - Ambition 58:52 - Brian's advice for young people 1:04:57 - Action step Links: https://www.heroic.us/ The End The Struggle With Him Roadmap & Monthly Group Coaching Membership Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, November 14, 2023

A Few Words of Encouragement - Jayson Gaddis - 473

Do you feel like you need to pick yourself back up? Jayson has a few words of encouragement for you today. All of us have an inner warrior that has gotten us through life’s trials until this point and Jayson offers two great tips for how to connect with that warrior part inside ourselves. He also shares a hack that can help you when life feels like it’s too hard. Tune in to learn how embracing hardship and getting out of your victimhood can help you meet life’s challenges. Timestamps: 3:20 - Warriorship 9:05 - How do you meet challenges? 11:18 - Embrace hardship 15:31 - Your life is yours to deal with Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, November 07, 2023

Boundaries: Relationship Tool - Lisa Dion - 472

Lisa Dion joins Jayson to talk boundaries. Boundaries are one of the most important tools in intimate relationships. How much you struggle to say no can say a lot about how much you value yourself. You must have boundaries if you want to go the distance in a relationship. Timestamps: The huge breakthrough insight about boundaries that Lisa shared with Jayson [6:38] The four things our brain is always scanning for to determine if there is a threat or challenge [8:34] What is Lisa’s definition of a boundary? [14:30] Jayson and Lisa demonstrate how to set a boundary [17:43] The big fear we all carry in ourselves [23:15] The weakness many of us have when receiving a boundary request [23:12] What are the most common feedback signs our body gives us? [27:00] The three types of boundaries [32:06] Jayson issues a boundary challenge [45:08] Links: http://lisa-dion.com http://synergeticplaytherapy.com Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4850 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook  

Tue, October 31, 2023

Entrepreneurs, Their Relationships, and What Fuels Them - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 471

Jayson and Ellen talk entrepreneurship. What inspired Jayson to create The Relationship School? What is it like to be in a relationship with an entrepreneur? What drives entrepreneurs? Can you be addicted to stress? Are you afraid that you’ll lose your motivation if you do the inner work and deal with your issues? Listen to discover how both your relationships and your business can benefit when you stop letting stress and inadequacy drive you. Timestamps: 2:59 - What is an entrepreneur? 4:48 - Why do people want to coach entrepreneurs? 8:05 - How do entrepreneurs fuel their work? 19:49 - What does it look like to run a business in an integrated way? 24:11 - Can you get addicted to stress? 29:48 - Applying a growth mindset to every area in your life 31:24 - Advice for partners of entrepreneurs 36:09 - How being preoccupied causes issues in the family system 41:48 - Being proactive Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, October 24, 2023

4 Powerful Questions if You Are Feeling Off, Lost or Depressed - Xavier Dagba - 470

Xavier Dagba is a coach who focuses on shadow integration and trauma informed transformation. He has an inspiring story that emphasizes the power of listening to the voice inside and following your passion no matter the cost.  Why is shadow work so important? What can you learn from your imposter syndrome? Can envy ever be used in a positive way? Join Jayson and Xavier for a powerful conversation that will change the way you think about yourself and your relationships. Timestamps: 4:08 - Who is Xavier? 15:15 - How can you learn to listen to the voice inside? 24:18 - Xavier's journey to becoming a mentor 31:07 - Shadow integration 32:41 - Working with envy in a positive way 39:22 - Fatherhood 51:40 - What can imposter syndrome teach us? 1:04:00 - Xavier's advice for kids 1:08:00 - Action step Links: Sign up for Jayson's free Connection Secrets webinar here! Find Xavier Dagba online here Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, October 17, 2023

Why You Need 2 of These Types of Friends in Your Life - Jayson Gaddis - 469

Friends are some of the most important relationships in our lives, but some types of friendships help us grow more than others. Jayson explains why you need to cultivate friendships with people who are comfortable challenging you and who aren’t afraid to go deep. Learn why it's so important to have two of this type of friend and how you can set an intention to foster this type of friendship in the future. Timestamps: 2:21 - Friends that aren't great for you 3:48 - The type of friend that you need 8:03 - Why you need 2 of this type of friend 10:56 - Setting an intention to go deeper in your friendships Links: Sign up for Jayson's free Connection Secrets webinar here! Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, October 10, 2023

Agreeing to a Mediocre Relationship - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 468

Why do people get complacent in long-term relationships? Jayson and Ellen discuss a situation where a couple mutually decided to put their marriage on the back burner to avoid conflict. What are the drawbacks of using complacency as a coping mechanism? Is ignoring your relational needs in order to avoid conflict a sustainable long-term strategy? Tune in to learn how to break out of the complacency trap and get real with your partner today. Timestamps: 2:22 - Using complacency to avoid conflict 5:30 - Is being complacent okay if it reduces conflict? 7:29 - The drawbacks of complacency as a conflict avoidance strategy 8:37 - When relationship feels like a demand instead of a gift 12:38 - Complacency doesn't solve underlying issues 17:55 - Avoidant people need relationship too 20:22 - Is ignoring your emotional needs sustainable? 23:04 - Standing for three Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, October 03, 2023

Staying in a Dead Marriage for the Kids - Jayson Gaddis - 467

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major causes of problems in children. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again… Timestamps: The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:30] What is the real issue here? [8:40] The problem with divorce/marriage research [12:20] What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:40] Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 26, 2023

The Surprising Difference Between Divorced People and Married People - Mark Manson - #466

What can you learn from divorced people and what can you learn from people who have been married for a decade or two? What are the main differences? There are two and we cover them in this episode with author Mark Manson. We also explore how Mark navigated a big challenge with his now wife and why self-improvement and self-awareness are so essential to long-term partnership.   Timestamps: 1:03 - Episode introduction 4:36 - Mark Manson's backstory 8:52 - Common issues and challenges 10:42 - Healthy boundaries 15:28 - How important is it for couples to have friends outside their relationship? 17:13 - Challenges in marriage and how to get through them 26:04 - Is respect more important than communication? 31:17 - How school ill prepares us for life 33:57 - What can we learn from people who have been divorced? 36:50 - Cultivating self-awareness 40:38 - Mark's preferred methods of introspection 42:54 - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck 46:24 - Action Steps Links: Mark Manson's website Masterclass Library Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 19, 2023

The Misattuned Camper & Not Getting The Impact of Our Behavior on Others - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 465

Explore the wilderness of Colorado with Jayson and Ellen in this upcoming episode. Their backpacking adventure takes an unexpected turn which leads to thought-provoking insights about human interactions, relationships, and the delicate balance between self-expression and consideration for others. Tune in to this discussion that will inspire you to reflect on your own interactions and the impact of your actions on those around you. Timestamps: 4:04 - The story of the misattuned camper 11:38 - How our behavior impacts others 17:32 - Why our relationship to others matters 20:34 - Standing for three 21:48 - Keeping each other in mind Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, September 12, 2023

Human Development, Spiritual Growth, & Consciousness - Mark Divine - 464

This week Jayson welcomes back a returning guest and good friend, Mark Divine. Together, they discuss the stages of human development, emphasizing the importance of maturing, resolving emotional issues, and achieving full integration as individuals. They cover diverse aspects, from self-connection to various spiritual paths, authentic leadership, and simplifying life for a more meaningful existence. Join Jayson and Mark for a journey into personal evolution and a reflection on the impact of technology on relationships. Timestamps: 0:46 - Guest introduction 7:04 - Levels of development 9:33 - The five stages 17:12 - Relational development  20:41 - Four frameworks 25:28 - Working on yourself through relationship 27:34 - Spiritual development 30:56 - Doing relational work as a man 36:18 - Moving from doing to being 39:14 - Is distraction a defense mechanism? 41:56 - Being present with your kids 45:11 - Digital distractions 51:51 - Making Integral Theory digestible 54:59 - Dissolving polarity 58:46 - Escaping the maze of victimhood 1:02:17 - What are Mark and Jayson up to currently? 1:05:54 - Action steps Links: #281 - Lessons From A Navy Seal During Tough Times - Mark Divine Mark Divine's Website Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube <li dir="ltr" role="pre

Tue, September 05, 2023

Thoughts About Your Human Journey - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 463

Join Jayson and Ellen as they discuss insights from a transformative two-day retreat. From conflict management to embracing the unknown, they uncover using relationships as a path to self-discovery. Tune in for an authentic journey of growth that reshapes your view on human connections. Timestamps: 2:28 - What happens on a two day retreat with Jayson? 9:53 - Accepting challenges as learning experiences 13:20 - Don't lose your relationship to yourself 16:31 - What does Buddhism have to say about ending the cycle of suffering? 21:06 - What is The Path? 23:37 - What makes relationships a good development path? 26:11 - How long does it take for someone to understand relationship as a development path? 28:33 - Action steps Links: Relationship As A Path Foundations Course Apply to Relationship Coach Training Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, August 29, 2023

A Complete Guide to Finding a Good Coach or Therapist - Jayson Gaddis - 462

In this episode, Jayson discusses the importance of finding the right coach or therapist. He also explains why you should identify your readiness for change and clarify your specific problem before seeking help. Learn why you should prioritize practitioners who are not only trained in the area you’re targeting but also actively involved in their own personal growth. Find out how to spot the real gems among personal recommendations, endorsements, and online reviews. If money is an issue, Jayson has a great question to ask. Timestamps: 1:41 - Questions you need to ask as a client 11:17 - Couples work or individual work? 13:26 - Hire a specialist 15:57 - Find a therapist who is doing the work 17:41 - Results matter 20:16 - Good therapists and coaches get supervision 23:09 - How much personal experience does a coach or therapist need? 29:41 - How much should therapists reveal about their personal lives? 32:23 - Reputation 33:59 - Does paying more equal better therapy? 37:16 - Action step Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, August 22, 2023

The Art and Science of Relationship Coaching - Jayson Gaddis - 461

Uncover the captivating blend of art and science in relationship coaching. Join Jayson as he guides the way, painting a masterpiece of understanding, growth, and authenticity. Discover the science behind lasting happiness and the significance of deep connections for a fulfilling life. It's not just about belonging; it's about being truly known and loved. Step into a transformative adventure, mastering the art and science of coaching. Embrace your evolution, becoming a beacon of connection in a world craving relational leaders. Enroll in Relationship Coach Training now at relationshipschool.com/RCT . Start your transformative journey today, and become a catalyst for thriving, authentic relationships. Timestamps: 0:48 - What is relationship coaching and why is it important? 4:23 - The art of relationship coaching 12:31 - The power of the here and now 16:08 - The science of relationship coaching 17:04 - What we know about human fulfillment and life satisfaction 19:29 - The ACEs study 25:51 - Should you become a relationship coach? Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, August 15, 2023

Your Relationship with Food, Body, Exercise, and Health - Dr. Layne Norton - 460

In our latest episode, Jayson talks with Layne Norton, a distinguished figure in health, fitness, and personal development. Listen to their candid discussion on compassionate communication, setting boundaries, and fostering healthy relationships. Layne's emphasis on breaking free from restrictive food rules and embracing a balanced, joyful relationship with nourishment reflects his dedication to empowering individuals to achieve their health goals. Watch this inspiring episode to learn more and discover how exercise and weightlifting can transform your life, especially after age 40. Timestamps: 0:45 - Introduction 3:33 - How did Layne Norton get into evidence-based fitness and nutrition? 7:37 - Areas to focus on for long-term health 9:55 - How to avoid eating too much 13:05 - How tracking your food intake can help you make better choices 15:35 - How do you measure food? 20:54 - The ACEs study 30:25 - Empathy and accountability 32:40 - How important is doing the inner work in terms of health? 35:10 - How did Layne's experiences with bullying impact his life trajectory 42:45 - Why is exercise so important for people over 40? 51:30 - Layne's thoughts on food rules 1:01:00 - Why is fiber important? 1:07:40 - Just start doing the little things 1:09:55 - Layne's relationship advice for high-school students 1:12:00 - Where can people find Layne? 1:13:10 - Action steps Links: Layne Norton's Website Carbon — Smart Diet Coach Follow Layne Norton on Instagram Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on

Tue, August 08, 2023

Victim Consciousness and What to Do About It - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 459

Are you ready to break free from the chains of victimhood and embrace empowerment? Join Jayson and Ellen in this episode as they dive deep into the complexities of fault versus responsibility. They also discuss the struggle between victimhood and authorship. Explore empowering perspectives, real-life stories, and learn how to transform challenges into personal growth opportunities. You won't want to miss this as they challenge the norms compassionately, fostering self-reflection and self-discovery without blame. Find out what got Ellen saying "Honey, We Should Have Talked Before You Posted.” Timestamps: 0:53 - Fault vs. responsibility 3:25 - Context 7:00 - Why do people get attached to their victim stance? 16:51 - Finding your part in painful experiences 27:48 - Learning about yourself through painful experiences 32:43 - When to take responsibility 35:23 - Why does resilience vary between people? 43:00 - What you gain by transcending your pain 45:43 - Dealing with victim dynamics as a coach or a therapist 51:20 - How Jayson deals with his victim consciousness 54:09 - Personal development vs. forgiveness 58:58 - Moving from victim to author Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter <a href= "https://www.facebook.com/jaysonga

Tue, August 01, 2023

A Couple's Vulnerable Story of Falling Apart and Getting Stronger - Tripp & Alyson - 458

A brave, smart couple shares their darkest period and how they worked through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years and then adds in a child to the mix will pretty much get rocked. Tripp (host of The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp ) and Alyson (psychotherapist, relationship coach) share what happened and how they got through it. From their day-to-day check-ins, emotional distance, and meltdowns to transforming their sex life after kids, we imagine you’ll be amazed and inspired, and hopefully you will walk away with some actionable practices you can implement in your own relationship.  Timestamps: 7:40 - Guest introductions 10:08 - How did Tripp and Alyson meet? 22:23 - How to deal with it when things are "off" 28:09 - Learning from conflict 31:55 - Learning curiousity 32:40 - Challenging moments 50:53 - Advice for getting through hard times 1:01:03 - How to keep your sex life alive 1:21:10 - Where to find Alyson and Tripp 1:22:47 - Action steps   Links: The New Man Podcast: Beyond the Macho Jerk and the New Age Wimp AlysonLanier.com TrippLanier.com Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn <a href= "https://www.tiktok.com/@jaysongaddis" target="_blank" rel= "noo

Tue, July 25, 2023

AMA- Mixed Messages, Love Addiction vs Being in Love, Being Told It’s Your Fault, Financial Conversations - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 457

Join Jayson and Ellen’s in-depth chat as they talk through listeners' questions in this Ask me Anything episode. Betty asks about a tough financial situation, Jean is looking for tips on how to break the toxic cycle of always being told it's your fault by their partner, Christy is struggling to differentiate between love addiction and being in love, and Alyssia is looking for advice on how to handle mixed messages. Tune in as they offer guidance on creating a strong foundation based on mutual respect to build healthy and fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 1:12 - Financial conversations 14:05 - Space in a relationship 17:40 - Love addiction vs. being in love 29:23 - Mixed messages Links: Apply to Relationship Coach Training Enroll in Relationship Mastery The Most Important Question To Ask To Determine If You Are Compatible - Jayson & Ellen - 372 Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn TikTok Twitter Facebook

Tue, July 18, 2023

A Conversation About Race, Color Blindness, Equality & Affirmative Action - Coleman Hughes - 456

Join Coleman Hughes and Jayson as they discuss the multifaceted aspects of the anti-racist movement, evaluating its progress and identifying areas of improvement. Coleman Hughes is a writer, musician, opinion columnist, and host of the popular podcast Conversations with Coleman. His work focuses on race, public policy, and applied ethics. Through this engaging discussion, they strive to foster meaningful conversations, challenge assumptions, and pave the way for a more inclusive and harmonious society.  You won't want to miss this episode, so tune in now. Timestamps: 4:19 - Who is Coleman Hughes? 5:46 - Jayson's past exploring different viewpoints 8:48 - How does Coleman think about race? 12:29 - Anti-racist thought leaders, past and present 16:09 - The impact of social media 21:25 - Has the modern anti-racist movement made progress? 26:00 - How do we deal with racism? 30:19 - Root causes 36:04 - Tribalism 43:51 - Coleman's advice for white people 50:47 - Affirmative action 53:14 - Positive vs negative life outlooks 56:48 - Coleman's advice for highschool students 58:47 - Action steps Links: colemanhughes.org twitter.com/coldxman youtube.com/@ColemanHughesOfficial Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery Apply to Relationship Coach Training Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube <a href= "https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaysongaddis" target="_blank" r

Tue, July 11, 2023

How to Speak Up If You Are Unhappy With A Partner, Family, & Coworkers - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 455

Why do people hesitate to speak up in relationships? And how do you speak up  if you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship?  Why do you even need to speak up at that point, right? Many of us fear conflict and believe that speaking up will only make things worse. But let's challenge that notion. Is it a good enough reason to keep your thoughts and feelings hidden? The answer is a resounding no. The truth is, when we don't speak up, resentment builds. We start to feel a boundary being crossed, and instead of addressing it, we silently grow more and more frustrated. This is often seen in long-term partnerships and marriages, where uncomfortable topics are swept under the rug, creating a cage of unspoken truths. In the workplace, not speaking up can have its consequences too. You may find yourself seeking validation from others who share your frustrations, creating triangles that only reinforce your silence. It's time to break free from this cycle. In this episode Jayson and Ellen encourage you to find your voice, to share your truth, and to express your needs and desires. It's about reclaiming your power in relationships and fostering an environment where both partners have equal say, share leadership, and value each other's perspectives. It's time to speak up and create a foundation of trust, understanding, and genuine connection. Join us and discover the freedom and fulfillment that comes with being true to yourself. Timestamps: 2:54 - Why don't people in unhappy relationships speak up? 8:43 - The cost of not speaking up at work 13:47 - The self-betrayal of not speaking up 23:08 - How to start the conversation about holding back 30:00 - Setting boundaries with family 32:52 - Setting boundaries in the workplace 36:21 - Action steps Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery Follow Jayson on social media: Instagram YouTube LinkedIn <

Tue, July 04, 2023

Relationship As A Personal Development Path - Jayson Gaddis - 454

Are you tired of feeling unfulfilled in your relationships or like something is missing from your life? Have you achieved success and acquired material possessions, yet still long for a deeper sense of happiness and purpose? It's time to shift your perspective and embrace a new way of approaching relationships. This episode explores Jayson's journey of self-discovery after embracing Buddhism's core teachings. He realized that relationships are about more than just happiness or meeting needs. Instead, they offer a path to wholeness and freedom. It is your relationships that can serve as catalysts for your personal growth and ultimate liberation. Now it's your turn to learn how to become a more authentic version of yourself by joining the transformational adventure. Imagine seeing your relationships as pathways to self-discovery and fulfillment, where every interaction is an opportunity for personal growth. Whether you are single, married, or have children, this episode will help you unlock the hidden potential within your most profound relationships. In addition to giving you an understanding of how life works, it will also teach you how to navigate its challenges gracefully and resiliently. Are you ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and embrace your Relationships As A Personal Development Path? Consider joining Jayson on his upcoming 2-day retreat and unlocking the transformative power of your most important connections. Your hero's journey awaits. To learn more and deepen your understanding of Relationship As A Personal Development Path visit relationshipschool.com/path and stay tuned for more information at the end of our episode. Timestamps: 3:45 - Do you like who you are? 5:08 - Using high stakes relationships as a tool for personal development 8:28 - Religion and other spiritual frameworks 16:52 - Relationship as a spiritual path 21:03 - Action step Links: Live 2-Day Virtual Retreat: Relationship As A Personal Development Path Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Enroll in Relationship Mastery

Tue, June 27, 2023

Healing Relational Trauma in the Body - Sharon Stanley - 453

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others? Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy! Timestamps: 5:56 - How Sharon became interested in trauma 9:16 - What is it like to work with trauma? 14:08 - How does being present help treat trauma? 23:34 - The cost of not dealing with trauma 28:04 - Childhood neglect and trauma 33:42 - Issues caused by trauma 37:31 - Sharon's advice for young people 39:52 - Action step Links: Sharon Stanley’s Website & Info

Tue, June 20, 2023

Codependent Relationships: Signs, Symptoms, and How to Change It - Jayson Gaddis - 452

Most people have a little bit of codependency going on. However, if you have a relationship that is based on codependency, you're probably feeling insecure and frustrated. In this episode, Jayson covers the signs and symptoms of codependency, the history of the term, how it "works" and what to do about it. You'll want to check this out! To sign up for our next Masterclass click HERE . Timestamps: 4:03 - What is codependency? 11:36 - Signs you might be experiencing codependency 16:21 - What are you getting out of hurtful relationship patterns? 18:24 - Increasing your self worth 20:00 - Other ways to do relationship 22:04 - Take action Links: Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Masterclass

Tue, June 13, 2023

Less Overthinking, Secure Functioning, and 2 Actions for Relationship Success - Stan Tatkin - 451

Renowned relationship expert, Stan Tatkin, joins Jayson and Ellen in discussing the concept of secure functioning and how it can transform your partnership. Introducing " In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them " This is not your typical self-help book filled with abstract theories and jargon. Instead, it offers practical guidance and actionable steps to help you and your partner thrive. Join us as we break down the complexities of couples therapy, emphasizing the importance of immediate action to stop the damage before delving into long-term growth. Witness the power of small agreements and the transformative potential of finding relief and care in each other. Gain insights into the mindset shift required to build a thriving relationship and move beyond self-centeredness towards genuine connection. Don't miss out on this enlightening episode that challenges conventional wisdom and offers practical strategies for building healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 4:37 - In Each Other's Care 6:59 - Vertical learning 12:56 - Building containers 22:28 - Stop it or do it 30:34 - What to do about threat buildup 36:30 - Needing space vs. needing to talk 43:09 - Couples therapy vs. individual therapy 46:44 - Do attachment styles change over time? 54:13 - Commitment 59:01 - Stan's advice for high school kids Links: The Pact Institute In Each Other’s Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Enroll in Relationship Mastery U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720 704 4850

Tue, June 06, 2023

AMA- Angry Partner, Receiving Criticism, Not Asking Our Partner Questions - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 450

On this AMA episode we tackle important questions from listeners. Inna is dealing with her boyfriend's anger issues and wonders if breaking up is the only solution. Kendra seeks advice on how to handle criticism from her husband. Stay tuned as Jayson and Ellen answer more insightful questions and offer guidance on building healthy and fulfilling relationships. Timestamps: 1:37 - Dealing with an angry partner 13:21 - Receiving criticism 25:48 - Not asking our partner questions Links: Transcript Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Apply to Relationship Coach Training Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

Tue, May 30, 2023

Top 6 Things Women Want in a Relationship - Jayson Gaddis - 449

This podcast comes from a blog post Jayson wrote for Elephant Journal where he polled over 200 women on his social media channels with this question: Hetero-women: “What are you wanting from us men in the context of an intimate, monogamous partnership?” Over 200 women responded. It was an emotional read. So, guys, listen up and take notes. Timestamps: 2:02 - The top 6 things women want from men 3:46 - Willingness 5:02 - Emotional availability and vulnerability 7:12 - Presence 9:42 - Honesty 11:08 - Safety 12:09 - Self awareness 14:24 - Action step Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" 3 Types of Men in Partnership, Which One Are You? – Relationship School Podcast #230 For Men Who Have a Closed or Guarded Heart – Relationship School Podcast # 231 Toxic Masculinity & Male Sexuality – Relationship School Podcast # 233 The Relationship School The top 6 things women want from men (Advice from over 200 women)

Tue, May 23, 2023

Evolutionary Love - Andrew Harvey - 448

Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain guides you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself?  What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality?  In this explorative and enlightening interview, Andrew Harvey explores how to create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on tight for a mind-blowing ride as Andrew shares his perspective on how relationship work is sacred. He also shares how it serves your soul's calling.  Tune in and feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, and experience in the comments. Timestamps: Andrew’s definition of true love [11:00] Why is love hard? [12:00] 3 ways to build and cultivate true love [14:00] ‘The shadow’ and an exercise in shadow-work [22:00] Taking responsibility for disowned parts of yourself [29:00] Advice about purpose for when you’re feeling lost in life [30:00] The role of suffering on a spiritual path [40:00] A quote by Rumi [42:00] What is the most important thing people need to learn in relationship? [44:00] Links: Andrew’s website Book: Evolutionary Love Relationships Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Apply to Relationship Coach Training  

Tue, May 16, 2023

1 Tip to Have a Sexy and Powerful Partnership Over Time - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 447

Want to know one tip that most of us avoid or don't execute well so you can have a sexy and powerful partnership that lasts? It isn't going on more dates, and it isn't getting really good at repair. Find out how to transform your romantic relationship with Jayson and Ellen in this week's episode, and leave a comment below with your response/experience. Timestamps: 1:43 - 1 tip to have a sexy, powerful partnership over time 5:11 - What's holding couples back? 9:19 - Having a plan 15:54 - What does co-creation mean? Links: Transcript Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720 704 4850

Tue, May 09, 2023

Powerful Sex Practices with Layla Martin - 446

Tue, May 02, 2023

Individual Coach or Couples Coach–Who to Hire and When? - Jayson & Ellen - 445

Jayson and Ellen discuss when couples should seek individual help versus working together with a coach or therapist, and how to use a coach/therapist to address relationship issues. Timestamps: 0:58 - Individual coaching/therapy vs. couples coaching/therapy 9:53 - Best way to use an individual coach/therapist to help with relationship problems 13:38 - When does individual work make sense? 15:45 - Should a practitioner see couples and individuals? 21:38 - Recomendations Links: Transcript Hire Ellen for relationship therapy & couples coaching Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720 704 4850

Tue, April 25, 2023

Facing Death, Climbing, Filmmaking & The Creative Process - Pete Mortimer - 444

Do you find the psychology of extreme athletes and their relationships fascinating? Are you curious about what motivates climbers and mountaineers to push themselves to the limit and risk it all? Are you a creative and could you use some tips on how to follow your creative spirit?  If so, you won't want to miss this interview with Emmy-winning American filmmaker Peter Mortmier, who shares his unique perspective on relationships. Jayson's experience as an extreme athlete and a therapist allows him to gain a unique insight into extreme athletes' psychology. In their conversation, they discuss the reasons why climbers push themselves to the edge, the deeper experiences they seek, and the heightened awareness they gain through their adventures. Discover the psychology of extreme athletes, as well as insights into the mind of a brilliant creator in this unforgettable episode. Timestamps: 0:55 - Guest introduction 10:50 - The Alpinist 36:00 - What motivates women who climb? 39:00 - Reel Rock 17 44:45 - How Pete thinks about the creative process 50:40 - Pete's advice to stuck creatives Links: Watch Reel Rock 17 Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Apply to Relationship Coach Training Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email Enroll in Relationship Mastery

Tue, April 18, 2023

Asking Others to Change - Jayson Gaddis - 443

Would you change if someone asked you to? Asking people to change is common human behavior, but it can be problematic in our most intimate relationships, such as those with our children, parents, and partners. Tune in to this week's episode to hear Jayson's thoughts on his Instagram DMs and asking people to change. Timestamps: 1:50 - Why asking others to change is problematic 16:37 - Q&A with Jayson Links: Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Sign up to get Jayson's weekly newsletter via email

Tue, April 11, 2023

Why Female Run Companies Are More Successful Than Male Run Companies - Julia Boorstin - 442

Why are women-run companies more successful than male-run companies? If you are a woman, do you ever feel like the workplace is unfair? How often? This interview was completely eye-opening for Jayson, and very humbling, and we invite you to tune in.  Timestamps: 1:00 - Guest introduction 6:02 - How Julia decided to focus on gender differences in When Women Lead 9:36 - Julia's career so far 13:20 - What statistics say about inequality 31:07 - The benefits when women lead companies 39:53 - Do women need to adopt stereotypically masculine traits to succeed? Links: Julia’s website Take the empathy test ( “reading the minds eye test” ) Follow Julia on  Instagram @juliaboorstin   Twitter @jboorstin LinkedIn @Julia Boorstin Buy Julia’s book → When Women Lead Review Julia’s Recommended Reading & Resources CNBC Disruptor 50 (an annual list she oversees, highlighting the private companies transforming the economy and challenging companies in established industries).  Stay Tuned…The Future of TV (documentary) Closing the Gap (initiative covering closing gender gaps) Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" <a href="https://lp.relationshipschool.com/newsletter-1" target="_blank" rel="noo

Tue, April 04, 2023

The “Grass is Greener” Syndrome in Relationships - Jayson Gaddis - 441

In this episode, Jayson shares his personal experience living with this mentality around partnerships/relationships for years. He unpacks what this mindset is really about and what you can do to get through it, which could potentially reframe your experience and help you commit to the one you’re with. Timestamps: 1:56 - The grass is greener mentality 5:42 - Two factors that contribute to the grass is greener mentality 13:05 - When is the grass actually greener? 18:37 - Jayson's personal experiance Links: Episode's Transcript Ep 18 – How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have the Balls to Marry My Wife Ep 31 – 2 Valid Reasons For Divorce Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50" Apply to Relationship Coach Training

Tue, March 28, 2023

Life Purpose, the Cost of Comparison, & Spiritual Development - Dr. John Demartini - 440

What is my life's purpose?  How can I find health and happiness?  Many of us ask these common questions and Dr. John Demartini, one of Jayson’s mentors, shares his thoughts with us. Dr. Demartini is a polymath with four decades of research and expertise exploring over 200 disciplines in pursuit of what he calls the Universal Principles of Life and Health. In addition to his work as a researcher and best-selling author, Dr. Demartini travels the globe as an international educator/speaker. This episode traverses the great plains of modern medicine to symptomatology, enlightenment to reincarnation, cryptocurrency to financial advice, and the interpersonal/relational aspects of our human experiences.  Tune in to this week’s episode to learn from this incredible man. Timestamps: What we do vs. what we say [8:30] What’s your strategy for achieving your goals? [11:30] So you think your job sucks, but does it really? [16:30] Illness, symptoms, and the mind [18:30] Thoughts on reincarnation [24:30] Demartini’s theories on the rise in autoimmune disease [30:30] Is social media making us physically ill? [32:30] Demartini’s opinions on Attachment Theory [36:30] No such thing as a dysfunctional family [45:00] Beware of the “all-enlightened” person [49:00] Can we train our bodies to sleep less? [1:10:00] Cryptocurrencies and financial advice [1:14:00]   Links: Dr. John Demartini’s website The Breakthrough Experience Dr. John Demartini on iTunes Keys to Mastering Relationships & Life with Dr. John Demartini Order Jayson's book: Gett

Tue, March 21, 2023

Never Ever Get Married Unless You Do These 3 Things - Jayson Gaddis - 439

If you plan on getting married, make sure you are willing to do these three things... You won't want to miss this.   Timestamps: 0:57 - Don’t get married unless… 2:58 - How should we define success in marriage? 5:34 - Only get married if you do these 3 things 11:07 - Takeaway Links: Read the transcript to this episode here Loneliness, Social Isolation And Living Alone – Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad – 301 Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Masterclass Library

Tue, March 14, 2023

Honest Sex - Shana James - 438

On this week’s episode we speak with relationship coach, author, TedX speaker, and host of the Man Alive podcast, Shana James about her newly released book, Honest Sex . We explore the intersection of sex, spirituality, authentic relating, and creativity, and she offers her expanded definition of sex: Tune in to learn about co-creating a deepened honesty to enhance sexual and relational connection/gratification. Timestamps: 0:59 - Guest introduction 2:07 - Interview 5:56 - Sexual creativity 15:07 - Fast food sex 23:05 - When should parents talk to kids about sex? 29:54 - Dealing with sexual differences 36:00 - Exercises for couples Useful Links: Shana’s website New book: Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive (get chapter 6 for free) Podcast: Man Alive Podcast Instagram: @shanajames Facebook: @truesuccessformen TRS Podcast episode 348: Men, Pleasure, and Power with Shana James TRS Podcast episode 258: How Does a Woman Help a Man Open Up and Do His Inner Work? with Shana James  TRS Podcast episode 110: The Healing Power of Touch with Betty Martin TEDx Talk: What 1000 Men's Tears Reveal About the Crisis Between Men and Women How To Play The Three Minute Game Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "

Tue, March 07, 2023

Relationship is a Skill - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 437

Jayson and Ellen discuss relationship skills we should learn (e.g. face reading, empathy, conflict resolution). There's no doubt that we have the capacity to have good relationships, because we know we're innately capable of being loving parents, partners, and positive citizens - that's what we're meant to be as humans - but cultivating our relational capacities is actually a developmental achievement and essential ingredient for health and wellness. Timestamps: 0:00 - Intro 1:46 - Relationship as a skill 14:38 - Why is a growth mindset important? 23:07 - Therapy clients vs. coaching clients 31:54 - Action step Useful Links: Enroll in Relationship Mastery Order Jayson's book: Getting to Zero Get 50% off your first month of relationship coaching with the promo code "First50"

Tue, February 28, 2023

Myth of Normal & Adult Parent-Child Dynamics - Daniel Maté - 436

On this week's podcast, we are joined by Daniel Maté .  In addition to co-writing recent New York Times bestseller The Myth of Normal with his father, Dr. Gabor Maté , Daniel is a composer, lyricist, playwright, podcaster, artist, musician, and mental chiropractor - a current day renaissance man.   Hear about how Daniel relates to his father, his experience growing up with Maté privilege, and how he contextualizes the complexities of the parent-child relationship psychologically while providing us with insightful reframes that speak to how we relate to our parents as adults. A few quotes from the book we feel compelled to share with you in hopes of inspiring you to read/listen to the book: “Trauma, until we work it through, keeps us stuck in the past, robbing us of the present moment’s riches, limiting who we can be.” “What joys have you denied yourself out of a belief that you don’t deserve them, or out of a conditioned fear that they’ll be snatched away?” “Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.” “Time after time it was the “nice” people, the ones who compulsively put other’s expectations and needs ahead of their own and who repressed their so-called negative emotions, who showed up with chronic illness in my family practice, or who came under my care at the hospital palliative ward I directed.” “Chronic rage, by contrast, floods the system with stress hormones long past the allotted time. Over the long term, such a hormonal surplus, whatever may have instigated it, can make us anxious or depressed; suppress immunity; promote inflammation; narrow blood vessels, promoting vascular disease throughout the body;” “It doesn’t matter whether we can point to other people who seem more traumatized than we are, for there is no comparing suffering. Nor is it appropriate to use our own trauma as a way of placing ourselves above others—“You haven’t suffered like I have”—or as a cudgel to beat back others’ legitimate grievances when we behave destructively. We each carry our wounds in our own way; there is neither sense nor value in gauging them against those of others.” “Like our other needs, meaning is an inherent expectation. Its denial has dire consequences. Far from a purely psychological need, our hormones and nervous systems clock its presence or absence. As a medical study in 2020 found, the "presence [of] and search for meaning in life are important

Tue, February 21, 2023

What Does “Do the Work” Actually Mean? - Jayson Gaddis - 435

April from Austin asks, “You’re always talking about ‘doing the work’; what does that mean? Also, dealing with ‘inner child work,’ does this mean getting a therapist?” Lance wonders, “When does inner child work end? And how do we know when it’s finished?” Tune in for another Ask Me Anything episode where Jayson answers listener questions. Want to submit a question? Leave a comment in our Facebook Support Group or on Instagram @jaysongaddis or @therelationshipschool   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com read the transcript here

Tue, February 14, 2023

Men’s Work, Male Vulnerability, & Infidelity - Connor Beaton - 434

In this week’s episode, Jayson interviews Connor Beaton, author of Men’s Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage and Find Freedom . He is the founder of Man Talks , a speaker, a business coach, a lifestyle entrepreneur, a former opera singer, and a husband and father. This episode speaks to the problem that many men experience while practicing vulnerability. Useful Links: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ https://instagram.com/mantalks/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, February 07, 2023

AMA: Healing Attachment Wounds, Codependency & Happy Wife Happy Life - Jayson & Ellen - 433

Curtis asks, “In your expertise, do you perceive that attachment wounds and attachment styles are healed and transformed during partnership or outside of that? I’m curious to hear your thoughts because I’ve been doing a bit of research and finding different takes on it…” Another listener wonders if these phrases signal a lack of personal responsibility in a codependent relationship: “‘I can only feel okay when she (or he) is feeling okay,’ ‘I feel I need to make her (or him) happy,’ and ‘Happy wife, happy life’ ; how would an attachment framework view codependency?”.  Ellen and Jayson address how we can heal our attachment wounds/adapt our attachment styles, highlight how we impact one another, and discuss the importance of finding common ground to propel the relationship forward. Stay tuned to the end for your action steps.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, January 31, 2023

The Healing Power of Conflict with Annie Lalla - 432

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this magnificent episode chock-full of hacks, insights, self-empowerment, love, and wisdom. Damn, can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe common challenges many of us face with simple, detailed examples of ways we can work to transform ourselves and our relationships into the magic we long for. It’s a must-listen-to (probably two or three times), and if you’re a note-taker, you’re going to want to grab your journal. This one is a doozie. Useful Links: Annie Lalla's Website Annie's “True Love” Test Facebook - Jayson Gaddis Fan Page U.S. listeners, sign up for relationship tips and support direct to your phone by texting this number:  720-704-4852 https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, January 24, 2023

Great Couples Struggle Too— A Personal Story - Jayson and Ellen - 431

How can you be there for your partner when you need them to be there for you? How do you take care of your needs with a struggling partner who needs your support? Can you relate to sometimes having a hard time connecting with your partner—or having a hard time empathizing with them?  Please tune in to hear Jayson and Ellen share what it’s like to struggle with conflict during a stressful time. Their recent experience helps put struggle into a psychological/relational context to aid understanding and compassion for you and your partner.

Tue, January 17, 2023

How to Change Behavior Effectively - Jayson Gaddis - 430

As you were growing up, your parents/culture/church/community/friends influenced your values and the positive and negative experiences you had. In this week’s episode, learn a bit about Jayson’s Compass Exercise (featured in Chapter 8 of his book ), a strategy to determine your values and the direction you’re headed in life. If you want to succeed with your New Year’s resolutions or your goals this year, tune in. Useful Links: Read the transcript for this episode https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, January 10, 2023

AMA—Anxiously Attached Person, Emotions and Men, Accepting Your Partner as They Are - Jayson and Ellen - 429

Taber asks, “I’m an anxiously attached person and it’s become clear to me that it doesn’t work for me that my partner talks to another woman every day, behind my back. I have found proof that he has crossed the line with her before, and with anxious attachment I am not in a healthy enough place to accept him continuing friendship with this person. I’m welcoming advice on how to set this boundary for myself without just ending the relationship, and I certainly don’t want to give an ultimatum. I’m new to this and need to set my mind free.”  Lestie wonders, “What do you simply accept in a relationship in the other, as opposed to trying to change it? I.e., one of you is clean, the other is messy, one is punctual, other is never on time…  I’m having difficulty knowing what to and what not to address. I know Gottmans says 69% of issues in relationships aren’t resolved and it’s more about how you communicate about them than trying to change them, and where to draw the line? Some of these issues really bother me. I also tend to fall into the fixing role and can be a perfectionist, and I’m not wanting to do that in my relationship.” Angela asks, “Why do men view emotional development work as weak? I’m trying to put more insight into understanding this concept in society. I do understand society has had some old idealism about masculinity, not being in touch with emotions, and not being able to be as vulnerable because it’s seen as weakness, but I’d love to understand the depth of this and what’s really going on.”  Join Ellen and Jayson’s in-depth chat as they talk through your questions in this Ask me Anything episode unpacking boundaries, insecure attachment dynamics, acceptance, and the systemic effect that is at play with men and their emotional landscape.    Useful Links: Read the Episode 429's transcript here   https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, January 03, 2023

The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships with Dr. Stephen Porges - 428

Did you know how impactful our facial expressions and tone of voice are on our partner’s sense of safety? Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed?  Do you wonder why you are (or your partner is) so damn sensitive? Well, there’s a scientific reason for all of this and in this week’s episode, Jayson interviews the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He’s a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe—in life and in your relationships. Dr. Stephen Porges is about to give you a big download on the reasons you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them. Useful Links: www.stephenporges.com https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, December 27, 2022

AMA: Mismatched Sex Drives & How To Feel Like You’re Enough - Jayson Gaddis - 427

Nicole asks, “I found your interview with (Dan) Savage to be highly enlightening and incredibly emotional. As a married straight woman in a monogamous relationship with children, I felt very triggered by the concept of ‘enough’. Am I enough? I am constantly struggling to feel like I am enough of anything, and I feel like your podcast has started to help me feel settled into an idea that monogamy and marriage can provide enough for both partners, if it is viewed as a journey and a goal. This interview ripped open some pretty deep and vulnerable wounds surrounding being enough.”  Erica wonders, “I’ve been married to my husband for nine years and together for fourteen. Even in the beginning of our relationship the sex wasn’t as frequent as I’d have liked, so I had to. Now we’re married and I feel like the sissue is in the different sex drives continues to bother me. I just need to need more sex than he does. He knows that I wish he’d initiate sex more, and we’ve gone to many years of therapy. I fear this will never get better. Is it foolish to think my husband could change? Is it possible for men to become more assertive or change how often they need sex? I’m afraid to get divorced as we have a seven year old son, but I think i’m coming to terms with the fact that this issue isn’t going away as I continue to resent not feeling desired.” Tune in to hear Jayson unpack these poignant questions from fellow listeners. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/

Tue, December 20, 2022

AMA - Unresolved Conflicts, Sexual Desire Differences, Challenging Friends - Jayson & Ellen - 426

Shavani asks, “Most times conflicts drain us of mental energy and time, even with both partners’ willingness to work through it. For me, conflict often takes hours of constant talking, fighting, and finally resolving. This is especially tough when work is involved that requires preparation and clarity. How do we work through conflict in a way that doesn’t impact other parts of our lives that are important for our personal growth and well-being?”  Kim wonders, “Have you ever covered sexual frequency in a marriage? He wants it WAY more because that’s how he thinks of connection, and I don’t want it nearly enough because he won’t open up, let me in, and connect on a deeper emotional level, so there is a constant struggle.”  Lilian is curious: “I have a dear friend that means well but always plays devil’s advocate when I come to her with a painful experience or when I need support. She says it’s because she’s a Libra. Where’s the line of calling your friend out on their B.S., and holding space for them with empathy in moments when they are experiencing pain?” Join Ellen and Jayson as they unpack listener questions regarding unresolved conflicts, sexual desire differences, and challenging friendships.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, December 13, 2022

Dependent, Independent, and Interdependent - Part 2 - Jayson & Ellen - 425

“Any advice to get over a fear of dependency?” Amy wants to know. “Is it possible for one partner to be dependent, and the other to be independent? Does that change over time? What can I do when I get triggered by his independence?” asks @twopopcorn. “Therapists always say, ‘You’re responsible for meeting your own needs’...How do you allow yourself to depend on someone and also not expect someone to give you what you need?” Jean is curious about.  Join Jayson and Ellen for this follow-up AMA episode (inspired by Episode 423: Dependent, Independent, Interdependent ) where they answer listener questions on dependency. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 425 here "Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Living Alone with Julianne Holt-Lundstad - Episode 301 (TRS Podcast) https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, December 06, 2022

Traditional Gender Roles and Shared Leadership in Partnership & Parenting - Jayson and Ellen - 424

Want some help understanding what the opposite sex thinks and feels about being partners, parents, cohabitating, careers, etc.? Care to learn how to structure leadership equitably with your partner? Can you identify with stereotypical gender roles—specifically with couples who are also parents? Curious to learn why some men resist or devalue hands-on parenting? Join Jayson and Ellen as they unpack how gender roles play into your most intimate relationship, how they relate to our cultural landscape, and how to structure leadership/relate to each other as partners and co-parents. Useful Links: Download the transcript of episode 424 here https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, November 29, 2022

Dependent, Independent, Interdependent - Jayson and Ellen - 423

When you hear the word “dependency,” what does it conjure up for you? Feelings of resistance? Discomfort? Maybe a squirmy feeling? Or something more positive? Does it feel good for you to be needed?  When we first emerge into the world as infants, we are 100% dependent on our caregiver(s) for all our physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, and relational needs. Our parents have been responsible for every one of our needs, day in and day out, for years. It is a biological imperative to attach to our caregiver (attachment figure), and it’s completely instinctual—it’s how a baby survives. Being someone’s attachment figure is incredibly demanding. Attachment science empirically speaks to the similarity between how a child attaches to a parent and how an adult attaches to their spouse, meaning our attachment figure changes from our parent to our significant other. However, your partner is not your caregiver… Contingent on your attachment style (anxious, avoidant, secure), it can become triggering to depend on or depend on someone else. Join Jayson and Ellen to better understand healthy and unhealthy dependency, normalize it, and even use our needs and dependence to deepen connection.  Useful Links: Download the transcript of this episode here https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, November 22, 2022

How to Create Family Values Together - Chris and Melissa Smith - 422

What lessons can families learn from businesses? Have you ever thought of formalizing your values as a family and creating a vision statement? Ellen and I had the privilege to chat with Chris and Melissa Smith, founders of Family Brand , and loving parents to five kids. We discuss what it’s like to have (and come from) an unusually large family, their near-divorce experience, and how they are now happier and stronger than ever before. They talk about why they founded Family Brand , and highlight the importance of working on oneself first and, and being very intentional with your commitment to your partner and parenting to co-create a brand unique to your family unit and why/how that’s helpful. Useful Links: Download the transcript of this episode here https://familybrand.com/ https://familybrand.com/podcast/ https://familybrand.com/quiz/ https://www.instagram.com/ourfamilybrand/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, November 15, 2022

The #1 Reason Your Partner Won’t Do The Work - Jayson Gaddis - 421

Do you find yourself in a relationship with someone who isn’t meeting you halfway? Are you curious to learn why your partner refuses to do their part of the work in the relationship? According to behavioral psychology, human beings are hedonistic. We prefer pleasure over pain, good over evil, comfortable over uncomfortable—even though  it is through discomfort that we grow. If you listen to the podcast, I consider you a growth/developmental-oriented person. If a non-growth/developmental-oriented person stays in a relationship with you long enough, they inevitably will bump up against discomfort and will do one of three things: run, check out, or sabotage. Tune in to this short episode to learn more about avoidance tactics, the number one reason your partner resists change, and the role shame plays in this dynamic. Useful Links: Download the transcript to Episode 421: The #1 Reason Your Partner Won't Do The Work https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, November 08, 2022

Advice From a Spiritual Coach on How to Deal with Triggers - Mamoon Yusaf - 420

Have you ever wondered if there was something you could do quickly when you were triggered and it just made everything better?  This week we’re joined by Spiritual Coach Mamoon Yusaf who gives us the elevator speech description of the Qu’ran and it’s deeper meaning). He shares his experience growing up in a posh British grammar school as a young Pakistani boy, becoming a Spiritual Coach, and awakening as a way of owning his feelings, the reactions that changed his life and his relationships for the better. But most importantly he shares a quick method to work through triggers. Useful Links: https://mamoonyusaf.com/ Sign up for updates here: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, November 01, 2022

A Comprehensive Guide for Expectant Dads and New Dads - Jayson Gaddis - 419

Are you a "dad to be," or are you already on the field but want to up your parenting game and become the kind of father and husband you always wanted to be (i.e., sincerely present and very engaged)? Buckle up for a candid, special, extra-long episode geared explicitly for dads with advice on pre-birth, birth (how to support the process and show up), and post-birth (notes on sleep, sex, healthy brain development, post-partum, technological considerations, carrying your child) and more. Useful Links: Download this episode's transcript here Sign up for updates here: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com Personality Disorders with Judith Pearson – Part 2 (Ep 418) Personality Disorder with Carolyn Bankston – Part 1 (Ep 410) How to Get Your Kids and Teens To Do What You Want and Need to do Without Fear and Bribes (Ep. 409) Boundaries & Other Tips for Brand New Parents with Tina Payne Bryson Why Your Kids Need You to Be In Charge with Kim John Payne 4 Non-Negotiable Needs Required for a Secure Partnership

Tue, October 25, 2022

Why Ages 0-3 are Vital for Healthy Child Development - Personality Disorders Part 2 with Judith Pearson, Ph. D. - 418

By far the most important age to get parenting “right” is 0-3. This is when the “self” forms and if the primary caregiver (often the mother) is not well, major challenges will emerge in the child. If you have a complicated relationship with your parents or you are a new parent, this is a must listen. Useful Links: Send a text: 7207044852 my.community.com/jaysongaddis/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, October 18, 2022

How to Get Over a Breakup: Live Coaching with Jayson - 417

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where the grieving process just won’t quit? In this week’s episode Jayson coaches Kadri, who is struggling to get over a breakup that happened 15 months ago. Jayson suggests that we tend to repeat our patterns (like choosing a “healing” partner vs. a “feel good” partner) unless we fundamentally change something about who we are, and gain insight into why these patterns exist in the first place. Tune in to learn more about this and see if you can relate… Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rescue https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, October 11, 2022

AMA: Ghosting, Self-Confidence, Self-Respect, and The Right Way to Get Back Together - 416

This week my wife Ellen and I tackle a couple of your questions… Jennifer is curious about how to forgive ourselves when we relapse into old patterns…  Ashley asks us how self-centeredness is either useful or destructive… Brian inquires about confidence, and how to stand up for yourself respectfully… Hannah asks if and how there’s a right way to get back together with someone… Tune in to this week’s Ask Me Anything episode where we discuss  ghosting, being centered in a world out of balance, the importance of co-creating agreements in your relationships, and more.  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, October 04, 2022

An Intimate Coaching Session with a Codependentish Couple - 415

Ever feel like you are the one overfunctioning in your relationship? Ever feel like you are “taking care” of your partner and they feel like a kid sometimes?  Listen to this week's episode to hear Jayson review and unpack this codependent couples session with Shannon and Matthew (or catch the episode on YouTube to see the action and better understand what their body language is saying). Useful Links: Text: 7207044852 -  my.community.com/jaysongaddis https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, September 27, 2022

Neurodiverse Parenting: Raising “Differently Wired” Children with Debbie Reber - 414

This week I spoke with Debbie Reber, author, and founder of TILT Parenting which offers resources to parents of neurodiverse “differently wired” humans to help navigate these uncertain waters in a world where everything is biased towards “normal”. We speak about how ADHD is considered neurodiverse, and often oversimplified as someone who experiences challenges with their focus when in reality it includes challenges with emotional regulation, impulsivity, misreading social cues, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. We also learn about the Autism Spectrum, and some of the terminology like “twice exceptional”, “masking”, “high-functioning” and “Aspergers”. And, of course, we talk about neurotypical-neurodiverse relationships. Useful Links: https://tiltparenting.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, September 20, 2022

Don’t Settle But Go After This One Trait In A Partner - Jayson Gaddis - 413

Have you ever been advised by friends or family not to “settle” in your romantic partnership?  Did you ever consider why you may be settling, or have settled in the past? Do you believe in not settling because you’re waiting for “the one”? In this episode, I unpack “settling” and offer three essential ingredients I think it takes to make a relationship work day-to-day and in the long term. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, September 13, 2022

Grief, Ending Relationships, & Suicide - Sherry Walling - 412

Have you ever noticed how grief needs to be acknowledged? Have you experienced denying grief, running from it, or pushing it down? Can you identify the importance of role modeling for your kids to be grief-literate? This week on the podcast we chat with Sherry Walling, a clinical psychologist, author, and occasional circus artist enthusiast. Professionally, Sherry specialized in traumatic stress, but when her father passed away and her brother committed suicide, her professional and personal worlds collided as she navigates the painful waves of grief.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, September 06, 2022

From Codependent Helper to Effective Relationship Coach - Jayson Gaddis - 411

Are you someone drawn to helping others? Do you have codependent-ish tendencies? Have you always wanted to join a career that draws on your passion for helping others? Have you ever truly turned your pain into your purpose? Check out this episode as we explore these possibilities.  Apply here: https://relationshipschool.com/rct Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, August 30, 2022

Borderline, Narcissistic, & Schizoid Personality Disorders with Carolyn Bankston - 410

Do you know the difference between covert and overt narcissism?  Did you know that it's possible to resolve a personality disorder via relationship? Are you familiar with some of the dynamics in a partnership where one or both people have a personality disorder, and what is there for me to learn about myself and reflect on if I suspect I am such a partner? In this week’s episode I spoke with Carolyn Bankston, a clinical social worker who works with people with personality disorders. Bankston explains that a personality disorder is, at its root, an attachment wound born from a traumatic dynamic with one’s primary caregiver in the first three years of life. Carolyn shares with us the ways that a relationship is healing even under these pathological circumstances and speaks to the Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Personality Disorders in particular.    Useful Links: https://www.carolynbankston.com/ CB717888@GMAIL.COM 40769680800 https://internationalmastersoninstitute.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, August 23, 2022

How to Get Your Kids and Teens To Do What You Want Them To Do Without Fear or Bribes - Part 2 - Jayson & Ellen - 409

Ellen and I build on what we discussed in last week’s episode. We chat about the single most important family value to have and how it comes into play in how to get your kid to do what you need them to, without resorting to fear, manipulation, or bribery (whether you’re dealing with toddlers, teens, or any age in between). Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, August 16, 2022

The Most Important Family Value To Have - Part 1 - Jayson & Ellen - 408

In this episode, Family Values Part 1, Ellen and I discuss the most important family value to have as parents while also remembering to factor in your kid's values, interests & nature. We speak to the relational dynamics that the avoidant family and the emotionally-oriented family struggle with, and share how holding this value in mind can positively impact everyone's experience on a day-to-day basis, and big-picture as your kids grow into contributing humans. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Sun, August 07, 2022

Psychoanalysis, Jung, & Dreams with Dr. Stan Marlan - 407

This week I speak with Dr. Stan Marlan, a Jungian psychoanalyst, clinical psychologist, and author. He writes on Jung, alchemy, the philosopher’s stone, the art of illumination, and speaks to individuation, the individual and collective unconscious, archetypes, psychedelics, and how we introject our parents into the depths of our unconscious… Plus he offers up a little taste of psychoanalysis in action by doing a dream interpretation of a dream I recently had! Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, August 02, 2022

AMA: Fights Between Couples Sessions, The Cost Of Keeping the Peace, and Owning Your Needs - Jayson & Ellen - 406

“What are some pointers you’d offer someone who feels unmet in their emotional needs due to their husband’s avoidant emotionally unavailable tendencies?”   “What do you do in between counseling sessions when something even more hurtful has just been revealed?”  “In an avoidant-insecure partnership, is compromising simply a reframe to keep the peace, and am I denying my need for a healthy, working relationship?” Our TRS Support Group is ripe with like-minded people doing their work, asking hard questions, practicing curiosity, taking accountability for how they show up, garnering compassion for their significant others, and offering moral support. Ellen and I regularly thumb through comments and answer questions here in our Ask Me Anything episodes over a cup of coffee.    Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, July 26, 2022

Integral Theory, Society, & Lines of Development with Jeff Salzman - 405

This week I spoke with Jeff Salzman about Integral Theory (the idea that culture and consciousness have been, and will continually evolve) and how it applies to what’s shaping our world right now. If you want another frame to help you understand turbulent times, this will be helpful. Listen here for the full episode.   Useful Links: https://www.dailyevolver.com/ https://www.youtube.com/c/DailyEvolver https://twitter.com/dailyevolver https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, July 19, 2022

AMA: Emotional Intelligence, Being a Role Model in Your Family, & Over/Under Parenting - Jayson and Ellen - 404

Join Ellen and I for a special ‘ Ask-Me-Anything’ episode where we tackle some listener questions: What Do I try talking to my husband about something that bothers me and his first and continual reaction is anger and defensiveness? What are your thoughts on dating someone with addictions? Is it reason enough to leave, should people be given grace, Is it a big enough issue to stay away entirely?  Is there a situation where refusing to get an STD test isn’t a red flag? When kids grow up watching their parents angrily go to their rooms/leave the house which implicitly teaches them that emotions are overwhelming and/or scary. This understanding can easily translate into our kids dissociating from their emotions (retreating into screen addiction,  or other behavioral issues, and later, as adults, into emotional eating, substance abuse, porn addiction, etc.). It starts with you as a parent taking the lead and role modeling for them how to feel/process their emotions, and speak to their experience, without under/over parenting.   Useful Links:  https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, July 12, 2022

Neurodiverse Adult Relationships with Grace Myhill - 403

Do you know the difference between neuro-diverse, neuro-divergent, and neuro-typical? Did you know 1 out of 48 people identify as neuro-divergent, and that nowadays the terms ‘aspergers’ and “high-functioning” are outdated?  Are you confident you’re using language such as ‘the spectrum’ respectfully and accurately? Join me this week while I speak to Grace Myhill, a couples coach who specializes in working with neuro-diverse clients and learn some of her tools that will help all couples (and ourselves).   Useful Links: https://www.gracemyhill.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, July 05, 2022

Boundary & Leadership Tips For Parents - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 402

What do you do as a parent when your child won’t do what you want/need them to do? Are you evoking healthy boundaries as part of your parenting practice? If being honest, have you ever heard yourself pathologizing your child as a means of justifying your parenting choices (i.e. my kid is strong-willed…)? Does your kid call the shots, and you feel you need some direction on how to take the leadership reins back?  Join Ellen and I to discuss the types of challenges parents face today and pick up some tips to up your parenting game. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/community/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Tue, June 28, 2022

Prenups and Divorce- Imperative Info To Consider - Evan Schein - 401

Have your thoughts been circling around prenups before you get married? Or, are you on the edge of a separation or divorce Want to learn a bit more about meditation, child support, spousal support, alimony, asset division and schedule collaboration? Take a listen to my recent conversation with family lawyer Evan Schein. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, June 21, 2022

Family Check-In - Jayson and Ellen - 400

This week we celebrate our 400th episode with a special “Fam Jam” episode. Join Ellen and I as we chat with our kids, about what it’s like in our family and what they notice about other families.  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, June 14, 2022

AMA: Societal Trauma, Sacrificing Everything For Someone, & Shared Values - 399

What do you do if you and your partner don’t have a baseline (a place of ease and security to which you can return post-conflict)? Have you ever felt you’ve ‘given up everything’ for a partner? Do you and your partner have shared values? Have you made a fierce, deep commitment to one another?  Jayson and Ellen tackle some of your questions in this AMA episode, drawing on their knowledge and experiences of ups, downs, and reconnects that go hand in hand with long-term relationships.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, June 07, 2022

Navigating “You Make Me Feel” and “I” Statements To Build Trust, Resilience, and Security - Jayson and Ellen - 398

Do you ever feel defensive, blamed, angry, or hurt when someone says, “you make me feel….”? Have you heard of “spiritual cock-blocking?” This week Ellen and I talk about the potent and simple “I feel” statements and how we impact one another and influence each other’s feelings and experiences by simply co-existing in the same space, both positively and negatively. Learn how to navigate these difficult conversations by sharing ‘Impact Statements’ (a communication technique that leads with empathy while advocating for your experience) instead of pointing the finger and blaming/shaming someone for making you feel a certain way or using an impact statement if you’re on the receiving end of such a statement. Try to remember that conflict is essential in any healthy relationship because it offers the opportunity to repair, to get to know each other better, to be collaborative, all key elements in building security, resilience and trust. Useful Links: Sharing Impact 2.0 Episode https://relationshipschool.com/rmasterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, May 31, 2022

School Shootings & How We Raise Kids - Jayson Gaddis - 397

Here are my thoughts on the latest school shootings. This one hit me hard. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow

Tue, May 24, 2022

AMA: I'll Never Leave You, Developing Trust, Looking Through Your Partner's Phone, And More - 396

This week my wife Ellen and I tackle a couple of your questions that got a lot of heat online. Sarah wrestles with how to realistically reassure her partner that she’s not going anywhere when she doesn’t actually know this for a fact (she’s no psychic). Linda wonders about how to reinstall trust and move forward after her partner breaks into her phone and reads a private text conversation. We discuss how our relationships are the strength that can help us deal with the unknowns of tomorrow and appropriate ways of relating in order to steer your relationship toward a secure partnership. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/group/

Tue, May 17, 2022

An Intimate Coaching Session With An Anxious-Avoidant Couple - 395

What would you do if you got 51 text messages from your partner if you needed space? What would you do if your partner took space and continued to be distant with no return time? These are very normal anxious/avoidant relationship dynamics.  In this episode I coach a couple through their anxious avoidant dynamic. I hope it serves you. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/group/  

Tue, May 10, 2022

For Parents Struggling To Be A Team - Jayson and Ellen - 394

Do you find yourself often at odds or in conflict with your partner/co-parent?  Have you agreed to disagree and compartmentalize parenting responsibilities?  Are you stuck in your familial-parental roles (one parent = primary breadwinner, the other = primary parent)?  If yes, this episode is a great listen for parents (or aspiring parents, parents-to-be, and separated-co-parents) who can relate to desiring more cohesive collaboration in their parenting game. If you get a lot from this episode, head to www.relationshipschool.com/upgrade to learn more about the course Ellen and I co-created for partners who need support learning to collaborate.

Tue, May 03, 2022

The Nervous System, Deep Parenting, Jayson’s Journey, and More… Coffee with Jayson & Ellen - 393

Do you ever wonder if or how your kids experience your anxiety/stress levels? How does your nervous system and theirs inform one another? Do you take time to reflect on where you are in your journey as a human and how that may affect your capacity to develop resiliency? Join my wife Ellen and I to discuss how being mindful of our nervous system can help us build resilient children. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com https://relationshipschool.com/community/  

Wed, April 27, 2022

AMA: Managing Triggers, Keeping Score, And Disagreeing Too Much - Jayson / Ellen - 392

How do you manage triggers and share emotions at the same time? Ever keep score in a partnership? Ugh. Do you feel like you are disagreeing too much? Join my wife and I as we help you address all of these as it relates to your questions. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://relationshipschool.com/rescue/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com my.community.com/JaysonGaddis

Wed, April 20, 2022

Co-Regulation, Yoga & Our Kids–Coffee Date with Jayson & Ellen - 391

How do we help each other feel safe and secure? Tune in to listen to Ellen, and I's experiential conversation series “Rando Chat" over a cup of coffee. In this week's episode, we discuss our day, our family, and how we co-regulate just by existing in one another's orbits as a couple and family.  Enjoy the episode, and let us know your thoughts and feelings about this experimental episode in the comments. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com my.community.com/JaysonGaddis

Thu, April 14, 2022

The Power of Meditation, Different Expectations & Authority Figures - Dr. Reggie Ray - 390

In this week's episode of The Relationship School Podcast, we speak with my former spiritual teacher Dr. Reginald "Reggie" Ray. I was also his TA in an undergraduate course on Tibetan Buddhism. This guy completely changed my life.  Reggie is the @DharmaOceanFoundation's co-founder and spiritual director, a university professor (retired) at Naropa University, and a highly respected meditation/dharma teacher.  Our conversation covers a lot of ground, including how being spiritually minded is not necessarily synonymous with being relationally developed or particularly skillful, and the importance of treating every human with respect, despite any issue or conflict.  Listen to the full episode to hear more about Reggie and his powerful journey.   Useful Links: https://www.dharmaocean.org/ https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/ https://relationshipschool.com/repair/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, April 05, 2022

Avoid Relationships With These Five Types of People - Jayson Gaddis - 389

In this week’s episode I unpack a recent Instagram reel I posted that went viral. Here are the 5 kinds of people to avoid in partnerships: Narcissists Gaslighters Stonewallers Defensive assholes People who won’t take responsibility. Listen in to hear more.

Wed, March 30, 2022

From No Dad, To Teaching Dads, While Parenting Four Boys - Larry Hagner - 388

How do we raise boys in a good way so they become adult men that we want to be in a relationship with? In this week’s episode we connect with Larry Hagner, founder of @thedadedge and father to four boys. Larry shares his unique childhood story, and dives into the challenges and rewards of raising boys differently in a culture that tells boys to hide their feelings, suck it up, and not be relational. Take a listen to learn about raising your kid(s) with more connection, curiosity, and psychological safety. Useful Links: https://thedadedge.com/about/ https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Wed, March 23, 2022

How To Feel Accepted & Connected In Your Relationships - Jayson Gaddis - 387

Do you know the fastest way to get back to connection? Or how about how to feel accepted and not judged by your partner? Listen here as I offer you a few tips to get both and share details about our upcoming virtual event ‘Accepted & Connected’ coming up on April 8-9, 2022. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com

Tue, March 15, 2022

Vetting a Partner + Money Hacks for Couples - Chris Hutchins - 386

There’s no doubt it’s difficult to get on the same financial page with your partner. Differences in mindset and approach are likely, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create a plan. In this week’s episode, I connect with life hacker extraordinaire, Chris Hutchins, who’s full of tips and wisdom. Plus, ever thought of going on a trip around the world to “vet” a partner? Chris did just that. Take a listen. Useful Links: https://chrishutchins.com/ https://www.instagram.com/chrishutchins/ https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com  

Wed, March 09, 2022

Two Ways to Build Resilience in Ourselves and in Our Kids - Jayson and Ellen - 385

We could all focus on becoming more resilient during these stressful times. Here are a few tips on how to develop resilience in yourself. And, if you are a parent, here are some tips for building resilience in kids. What is one way you build resilience in yourself? Drop a comment below. Useful Links: /https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com    

Thu, March 03, 2022

Raising Teens & The Art of Zen Parenting - Cathy Cassani Adams - 384

Parenting is tough. It can be an easy thing to get caught up in focusing on your child’s well-being and behavior—and lose sight of your own. But it’s important to maintain your self-awareness as you parent, and I discuss the reasons with author and Zen Parenting Radio expert Cathy Cassani Adams in this week’s episode. Cathy’s expertise is beyond valuable for any parent, so check out the episode for the unpacking session. Useful Links: /https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com my.community.com/JaysonGaddis

Wed, February 23, 2022

Meeting the Ongoing Stress of the Pandemic, Together - Jayson and Ellen - 383

Can you believe we’re nearing two years into the pandemic? It’s crazy how much we’ve been through and also how much we humans have still been able to accomplish. But the stress is definitely taking its toll on all of us, and I think it’s important to remember that we’re all relational beings in this scenario together. It can be too easy to substitute a screen for a person or to avoid fostering a connection for one reason or another when we do have human interaction. So what’s the best way to keep all this in mind and try to mitigate the collective stress—together—as we go on with our lives? Ellen and I dissect that a bit in this week’s episode, so take a breather and listen for some ideas! Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Thu, February 17, 2022

Cultivating Healthy Parent/Child Relationships in Adulthood - Rick Hanson, Ph.D. & Forrest Hanson - 382

If you’re a parent, it can be difficult to navigate the parent/child relationship and build something strong that lasts well into adulthood. Who better to share their insights than a parent-and-adult-child combo? For this week’s podcast episode, I am joined by Dr. Rick Hanson and his son, Forrest Hanson, for an intimate discussion on cultivating that healthy parent/child relationship that lasts. Check out the episode for a great learning experience. Useful Links: www.rickhanson.net forresthanson.com https://www.rickhanson.net/being-well-podcast/ https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, February 09, 2022

Why Having Different Attachment Styles is a Good Thing - Jayson & Ellen - 381

It’s true that opposites attract, and that even applies to your attachment style. But still, it can be difficult to navigate a relationship when you want to talk and your partner wants space. Does that mean you’re with the wrong person and you should just end the relationship? Ellen and I answer this listener question in this week’s podcast, and we give you and your partner a path to aim for in your relationship. Check it out for some insights and a little peace of mind. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Thu, February 03, 2022

Shameless Sex - Amy Baldwin & April Lampert - 380

Sex can be tough to discuss and even tougher to experience at times. But avoiding or pretending within our relationships gets us nowhere. It’s important to find a safe and balanced place & time to discuss things in your partnership because that’s how you experience sexual growth as a couple. Finding that balance is crucial to learning how to experience your best pleasure—and allowing that for your partner as well. This week’s podcast guests, Amy Baldwin and April Lampert, join me to discuss what they’ve learned in their own journeys and research as well as what they talk about on their podcast, “Shameless Sex.” Check out the full episode and as always, share your feedback! Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Thu, January 27, 2022

Why Understanding Your Attachment Style Matters - Jayson and Ellen - 379

Knowing your attachment style (and your partner’s) can better help you navigate conflict and repair, but how? This basic human need is ingrained in all of us, yet it’s often overlooked or misunderstood. Check out this week’s episode as Ellen and I talk more about how attachment styles factor into relationships and reasons it’s crucial to understand them. Useful Links: https://my.community.com/jaysongaddis https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ Text: 7207044852

Wed, January 19, 2022

Living in Integrity - Martha Beck Ph.D. - 378

You know your “gut feelings” are there for a reason, but sometimes it’s hard to figure out what all they’re trying to tell you. But not listening to your gut actually goes way deeper…it affects your soul and causes you to separate from your true self. This week, I talk with author, speaker, and coach Martha Beck, whose lifetime of experience gives her a balanced perspective in many areas. Listen to the full episode to learn insights on how to live as your true self and to hear Martha’s amazing journey toward finding hers. Useful Links: https://marthabeck.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/group/ https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, January 12, 2022

How to Share My Feelings Without Triggering My Partner? - Jayson & Ellen - 377

Does your partner get defensive, angry, or triggered when you talk about tough feelings in your relationship? That can be a difficult situation to navigate. We will all be triggered by something in our lives (it’s unavoidable), but there are ways to make it a bit easier for both sides in the relationship. For this week’s podcast episode, Ellen and I address this listener question and offer our thoughts. Give it a listen if you can relate. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/group/  https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, January 05, 2022

Dating in the Pandemic - Shaun Galanos - 376

The pandemic has affected every area of our lives—even relationships and dating. But what does the dating scene look and feel like these days…and what’s the best way to navigate it? I’m joined this week by the knowledgeable Shaun Galanos, coach, speaker, and love guru, who talks with me about pandemic dating and what’s different/what’s not. He has some really valuable insights to share, so check out the episode to learn more. Useful Links: https://www.shaungalanos.com/ https://www.instagram.com/thelovedrive/ https://www.youtube.com/The LoveDrive https://www.tiktok.com/@thelovedrive https://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://relationshipschool.com/group/  https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Thu, December 30, 2021

How to Set a Relationship Goal - Jayson Gaddis - 375

Setting goals in your relationship may or may not be something you’re intentional about. But if you’re making a list of resolutions for the new year, it’s a great time to add relationship goals to that list. Wondering where to start and how to go about it? Check out this week’s podcast episode, where I go over all this plus some vital basics to get you thinking. Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ https://relationshipschool.com/relationshipmastery https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Thu, December 23, 2021

When You and Your Partner are in Different Places in Your Growth - Jayson & Ellen - 374

It’s normal in relationships to be growing at a different rate than your partner. But as one listener asks, how can you deal with the difference…and how long should you wait to be on the same page? This is a great question, and Ellen and I share our thoughts on it in this week’s episode. Listen for both of our perspectives—and let us know your thoughts as well! We love to hear your feedback.    Useful Links: relationshipschool.com/mrc https://my.community.com/jaysongaddis https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, December 15, 2021

Empty Nesting & Simplicity in a Stressful World - Danielle LaPorte - 373

We all can’t deny the world is in a precarious place these days for many reasons. So what are some things we can do to improve the state we’re in? I talk in this week’s podcast episode with author and speaker Danielle LaPorte, whose calm demeanor and beneficial guidance on subjects like parenting, relationships, love, and simplifying will make you think about what you can do to change your world. Take a listen to the episode and see what you think. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Thu, December 09, 2021

The Most Important Question to Ask to Determine if You Are Compatible - Jayson & Ellen - 372

Are you and your partner really compatible? How can you know for sure? Well, there’s another way to look at it—a better question to ask yourself. It’s important, and it can be the determining factor in the success or failure of your relationship. So what’s that question? Ellen and I talk about it in this week’s episode... check it out for yourself! Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ http://relationshipschool.com/group/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, December 01, 2021

Yoga, Personal Growth, & Relationships - Lara Heimann - 371

Could a yoga practice benefit your closest relationships? In this week’s episode, Ellen and I do a joint interview with Lara Heimann, physical therapist and creator of the unique LYT Yoga ® method. Listen to the episode to hear Lara’s take on where yoga fits into your personal growth, mental and spiritual health, and your relationships. Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ http://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga http://relationshipschool.com/group/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Thu, November 25, 2021

The Problem with Masculine/Feminine Frames About Relationships - Jayson & Ellen - 370

Society teaches us that certain traits should go with certain genders, and we have traditionally been programmed to accept those—but in reality, they aren’t always accurate. Not to mention one person’s idea of a trait that’s traditionally masculine or feminine won’t be the same as another’s. So how do we reframe the way we think about masculine/feminine traits and roles in relationships, regardless of gender identity or relationship preference? Check out this week’s episode to find out what Ellen and I have to say.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc/ http://relationshipschool.com/training/ http://relationshipschool.com/group/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, November 17, 2021

Reflections on Relationships & COVID From Two Relationship Elders - Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen Hunt - 369

You gotta admire those older couples who have been married for a billion years and still seem blissfully happy. It seems pretty amazing and inspiring. But if you ask them, they’ll surely tell you they’ve had their issues—maybe even some significant ones. In this week’s episode, I talk to Harville and Helen, who have been married for quite a while, but they almost got divorced. They’ve been teaching couples how to do relationships for many years—and learning a ton as they go. Listen to the episode to hear the valuable ground they cover and how they reversed their decision to divorce.   Useful Links: https://harvilleandhelen.com/ https://safeconversations.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected/ http://relationshipschool.com/training/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, November 10, 2021

What Does 100% Commitment Really Mean in a Partnership? - Jayson & Ellen - 368

It can be easy to talk about commitment in a partnership and going “all in.” But what does that look like in the day-to-day? It’s important to know when you’re in a relationship that you and your partner are both 100% committed, and in order to know that, you have to take a look at what that means. In this week’s podcast, Ellen and I give our perspectives on the subject and our answers to this great question from a Relationship School student. Check out the episode!  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/masterclass/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, November 03, 2021

Differentiation in Relationships - Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. - 367

Can you be your authentic self in a relationship and allow your partner to do the same—while accepting the differences? This concept is called differentiation, and it’s very important in relationships because it affects a lot of relational elements. For this week’s podcast, I welcome back Ellyn Bader, Ph.D. to discuss these concepts and share her wisdom gathered over years of working with couples. Listen to the episode... I think it’ll resonate with you.    Useful Links: https://www.relationshipschool.com/training http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, October 27, 2021

Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Conflict? - Jayson And Ellen - 366

Conflict is almost always a growth opportunity, and you’re going to experience it in every relationship. But is it possible to have too much conflict in your relationship? If so, how do you know you’ve reached that point—and what can you do about it? Check out this week’s episode, where Ellen and I give our perspectives on the subject. Useful Links:  https://www.relationshipschool.com/training http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, October 20, 2021

How to find your purpose in life - Ashley Stahl - 365

How does your career tie into your core values, happiness, and life path? Is it “just a job,” or should it be something you find truly fulfilling—and how can you determine exactly what you’ll find fulfilling? In this week’s episode, I talk with career coach, speaker, and author Ashley Stahl—whose experience working in national security led her on a journey toward discovering her own career purpose: helping others discover theirs. You’ll want to take notes for this insight-filled episode!   Useful Links: rs.com/training https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/mrc

Wed, October 13, 2021

Coaching a Couple Through Staying Together or Breaking Up - Jayson Gaddis - 364

How can you know whether to continue or end a relationship? It’s a big and difficult decision, one that many couples experience. For Anya and Bodhi, their love keeps them together, but they also aren’t moving forward. Check out this week’s episode for my coaching session with this couple and learn my advice for them. Useful Links: http://rs.com/training https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga http://relationshipschool.com/mrc

Wed, October 06, 2021

How to Get Back to a Good Place Part II - Jayson Gaddis - 363

Last week we covered how to get back to a good place. This week we continue with part 2. As humans, we can’t avoid conflict. We all say and do things we regret later on...and it’s super easy to start blaming the other person when you’re upset. But there’s one thing you can do—and it’s detailed in my book, Getting to Zero—to start the repair process. I talk about it in this week’s episode, and even more in the book, so you’ll want to take a listen to the podcast for some tidbits and then order the book for tons more depth. The book is out now, so check it out and let me know your thoughts! Useful Links: rs.com/training gettingtozerobook.com/pre-order

Tue, September 28, 2021

How to Get Back to a Good Place Pt. 1 - Jayson Gaddis - 362

Do you find it tough getting back to a good place after conflict in a relationship—the place where you feel connected and content? It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of conflict, but the good news is that you can master resolution skills in your important relationship(s). You can learn to get back to that healthy place. It’s something we all have to work on—in fact, when I wrote my book, Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships , I wrote it for myself. But now I’m sharing it with the world. For a sneak peek into some of the tools I cover in the book, check out this week’s podcast: How to Get Back to a Good Place part 1. And don’t forget you can pre-order the book (for a little longer) to get in on the extras!    Useful Links: rs.com/training gettingtozerobook.com/pre-order  

Wed, September 22, 2021

The Inside Scoop On My New Book - Jayson and Ellen - 361

Since it’s a huge part of relationships, I talk quite a bit about conflict and how to work through it. In fact, my new book, Getting to Zero: How to Work Through Conflict in Your High-Stakes Relationships, will be releasing in a few short days! So in this week’s podcast episode, Ellen and I talk more about the book and how it came about, plus some of our own conflict challenges and how we’ve dealt with them. Check out the episode below—and don’t forget you can pre-order the book now so you get it delivered on release day (October 5). Useful Links: rs.com/training gettingtozerobook.com/pre-order

Tue, September 14, 2021

Self-Soothing Vs A Partner Soothing You - Jayson & Ellen - 360

What do you think of when you hear someone mention self-soothing? Maybe some coping behaviors you learned as a child or have seen children exhibit? Sometimes those behaviors can carry over into our adult lives (glass of wine after a rough day...or zoning out in front of the TV/game system, perhaps). But how do those self-soothing behaviors fit into adult relationships—or should they at all? This week, Ellen and I answer a listener question on this subject. Check out the podcast episode here. Useful Links: rs.com/training gettingtozerobook.com/pre-order

Wed, September 08, 2021

How Physical Therapy is Like Your Relationship Life - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 359

What’s your mindset when it comes to taking care of your body? If you get injured, do you just let a professional (physical therapist, chiropractor, surgeon, etc.) try to fix the problem? Or do you take a proactive approach where you apply effort to your body in order to avoid repeating the injury or getting a new one? Your mindset can mean the difference between growth and keeping yourself in constant pain. Guess what—the same thing applies to relationships. Check out this week’s podcast, where Ellen and I discuss how the two are similar and what we’ve learned from our own experiences.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/training/ https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga

Wed, September 01, 2021

Fatherhood (and Parenting) as a Spiritual Path - Dan Doty - 358

Fathers in today’s culture are often expected to do more and be more than in the past—and it can be a challenge. At the same time, fatherhood can be an integral part of your spiritual growth and vice versa. It might feel like each segment of your life is in its own little box, but the reality is that they all affect each other even if we don’t realize it. Join me for this week’s episode as fatherhood coach Dan Doty and I discuss fatherhood, spirituality, and bonding with your kids. Useful Links: https://dandoty.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/getcoachingnow https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga https://www.instagram.com/danieldoty/  

Wed, August 25, 2021

Therapist or Relationship Coach. Which is Better for Me? - Jayson Gaddis - 357

What’s the difference between coaching and therapy—and how can you tell which one you might need? Actually, both serve a specific purpose and can work together depending on your needs. Check out this week’s podcast episode, where I break down the differences and the reasons you would seek out coaching versus therapy.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/group

Wed, August 18, 2021

Upsides and Downsides of Being Codependent-ish - Jayson Gaddis - 356

Maybe you feel like you might be codependent (or at least have the tendencies)...which might mean you’re codependent-ish. Did you know that’s a thing? If you’d like to learn more about what it looks like, check out this week’s podcast episode. I talk about just what it means to be codependent-ish and help you discover whether you might be. Tune in to the full episode below for more.   Useful Links: relationshipschool.com/codependent-ish https://www.facebook.com/groups/codependentish/ http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/group

Thu, August 12, 2021

Choose Her Every day, Or Leave - Bryan Reeves - 355

When you’re in a relationship, it’s important to choose your partner— daily. As men, we often have been programmed to deal with things a certain way (or not deal with them at all), and we most likely expect our partners to do the same. But in order to have a successful relationship, it’s crucial to choose your partner over what you may want in the moment—whether that would be running away or shutting down or escaping. Check out this week’s podcast episode with Bryan Reeves, self-proclaimed relationship insight ninja, on how he learned to choose his partner and move toward a new level of relationship growth.     Useful Links: https://bryanreeves.com/ https://www.instagram.com/bryanreevesinsight/ http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/group

Wed, August 04, 2021

The 6 Best Parenting Tips To Raise Optimal Humans - Jayson and Ellen - 354

Parenting is an important subject, as we all know—whether you are a parent or have only been parented. Regardless, parenting and family dynamics affect us all in some way. In this week’s episode, Ellen and I share the six best parenting tips we’ve gathered in our experiences and our studies that will help you navigate relationships with your children, your parents, or even other adults. Listen to the full episode here.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, July 28, 2021

The Results of Interviewing 100 Couples - Nate Klemp, Ph.D. - 353

Marriage and relationships require give and take on both sides. But what if you feel like you’re giving a lot more than your partner is—or vice versa? How do you get past the conflict and competition aspects of a relationship and reach a place where you can experience a balanced, more fulfilled relationship? Check out this week’s episode where I talk to Nate Klemp, author and marriage anthropologist, who has some great things to say.   Useful Links: https://www.8080marriage.com/ https://www.instagram.com/8080marriage/ https://www.nateklemp.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/  

Wed, July 21, 2021

Overcoming Money Fears & Getting Empowered - Garrett Gunderson - 352

Navigating money fears in relationships can be a big source of conflict, but finance guru Garrett Gunderson has tons of knowledge to help. As with anything in life, balance is key. In this week’s episode, Garrett and I talk about finding that balance and following a path of growth by learning from your past. Mindset is a great place to start, and Garrett shows how balancing your mindset can affect every area of your life, including your finances. Check out the episode. Useful Links: http://www.garrettgunderson.gg/ https://wealthfactory.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga http://relationshipschool.com/mrc https://www.gettingtozerobook.com/

Wed, July 14, 2021

How Some Men Show Their Love - Jayson Gaddis - 351

As men, we sometimes aren’t sure how to show love for our partners in a way that makes them feel loved. We stick with what’s comfortable for us. Check out today’s podcast episode for one mindset shift to help men show love and care to that special person. Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/mrc  

Thu, July 08, 2021

Parenting Without Losing Your Partnership When Baby Arrives - Stan Tatkin and Kara Hoppe - 350

If you’re a parent, you know that bringing a new human into your life is a drastic change. It can be difficult to maintain a balance with your own needs, the needs of your partner, and the needs of your baby, especially for the first few years. If you and your partner aren’t prepared, it can also be problematic for the parent-child relationship. Listen as I talk with Dr. Stan Tatkin and Kara Hoppe about how better partners make better parents, their new book Baby Bomb, and how learning to be interdependent creates a safe and healthy relationship “cushion” for the whole family. Useful Links https://www.instagram.com/karahoppe/ Baby Bomb: A Relationship Survival Guide for New Parents https://www.thepactinstitute.com/

Thu, July 01, 2021

When Your Spiritual Work Isn’t Enough - Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder - 349

Spiritual growth and relational growth are both important to experience. But where do the two intersect? It can be difficult to bring your experience and discomfort into a relationship as it is; how do two people learn to do this as a unit? In this episode, my wife, Ellen, and I discuss the reason individual spiritual work can’t always fix relational problems and how to keep from getting stuck as a couple.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/challenge http://relationshipschool.com/training https://ellenboeder.com/

Wed, June 23, 2021

Men, Pleasure, and Power - Shana James - 348

Where do power and pleasure overlap in a relationship—or do they? Both power and pleasure can have negative connotations, but as coach Shana James and I discuss, feeling empowered in a relationship can lead to pleasure for you and your partner. Learn how knowing yourself and being in touch with your body can actually provide more pleasure for your partner, both in and out of the bedroom.    Useful Links: https://shanajamescoaching.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.site/podcast258 https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga Power and Pleasure: A Man's Guide to Becoming a Confident and Satisfied Lover and Leader  

Wed, June 16, 2021

Spiritual Bypassing - Robert Masters - 347

Spiritual well-being can be an amazing thing… But is it stunting your personal growth? This week, Psychotherapist Robert Masters and I talk about the dangers of spiritual bypassing, and why it’s so prevalent in today’s wellness culture. To learn more about spiritual bypassing, and how you can avoid it, tune into my recent podcast.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/training http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga https://www.robertmasters.com/

Wed, June 09, 2021

One of The Biggest Co-Parenting Dynamics That Creates Resentments - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 346

Have you ever watched parents and wondered “WTF is going on there?”  Lol. Me too.  My wife and I do our best to try to help parents be a team. It can be very hard, especially when it’s often a “divide and conquer” approach due to our busy lives. I get it. there’s a place for that.  But many parents fall into “roles” and traps inside their marriage.  In this episode we cover one of the biggest traps many parents fall into, and what to do about it.  Check it out. Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/training http://relationshipschool.com/challenge

Tue, June 01, 2021

The Dojo of Partnership, Healing Family Issues, Resistant Partners & Spiritual Narcissism - Annie Lalla - 345

Do you feel lost when it comes to healing family issues or dealing with a resistant partner? This week’s episode features Annie Lalla, a podcast fave, and we discuss these issues plus the dojo of partnership, spiritual narcissism, channeling conflict into growth, and more. Annie has done some deep healing with her family, so she’s got a wealth of wisdom to share. You won’t want to miss this!  Check out the episode here.

Wed, May 26, 2021

How Much Intimacy Can You Tolerate? - Jayson Gaddis - 344

How much intimacy can you tolerate?  To dig into this and understand what you might be avoiding, listen to this short ten minute podcast. https://www.jaysongaddis.com/how-much-intimacy-can-you-tolerate/

Thu, May 20, 2021

Extrinsic vs. Intrinsic Motivation, Failure, Addiction, & More - Jessica Lahey - 343

There‘s one mistake I see many parents make. They try to shield their kids from any challenge & failure. But as a consequence, they never learn to deal with frustration and give up at the slightest sign of resistance instead. In this week‘s episode, teacher, author, and parenting expert Jessica Lahey joins me in a deep discussion about parenting. How can we make kids succeed? Why is intrinsic motivation so important? And what is Jessica‘s number one advice for parents? If you‘re curious to find out, listen here.   Useful Links: https://www.jessicalahey.com/ https://twitter.com/jesslahey https://www.instagram.com/teacherlahey/ http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga

Wed, May 12, 2021

My Human Design Session - Erin Claire Jones - 342

Do you really know yourself? Being self-aware is essential to unfold your full potential and make the right decisions in life.   In this week's episode, Erin Claire Jones and I talk about what human design is and how it can help you on your journey to achieve strong, meaningful relationships. If you're curious to find out what Erin has to say and want to deepen your self-awareness, listen here.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga https://erinclairejones.com/

Wed, May 05, 2021

Boundaries & Other Tips For Brand New Parents - Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, Ph.D. - 341

In today’s episode, I talk with Dr. Tina Bryson on how to take back the power in your relationship with your child by setting boundaries. Dr. Bryson explains resilience comes from not bailing your child out when things aren’t going their way. It’s better to go through that difficult moment with them. If you want to have a game plan for your child’s next tantrum, this episode is for you.4:15 Introducing Tina Payne Bryson and her new book. Shownotes: 4:15 Introducing Tina Payne Bryson and her new book 9:50 The ambiguity of good parenting practices 16:25 Interesting facts for parents to keep in mind 23:30 Attachment parenting 37:10 Children spending time on screens and isolating themselves 48:40 Is there a spectrum for secure attachment? 56:35 Advice for single parents to support their children in difficult times 1:03:20 Action Step Useful Links https://www.tinabryson.com/ https://www.instagram.com/tinapaynebryson/ http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga

Wed, April 28, 2021

2 Steps To Overcome Impostor Syndrome - Jayson Gaddis - 340

Have you ever found yourself putting on a mask to fit in? Were you afraid others might notice and call you out? If so, you‘ve experienced Impostor Syndrome – the fear of being exposed as someone you‘re not, just like an impostor. In this week‘s episode, you‘ll learn why we experience it, what it means for your relationships and how you can start overcoming it today with the Two-Step Action Plan. If you‘ve suffered from Impostor Syndrome (or still do), this is life-changing for you. Take a listen.   Useful Links: Accepted and connected event http://relationshipschool.com/challenge https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga  

Wed, April 21, 2021

Overcome Codependency with Healthy Boundaries - Terri Cole - 339

How do you set healthy boundaries? Boundaries are essential to draw a clear line between what‘s ok for you and what‘s not. Without them, you‘ll sooner or later end up feeling exhausted, hurt, or even resentful towards your partner. In this week‘s episode, I talk with licensed psychotherapist and author Terri Cole about codependency and how you can overcome it by being a „boundary boss“. If you want to find out, listen here. Shownotes: 4:00 The relationship between codependency and boundaries 8:40 High-functioning codependency vs regular codependency 11:20 The cost of high-functioning codependency 20:10 Codependent Relationship dynamics 26:20 How to overcome codependency by setting boundaries 35:40 Action Step Useful Links: https://boundaryboss.me/ https://boundaryboss.me/jayson Accepted and connected event http://relationshipschool.com/training https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga

Wed, April 14, 2021

How to Own Your Space with Healthy Aggression – Kimberly Ann Johnson – 338

Have you ever wanted to say something, but decided not to say it because you were afraid to? This week’s podcast features Kimberly Ann Johnson, we’ll talk about how to own our own space as people and learn to communicate better. We also talk about how our physiology affects our connections and reactions to things in relationships especially with things that cause conflict.   Lots of deep stuff here take a listen! Shownotes:  5:35 The predator-prey dynamic 16:25 A healthy predator role for women 21:25 How our genders are perceived around these dynamics. 34:40 The unhealthy side of the predator 41:35 How to get in touch with your healthy predator 52:35 Final Advice 54:15 Action Step Useful Links: https://kimberlyannjohnson.com/ Accepted and connected event http://relationshipschool.com/training https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga  

Wed, April 07, 2021

One Path To More Meaning In Your Life - Jayson Gaddis - 337

Have you found yourself feeling completely disconnected from meaning in your life? If so, you definitely need to check out this week’s podcast. It’s all about finding meaning in your life through relationships. There’s meaning in conflict, suffering, and just about every experience you have. Take a listen. Useful Links: Accepted and connected event http://relationshipschool.com/community https://relationshipschool.com/lytyoga

Wed, March 31, 2021

How To Heal After a Break Up & Get Back Together - Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath - 336

How can you get back together with your partner after breaking up?  As you will discover in the podcast, getting back together with your partner as a team takes commitment, honesty, and a sincere willingness to communicate without placing blame.  If you want to know how to get back together after a breakup as a team, go ahead and take a listen. Shownotes: 0:00 Introduction Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath 4:45: Explaining the reasons that caused their breakup. 12:45 Deciding to break up and how to do it. 18:00 Carrying issues from one relationship to another. 28:05 The evolution of their attachment dynamics 42:30 The process of reconciliation to get back together. 53:50 Final advice. 58:10 Action Step Useful Links: Accepted and connected event https://www.kyliemcbeath.com/ https://createthelove.com/ https://markgroves.com/

Wed, March 24, 2021

The 5 Most Common Types of Fights in a Relationship - Jayson Gaddis - 335

Did you know there are only 5 types of fights you can have in your relationship? The causes for them are more deeply rooted than you think… It’s true - if you want to be successful in your relationship you need to know how to identify them and work through them with your partner. In this episode, I explain the 5 most common types of arguments couples have and how to overcome them. If you want to restore peace in your relationship this episode is for you.   Useful Links: Accepted and connected event https://relationshipschool.com/ 

Wed, March 17, 2021

Overcoming Fear & Befriending Ourselves - Sharon Salzberg - 334

Are you aware of all the benefits meditation provides—both for yourself and for your relationships? This week, I talk with meditation teacher and author Sharon Salzberg about all the impacts of being with, loving, and being aware of yourself. With 47 years of study and experience, Sharon shares from her wealth of knowledge with me, and it’s very enlightening. You’ll want to hear what she has to say.  Shownotes 0:00 Introduction 10:00 Launching her own meditation trainings 14:32 Learning to be with oneself 19:55 What’s the purpose of meditation? 28:25 Learning about self-love 32:20 Is it necessary to love yourself before getting into a relationship? 35:45 When meditation can help and when it’s necessary to get external help 41:05 Recognizing and dealing with stress and self-judgment 46:15 The importance of your commitment to meditation Useful Links: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/ Real Change: Mindfulness to Heal Ourselves and the World https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, March 10, 2021

Screen Time & Keeping Your Kids Safe Online - Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. - 333

This week, Devorah Heitner and I talk about kids, privacy, and screen time. Especially during the pandemic, it’s important to find a balance between getting things done, connecting with others, staying creative...and not going overboard digitally. Finding that balance is difficult enough for adults in this “new normal,” and we have to think about kids as well. As someone who has done a lot of research in this area, Devorah can provide great insights and tips, so you won’t want to miss this episode. Shownotes: 0:00 Introduction to Devorah Heitner, Ph.D. 6:05 Problems with how young people use social media 19:20 Boredom and using devices to avoid dealing with some emotions 25:20 Screen time is not the only thing to worry about with your kids 33:50 Is there an appropriate age to give a kid a phone? 38:55 Useful resources on Devorah’s book 40:15 Sharing pictures or videos of your kids on social media 46:10 Action step Useful Links: https://courses.raisingdigitalnatives.com/ 1:1 Coaching for families  Take the quiz: How Screenwise are you? https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, March 03, 2021

Two Ways to End a Relationship - Jayson Gaddis - 332

Did you know there are only two ways to end a relationship? It’s true—just two. And whether you’re the one initiating the ending or you’re the receiver of the break, the way you handle it can reveal a lot about the person you are. In this week’s podcast, I discuss the best ways to deal with a relationship’s end, plus some ways to reframe the situation into something that can help you in the future. This applies to any relationships: work or business, friendships, teams...it doesn’t have to be your partnership. If you’d like to know what can help you avoid disastrous relationship endings, take a listen. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training http://relationshipschool.com/challenge

Tue, February 23, 2021

A Personal Story Of Overcoming Mental Illness - Keith Kurlander - 331

This week, a very close friend Keith Kurlander joins me in a very inspiring discussion on mental health and overcoming mental illness. His story is beyond incredible. Seriously. I’ve actually never met anyone that has overcome mental illness so successfully. Keith is a true warrior. And, he’s a solid guide for others too. If you or someone you know struggles with mental health issues, this is a must-listen. Shownotes: 0:00 Introduction and life story: Keith Kurlander 11:05 The impact of medications on the treatment of mental illness 12:55 Finding ways to help yourself by practicing spirituality 17:40 What triggered Keith to work on his mental health 23:25 How Keith’s life was affected by his mental health 26:45 Using Ayahuasca as an experimental treatment 35:05 Useful treatments for mental health 39:25 How relationships can help you overcome mental illnesses 43:45 Ketogenic diet in a nutshell 45:00 Understanding your own mental heath 51:35 How being aligned with your life’s purpose helps you balance your life 59:05 Action Step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training https://psychiatryinstitute.com/ https://psychiatryinstitute.com/podcast/ https://www.psychiatriccenters.com/ https://keithkurlander.com/    

Tue, February 16, 2021

When Your Partner Doesn’t Need Anything - Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder - 330

In this week’s podcast, my wife Ellen and I answer a common question: What do we do with this person who is saying they don't need anything? We posted a short video on this, and it received so many comments we thought we’d elaborate. Listen in as we unpack this question and give you tips on what to do.   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training How To Communicate Your Need For Space In A Relationship – Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder – 318 How To Communicate Your Need For Connection In A Relationship – Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder – 319   

Wed, February 10, 2021

Training To Be A Relationship Coach - Jayson Gaddis and RCT Students - 329

Ever wonder what our Relationship Coach Training (RCT) students go through to become relationship coaches? Curious to know what you can gain from taking RCT? In this week’s podcast, seven RCT students, who are halfway through the course, share their personal experiences and offer insight about their journeys in becoming a relationship coach. During this conversation, I felt my heart expand many times. It’s so incredible what these students are experiencing. This group is pretty dynamic as they all come from different walks of life and career backgrounds. I asked them some questions on how the RCT course has helped them with their current relationships and parenting, how it influenced their self-growth and what their aspirations are after they finish the course and become relationship coaches. We got into a very candid conversation that you do not want to miss. Here’s one of the other questions I asked them: What is your biggest takeaway so far in this course? If you want to know the answer to this question and curious to learn what this group of RCT students is gaining from the course, I invite you to listen to the podcast. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training https://relationshipschool.com/level1-rct

Tue, February 02, 2021

Healing Trauma With Peter Levine - Peter Levine - 328

How do you deal with past traumas that get triggered in your daily life? Are you unsure why certain interactions in your current relationship get you so upset?  This week, trauma legend Dr. Peter Levine joins me in a discussion where we dive deep into how his somatic experiencing method helps with the healing of trauma and other physiological and stress disorders.  If you’re interested to learn about a body-oriented and neurobiological approach to healing trauma, I invite you to listen to this one. Shownotes: 2:35 Introduction Peter Levine 6:30 What differentiates people who can overcome trauma and find meaning on it 15:55 Practical tools you can use to help others and yourself to heal trauma 26:35 The importance of listening to your body 33:15 Being present and experiencing emotions as passive observers 46:20 The relation between trauma and feeling angry 49:40 Are past generations stronger than new ones? 52:35 Recreating traumas as a way to heal them 1:02:05 Action step     Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/blog/details/1024/video-peter-levines-secret-to-releasing-trauma-from Books: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/se-books Ergos Institute (his primary company now): SE student Master Classes, Public Courses, and FREE SE resources: https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/ergos Somatic Experiencing Institute: 8-module Professional SE training, Intro to SE, and educational webinars:  https://www.somaticexperiencing.com/se-trauma-institute

Tue, January 26, 2021

What’s The Difference Between Self-Regulation And Being Calm? - Jayson Gaddis - 327

What happens when someone you care about gets difficult to handle? Let's say they raise their voice at you or give you the silent treatment. Whatever triggers you, you get upset because they're behaving in an upsetting way.  So, how do you deal? What do you do? Our reaction speaks volumes about how we do relationships.  In this week’s podcast, I answered this question from one of our listeners' posts in The Relationship School Facebook group:  Can you explain the distinction between being calm and regulated?  If you want to know the answer to this question and get tips on how to self-regulate, I invite you to listen to my new podcast. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, January 20, 2021

Charles Eisenstein on Separation and Interbeing - Charles Eisenstein - 326

Our modern society presents us with the mythology that answers these philosophical questions like "Who am I?" or "What’s my purpose in life?” But once we answer all those questions through the story of separation, then what is the alternative? What does interbeing mean to you?  This week, author Charles Eisenstein, joins me in a very interesting discussion on how his journey of personal growth played an important role in his development and influenced his body of work on separation and interbeing.  Much of Charles' work draws on ideas from Eastern philosophy as he lived in Taiwan for nine years. The main goal of his work is to make you become aware of your own "story of interbeing.” If you’re interested in interdependence and your connection to the world, you’ll want to check the podcast: Shownotes: 4:15 Introduction Charles Eisenstein 11:10 Defining interbeing and separation 17:30 How separation creates disconnection in our lives 27:00 How deep relationships can help individuals and society 37:15 Communication crisis and lack of empathy 42:40 How to overcome being in a victimhood position   53:45 Framing problems in an “us" vs "them” mentality 59:20 Action Step Useful Links: https://charleseisenstein.org/ https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, January 13, 2021

The Angry Therapist’s Advice For Singles - John Kim - 325

If you’re single and dating, are you tired of all the dating apps in our swipe-right culture? This week, John Kim LMFT, better known as the Angry Therapist, joins me in a very interesting discussion about his life after getting divorced that transformed his journey in becoming a therapist and coach. We also talked about John’s new book, “Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.” He wants you to prioritize your relationship with yourself and live a more meaningful life. If you’re interested in dating and relationship tips, you’ll want to check this podcast. Shownotes: 4:20 Men and therapy 9:00 John Kim’s background and childhood 16:55 Dealing with racism in John’s early years 20:30 How his divorce pushed John to start getting interested in therapy 28:00 Understanding parenting through experience 31:50 Working as a coach in this day and age 36:25 About John’s new book “Single on Purpose” 37:55: Dating and friendship advice 45:20 Final advice 46:40 Action Step   Useful Links: https://www.theangrytherapist.com/ https://www.instagram.com/theangrytherapist/ https://twitter.com/angrytherapist https://relationshipschool.com/training

Tue, January 05, 2021

Nature, Connection & Purpose - Tim Corcoran - 324

Did you know I took my son on a 5-day father’s son wilderness survival trip a few months ago?  It was so amazing. And, did you also know connecting with nature by just taking a brisk walk at your local park is good for improving your mental health and emotional well-being? Just stepping away from my phone and laptop for 5 days was the kind of digital detox I needed.  Back when I was lost in my life, nature was always there for me. Nature is a big family value of ours. That’s why I wanted to take my son on this powerful trip. Good nature time, good father-son bonding time. Our guide on the trip was so solid, I wanted to have him on the podcast to share more of why it’s so key to get outside. This guy has a ton of experience and it was so great to jam about nature, connection, and purpose.  If you’re interested to know how immersing in nature can expand your awareness and find your true calling, you’ll want to check out the podcast.  Shownotes: 3:50 Introduction Tim Corcoran 6:15 The importance of having a connection with nature 13:20 Connecting with yourself through nature 19:45 Giving back and helping others to create a connection with nature 24:25 First steps towards finding your purpose 30:20 Listening to yourself and your emotions 38:50 The father-son / mother-daughter experiences 49:15 Advice for people who want to reconnect with nature and themselves 56:45 Action Step Useful links: https://www.twineagles.org/ https://www.purposemountain.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/training  

Tue, December 29, 2020

4 Questions To Start A New Relationship Or New Year - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 323

As 2020 winds down, what are you hoping to see what happens in the new year with your relationship? Maybe you want to rekindle the romance. Or maybe you want to start a family. Whatever your hopes and dreams are for the new year, in this podcast, my wife Ellen and I give you four important questions to start the new year. Here is one of the questions: Why are you together? In other words, what is the purpose of your relationship? Listen in as we unpack this question along with the other three. Shownotes: 0:45 4 questions to find the purpose of your relationship 3:30 Why are you in a relationship with your partner? 7:35 What do you want from your relationship? 9:30 Where do you want to go in your relationship? 11:25 How are you going to get where you want to be?   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training

Tue, December 22, 2020

One Reminder for Relationship Success - Jayson Gaddis - 322

Did you know the longest study conducted by Harvard University on human behavior found that the single biggest determining factor of a well-lived life was based on the quality of relationships the participants had? In today’s podcast, I give a few more examples of human behavioral studies showing how relationships affect the overall quality of life. I also give tips on how moving forward with your relationships with yourself and others are going to fit into all the challenges that lie ahead in the new year. https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, December 16, 2020

Two Couples Get Real About What Makes A Successful Couple - Christine Hassler & Stefanos Sifandos - 321

Ever wonder what makes a successful couple? This week, my wife and I welcome back a returning guest Christine Hassler (and her partner!).We hosted this fun Q&A related to growth in relationships, marriage & raising kids. Here’s one of the questions we answer in this podcast: What should I do if I'm growing, but my partner isn't? If you want to know the answer to this question, I invite you to listen to this interesting podcast. Shownotes: 3:25 Introduction Christine Hassler and Stefanos Sifandos 5:00 How Christine and Stefanos met and the evolution of their relationship 18:10 Deciding to commit to a long-term partnership 21:25: How being involved in self-development jobs affects their relationship 28:55 How having kids impacted their relationship 31:55 Dealing with taking care of others instead of yourself 38:45 How does it feel to work with your partner 50:00 What to do when you are putting in the work but your partner is not 57:45 How the pandemic impacted their family dynamics 1:09:20 Action Step Useful Links: https://stefanossifandos.com/ https://christinehassler.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/training  

Tue, December 08, 2020

Oxytocin Bonding In Relationships - Dr. C. Sue Carter, Ph.D. - 320

Ever wonder why oxytocin is called the “Love Drug?” This week, Dr. Sue Carter, author of "Attachment and Bonding: A New Synthesis” joins me in a very interesting discussion on why oxytocin is one of the primary glues that keeps long-term relationships together. According to Dr. Sue Carter, without oxytocin, we probably would not have been able to evolve into the complex creatures that we are today. If you have always wanted to know the relationship between oxytocin and attachment dynamics, you’ll want to check this out. Shownotes: 2:50 Introduction - Dr. Sue Carter 10:15 Pair bonding, relationships and the origins of oxytocin 19:40 Oxytocin fluctuations and a sense of safety 17:45 The influence of oxytocin on our relationships 34:40 Effects of oxytocin on men and women 39:15 Action Step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training

Tue, December 01, 2020

How To Communicate Your Need For Connection In A Relationship - Jayson Gaddis & Ellen Boeder - 319

In this week’s podcast, my wife Ellen and I continue the discussion on attachment dynamics and give tips for all you ‘pursuers.’  If you are the pursuer in your relationship who always wants to connect with your partner, especially under stress and anxiety, we want to help you learn how to communicate your need for connection better so you don’t drive the other person further away. Here are two very important questions I ask all couples to think about:    Do we want the same kind of relationship? What do you really want out of the partnership?  Listen in as we answer these questions.  Shownotes: 1:45 Being there for yourself 5:20 Understanding your partner’s position 8:40 Letting your partner know that you care and want to understand them 11:35 Don’t expect others to behave as you want them to 13:20 You and your partner should act as a team 18:25: Action Step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training https://relationshipschool.com/dipr  

Mon, November 23, 2020

How To Communicate Your Need For Space In A Relationship - Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder - 318

Here’s a scenario: You and your partner had a fight or disagreement. You want to talk about it;  they don’t. Hmmm. How do you deal?  In this podcast, my wife Ellen and I give you a few tips for you avoidant-types on how to deal with your partner who always wants a connection or wants to talk about it.  Here’s a critical question I ask space-takers to think about:    Does withdrawing relieve my partner or not? In other words, is my space-taking helpful to my partner and good for our relationship?  Listen in as we unpack this question.   Shownotes: 0:50: Distancing in relationships 6:25 Establishing a time limit on the time you take for yourself 10:30 Action Step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/training  

Tue, November 17, 2020

How To Raise A Boy To Be A Great Man - Michael Gurian - 317

Did you know when males have an emotive experience, two parts of the brain lights up? And when females have an emotive experience, nine parts of the brain light up? You’re probably thinking, why just two parts with men and nine parts with women?  If you’re interested in brain differences that boys and girls experience from the time they start school throughout adulthood, you’ll want to check this out:  This week, New York Times best selling author of "The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men” examines the inner life of boys; their physical, socio-emotional, and neurological development.  Michael believes that to improve male sensitivity in America, parents should adopt bi-strategic and multi-strategic parenting styles and raise boys (and girls) with resiliency, purpose, and doing emotive development that fits their sensitivity. Shownotes: 3:05 Introduction Michael Gurian 5:20 Brain differences in education 10:10 Why men struggle more with therapy than women 21:50 How does empathy work inside the brain 27:00 How to raise boys in this day and age 34:15 What parents should keep in mind when rising girls 41:35 Action Step   Useful Links: https://gurianinstitute.com/events/gurian-winter-institute-2021/ https://relationshipschool.com/training  

Wed, November 11, 2020

Dealing With A Partner Who Is Depressed, Distant, or Too Busy - Jayson Gaddis - 316

What happens when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s dealing with depression and is being distant? Should you stay or should you give them an ultimatum?  In this week’s podcast, that was just one of the questions I answered from one of our listeners' posts in the Relationship School Facebook group.  I covered a lot of ground in the sex and relationships category from polyamorous relationships in the context of post-betrayal to dealing with relationship dissatisfaction. Some pretty intense stuff.  Here’s one of the other questions I answered in this new podcast:  No one talks about the sex slowing down in a long-term relationship. What is healthy and normal and what is not? If you want to know the answer to this question and more relationship advice, I invite you to listen to my new podcast.  Check it out. Shownotes: 1:30 Being in a relationship with someone who takes anti-depressives 5:45 Being the one who always takes the initiative to work on the relationship 8:45 Can polyamorous relationships solve partnership problems? 11:45 Benefits of men being part of a men’s group 13:35 Sex frequency in long term relationships 15:15 When can being too demanding cause dissatisfaction? 19:50 Supporting each other in conflicts with other people https://relationshipschool.com/training

Wed, November 04, 2020

Resmaa Menakem on Trauma & White Body Supremacy - Resmaa Menakem - 315

Somatic Abolitonist, Resmaa Menakem, shares a true story about racial discrimination between the police and his family.  He also challenges the hell out of me.  Man, this was a good one, very intense. I learned a ton.  I continue to learn about how me, as a white heterosexual male, can improve in the area of race, equity and diversity.  This is a pretty charged episode. Trigger warning.  Check it out. Shownotes: 5:25 Introduction Resmaa Menakem 9:35 Fearing racism deep-rooted in society 15:05 The necessary work to make a shift in society 21:30 How white people can address racial problems and understand black people 34:00 How trauma stays in people’s bodies and transforms through time 35:00 Cultural baggage 37:20 Racism manifested in police agencies 49:05 Diversity, equity, and inclusion trainings 58:10 What does the work of healing cultural trauma looks like for white people 1:11:35 How training black people differs from training white people 1:21:50 Action step Useful Links: https://www.resmaa.com/ https://www.instagram.com/resmaamenakem/?hl=en https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/

Wed, October 28, 2020

A Mother's Personal Journey with Attachment - Bethany Saltman - 314

We continue our discussion from last week’s podcast with my wife Ellen on attachment dynamics. This week, writer Bethany Saltman, author of a "Strange Situation: A Mother's Journey into the Science of Attachment” breaks down her own experience with attachment after diving head first in the research. If you are unsure if you are “secure” or “insecure” and how that might impact your adult partnership or future family, you’ll want to check this out.   Shownotes: 3:25 Introduction Bethany Saltman 9:45 Bowlby & Ainsworth’s Attachment Theory 21:30 Bethany’s relationship with her daughter 27:00 Understanding attachment theory to improve parenting 32:40 Teenagers' bad behavior 35:50 Thoughtful and deeper relationships through attachment theory 47:35 Action step

Wed, October 21, 2020

How to Work with Different Attachment Styles - Jayson Gaddis and Ellen Boeder - 313

Here’s a scenario: You want to talk about something that is bothering you, but your partner tells you they need some time to think and walks away. You end up feeling frustrated and ignored for the rest of the day. Sounds familiar, right? Then this new podcast will shed some serious light on this dynamic. If you are interested in attachment dynamics, you’ll appreciate this podcast. My wife Ellen and I answer some of your questions about attachment styles posted directly from our Instagram followers   Shownotes: 4:10 Understanding and healing what pushes your partner away 9:05: Working together with others who have a different attachment style 16:50: Willingness to work on yourself and with others 19:50: What if you or your partner struggle with being empathetic 25:00 Action Step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/

Tue, October 13, 2020

Resolving Trauma with Psychedelics & MDMA - Dr. Rick Doblin, Ph.D. - 312

Using psychedelics to resolve trauma wasn’t something I was aware of when I first started experimenting over 30 years ago. The research has exploded as well as the positive outcomes for people with PTSD.  In this interview, I speak to one of the leading authorities on psychotherapy and psychedelics, Rick Doblin. Rick is such a trail-blazer.  If you have questions about how “safe” or “effective psychedelics are for your healing journey, this is a must listen. We cover MDMA, psilocybin, LSD, and ayahuasca.    Shownotes: 4:00 Introduction Rick Doblin 10:50 How to handle bad experiences with psychedelics 13:55 Using psychedelics recreationally and facilitators for growth 33:30 Experimental studies about the use of psychedelics 47:45 Psychedelics and psychotherapy 1:00:30: Using psychedelics alone vs. doing it with others 1:11:15 Action Step

Thu, October 08, 2020

Tips For Helping Young Children Resolve Conflict - 311

When you were young, did you know how to work through conflict? Were the adults involved at all or was it more of a “hands off” situation? Whatever you went through as a kid, there’s another way.  My belief is that if we raise kids in a good way, and teach them how to work through their differences, we’ll have a brighter future. My family and I wanted to record this podcast to show you what’s possible when kids have conflict. This is an unscripted conversation with my kids. Check it out here Shownotes: 3:20: Conflict between children 8:30: Tips for resolving conflict 16:00: When can adults intervene? 21:30 Taking a break and spending time alone 26:45: Using humor to resolve conflicts Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/

Wed, September 30, 2020

Sharing Impact 2.0 - 310

Many of our Relationship School students know the tool “sharing impact.” Well, now I have a short update on that tool for you.  My wife and I made a big improvement based on something we saw with our students.  When not done well, this tool can leave some people feeling defensive. So, we added a step that will mitigate some of that defensiveness. Check it out   Useful Links: Episode 33 - Sharing Impact Episode 297: The Collaborative Way – Lloyd Fickett https://relationshipschool.com/community/ https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ 3z799swe

Thu, September 24, 2020

Your Relationship To Money - Ken Honda - 309

A lot of couples fight about money. Money has a lot of charge for most of us. That’s why I wanted to interview Ken Honda about how we can improve our relationship to money. Ken has written dozens of books and has tons of advice for you about money and how you can increase wealth and connection. I think you’ll enjoy this one.   Shownotes: 4:05: Introduction Ken Honda 12:10: Why is there pain and fear around money 16:00: Finding out who you are in order to have a better relationship with money 24:40: The relation between emotional intelligence and financial intelligence   31:00 Happiness and money 35:25: Money and generosity 39:00: How to relax our body and mind around money 43:00 Money advice for couples 47:40: Rising kids with financial intelligence 1:00:40 Action step   Useful Links: https://kenhonda.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/community/ https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ Text me (USA): 7207044850

Wed, September 16, 2020

3 Myths Single People Believe - 308

If you are single, I got some feedback from a lot of people on this. They helped me ensure that these are in fact, 3 of the biggest myths around being single. Would love your input. Take a listen and leave a comment on social, or below in the blog/podcast post. Shownotes: 4:45: Myth # 1 6:30: Myth # 2 8:25: Myth # 3 12:20: Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ Text me (USA): 7207044850

Wed, September 09, 2020

Overcoming Fear, Standing Up To Your Parents & Finding Your Own Path - Kute Blackson - 307

Have you ever upset someone because you wanted to speak your truth or follow your truth? If you choose to follow your heart in life, you’re going to upset people and disappoint people. It’s part of the path. But so many of us listen to the fear and shrink away from what’s true for us, instead of having the courage to stand up, express ourselves, or follow our dreams. In this podcast, you’ll hear one man’s story of overcoming fear and saying no to his father’s wishes. Whew. It’s powerful what he did. And, as a result his life has been pretty extraordinary.   Shownotes: 3:10: Introduction of Kute Blackson and his life story 16:55: Overcoming the fear of being your true self 33:35: Dealing with people who criticize you 39:10: How to overcome the victim mentality 47:15: How to let go of our past 52:35: About racism 1:03:10 Action step Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/ https://www.amazon.com/You-Are-One-Adventure-Discovering/dp/1501127276 http://www.boundlessblissbali.com/ https://kuteblackson.com/blog/ https://www.instagram.com/kuteblackson/  

Wed, September 02, 2020

Meeting Adversity - 306

If you are feeling stressed I think this will be helpful for you now, and to save for a future date when you are feeling stressed. Your ability to meet adversity will likely determine your results in your relational life, and more.  Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected/

Wed, August 26, 2020

Social Capital At Work & At Home - Dr. Wayne Baker, Ph.D. - 305

Have you ever been around someone who just drains you of energy? Or, on the flip side, fuels you up? We all have energy flows, and it can actually be mapped among us. In episode 305 of the RS podcast Dr. Wayne Baker, an author and sociologist, shares his work with energy mapping and why we need both human capital AND social capital to be more effective in our relationships (I just learned these terms too and it’s fascinating stuff!).  This one is especially valuable for bosses, business owners and anyone in leadership positions.   Shownotes:   2:25: Introduction Dr. Wayne Baker 7:45: What is social capital? 9:00: How energy flows in our social networks 14:35: Human and social capital on this day and age 16:55: 4 elements of high-quality connections 23:55: Team culture values 29:15: What can we do to implement and promote better values 34:25: Advice for people in positions of power 41.15: Action Step

Thu, August 20, 2020

2 Types Of Narcissism & How To Avoid Them - Dr. Stan Tatkin, Ph.D. - 304

A lot of podcast listeners ask about narcissism so I thought I’d find an expert. Stan Tatkin is that guy. He did his dissertation on narcissism. So this one gets really dense. Stan reminds the listener that if you find yourself with a narcissistic person, you might want to look in the mirror. Gulp.   Shownotes:   7:50 Introduction Dr. Stan Tatkin 17:05 What is a narcissist person? 26:45 The second form of narcissism 38:30 How narcissists perceive their relationships 47:30 Is it possible to recover from a narcissistic behavior? 49:40 How do you spot a narcissist? 54:15: The difference between a healthy amount of selfishness and being a narcissist 59:30 Are narcissists capable of experiencing love? 1:04:30 What can we do for ourselves if we are around narcissists? 1:07:15 Action Step

Tue, August 11, 2020

When To Bring Up Difficult Things - 303

If you’ve ever struggled to bring up something challenging with someone you care about, you know how dicey it can be sometimes. If you don’t bring it up, you might start to resent them. If you do bring it up, they might react and get upset. Hmmm. What do you do? Here are a few tips to help you navigate this quandary.   Shownotes: 4:15: How to bring up difficult things 16:40 Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/community/

Wed, August 05, 2020

3 Critical Parenting Tips to Deal with Stress and Anxiety at Home - Dr. Tina Bryson - 302

If you are feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed, this is a must listen. It might have been one of the best parenting interviews I’ve done. My guest Tina Bryson shares 2 things that create stress in kids right now then she covers 3-4 things that relieve stress and anxiety. This one is very good. Even if you’re not a parent, you were a kid a while back and this will help you see what’s possible.   Shownotes: 5:15 Introduction Dr. Tina Bryson 9:40 The importance of self-awareness for parents 17:45 Two things that create stress for kids at home 22:40 How to relieve stress 32:00 Name it to tame it: The importance of acknowledging our feelings and emotions 37:35 How to provide children a safe and secure place at home 52:00 How parents can help children make better decisions for themselves 1:04:10 Action step Useful Links: https://www.tinabryson.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct  

Tue, July 28, 2020

Loneliness, Social Isolation And Living Alone - Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad - 301

Some of you know that I nerd out on research about relationships. Well, have you heard about the research study that says loneliness is more lethal than smoking 15 cigarettes per day?  Well, I finally got to talk to the woman that did this research. Wow. It’s astounding and puts our relationships with other people front and center.   Shownotes:   5:10 Introduction  Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad 7:30 The impact of loneliness and social isolation on people's health 14:00 Dr. Julianne’s health studies 19:45 The impact of relationships on our health and life expectancy 41:55 Why you might feel lonely even if you are surrounded by people 48:25 Why some people disagree with the studies about loneliness and social isolation 1:04:50 Action step   Useful Links: https://twitter.com/jholtlunstad?lang=en https://julianneholtlunstad.byu.edu/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct    

Wed, July 22, 2020

How To Become A Relationship Coach - 300

If you are a helper, therapist, or coach (or you are curious), here’s a great podcast I just recorded about helping others and taking the leap to be a relationship coach.   Shownotes: 9:50 What is coaching? 11:30 How to become a good relationship coach 25:05 About our coaching program 37:25 Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/therapy-vs-coaching-sc-139/

Wed, July 15, 2020

The 3 Fears That Hold Men Back - Tripp Lanier - 299

My good friend and Men’s Coach Tripp Lanier joins me in episode 299 of the podcast for a killer convo about why we shouldn’t take ourselves so seriously and how to put a voice to our fears so we can use them for fuel to get what we want. Shownotes:   5:00 Introduction Tripp Lanier 10:35 What put Tripp on a path of self-discovery and growth? 12:50 Men dealing with their emotions and fears 14:25 The 3 big threats 18:00 The fear of being ourselves 20:40 Facing the problems in our lives 25:30 Using our feelings and emotions as a guide to a better life and better relationships 37:30 Assuming you are responsible for your own life 39:00 You don’t need to be in the mood to improve 41:15 Stop taking yourself too seriously 46:15 Setting goals for ourselves in a different way 50:30 What is freedom? 53:00 Comfort doesn’t mean fulfillment 56:00 The fear of change in our relationships 1:00:05 Advice to keep a marriage working 1:04:40 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.amazon.com/This-Book-Will-Make-Dangerous-ebook/dp/B086PY4W35 https://www.thenewmanpodcast.com/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct  

Wed, July 08, 2020

The Mystery And Power Of Self Directed Social Emotional Change - Dr. Rick Hanson, Ph.D. - 298

Can we rewire our brains to find more fulfillment in ourselves and in our relationships? Psychologist Dr. Rick Hanson joins me in episode 298 of the podcast to share his take on how exactly we can get there. Shownotes:   3:30 What is happiness and why do we seek it? 6:40 How to overcome negativity without ignoring our traumas 10:25 The importance of self-awareness in our relationships 14:00 Why relationships matter so much 19:25 Recognizing good and bad intentions of others 27:40 What prevents people from growing? 32:40 What triggered change in Rick’s life 42:20 Why learning is essential for your brain’s health 48:15 Why it’s important to acknowledge and embrace your victories 54:30 Action step Useful Links: https://www.rickhanson.net/ https://rickhanson.net/neurodharma https://relationshipschool.com/rct

Tue, June 30, 2020

The Collaborative Way - Lloyd Fickett - 297

Join me in episode 297 of the podcast for a moving and motivating conversation with Lloyd Fickett, founder of “The Collaborative Way”. We get in deep about life, love and leadership in this one. Shownotes: 3:55 Introduction of Lloyd Fickett 5:55 What is The Collaborative Way? 16:00 Problems that can be solved with The Collaborative Way 24:25 How team leaders can improve their leadership skills 30:00 Steps we can take to make our relationships stronger 41:20 Lloyd's experiences with grief and growth after his wife’s passing  49:30 Action step Useful Links: https://www.collaborativeway.com/ https://learn.collaborativeway.com/

Wed, June 24, 2020

Dr. Ed Tronick On Infant Development & Why Repair is The Key To Great Relationships - 296

I’m a big fan of esteemed psychologist Dr. Ed Tronick and was stoked to pick his brain in episode 296 of the podcast. Join us for an amazing conversation on The Still Face Experiment, relationship dynamics, his new book and much more. Shownotes: 5:30 Introduction of Dr. Edward Tronick 8:10 The impact on children from mask wearing 11:25 The “Still Face” experiment and its impact on culture 15:25 Understanding mother-child interactions 24:50 Working on our mismatches with others and building security 32:00 How relationship dynamics in the early years impact infants 42:15 The platform of security 45:10 The power of repair in relationships 1:02:50 Co-regulation between children and their mothers 1:14:00 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.amazon.com/Power-Discord-Relationships-Building-Resilience/dp/0316488879 https://www.umb.edu/academics/cla/faculty/edward_tronick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0  

Mon, June 15, 2020

Black Men Speaking Out - Michael Taylor and Jon Walton - 295

In episode 295 of the podcast I continue our race conversation with Michael Taylor and Jon Walton, 2 friends of TRS whose life’s work is to educate others and lift up people of color. Check it out. Shownotes: 4:20 Introduction to Michael Taylor and Jon Walton 7:30 The roots of racism and white supremacy 12:00 Michael and Jon's experiences with racism 20:30 Is the reactivity around these problems necessary? 25:50 What can white people do? 33:25 Why we judge other people based on the color of their skin 41:00 How can white people get involved in supporting anti-racism without white-centering? 45:10 How to engage in challenging conversations around racism? 1:01:50 Is it necessary for white people to apologize to Black people? 1:04:00 Advice to deal with race issues in interracial relationships 1:09:00 About police brutality and how the media portrays Black people 1:16:45 Final thoughts 1:21:55 Action step   Useful Links:   https://www.shatteringblackmalestereotypes.com/ https://www.jontwalton.com/  

Mon, June 08, 2020

Racism And What We Can Do To Dismantle It Right Now - Louiza "Weeze" Doran - 294

As the anti-racism protests and movement continue to spread across our country, I wanted to represent a few Black voices on the podcast to help me/us get involved.   In early 2019, I took a 7-week class for white people on equity, race, and diversity. Louiza “Weeze” Doran, who took time out of her insanely busy schedule right now, was one of my teachers.  I consider her one of my main mentors when it comes to the subject of racism.  Weeze is a coach, educator, political activist, organizer, and strategist, among many other things. She’s in direct action toward moving the system forward to equity, justice, inclusion, and liberation for the Black community. Weeze and I talk about how we’re doing in our response so far after the George Floyd murder, 3 things that white people can do right now to support, and our historical culture of whiteness. She helps me get clear on how to define racism and what it looks like in everyday life, because it’s not always so obvious. She also answers some great questions from my listeners. This is an amazing listen, folks. It will wake you up, may make you uncomfortable (and that’s a good thing -- it means you’re being activated!) and inspire you to look at your own life and take action.   Shownotes: 7:25 Introduction Louiza " Weeze" Doran 10:55 Society's response to George Floyd’s death 19:30 What white people can do to support the anti-racism movement 25:55 Defining racism 32:30 How living in your personal bubble keeps you from understanding other people’s lives and experiences 40:30 How to support the Black community without coming across as condescending 45:30 Where to get news and unbiased information 47:00 Examples of “unchecked white privilege” and covert racism 54:00 How to support Black people at work 56:05 About “white-centering” 59:45: How to talk to kids about racism 1:05:50 Hope about the future 1:11:35 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.accordingtoweeze.com/ https://www.instagram.com/accordingtoweeze/ https://relationshipschool.com/rct/  

Wed, June 03, 2020

Mask Shaming - 293

As the pandemic continues, one of the most charged topics that’s come up is mask wearing. Many people are wearing them because their area requires it and/or they think it’ll help stop the spread. Others aren’t because their area has more relaxed rules and/or they think it’s holding them back from a much-needed return to normal life. Either way, it’s turned into a divisive issue with people internally or even publicly shaming each other for wearing or not wearing a mask.  This is a prime example of conflict, something that happens in our intimate relationships all the time. We want others to conform to our values and do what we’re doing. But this behavior just isn’t realistic. Join me in episode 293 of the RS podcast to dig deeper into the issue and discuss how we can resolve a lot of the conflict we feel by actively listening to each other and learning about both viewpoints. Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/

Wed, May 27, 2020

The 2 Most Common Male Sexuality Issues And How To Resolve Them - Destin Gerek - 292

As a man, I have wrestled with my sexuality most of my life.  That’s why I love it when other men are willing to “go there.”  Here’s another rich conversation with two men getting honest about us guys in the bedroom.  I first spoke to Destin Gerek a few years ago in episode 98 about evolving masculinity, and the man who used to call himself the Erotic Rockstar joins me again in episode 292 to build off that conversation and talk his new book The Evolved Masculine: Be the Man the World Needs & the One She Craves . Click here to listen. We discuss what an evolved man looks like 2020, why some men fear their masculinity, and the vulnerability of embracing the feminine within. We also talk intimately about common male sexuality issues and feeling satisfied not only with our partners, but with ourselves. This is a good one for men AND women -- go check it out!   Shownotes: 2:53 Introduction Destin Gerek 8:05 Masculine and feminine energy 10:00 Why some men are afraid to show their masculine side 11:25 The impact of the #MeToo movement on men 17:00 How men can use their sexuality as a gift for women 24:40 Men must believe they are worthy of sex 27:00 How can men cultivate a healthy sexual relationship? 31:25: What can men do to improve their sexual performance 44:30 How our relationship with our parents affect the relationship with our partners 48:20 How men can be better husbands and a better dads 54:15 Action Step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/rct/ https://www.evolvedmasculine.com/ https://www.amazon.com/Evolved-Masculine-World-Needs-Craves/dp/1734144106 https://www.facebook.com/groups/relationshipadviceformen/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, May 20, 2020

Resolving Conflict in the High-Stakes Corporate World - CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke - 291

In episode 291 of The Relationship School podcast I spoke with CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke, co-founders of Thrive! Inc. coaching and consulting which specializes in resolving conflict in the workplace and using it to fuel greater teamwork and collective creativity. They’ve worked with everyone from tech startups to Fortune 100 companies and have written books on the subject and even started their own podcast.   The two women, also life partners, have pretty incredible life stories and are just as passionate about conflict as I am, albeit in a corporate setting.  We talked about some of their own defining moments with conflict, speaking up to power, the importance of having real conversations, and how embracing conflict, as awful as it can be, can truly be life changing.  Have a listen!   Shownotes: 3:45 Introduccion CrisMarie Campbell and Susan Clarke 12:35 Most common problems for people and teams inside different organizations 16:00 How to start tackling conflict and communication issues inside work teams 25:05 Tools for work teams to improve communication 29:40: How to give and receive feedback from others 38:40 Action step Useful links: https://www.thriveinc.com/ 4063507691: Send a text with your name and Email address, and reply with the word BEAUTY. http://relationshipschool.com/community/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, May 13, 2020

Are You And Your Partner Incompatible? - 290

Did I choose the wrong person? Are we just incompatible? These are a few of the tough questions many couples ask themselves at some point in their relationship, usually when that blissful honeymoon period ends and real life sh*t begins.  And there’s an even more important question to ask if you are interested in this subject. It boils down to what you both want.  Join me in episode 290 of the RS podcast for a quick but meaningful conversation about incompatibility with me and my wife Ellen. We chat about when incompatibility issues typically arise, why it happens (i.e. when the stress comes in, the truth comes out), and how being different people doesn’t automatically make you incompatible. If you are thinking you and your partner (or ex) might be incompatible, this is a must listen.  Come learn the bigger question we need to ask ourselves about our partners and if the relationship is right for you.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, May 06, 2020

Building Better Brains for Our Kids - Dr. Judy Cameron, Ph.D. - 289

The brain is a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Our brains are what shape us as human beings, but do you ever wonder what’s shaping your brain? Join me in Episode 289 as I chat with neuroscientist Dr. Judy Cameron about her breakthrough research into the brain and how we as adults can help our children have sturdier brain development (this is so important for our future). In the past, brain development was thought to be mainly due to genetic programming, but Dr. Cameron shares how it’s actually life experiences from the time you’re born onward that play a larger role. That means giving our children healthy experiences right now is key for them to build the best brains possible! Come listen and prepare for some mind-blowing stuff!   Shownotes: 3:50 Introduction Dr. Judy Cameron 12:30 Where are we at as a society on rising kids 16:45 Does trauma inhibit brain development? 21:50 Understanding what causes some kids to have social issues  36:45 How can kids learn new and better habits or skills? 41:10 “Flexibility” as a necessary tool for adults to help theirs kids learn 46:30 The importance of building emotional skills at early ages 53:40 Getting “stuck” is related to learning difficulties 1:00:15 How can we strengthen our brain as adults Useful Links: http://workingforkids.com/ judycameron@workingforkids.com http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, April 29, 2020

Embracing & Evolving Women’s Sexuality - Alexandra Solomon - 288

Making love is a pretty straightforward act, but man do we love to make it complicated. How society views sex has always been messy and made wose -- hold your gasp of surprise here -- for women.  It’s about time we ditch this double standard, right? Join me as I chat with relationship expert and Relationship School Ambassador Dr. Alexandra Solomon about sexuality, relational self awareness and all the complexities of sex (and boy there are a lot of them). We discuss how the resurgence of the #MeToo movement in 2017 was the final push she needed to write her new book Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Dr. Solomon, also the author of Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want, wanted to add her voice and contribute to this new chapter in conversations around gender, power and sex. Come listen as we talk more about the inspiration behind her writing and what women can do to discover their own unique erotic expression.    Shownotes: 3:10 Introduction Dr. Alexandra Solomon 10:40 About relational self-awareness 14:00 Lessons learned while writing her book 17:30 Guidance for young people about their sexuality 21:05 Women getting in touch with their own sexuality 23:15 At what point should parents have conversations about sexuality with their daughters 28:00 Differences on how society perceives female masturbation 31:50 What can men do to help women explore their sexuality 35:20 How men’s sexual performance is used to define manliness 37:40 Your feelings are data and you can learn from them 39:20 Advice for married couples on how to keep their sex life alive 43:15 The spiritual side of sex 47:20 Action Step Useful Links: Book: Taking Sexy back Dr Alexandra Solomon on Instagram Dr Alexandra Solomon on Facebook Dr Alexandra Solomon's website http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Sun, April 26, 2020

Integrative Approaches to Mental Health and Depression - Dr. Will Vanderveer - 287

Did you know 1 in 10 Americans take an antidepressant? Yup. For some, the treatment can really help. Yet for many, it doesn’t do much. The COVID-19 pandemic is pushing people like never before. Some of us in a good way, but others are suffering even more. In fact, I think we’re on the brink of a mental health crisis. That’s why I asked my good friend Dr. Will Vanderveer, an integrative psychiatrist, to speak to us about what we can do as practitioners (therapists and coaches), but also as people who suffer from mental health challenges such as depression. I think you’ll find this very eye opening. Listen now!   Shownotes: (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age (1:04:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://psychiatrycenters.com/ https://psychiatryinstitute.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Mon, April 20, 2020

3 Steps To Face Interpersonal Stress And Get Stronger - 286

Have you let someone know how you are lately? How you really are? Because it’s okay to not be okay right now. I encourage you to be more honest with yourself and your friends and family when we all share how we’re holding up in this uncertain world. How did they handle your truth? In this podcast, I check in with you and share 3 tips on how to face interpersonal stress and conflict and only get stronger from it. This is good advice anytime of year, but especially now when our relationships are experiencing way more stress than normal. Because we all crave human contact, but what happens when we’re constantly in close quarters with people? Or all by ourselves? Stress and conflict, that’s what. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Please listen and start taking action now to better your situation tomorrow. And, as always, share with someone you know who is struggling.   Shownotes:   (5:30) Introduction Will Vanderveer (7:20) Covid-19 Crisis (9:10) About Integrative Care and Integrative psychiatry (14:20) Differences between Mental Health and Physical health professionals (32:30) The impact of childhood trauma on health and recommendations (39:10) Research on psychedelics as treatment (51:40) The importance of the right guidance on psychedelic treatments (56:25) How we are treating mental health on this day and age (1:04:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://psychiatrycenters.com/ https://psychiatryinstitute.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, April 15, 2020

5 Steps To Gain Control When You Feel Overwhelmed & Afraid - Cory Muscara - 285

Depending on your situation, the pandemic and economic uncertainty can leave any “normal” person feeling out of control, overwhelmed, or afraid. So, here is a great interview with my friend who is a skilled meditation instructor. Cory walks you through a simple process you can do in 5-10 minutes that will help you calm down and regain control of your thinking and your emotions. Please listen and/or forward to someone you know who is struggling.   Shownotes:   (3:20) Introduction Cory Muscara (15:50) Looking for answers in the wrong people (19:55) Core teachings at Cory’s retreats (23:05) Meditation practice to achieve an internal sense of safety on these difficult times (35:10) Reviewing the 5 steps to work on our fears and frustrations (39:15) How this meditation practices help you be more proactive with your situation (43:25) Self-acceptance vs. self-mastery (50:35) Explaining the concept of “Developing/cultivating a witness” (59:25) Final advice from Cory (1:03:30) Action Step   Useful Links: https://www.corymuscara.com/ Cory's instagram For more free resources and recommendations, text your email address: (+1) 6314054631 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, April 08, 2020

Tips For Couples And Families On Lockdown - 284

Word is that child abuse and domestic violence are on the rise right now due to people being stuck at home. And, if China is any indication, divorce could increase a lot once we are through this. “Shelter in place” is a great move with a big downside for some people. If you are stuck at home with people that are difficult, including a roommate or partner, lockdown isn’t that fun. In fact, it can bring out the worst in us. So, my wife and I thought we’d record a short podcast with some tips for couples who are feeling stuck at home Plus, if you have children, there’s a bonus section at the end of this podcast with my kids!   Useful Links: Send your podcast questions: info@relationshipschool.com http://relationshipschool.com/community

Wed, April 01, 2020

2 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself During A Crisis - Philip McKernan - 283

This is an extremely intimate and powerful episode with world-renowned speaker Philip McKernan. He asks you 2 questions that can completely change how you show up right now during this global crisis. I’ve been reflecting on these 2 questions since our interview. They are deep, very personal, and helpful. Listen below.   Shownotes:   (4:25) Introduction Philip McKernan (7:50) Orienting yourself in times of crisis (10:55) How difficult times can make you change your perspective (14:20) Asking yourself “Who are you going to be during this crisis” (19:20) Dealing with your anxiety (20:50) How difficult times can help you grow (26:40) Making better choices to overcome crisis (29:35) Should you compare yourself to other people? (34:30) What can you do to accept yourself as you are (39:30) Self-development during difficult times (44:40) Stop making everything about you (49:50) Making and impact by being your true self (59:15) Advice for therapists and coaches helping others (1:05:50) Action Step   Useful Links:   https://onelasttalk.com/the-book/ https://philipmckernan.com/

Mon, March 30, 2020

Fear - 282

In this episode we talk briefly about fear and how to deal with it. http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Tue, March 24, 2020

Lessons From A Navy Seal During Tough Times - Mark Divine -281

I think you’ll find this podcast interview very helpful right now. It’s a good reminder of how to work through adversity. My guest is Mark Divine, a former Navy Seal. This guy’s a machine and doing so much good in the world right now. Pay special attention to how he got into the Navy Seals. There are some good lessons that will help you be stronger right now.   Shownotes: (5:10) Introduction Mark Divine (9:45) Getting into the navy seals (16:45) Meditation Breathing advice (20:40) The importance of training your thoughts and calm your mind (26:45) Using meditation to pinpoint and solving inner problems (36:15) Dealing with problems and staying focused on your mission (42:00) Why people struggle with their own minds (46:35) How young people can become more resilient on adversity (50:20) The implications of cutting corners (56:35) Self-mastery vs Self-Acceptance (1:08:15) Action Step Useful Links: https://markdivine.com/ https://staringdownthewolf.com/code-home https://www.amazon.com/Staring-Down-Wolf-Leadership-Commitments/dp/1250231582 https://unbeatablemind.com/about-mark-divine/ https://sealfit.com/  

Tue, March 17, 2020

Social Distancing While Staying Connected During Coronavirus - 280

Are you practicing social distancing? How are you doing this without being a jerk? BOUNDARIES. :)  Here are a few simple tips and my thoughts on how we can stay connected during this crisis. These are intense times and I encourage you to stay at home and learn.   Useful Links: http://relationshipschool.com/connected https://coronavirus.jhu.edu/ https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/ Chris kresser- RHR: Everything You Need to Know about Coronavirus, with Dr. Ramzi Asfour https://chriskresser.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-coronavirus-with-dr-ramzi-asfour/ Sam Harris podcast - Making Sense https://samharris.org/podcasts/191-early-thoughts-pandemic/

Tue, March 10, 2020

Addiction & Parenting Difficult Teens - Aaron Huey - 279

I love teenagers! As you know I used you to work with troubled teens in a variety of settings, from drug treatment centers to wilderness therapy programs. I think to be skilled with teens requires some serious skill. That’s why I brought my friend Aaron Huey on the podcast to discuss how to deal with difficult teens. If you are not a parent, this will still be valuable as we discuss addiction, boundaries, and enabling, all issues that come up in adult relationships too. Listen now! Shownotes: (4:30) Introduction Aaron Huey (11:40) How people can get more empowered and overcome victimhood (16:20) Advice for parents of kids getting bullied (18:15) Exploring negative behaviors on teenagers (22:40) About parents expecting treatment centers to fix their kids behavior (26:15) Should we blame and call out parents? (28:50) Creating family behavior contracts (33:00) 4 things that families can do to prevent negative children’s behaviors and decisions (36:55) Why parents enable kids’ negative behavior (43:15) How mothers react different than fathers (48:55) Advice for teenagers struggling with addictions (1:00:00) https://firemountainprograms.com/ (1:05:35) Action Step Useful Links: https://firemountainprograms.com/ http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Fri, March 06, 2020

8 Unrealistic Expectations In Relationships - 278

In last week’s podcast, I answered the question people ask me all the time, “Is it okay to have expectations?”  I came up with 6 expectations that are reasonable to have in a partnership.  But it’s also important for us to discuss when it’s not okay or when it’s a bad idea to have expectations. I came up with 8 big ones that I DO NOT recommend.  The biggest one is expecting someone else to live according to your values. Ouch. People do this one all the time, including me! Doah!  Check out this week’s podcast to hear the other 7.  Enjoy   Shownotes:   (0:50) 8 unrealistic expectations (1:35) Expecting your partner to have your exact same values (4:55) Expecting your partner to look a certain way (7:15) Expecting your partner to have sex whenever you want (8:35) Expecting your partner to be available for you 100 % of the time (9:25) Expecting your partner to be everything for you (11:42) Expecting your partner to never be attracted to other people (12:35) Expecting your partner to never speak to people of the opposite sex (14:50) Expecting your partner to fill the hole around your self-worth (16:25) Action Step   Useful Links: Part 1: https://relationshipschool.site/podcast278 http://relationshipschool.com/connected

Wed, March 04, 2020

Is it Okay to Have Expectations In Relationships? - 277

Is it okay to have expectations in relationships? My answer is nuanced. It’s a YES, and it’s a No. Listen to this short podcast and discover the six expectations that I think are totally reasonable to have in a relationship, especially a partnership. Shownotes:   (2:35) 6 reasonable expectations in relationships (4:50) Fairness (5:50) Feeling emotionally safe (7:35) Respect (8:50) Mutual Contribution (10:00) Solving problems together (11:05) Knowing and understanding each other (13:35) Action step   Useful Links:   https://relationshipschool.com/community

Wed, February 26, 2020

The 4 S's of Attachment-Based Parenting - Dan Siegel - 276

One of my mentors, Dan Siegel, is back on the podcast for his 3rd interview.  This time, we dive deep into attachment-based parenting. Dan’s work, which my wife and I study intently, is how I parent my own children. The cool thing about Dan is what a nerd he is around research-based approaches and information.  We cover the 4 S’s from his “Power of Showing Up” book. It’s so good.  Check it out and please apply this to your own parenting (if you are one).    Shownotes: 3:25: Introduction Dan Siegel 4:40: How kids’ behavior is different in this day and age. 7:30: New parenting challenges 14:15: About secure attachment 22:00: The 4 S’s 24:25:Safety 28:05: Seen 30:00 Soothe 31:10 Security 33:10 Attachment and parenting roles 38:10: Research about secure attachment in kids and adolescents 42:50: It’s possible to provide secure attachment even in parents who didn’t have it 45:40: Action step   Useful Links: https://relationshipschool.com/connected Dan Siegel's website The Power Of Showing Up Attachment from infancy to adulthood

Tue, February 18, 2020

Integral Levels & Lines Of Development - Keith Witt - 275

I first got introduced to Ken Wilber when I was in grad school. The guy’s mind is insanely brilliant. He takes a lot of maps of human development and consciousness and weaves them together in what he calls integral theory. My guest on this week’s podcast is Keith Witt. He’s worked with Ken for years.  We dig into Relationships of course, but from an integral lens. I ask him about the common relationship dynamic where one person claims they are more “developed” than the other What do we do? Interesting answers to come. Check it out.   Shownotes:   4:35: Introduction Keith Witt 11:20: What is “Integral” 14:00 Looking at relationships in an Integral way 18:20 The importance of lines of development for relationships 29:30 How the adaptive unconscious interferes with your personal growth 37:20 How people can learn to be self-aware and evolve 45:10 Lines of development that can help you on long-term relationship USEFUL LINKS DR. Keith Witt Website Book: Shadow Light: Illuminations at the Edge of Darkness Book: Integral Mindfulness: Clueless to Dialed in - How Integral Mindful Living Makes Everything  Book: THE GIFT OF SHAME: Why We Need Shame and How To Use it To Love and Grow 100 reasons not to have the secret affair: Keith Witt at TEDxAmericanRiviera http://relationshipschool.com/connected  

Wed, February 12, 2020

PTSD, Trauma, & Resiliency - Arielle Schwartz - 274

If you or someone you love suffers from PTSD check this out.   According to the American Psychiatric Association, PTSD can be a disabling condition that impacts about 3.5 percent of U.S. adults. And women are twice as likely as men to have PTSD. Eeek.  Trauma is everywhere and I think most of us have experienced it at some point in our lives.  That’s why I like to interview folks on the subject.  My friend Arielle goes deep in this episode and defines both trauma and PTSD.    Shownotes: (3:15) Introduction Arielle Schwartz (12:05) The body vs the mind on personal growth (12:25) About PTSD (21:20) The importance of being present (28:55) How to know if you are experiencing PTSD (33:10) How to develop resiliency    https://drarielleschwartz.com/ 43:20) Action Step

Wed, January 29, 2020

4 Non-Negotiable Needs Required For a Secure Partnership - 272

Do you have needs? Do you own them? Or do you know you have needs, but then you get scared to ask for them to be met because you're afraid the other person will leave? Understandable. Most people are used to sequestering their needs in exchange for scraps of connection. Please don't do this.   I've done a lot of work with my own needs to determine that I do in fact have them in an adult partnership, and that i'm unwilling to not have them met. I'm also willing to offer these needs to my wife forever. Most people pretend they don't have needs in a partnership because being "needy" is bad in this culture.   But I'm here to let you know you have 4 needs that are not negotiable if you want to really go for it and create a secure partnership over time.   What are they? 1. Feeling safe 2. Feeling seen 3. Feeling soothed 4. Feeling supported/challenged   Think I'm crazy? Just listen as I unpack each one and I think you'll get the idea. Enjoy this short podcast episode and share with a friend who thinks they don't have needs! lol.   Shownotes:   (2:35) The 4 needs for security in a long-term relationship (4:20) How to recognize an insecure relationship (7:30) Feeling Safe (8:15) Feeling Seen (9:15) Feeling Soothed (10:20) Felling supported and challenged   Useful Links: Apply for our 9 month training (DPIR) Monogamy & the Smart Couple Facebook Group

Tue, January 21, 2020

What is Men's Work? - Boysen Hodgson - 271

What is men's work? Most people are unclear what this term means, but once you find out, you'll be cheering on men who are involved in it. In this podcast, I interview one of the key players in the largest men's organizations in the world. We cover some very intimate subjects, including #metoo, fatherhood, and the power of getting together as men.   Shownotes:   (3:35) Introduction (7:20) About Men’s Work (10:55) Male relationships inside a family (14:50) What is Men’s Work (20:10) How a man can get out of his “Boy code” programming. (25:40) How trauma causes addictions that keep you stuck (31:10) How Men’s Work is getting more Popular (37:50) Thoughts about the #MeToo movement (43:25) Boysen’s experience as a father https://mankindproject.org/ https://twitter.com/boysenh?lang=en (53:15) Action step  

Wed, January 15, 2020

The 2 Most Common Reasons Relationships End - 270

Your closest relationships will end one day. Other than dying, do you know the 2 most common reasons relationships end? Listen here to find out and leave a comment below or in our FB group. This one can get people stirred up.   Shownotes: (1:55) 2 main reasons why relationships end (3:30) Outgrowing your partner (6:20) Not being able to handle yourself or your partner (11:20) “Falling out of love” Useful Links: https://www.facebook.com/groups/749008838533400/ https://relationshipschool.com/dpir/

Wed, January 08, 2020

Making Meaning & Developing Safety & Resiliency Through Relationships - Joan Borysenko - 269

Joan Borysenko is an amazing woman who has some wonderful life lessons around resiliency, making meaning, and developing safety in your relationship life. In this podcast, you'll learn how to dig deep into your self-belief, overcome victimhood, and increase connection. Joan's stories are an inspiring demonstration of the human spirit.   Shownotes: 4:40 Introduction Joan Borysenko 16:45 What makes people resilient in life 24:00 The importance of relationships for healing and growing 36:10 What makes a successful relationship 40:20 How to handle stress and frustration with your partner 47:00 Advice on how to get through difficult times in our lives 56:50 Raising kids in this day and age https://www.joanborysenko.com/ 1:04:45 Action step   Useful Links: https://www.joanborysenko.com/ Apply for our 9 month training (DPIR)   Free Gift from Joan Borysenko to Jayson's listeners: 3 Prescriptions for Love Medicine Mind Body Tools to Strengthen Self-Love and Self-Compassion, the Foundations of All Your Relationships.   Go to https://www.joanborysenko.com/other/lovemedicine/   And you'll be directed to the free gift.

Tue, December 31, 2019

Creating Systems to be Less Distracted & More Available - Nir Eyal - 268

Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks. These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now.   Do you check your phone all day long? Have you ever tried to speak to someone about something important only to have them distracted by their phone or something else? It sucks. These days, we have endless distractions. So, how do we stay oriented to what matters, and how do we not let our business distract us away from the relationships we care most about? Well, I found someone who knows a lot about this stuff and interviewed him. His insights are a breath of fresh air. And, he says it's all about getting systematized and setting boundaries. Listen now. SHOWNOTES: (3:10) Introduction Nir Eyal (10:10) What it means to be “distracted” (14:50): Why we get distracted (22:30) Strategies how to get less distracted in our lives (35:05) Final advice: Planning to avoid distractions https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07SV4V6ZK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 (39:05) Action step  Useful Links:  https://www.nirandfar.com/ https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07SV4V6ZK/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0 https://www.nirandfar.com/indistractable/?utm_source=indistractable.com&utm_medium=redirect https://nirandfar.com/schedule-maker/ https://www.niandfar.com/distractions/ https://www.nirandfar.com/habits/ https://www.nirandfar.com/skill-of-the-future/  

Sun, December 22, 2019

How To Help Someone Who Doesn't Take Action - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 267

Do you have someone in your life who when you try to help them, they just won't follow through? I mean, you have really good advice and insight, but it doesn't go anywhere. Or maybe you have a friend or family member that needs help but no matter how hard you try, they won't get help. If so, listen to this one. Shownotes: (2:30) How to help someone you care about who doesn’t listen to your advice (6:05) 2 Practical techniques to help others (11:30) Action Step https://lp.relationshipschool.com/yourfuture

Wed, December 18, 2019

The Power of Body Language & Being Socially Awkward - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 266

At every stage, I've been a bit socially awkward. Yes, me, relationship guy gets socially awkward. I'm often more introverted than people think.   New social settings can create mild anxiety for me. Do you ever feel this? I think it's very normal.   And, what vibe do you put out with your body language at work? Home? With others? As we've talked about before, your face can suggest so many things to others, including threat. So, listen to this podcast as we dive into body language and being socially awkward. Listen now!   Shownotes:   (5:05) Introduction Vanessa Edwards (11:55) Advice for socially insecure teens (15:55) Thoughts about “Fake it, until you make it” (23:05) How to be more authentic with others regarding on how you feel (26:40) Research about the impact of body language and facial expressions on relationships (36:30) About loneliness in this age https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCj9QBB4bNTv29f4oFIreNmw https://www.amazon.com/Captivate-Succeeding-Vanessa-Van-Edwards/dp/0399564489 https://www.scienceofpeople.com/courses/ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cef35Fk7YD8 (43:05): Action Step

Wed, December 11, 2019

If You Are Thinking of Divorce - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 265

If you are thinking of divorce, you've probably spent hours analyzing things. I just want you to consider a few more points, just in case. Listen to this. Shownotes: (2:55) If you’re thinking of divorce (4:00) Look at the cost of a divorce (8:30) What are the benefits of a divorce for you and for others (13:25) https://relationshipschool.com/DPIR/

Wed, December 04, 2019

Co-parenting & Blended Families

I received enough requests that it was time to do an interview on co-parenting and blended families. This is a great primer for you if you are in this situation.   The couple I interview has lived the experience. One is divorced. One is a spouse of a deceased partner. They blended their families together and it went super well! Their story is inspiring. Listen now!   Shownotes: (4:30) Introduction Tammy and Jay (8:00) How does a couple know when to merge their families (11:10) How to tell your kids if you want to merge families with someone (19:55 ) How to deal with conflicts with your co-parent (32:50) Last words about co-parenting (39:10) https://coparentinginternational.com/ (39:20) https://coparentinginternational.com/ (39:35) https://thestepmomconnection.com/ (40:50) Action Step

Tue, November 26, 2019

How to Control Your Mind Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy with Steven Hayes - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 263

Have you ever tried to control your thoughts to no avail?   Do you have a critical voice judging you from the inside?   If so, I have great news. I interviewed the founder of ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and he has a powerful method (and story) about how to change your mind. Listen now.   (5:45) Introduction Steven Hayes (15:05) How to correct the course of people's lives in a positive way (24:00) How to transcend the victim mentality (32:35) Learning to love yourself by yourself and with help of others (39:20) Acceptance and commitment therapy (45:10) Why challenge is beneficial in our lives (51:00) Working on your blind spots (1:01:15) First steps to start working on yourself (1:06:00) https://stevenchayes.com/ (1:06:40) https://contextualscience.org/civicrm/profile?gid=17&reset=1&force=1 (1:09:40) Action step

Tue, November 19, 2019

Spiritual Development vs. Relational Development - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 262

Here in Boulder Colorado there are a lot of spiritual people doing great, deep, spiritual work.   But does it translate into relational development?   Listen to my take in this episode. (2:42) Relational and Spiritual Development episodes https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/why-spiritually-developed-people-struggle-with-monogamy-ellen-and-jayson-sc-176/ https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/relationship-problems-in-spiritual-communities-gabrielle-ted-usatynski-smart-couple-podcast-224/ https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/spirituality-and-relationships/ (3:25) Spiritual Development vs. Relational Development

Tue, November 12, 2019

Attachment Science & Getting to the Root Of A Couple's Problems - Relationship School Podcast Episode 261

Want to help couples better? Want to learn about the real issue in your partnership? This interview will shed some serious light on what's below all the surface fights. If you like attachment science, you'll love this one.   Shownotes: (3:45) Introduction Sue Johnson (19:30) Sue’s experience of attachment in a community (21:39) Reading emotional cues in relationships to find problems (30:35) Helping couples by showing them their own dynamics when fighting (39:25) Understanding love through attachment science (42:10) How EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) can help you (48:10) Final words about love and relationships (51:50) http://drsuejohnson.com/ (51:55) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeEyuM2qJHNyBEuIMV3bC7w (52:45) Action step

Wed, November 06, 2019

How to Feel Seen By Others - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 260

Feeling seen is one of the 4 core needs in a partnership. However, what does that mean and how do we do that?   What if we don't feel safe? What if we don't know how?   Listen to this. I think it will help.   Shownotes:   (2:05) What does “Being seen” mean (3:20) Why a lot of people close up and hide parts of themselves (4:50) Confronting our “Dark side” in long-term relationships (7:30) Settling for feeling seen, but not being accepted

Wed, October 30, 2019

How Does A Woman Help A Man Open Up And Do His Inner Work? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 258

Women ask me all the time, "How do I get him to open up?" It's an important question as some of us guys are pretty emotionally jammed up. But there are a few things you can do to help, without feeling resentful. Listen in!   Shownotes: (3:55) Introduction Shana James (10:20) Why she decided to work helping men (18:50) Safety and sex in relationships (27:00) Having honest and open conversations with our partners (31:35) How women can understand men in their lives. (36:55) How women can help men solve some of their problems in bed (40:00) First steps on how to have transparent conversations with our partners (46:00) Women being labeled as “Too emotional” (51:50) Bringing hope to people about relationships in their lives (57:15) Action Step

Wed, October 30, 2019

The Pro-attachment Satisfaction Cycle - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 259

Years ago, I watched a woman re-pattern a baby's movements after a tough Caesarean birth. It was so powerful. It all happened in a few minutes. She was a baby whisperer. Turns out this woman is quite the healer. From tantra facilitator to couples therapist, Annie Brooke has some serious skills. I've had sessions with her, and my son did a water session with her when he was six months old. I think you'll like this interview I recently did with her. We covered a ton of ground. Conflict, attachment, and the satisfaction cycle.   Shownotes: (3:50) Introduction Annie Brook (15:20) About attachment and the Mother-Children relationship 23:50) The importance of movement in self-awareness practices (27:50) About the satisfaction cycle on adult partnerships dynamics (34:30 How attachment cycles of our childhood affect our present (36:00) Spaces in couples during conflict or disagreements (40:20) Recreating relationships over time (42:45) About open marriage and polyamorous relationships (50:25) About co-regulation 1:02:30 Action Step

Mon, October 14, 2019

Masculine And Feminine Energy In Relationships

Recently I interviewed my friend Joanna Shakti on masculine/feminine energy.   Some people get pretty triggered with these terms, but I think they are quite useful, so long as we tease them apart from gender.   Regardless, there's a lot of great stuff in this interview about polarity, sexual chemistry, and how one woman turned her "energy" around and found a different level of love.   Plus, there are 4 questions you can ask to see where you fall on the masculine/feminine spectrum. Listen now...     Shownotes:   (4:30) Introduction Joanna Shakti (13:30) What is masculine and feminine energy (17:05) How unbalanced masculine and feminine energy can cause frustration (22:50) Practical steps to start working on this part of you (28:10) How your energy can attract people on the opposite side of the spectrum (35:00) Sex in long term relationships (41:35) Scheduled sex (43:20) Opening a marriage and having sex with other people (44:30) Short advice for women who struggle with having orgasms (47:33) Advice for people who have same energy (Masculine – Feminine) (51:40) Final advice (55:35) Action Step

Tue, October 08, 2019

Over Parenting - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 256

If you are not a parent, this is pretty interesting. I think you can learn a few things here. If you are a parent, there's such a thing as too much parenting. The helicopter or enabling parent. Is there such a thing as "over-attachment"? I think so. In this short episode my wife and I dig into this touchy subject. I say touchy because parents are soooo sensitive to criticism. Check it out!

Tue, October 01, 2019

How to feel accepted and connected - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 255

Do you know the fastest way to get the connection back? Or how about how to feel accepted and not judged by your partner? Listen here as I offer you a few tips to get both.   Shownotes: (1:50) Falling into Victimhood when you don’t feel accepted (4:12) The first step is to connect with yourself (8:40) The feeling of being accepted (11:25) Relationship School Event November 7th

Tue, September 24, 2019

Codependent Relationships: Signs, Symptoms, and How to Change It

Most people have a little bit of codependency going on. However, if you have a relationship that is based on codependency, you're probably feeling insecure and frustrated.   In this podcast, I cover the signs and symptoms of codependency, the history of the term, how it "works" and what to do about it. You'll want to check this out.   Shownotes: (2:10) What does co-dependency mean (8:35) Signs and symptoms of a co-dependent relationship (15:25) What can you do to avoid this in your own life (21:10) Action Step

Wed, September 18, 2019

How to change your relationship patterns with NLP - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 253

There's a little known hack out there in the personal growth world about changing patterns, beliefs, and thoughts. Tony Robbins' entire approach is based on it.   It's called NLP.   I've never formally studied it. Which is why I had my friend Matt Brauning on the podcast to discuss how to change your relationship patterns.   Check it out. Shownotes: (2:40) Introduction Matt Brauning (12:45) How “choice” works in our life (16:20) How NLP can help you change your beliefs (23:50) Your struggles can also be your strengths (27:10) Changing problematic patterns (34:30) Dealing with fear in our relationships (44:30) Facing fears of public speaking with NLP (58:40) Final advice (1:03:30) Action Step HELPFUL LINKS Matt Brauning's Website Matt Brauning on Facebook Matt Brauning on Instagram Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships (DPIR) Professional Certification Program https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/change-your-relationship-patterns-with-nlp/

Tue, September 10, 2019

Can You Fall In Love Too Fast? - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 252

Are there really any risks with falling hard for someone? You know, when you're just in the zone with this person and you lose track of time and space... Even though it feels so amazing (almost addictive), there are major downsides to the "honeymoon period" that are just underneath the surface, your relationship will be at risk unless you know what to look for.   Shownotes: (0:20) Introduction - action step (1:45) Is it possible to fall in love too fast? (4:50) What can you do when you’re In this position? (7:05) Action step

Tue, September 03, 2019

Spirituality & Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 251

My friend Tami Simon, founder & CEO of Sounds True, shares her insights about the spiritual path and relationships. Her decades of interviewing the world's leading authorities on spirituality, wellness, and relationships shines in this podcast interview. From spiritual gurus to CEO's of major companies, learn why relationships are key to a brighter future.   Shownotes: (4:00) Introduction Tami Simon (11:30) Why Spiritual teachers don’t talk often about relationship (25:20) What has changed about spiritual movements in the last decades? (28:05) Is there more attention on relational development in spiritual teachings now? (29:15) Addressing relational dynamics in work environments (38:15) Relational dynamics between teachers and students (42:30) The paradox between accepting yourself as you are and striving to be a better person (47:35) Tami Simon current projects (53:00) Action Step

Mon, August 26, 2019

Why trying to change your partner is impossible unless… - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 250

Do you ever wish your partner, or ex, would just change? I mean, if only they would, everything would be awesome, right? Not so fast. But... there is one thing you can do under the radar to get them to change. Check it out and listen in...   Shownotes: (2:40) Why trying to change your partner is almost impossible (5:30) What can you do to help others change? (8:15) Action step

Tue, August 20, 2019

Women's Sexuality & Nervous System Post Birth, Trauma and #Metoo - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 249

It took Kimberly 6.5 years to heal her body and have sex without pain. Her vulnerability and knowledge is huge and she shares it all on this podcast. She did over 800 sessions with women working on their pelvic floor. Gulp. If you find yourself still in a freeze response after being hurt this morning, or from years ago, you'll want to check this out...   Shownotes: (3:00) Introduction Kimberly Johnson (7:00) Why Kimberly Choose to go deeper on Trauma work and Sexological Bodyworkers (15:50) Learning to work with your nervous system in a new way (25:00) Advice for listener to start working with their nervous system (38:25) How the way we grow and develop our nervous system impacts our future (45:15) About the #MeToo movement (52:55) Empowering people through getting to know their own nervous system (58:25) Creating a new world based on communication, respect and connection (1:03:25) Action Step

Tue, August 13, 2019

Fragilizing & Dealing With Passive or Insecure People - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 248

This week's podcast is all about passive people and walking on eggshells. In fact, there's a fun new term "Fragilizing". Listen to find out what the hell that means... Shownotes: (2:30) What is fragilizing. (5:50) About passive and fragile people. (9:50) Closing applications for DPIR (11:00) Action Step

Mon, August 05, 2019

Stephen Porges On How Facial Expressions Impact Your Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 247

Are you a caregiver who is on the verge of burnout? What is the difference between the central nervous system and the autonomic nervous system? What happens if I misread a person's face, especially my partner? Listen to this fascinating interview with Polyvagal theory's founder, Stephen Porges.   Shownotes: (1:45) Episode 116: Polyvagal theory, safety in relationships. (4:26) Why knowing how to read other people matters. (9:50) How our physiology affects how we perceive others, and how others perceive us. (17:50) Arguments from a biological perspective. (20:15) Co-regulation. (25:05) How learning can be affected by a teacher’s physiology. (27:40) Reading an audience when speaking in public. (32:15) DPIR enrollment. (34:10) Difference between the central nervous system and autonomic nervous system. (42:05) How stress affects to our bodies. (50:00) About depression. (55:45) About exercise. (56:50) How taking care of others can impact your life. (1:01:20) Final thoughts. (1:06:40) Action Step.

Tue, July 30, 2019

Why Confidence Is More Attractive Than Looks - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 246

In this episode we explore your confidence. Why is it more attractive than looks? Or is it? Listen in as we quickly explore this terrain and listen for the challenge at the end. Shownotes: (0:40) Open applications for DPIR Program (9 month training) (3:30) What is confidence (5:10) Why confidence is more attractive than looks (7:50) Action step   https://relationshipschool.com/podcast/why-confidence-is-more-attractive-than-looks-relationship-school-podcast-episode-246/

Wed, July 24, 2019

Dr John Demartini on Money & Relationships - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 245

For the 3rd time, we bring on polymath and human behavior master Dr. John Demartini. In this episode you're going to be confronted and learn a TON! Dig in and let us know what you learned.   Shownotes: (3:50) Introduction Dr John Demartini (5:30) The biggest human problem according to Dr John Demartini (7:40) Planning on money and relationships (12:05) Investing money in yourself instead of investing somewhere else (18:55) Saving 10% of your income (20:40) Why opposites attract (31:05) Physiological effect of negative self-talk (33:50) Social media and auto immune disorders and (37:35) Psychological ways to heal your gut (39:25) Why we repeat painful patterns (41:50) How the “Healer” type of people can get out of that perspective (43:50) How waking up and evolving can set you apart from others (51:20) Relationships where women assume the role of a mother and a maid (1:04:10) About delegating tasks (1:05:20) Final thoughts (1:06:50) Action step

Tue, July 16, 2019

Becoming a Conscious Parent with Dr. Shefali - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 244

Do you ever wonder why your children trigger you? What if parenting was designed to get you to grow up and become more fully yourself. In this enlightening interview my guest Dr. Shafali sheds light on her own journey as a mother and how parents have a big choice how they raise their children. SHOWNOTES: (4:40) Introduction Dr Shefali. (10:00) Learning not to give. (12:33) About parenting and raising kids. (16:30) The process of breaking out of the feeling of unworthiness. (18:15) Parents dealing with defiant children. (22:25) Shefali’s overall take on parenting. (25:25) About self-growth. (28:15) Dr Shefali’s lessons learned about herself while parenting. (34:40) Should parents stay married because of their children. (37:40) Why problems with masculinity are related with how boys are raised. (43:00) Action step.

Tue, July 09, 2019

High School Students Ask 7 Relationship Questions - EPISODE 243

The Youth Initiative High School in Viroqua, WI had the opportunity to ask Jayson 7 powerful questions. Check them out and listen in to hear his response to these amazing student's questions.   SHOWNOTES:  (3:10) When or how do you know if you and your partner aren't working and it's not because you're not communicating? When do you know it's time to breakup? (5:55) How do you learn to communicate with your partner (or a casual thing) what you like in an intimate way? Without hurting them or feeling weird about it? (8:50) How can I work on recognizing and strengthening my own boundaries? How can I work on recognizing the boundaries of others? (12:50) How do you know if you're ready for sex? (15:35) What does it mean for an individual to always experience detachment shortly after initiating a romantic relationship? (18:00) The only way I can make my family dynamic work is by completely disregarding what I want and what I need. Focusing instead on what my family member's need. I feel like they are not willing to be vulnerable and thoughtful of others so I feel pressured to be the compassionate, the vulnerable and the one that sacrifices things without expecting anything in return. How can I change that dynamic? (21:59) How to change your relationship with yourself?

Tue, July 02, 2019

3 Women Share About Their Relationship Journey – Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 242

In this episode we explore in depth what our signature course DPIR is all about.... Shownotes: (5:25) Introduction (12:00) Takeaways of being part of DPIR (20:30) Memorable classes and subjects of DPIR (28:30) Why DPIR is worth the investment (30:20) Final thoughts

Thu, June 27, 2019

DPIR- Practicing relationship skills for 9 months - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 241

Do you feel safe and secure? Seen and understood? Supported and loved? On a daily basis? These are questions you NEED to be asking yourself. Unless you’re perfect, your answers will expose the reasons why it’s a really good idea to enroll in the Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships (DPIR)® course. Think about it. Even science proves relationships are the most important link to happiness. Failed relationships with partners, family members and friends are some of the most damaging events in our lives. Divorces and therapists cost a fortune! Don’t just clean up after unsuccessful relationships LEARN TO NAVIGATE THOSE HARDSHIPS IN THE FIRST PLACE! In this episode, Jayson breaks down all the reasons why DPIR® is so worth it and answers your questions about the course.

Sun, June 16, 2019

Relationship Coaches Vulnerably Share Their Story - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 240

What happens when people get together and train and practice relationship skills together for 9 months? This does. Listen in as these 3 people share intimately about their journey, their connection with each other, and how they became relationship coaches. Shownotes: (6:05) Introduction Coaches (9:00) Bryce Bauer (11:45) Leah Gartner (16:50) Steve Srotir (24:10) Experience on DPIR (27:30) Personal traits that helps to be a better coach (39:45) Using what they learned on DPIR to help people (48:30) Experience of learning in a community of likeminded people

Tue, June 11, 2019

4 Elements of Good Relationship Coaching - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 239

Do you know the difference between bad coaching and good coaching? There are four elements of good coaching and you’ll want to know what they are. SHOWNOTES (3:05) About good coaching (4:00) A good coach is a work in progress (5:30) A good coach has people on their life that challenge and supports them (6:30) A good coach wants you to get results (7:30) The client needs to take responsibility and be coachable to get results (9:45) Hiring a good Relationship Coach

Wed, June 05, 2019

3 Elements of Bad Relationship Coaching - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 238

In this 3 part series we explore relationship coaching. First, we start with "bad" relationship coaching and things you need to look out for when hiring a relationship coach. Then we'll dive into "good" relationship coaching. Be sure to pay special attention to what types of coaches not to hire in this one. Shownotes: (2:40) Recap on Series of episodes by men for men. (4:00) 3 Signs you’re dealing with bad relationship coaching. (5:25) Short Training. (7:15) Your coach is a mess in his/her own relationship life and it's not working on it. (7:20) Your coach is not learning constantly about their craft.

Wed, May 29, 2019

Race, Psychotherapy and Manhood with Paul Williams - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 237

How do men shut down? What is the process?   Then, how exactly do they finally open up? What is it that has a man open up and share his feelings, his heart, his truth?   In this episode, Paul shares his story of opening up.   Eventually he found a career helping others open up.   SHOWNOTES (4:35) Introduction Paul Bashea Williams (12:00) About his book dear future wife (14:35) Experiences that causes Paul to close himself (17:35) How asking for help works on different cultural/social groups (21:25) Blocks men deal with on relationships (25:40) How men can open up and be more vulnerable (29:55) Young men being more open to personal development (31:20) Why men can be so hard in relationships

Wed, May 22, 2019

The 5 Illusions Of Manhood - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 236

Want to hear the reason his first marriage didn't work out? He bought a house, had a successful job, and thought this is what she wanted. But, it didn't work. Hmmm... Michael was lost, confused, and going in the wrong direction. HIs story is similar to a lot of men. Listen in as Michael tells his story and how he turned it all around and finally found "success" in his 2nd marriage. We also cover the 5 myths, or illusions, of manhood. If you need a hit of positivity in the midst of challenge, listen to this one. SHOWNOTES (3:26) Introduction Michael Taylor (8:24) How being emotionally unavailable messed with his first marriage (13:55) The five illusions of manhood (16:54) How to handle conflict in marriage (22:35) Support and intimacy with other men (28:45) Therapy and help from men of different races (34:34) Optimism about racial issues

Wed, May 15, 2019

Intimacy Between Men with Brandon Alexander - Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 235

In this episode I interview a new friend Brandon Alexander and spontaneously it turned into a pretty intimate conversation about boyhood, manhood, sports and dance, fears, family, love, and connection. I think you'll dig it. - (2:40) Introduction Brandon Alexander - (12:00) Indoctrination of mancode is the same in all races - (17:00) Men in the dancing scene - (21:00) Lessons learned from not dealing with your fears and frustrations - (29:10) About the fear of rejection - (32:50) Choosing between stability / security and Passion / vulnerability - (41:35) About male intimacy

Tue, May 07, 2019

The Top 5 Things Men Want from Women in Partnership with Ellen Boeder -Relationship School Podcast EPISODE 234

In this episode, you'll find out "The top 5 things men want from women in a relationship." And, the #1 answer, and clear leader by far, may surprise you. No... it's not sex. Listen in to hear what men—who are willing to share their vulnerability—are saying they really want in a relationship. Ellen and I dig into what these brave men are bringing to the relationship conversation and consider what their responses point to. I also mention in the Podcast, Ellen and I are looking into mentoring a couples mastermind. We want to work directly with a group of couples who are serious about taking their relationships to the next level of fulfillment. If you're interested, lets us know! Send us an email at info@relationshipschool.com with the subject line "Yes, I'm interested in the upcoming Couples Mastermind with Jayson & Ellen!" Shownotes: -4:40 What surveyed men said they want from women -9:05 Acceptance -15:30 Support -17:35 Communication -20:30 Presence -26:05 Honesty

Fri, May 03, 2019

The Top 6 Things Women Want In A Male Partner – Smart Couple Podcast Episode #233

This podcast comes from a blog post I wrote for Elephant Journal where I polled over 200 women on my social media channels wit this question: Hetero-women: What are you wanting from us men in the context of an intimate, monogamous partnership? Over 200 women responded. I got emotional reading them. So, guys, listen up and take notes. Soon, we’ll cover what men are saying they want in a partnership. SHOWNOTES ( 2:10 ) Top 6 things women want from men ( 3:56 ) Willingness ( 5:10 ) Emotionally availability ( 7:22 ) Presence ( 9:52 ) Honesty ( 11:18 )Safety ( 12:20 ) Self-awareness ( 14:47 ) Action Step

Tue, April 23, 2019

Toxic Masculinity & Male Sexuality – Smart Couple Podcast Episode #232

In this episode we explore toxic masculinity and male sexuality. It all starts how we raise our sons. Check it out. SHOWNOTES: (0:15) Intro / Recap from last episodes (2:40) Why talk about toxic masculinity (5:00) #MeToo movement (8:28) Why men live in fear of being acused of toxic behaviors (10:10) Why closed and disconnected men display toxic behavior (12:33) What happens when we don’t teach our boys about sexuality (17:11) Understanding the factors that cause toxic behaviors

Tue, April 16, 2019

For Men Who Have a Closed or Guarded Heart - Smart Couple Podcast #231

In this episode I explain how society and culture play an massive role in the indoctrination of men from a young age, which keeps their hearts behind a giant wall. From a young age, boys learn to repress and hide their emotions and their sensitive side in order to belong to the peer group, their family, and avoid rejection and abandonment.

Fri, April 12, 2019

3 types of men in partnership, which one are you? - Smart Couple Podcast #230

Fri, March 08, 2019

Money, Powerful Questions, & 8 Dates To Have With Your Partner - Drs. John and Julie Gottman - Smart Couple Podcast #229

Few experts have studied more marriages - and determined what makes those relationships succeed or fall apart - than Drs. John and Julie Gottman. The Seattle-based couple and founders of the Gottman Institute are leaders in their field, using decades of case studies to help both new couples and long-term partners communicate, ask the right questions, and find the solutions to keep their relationships intact and running smoothly. On this episode of the Smart Couple Podcast, the Gottmans discuss their newest book on relationships, some of the biggest flash points for arguments and contempt among couples, and why mutual respect is critical for success in any partnership.   SHOWNOTES   Background on the Gottmans [6:00] Surprising Marriage Revelations [9:50] Why Money Creates Arguments [11:20] How to Ask Meaningful Questions [15:25] Insights Learned from Couples on Dates [19:30] Why Fun is Crucial in a Marriage [22:35] The Perils of Screen Use [23:50] The Impact of Attachment [25:40] Interpreting Body Language and Contempt [30:45] How Positive Couples Last [36:25] How the Gottmans Solved Their Marriage [39:20] The Importance of Date Nights [43:50] The Role of Respect in a Relationship [46:30] Advice for Young Couples [50:10] How to Find The Gottmans’ New Book [52:00] Final Thoughts and Action Steps [53:15] HELPFUL LINKS Learn more about the Gottman Institute <a href= "https:

Wed, January 30, 2019

Smart Couple Podcast Update And Events - Smart Couple Podcast #228

We're up to big things over here! Listen in for some Smart Couple Podcast updates and an upcoming events download.   SHOWNOTES: Jayson’s Teaching A Kripalu Workshop In March In MA! [4:00]  Jayson’s Mini Conflict Workshop @ Yoga Pod In Boulder On Saturday, March 9th [7:00] Smart Couple Podcast Update [8:00] Why You Should Consider Becoming A Relationship Coach [9:00] Action Step [12:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at https://relationshipschool.site/podcast228  

Thu, January 24, 2019

Getting The Love You Want - Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt - Smart Couple Podcast #227

Interested in a super useful and deeply moving webinar replay featuring a legendary couple, both of whom are couples therapist and bestselling authors? If so, you’re in luck!    SHOWNOTES:   Why Do Couples Fight? [5:00] Expecting Your Partner To Fulfill Your Unmet Childhood Needs [10:00] What Does It Take To Love Your Partner More Than Yourself? [19:00] The Importance Of Being Present [26:00] Applying The Still Face Experiment & Being Present To Adult Interaction [35:00] Turning Being Present With Each Other Into A Spiritual Practice [42:00] How To Inspire Change In Your Partner [45:00] How To Heal Insecure Attachment [50:00] Helping Your Partner Recover From Dysregulation [54:00] Why Caring For Your Relationship IS Self-Care [55:00] Learning What Your Partner Really Needs [1:07:00] Harville's Thoughts On Co-Dependency & Co-Regulation [1:15:00] When Only One Of You Is Willing To Do The Work Is There Any Point? [1:19:00]   Changes In The New Version of Getting The Love You Want [1:25:00]    Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at  https://relationshipschool.site/podcast227  

Tue, January 15, 2019

How To Ask People To Challenge You - Smart Couple Podcast #226

 If you're serious about wanting to grow and become a better version of yourself you need to know how to ask people to challenge you. Don’t be afraid to get that super valuable feedback!   SHOWNOTES:   Send Us Feedback At info@relationshipschool.com ! [1:00] Why Challenge Is Essential In Partnership [2:00]  Escape A Stagnant Relationship With Challenge [4:00] How To Play The "Challenge" Game [5:00] Possible Changes Coming To The Podcast [7:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at  https://relationshipschool.site/podcast226  

Wed, January 09, 2019

5 Signs You're In An Insecure Relationship - Smart Couple Podcast #225

 Your relationship on shaky ground? Learn the five signs of an insecure relationship and some steps you can take to build the secure relationship we all deserve.    SHOWNOTES:   What Type Of Insecurity Are You Experiencing [3:00] Sign #1 - Not Emotionally Safe & Relaxed [5:00] Sign #2 - Not Feeling Seen [6:00] Sign #3 - You Don’t Feel Supported After A Fight [7:00] Sign #4 - You Don’t Feel Challenged [8:00] Sign #5 - You Feel Like You Can’t Express Yourself [9:00] Info On Upcoming Free Web Events [11:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at  https://relationshipschool.site/podcast225    

Fri, January 04, 2019

Relationship Problems In Spiritual Communities - Gabrielle & Ted Usatynski - Smart Couple Podcast #224

In this episode, Jayson and Ellen speak with relationship mentors Gabrielle and Ted Usatynski about their spiritual journeys and how incorporating relational and scientific knowledge made each of them spiritually stronger than ever before.   SHOWNOTES:   Who are Gabrielle & Ted Usatynski? [6:00] Advantages And Challenges Of Spirituality In Relationship [14:00] Problems Ted & Gabrielle Saw In The Spiritual Community [23:00] Pros & Cons Of Devotion To One School Of Thought Vs Many [26:00] Ellen & Jayson Experience With Relational Problem In Spiritual Communities [32:00] How The Gabrielle And Ted Transitioned Out Of Their Spiritual Groups [36:00] The Pain Of Leaving A Spiritual Community [40:00] Increasing Your Personal Power Through Relationship [44:00] The Health Cost Of Being Alone Too Often [50:00] Ted & Gabrielle's #1 Tips For Listeners [1:00:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode featuring Ted and Gabrielle Usatynski at  https://relationshipschool.com/podcast224  

Thu, December 20, 2018

Relationship Advice For Teens - Evalyn Peacey - Smart Couple Podcast #223

In this unique episode, Jayson and high school student Evalyn Peacey exchange questions about small talk, screen time, online relationships and much more.    SHOWNOTES:   How Should Students Be Taught To Deal With Disagreements [5:00] Why Are We Supposed To Keep Things Shallow In Small Talk [6:00] What Are Some Methods To Get Couples To Open Up And Communicate? [9:00] Some Of Jayson’s Biggest Suggestions For Young People [11:00] Why Do So Many Young People Struggle To Communicate And Bond [13:00] How Can We Learn To Accept Ourselves Sooner [15:00] What Are Some Challenges Teen Are Facing In Their Relationships? [20:00] The Teens & Screens Issue [21:00] Where Are Young People Going For Relationship Help? [23:00] How Can Adults And The Relationship School Help Young People [24:00] Would Students Take A Relationship Class [29:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast/relationship-advice-for-teens-evalyn-peacey-smart-couple-podcast-223  

Wed, December 12, 2018

Raising Boys Without Dads - Warren Farrell - Smart Couple Podcast #222

Author and researcher Warren Farrell unpacks his new book The Boy Crisis showing nothing predicts hardship in a boy’s life more than being ‘dad deprived’.   Who is Warren Farrell? [1:00] What Inspired Warren To Focus On Gender? [4:00] Why Is The Father’s Contribution To A Child’s Development Undervalued? [10:00] Research Findings On The Dad Deprived Boy [10:00] Connecting The #MeToo Movement To Raising Boys [17:00] How Boys Are Being Encouraged To Stay Silent [26:00] Defensiveness: Humankind’s Achilles Heel? [30:00] How Rough Play Can Help Teach Empathy [32:00] Why It’s Important For Boys To Learn Postponed Gratification [39:00] How People Are Responding To The Boy Crisis [42:00] What Is Warren Farrell’s Number One Message For Young People? [46:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Warren Farrell at  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast222  

Wed, December 05, 2018

How Parents Can Teach Kids To Apologize - Smart Couple Podcast #221

Saying sorry is the default, socially acceptable response to conflict but it’s also a cop-out. Learn to respond in a way that leads to REAL repair so the kids in your life learn to do the same.    SHOWNOTES: Why It’s Shitty Advice To Tell Your Kid To Say Sorry [2:00] Are You Teaching Your Kid To Say Sorry To Let Yourself Off The Hook? [3:00] What Kids Who Only Say Sorry Become As Adults [5:00] Two Ways To Respond To Conflict That Are Better Than Just Saying I’m Sorry [6:00]   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode at  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast221  

Thu, November 29, 2018

How To Deal With Emotional Triggers In An Intimate Partnership- S tan Tatkin - Smart Couple Podcast #220

Clinician and teacher, Stan Tatkin, explains what scientific research is telling us about pair bonding, adult attachment, and how to avoid triggering unwanted reactions.   SHOWNOTES:   Who Is Stan Tatkin? [1:00] Info On Stan’s New Book ‘We Do’ [4:00] Going From Me To We Is Not About Codependency [6:00] What is PACT & Psychobiology? [10:00] Questions You Need To Ask Yourself If You Had a “Great” Childhood [19:00] Allostatic Load And The Intersection Between Health and Security [24:00] How To Start Hard A Conversation [34:00] A Psychobiological Look At Emotions & Hormones [41:00] Listener Question: How Responsible Are We For Our Partner’s Feelings? [49:00] Listener Question: How Does Stan Address Sexual Desire Discrepancies? [55:00]   To RSVP for the free lunchtime webinar with Stan Tatkin and Jayson Gaddis visit https://relationshipschool.net/wedo/   Check out the webpage for this Smart Couple Podcast episode with Stan Tatkin at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast220  

Thu, November 15, 2018

Setting Boundaries With Dysfunctional Family Members - Terri Cole - Smart Couple Podcast #219

In this episode, psychotherapist Terri Cole shares some creative (and funny) strategies for handling problematic family relationships.   SHOWNOTES:   Why Interacting With Family Can Be So Difficult [1:00] Terri Cole’s Family Experience [3:00] The Importance Of Boundaries and Language With Family [7:00] Examples Of Managing Family Dysfunction Successfully [9:00] Strategies For Avoiding Unwanted Conversations With Family [14:00] Is It Okay To Just Walk Away From Shitty Family Conversations? [19:00] Taking A Break From Family And Avoiding Family Holidays Altogether [21:00] When Mom And Partner Are Competing For Attention [25:00] Family Drama Hotline info [29:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast219   Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at  https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/  

Wed, November 07, 2018

How To Avoid Holiday Drama Part 2 - Smart Couple Podcast #218

THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING! Are you ready for all the family time? Start preparing now and turn your annual holiday drama into time you really enjoy.    SHOWNOTES:   Why Holiday Cheer Can Be Such Bullshit [2:00] What Role Are You Playing To Appease Your Extended Family? [4:00] Consider Cutting Your Parents Some Slack [6:00] Terri Cole Holiday Drama Hotline Info [8:00] Two Mindsets To Adopt For The Holidays [11:00]     For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast218   Prepare for the holidays and join the free, Family Drama Hotline webinar hosted by Jayson Gaddis and Terri Cole on the evening of November 20th! RSVP at https://relationshipschool.net/hotline/  

Wed, October 31, 2018

SC 217 - If You Just Got Broken Up With

So you're dealing with a breakup. In this episode, Jayson offers a guided meditation to help you work this heartache out of your system.   SHOWNOTES:   A Guided Meditation For People Facing A Breakup [2:00] Is Your Past Pain Playing Into Your Current Heartache? [12:00] Choose Who To Talk To About Your Breakup Wisely [14:00] How Relationship School Coaches Can Help You Through Your Separation [18:00]     For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast217    To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado visit  https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/  

Tue, October 23, 2018

SC 216 - Taking Space

If your partner feels like a 'ball and chain’, you're doing something wrong. You can feel free to totally be yourself AND have an intimate partnership.   SHOWNOTES: A Question From A Podcast Listener About Giving Space [2:00] Intimacy vs Closeness [4:00] Why the 'Ball and Chain' joke is such bullshit [6:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode on taking space and being yourself visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast216    To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/  

Wed, October 17, 2018

SC 215 - Conflict Part 3

In this final installment of a three-part series on conflict, learn four things you can do post-conflict to repair the relationship as quickly as possible.   SHOWNOTES: Four Things To Do To Reconnect After A Fight [4:00] Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [10:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part three in this conflict series visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast215 To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, visit https://relationshipschool.net/embracingconflict/ . Use the promo code "smartcouple" before October 21st and get $100 off!

Wed, October 10, 2018

SC 214 - Conflict Part 2

In part two of this three-part series on conflict, Jayson breaks down the two skills you need when you're in the heat of it and explains the different types of fights. SHOWNOTES: Embracing Conflict Weekend Info [1:00] Two Things To Do During Your Next Fight [2:00] The Three Types Of Fights [8:00]  To sign up for Embracing Conflict Weekend, taking place November 9th - 11th in Boulder, Colorado, click here . Use the promo code "smartcouple" before October 15th and get $100 off!  For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part one of this conflict series episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast214   

Thu, October 04, 2018

SC 213 - Conflict Part 1

Few things can rip a partnership or friendship apart like conflict. In part one of this three-part series on conflict, Jayson proposes ten pre-conflict agreements to transform conflict from a threatening experience into a growth opportunity. SHOWNOTES: Why Learning How To Do Conflict Is Important [1:00] Ten Agreement You Should Make With Your Partner BEFORE Conflict [3:00] Learn How To Do Conflict Well At The Upcoming Embracing Conflict Weekend! [18:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for part one of this conflict series episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast213

Wed, September 26, 2018

SC 212 - Wedding Vows Dos and Don'ts

Weddings include a lot of really great traditions. But those old school 'in sickness and in health' vows suck. Find out how to do vows the right way.   SHOWNOTES:  Personalized Wedding Vows Vs Traditional Vows [2:00] Why You Should Revisit Your Vows … Over & Over Again [5:00] Good Vows Challenge Your Partner [7:00] Tell Us About Your Wedding Vows! [11:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this Wedding Vows Dos and Don'ts episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast212

Tue, September 18, 2018

SC 211 - How To Feel Like You're Enough

You've submitted questions. Jayson's got answers! This Ask Me Anything episode addresses feelings of inadequacy and mismatched sex drives.   SHOWNOTES: Why We Sometimes Feel We’re Not Enough & What To Do About It [2:00] What To Do When Your Partner Has A Different Sex Drive [6:00] How To Submit Your Questions [10:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this Ask Me Anything episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast211

Thu, September 06, 2018

SC 210 - Addiction & Partnership

 Have a partner, friend or family member with an addiction? Feeling discouraged about their ability to change? Well, often times at the core of addiction ... is a relationship problem. SHOWNOTES: The Connection Between Addiction And Prior Relationship Issues [2:00] Tips For People Who Love An Addict [4:00] Why Trying To Help Save Them Is A Bad Idea [7:00] Addressing The Addict In Your Life Starts With You [10:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about addiction and partnership visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast210

Wed, August 29, 2018

SC 209 - Caretaking Vs Caring For

Society often glorifies the caretaker to a saint-like status. But, it’s important to know when caretaking reaches the point of actually being more harmful than helpful.   SHOWNOTES: What is Caretaking? [1:00] The Caretaker Blindspot [4:00] Slipping From Being A Caretaker And Into Codependency [7:00] Action Step [10:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about caretaking visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast209

Wed, August 22, 2018

SC 208 - Stop Struggling And Unlock The Secrets To A Safe, Empowered Partnership

Do you feel safe and secure? Seen and understood? Supported and loved? On a daily basis? Are you spending a fortune cleaning up after your failed relationships? In this episode, Jayson answers your questions about DPIR® and breaks down why the course is so worth it. Click here to apply.    SHOWNOTES: Think About WHY You Were Anxious About Going Back To School [1:00] Some Important Questions You Need To Ask Yourself [5:00] You Have Room For Growth & That's A Responsibility [10:00] Some Things You Get In The DPIR Course [15:00] Let's Break Down The Cost To Join DPIR [26:00] Jayson's DPIR Money-Back Guarantee [32:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode about the Deep Psychology of Intimate Relationships (DPIR)® course visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast208

Thu, August 09, 2018

SC 207 - Gender, Self-Reflection & Self-Care - Alexandra Solomon

According to professor and therapist Dr. Alexandra Solomon, engaging your partner in conversation about their past experiences is one of the best things you can do to keep your relationship sexy and exciting. Listen in to find out why! Who is Dr. Alexandra Solomon? [6:00] Alexandra Defines "Relational Self-Awareness" [8:00]  Are Some People Just More Interested In Self-Awareness? [10:00] How Gender Norms Encourage Defensiveness [13:00] Alexandra’s Theories About Why People Avoid Introspection [23:00] How To Start Investigating Your History [31:00]  Why It’s Never Okay To Use Stories From Their Past Against Them [37:00] Things Alexandra is Learning Her Own Marriage [40:00]  Why Self-Care It Vital To A Healthy Partnership [42:00] Relational Themes Dr. Solomon Is Seeing Working With Students [49:00 Getting Better At Relationship To Bring About Social Change [55:00] FREE WEB CLASS - Aug. 14th - CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP!  For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Dr. Alexandra Solomon visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast207

Wed, August 01, 2018

SC 206 - The Mother-Son Relationship Dynamic - Ellen & Jayson

You know those couples where the woman handles almost everything and the man, well ... kind of kicks back and acts like a teenager? That's the mother-son dynamic and in this episode, you'll learn how to escape that relationship trap and figure out why it happens in the first place. The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Woman’s Perspective [3:00] The Mom-Son Dynamic From A Guy’s Perspective [5:00] How to Help A Couple Living In A Parent-Child Relationship [9:00] How The Male Ego Comes Into Play [16:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast206

Wed, July 25, 2018

SC 205 - Jayson Coaching A Brave Couple - Thomas & Heather

As grand prize winners of a recent Smart Couple podcast contest, Heather and Thomas got to sit down for a free session with Jayson. In this emotional and inspiring interview, Jayson helps Heather and Thomas dig into their past to find answers they've been seeking for years. Heather Lays Out Her Side Of The Story [8:00] Thomas Connects With Heather’s Past [20:00] Find Out WHY Your Partner Reacts That Way [28:00] Where Does The Smack You Talk To Yourself Come From? [38:00] Ways To Shake Things Up If You Spend Too Much Time Together [42:00] Jayson Explains The Contest [47:00]   COUPLES CONTEST DETAILS:  You must complete all three steps to qualify. No exceptions.    1. Apply separately by clicking HERE   2. Pay $25 total together (per couple, not per person) by clicking HERE   3. Record a selfie video together as to why you want to do this. 1-3 minutes long. Send to info@relationshipschool.net, with "SC 205 Contest" in the subject line, and if you feel inspired post it in the Smart Couple FB group too.   Grand Prize : One FREE spot for the DPIR 9-month training, which includes two live workshops in Boulder, CO! One person pays in full, and the partner is free. So basically it's two for the price of one! (Value is $6,000) If selected you must be willing to have us document your journey, no matter what happens to you as a couple. We want to show people what's possible if you invest in your relationship like this!    All Participants Win: One FREE [couples] coaching session with one of our Level 2 Relationship Coaches. (Value is $100)   So you can’t lose!    Deadline to enter: Sunday, June 29th by Midnight MT      Winners will be announced August 3rd.       For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Heather and Thomas visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast205

Wed, July 11, 2018

SC 204 - The 4 Attachment Styles & Not Taking Things Personally - Diane Poole Heller

 A lot of things you take personally in relationship have very little to do with your partner. Those issues are really the result of YOUR past, YOUR triggers and YOUR perspective...So says long-time Boulder, Colorado therapist & expert in the field of Child and Adult Attachment Theory and Models, Dr. Diane Poole Heller.  How The Therapy Field Chose Diane [7:00] Why The Attachment Model Is So Central To Diane’s Work [12:00] The Kind Eyes Exercise [19:00] The Three Attachment Styles [21:00] Why Are You Complaining About Your Great Partnership? [32:00] Starting A Relationship Revolution With Secure Attachment [41:00] The Effects of A Disorganized Relationship Environment [46:00] Diane’s Method For Repairing From A Damaging Relationship [52:00] Don’t Sabotage Your Healthy Relationship Because Of Your Attachment Issues [1:01:00] Why You Shouldn’t Try To Heal Trauma Alone [1:03:00] Using Mental Time Travel (Autonoesis) For Healing [1:08:00] Diane’s Take On Why People Experience Repeated Trauma [1:11:00] Diane’s Jem Of Advice For Young Adults & Not Taking Things Personally [1:17:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Diane Poole Heller visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast204

Tue, July 03, 2018

SC 203 - Reassuring A Jealous Partner - Ellen & Jayson

We all want a little reassurance. And that's okay! But as Jayson's wife Ellen Boeder points out, if you're needing reassurance because you feel jealous, the issue you should address is the insecurity in your relationship. Is Monogamy The Problem Or Insecure Attachment? [1:00] The Power Of Reassurance [5:00] Two Impediments To Reassurance [10:00] Navigating A Jealous Partnership [13:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellen Boeder visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast203

Wed, June 27, 2018

SC 202 - Why Entrepreneurs Struggle In Partnership & What To Do About It - Pete Pearson

What does it take to build a strong team-style partnership? Why do so many entrepreneurial types rely on teamwork in their careers, but struggle to be a team player at home? Renowned therapist and co-founder of The Couples Institue, Pete Pearson, leads Jayson through a body-mind exercise that demonstrates ways to control reaction to stress in conflict and improve teamwork.  What Catapulted Pete Pearson Into The Psychology World? [5:00] Why Entrepreneurial & Military Types Struggle With Teamwork At Home [8:00] How To Negotiate With Your Partner Well [14:00] Pete Walks Jayson Through A Calming Exercise [21:00] How Entrepreneurs Respond To Pete’s Self-Strengthening Technique [38:00] Advice For People In Love With An Entrepreneur [44:00] Pete’s Feedback For The Therapeutic Community [47:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Pete Pearson visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast202

Wed, June 20, 2018

SC 201 - Dan Savage On Being Monogamish - Dan Savage

Are you just defaulting to monogamy? Ever GENUINELY asked yourself, "Would a different sexual model work better for me?" Author, sex-advice columnist, podcaster and public speaker, Dan Savage, says we should all ask ourselves these questions regularly. Dan and his husband have chosen what they call a "monogamish" relationship. They've accepted that it's impossible to fulfill all your partner's needs and that's a message we can all learn from. We usually focus on monogamous long-term relationships, but in this episode, we'll learn about how all types of relationships can be successful. Listen in and get ready for some introspection into your own sexual expression. SHOWNOTES: What It Means To Be "Monogamish" [2:00] Culture’s Lies About Love & Why You’ll Never Be Enough [9:00] Advice For Bringing A Third Person Into Your Relationship [13:00] Why Non-Monogamy In A Gay Partnership Can Be Easier Straight Relationships [21:00] Thoughts On Transforming The Broken Monogamy Model [28:00] Dan Savage’s Journey To Becoming Monogamish [30:00] How Dan And His Husband Work Out Their Differences [34:00] Is Infidelity Really The Ultimate Betrayal? [41:00] The Consequences Of Denying Your Sexual Needs [46:00] Closing Thoughts [51:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Dan Savage visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast201

Wed, June 13, 2018

SC 200 - How To Handle An Emotionally Shut Down Partner & Other Important Questions

It's fair to say that relationship is a journey to discover and learn the answers to one love-related question after another. So, what better way to celebrate this in our 200th EPISODE than to answer as many of your love related questions as we can! SHOWNOTES:  200th Episode Contest Details! [2:00] Doing Partnership With Emotionally Unavailable People [11:00]  How To Hold Your Partner's Feet To The Fire - With Compassion [20:00] Working Through Past Pain For A Better Relationship [24:00]  How to Prioritize Your Partner When Kids Join The Mix [27:00]  Getting Involved In Your Partner's Health Issues [34:00]   ‘Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson'   To celebrate our 200th Smart Couple episode, we're giving away some big prizes:   Grand Prize - A 45-minute coaching session for you (or you and your partner) with Jayson 2nd Prize - $500 off your DPIR course 3rd Prize - $200 credit for any Relationship School   course 4th Prize - $30 to be used in the Relationship School   store 5th Prize - Smart Couple Quote Book signed by Jayson   Boom! Who’s in?   To enter and win you must: 1. Be or become a member of the Smart Couple Facebook group. 2. Follow Jayson on Instagram and tag 3 friends under his most recent selfie (looks like the one above). 3. Record a selfie video (2 minutes or less) teaching us about one thing you learned from the podcast so far and why it's impacted you so much. And post it in the Smart Couple Facebook group . The contest is open to anyone in the world until Sunday, June 17th at midnight MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast's 201st episode and on Facebook Wednesday, June 20th.   Will you play? Enter today!   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for our 200th episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast200

Thu, June 07, 2018

SC 199 - They Went To 5 Different Therapists, Hired Divorce Lawyers And Somehow Stayed Together! - Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt

Couples therapy legends Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt were told by THEIR therapist that they were the couple from hell . Since then, not only have they mended, they've gone on to write multiple best-selling books that have revolutionized the therapy field.   SHOWNOTES: Understanding "Connection" [8:00] What Does 'Imago' Mean, According To The Word's Inventors [15:00] Harville & Helen's Response To Imago Therapy Criticism [20:00] How Harville & Helen’s Turned Their Relationship Around [30:00] What is Zero Negativity? [35:00] Tips For Staying Together In The Face of Separation [40:00] Thoughts For The Therapy Field From Helen & Harville [49:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Harville Hendrix & Helen Hunt visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast199  

Wed, May 30, 2018

SC 198 - 4 Men Discuss Love & The Path Of Personal Transformation

Having awesome friends is great. Having awesome friends that are ALSO on the personal growth path IS BETTER! Personal growth powerhouses Reuvain Bacal, Will Vanderveer, Keith Kurlander & Jayson Gaddis are longtime friends with a quarter century of coaching & self-improvement experience between them. Listen in on their convo!   SHOWNOTES: Who Are These Guys? [9:00] The Value Of Community [13:00] How These Four Bros Get Through Conflict With Each Other [21:00] Things The Guys Have Called Each Other On [27:00] How These Men Are Defining Love Today [37:00] What Inspires These Friends The Most [51:00] What Does It Mean to Have a Healthy Mind? [1:09:00] Parting Words of Wisdom [1:24:00]   FREE CLASS FOR MEN ONLY - CLICK HERE!  For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Keith Kurlander, Will Vanderveer and Reuvain Bacal visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast198

Wed, May 23, 2018

SC 197 - Warriorship, Anger & Not Running Away From Your Relationship Problems - Mark Groves

We all have a tendency to avoid things that are difficult but Human Connection Specialist and dating coach, Mark Groves, knows where there's pain there's gain. Let's take a look at our wounded, angry warrior sides and see what they have to teach us about loving well!   SHOWNOTES: Are You Fixing People to Boost Your Control? [8:00] Overusing of the "Narcissist" Title [16:00] The Value of Accessing Your Anger [21:00] So Your Relationships Are Tough - Stop Running! [28:00] How to Tap Into Your Inner Warrior [31:00] Skillful and Attractive Anger [34:00] Staying in The Hurt [48:00] Why You Should Be Going to Conferences (Like MOTU) [52:00] Leaving Friends Behind When You’re Growing [54:00] P.S. Mark is HOOKING US UP with $200 off tickets to the Masters Of The [U]niverse Summit in Vancouver this July! I'll be presenting along with many other crazy inspiring speakers. Just enter the code " Smart Couple"  when you get your tickets. Click here to get started.    For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast197

Wed, May 16, 2018

SC 196 - Why Feeling Insecure Is A Good Thing

Who knew saying the words "I'm insecure" could be so sexy!?! It's time to uncover those insecurities, let go of the entitlement and celebrate where you're really at on your growth path.   SHOWNOTES: Why Insecurity Gets a Bad Rap [2:00] Call B.S. on Your Insecure Friends! [5:00] What Does it Mean to be ”Entitled” [6:00] Your Action Step - It’ll Make You Look Sexy! [9:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast196

Wed, May 09, 2018

SC 195 - How They Both Got To A Full Yes After 2.5 Years Of Struggle - Neil Sattin & Chloe Urban

Coaches Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban are a great example of a couple getting it right in the face of some serious challenges. Listen closely and you can snag some of their most helpful relationship tools!   SHOWNOTES: Chloe Urban and Neil Sattin’s Love Story [5:00] Advice for Couples When Step-Kids Are Involved [11:00] Why We Fail To Stand Up For Who We Are In Partnership [25:00] Primal Fears [27:00] How Does “Safety” Play a Role In Neil and Chloe's Relationship [31:00] Tip to Repair Relationship Disconnection [36:00] Dr. Pete Levine’s “Vu-ing” Technique for Self-Regulation [41:00] Chole & Neil’s Spiritual Practice-Relationship Intersection [45:00] When One Member of a Couple Doesn’t Have a Spiritual Practice [50:00]   For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Neil Sattin and Chloe Urban visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast195

Wed, May 02, 2018

SC 194 - 3 Ways For Couples To Make Tough Decisions Together - Ellyn Bader

Jayson met up with renowned couples therapy expert and author, Ellyn Bader, at this year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA. WOW, was she a treasure trove of insight. Not just theories and concepts, but insight that can be used every day. SHOWNOTES: Who is Ellyn Bader? [3:00] Anxiety vs Growth-Promoting Anxiety in Relationship [7:00] Three Different Decision-Making Strategies For Couples [16:00] Ellyn’s Insight for Therapists [21:00] Why Telling Your Partner What You "Need" Can be Problematic [29:00] The Confusion Around Differentiation vs Individuation [37:00] What Ellyn Means When She Asks, "Are You a Lie Invitee?" [47:00] For the full Smart Couple Podcast webpage for this episode featuring Ellyn Bader visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast194

Wed, April 25, 2018

SC 193 - Reversing Disease & Illness Using Your Mind & Relationships - Dan Siegel

Right now, researchers and the public are fascinated with brain science and Dr. Dan Siegel is a legend in that department. Jayson and Dr. Siegel dig in deep in this one, discussing autoimmune disease, rewiring the brain, GMO food, struggles in the therapy field and so much more.d and so much more. SHOWNOTES: Why It’s Important to Have Healthy Adult Relationships for Good Health [12:00] Dr. Siegel's Thoughts on Epigenetics [15:00] The 5 Parts of Making Meaning [24:00] Emotion & The Importance of Subjective Experience [29:00] Autoimmune Disorders, Gluten and GMO Foods [41:00] Adverse Childhood Experiences and Illness [46:00] Where Are Therapist Falling Short And What Are They Doing Well [1:00:00] Dr. Siegel's Advice for Young People [1:06:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast193

Wed, April 18, 2018

SC 192 - Clearing Conflict Through Sex - Jamie Wheal and Julie Webster

Think a boring sex life is inevitable in a longterm relationship? Wrong! Jamie Wheal and Julie Webster are escaping traditional perceptions around intimacy. Learn how a sexual practice can refresh your relationship AND your nervous system.    SHOWNOTES: How Jamie and Julie's "Summer Connection Schedule" Works [7:00] Appreciating Life is in Chapters [16:00] What Burning Man Taught Jamie About Freedom [22:00] Explained: Polyamory and Hyrogamy [30:00] What is a Sexual Practice and Why You Should Have One? [44:00] Advice From Jamie and Julie [51:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast192    

Tue, April 10, 2018

SC 191 - 3 Things Bessel van der Kolk Did To Help Him Through His Recent Trauma

A new study shows child abuse should be considered the second largest cause of illness in the U.S.. And yet, our diagnostic system ignores trauma completely. Listen to what trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk has to say about that and get his insight into turning traumatic pain into personal power!   SHOWNOTES: Bessel Responds to The Allegations Against Him [10:00] 2nd Largest National Health Problem: Child Abuse  [17:00] Avoiding Seeing Trauma Victims as Broken People [20:00] Why Meds Don't Cure Trauma [28:00] Explained: Why Child Abuse Can Lead to More Abuse [38:00] The Harm in Telling a Trauma Story Over and Over   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast191

Mon, April 02, 2018

SC 190 - Transforming Defensive Men Into Inspired Men - Adam Gilad

 Men are getting their world's rocked by the #MeToo movement and the rapid change in gender norms. In this episode, Jayson taps into Adam Gilad's valuable insight on men in the modern world. SHOWNOTES: Who is Adam Gilad & What is Going on With Men Right Now [3:00] Men and the #MeToo Movement [8:00] Why Does the #MeToo Movement Make Some Men Defensive? [11:00] Why Male Identity Ultimately Doesn't Mean Shit [14:00]  Mom Issues and Male Rage [18:00] Thoughts on Male Conditioning [20:00] How do you Help People who Don't Want to be Helped? [23:00] What Women Need to Know About men Right now [25:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast190

Thu, March 29, 2018

SC 189 - Top 10 Takeaways From The Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA - Jayson & Ellen

This year's Interpersonal Neurobiology Conference at UCLA was a dream for a relationship research and brain science nerd! If you geek out on that stuff, you'll love hearing the highlights Jayson and his therapist partner, Ellen Boeder, have in their personal conference notes. SHOWNOTES: Antonio Damasio Highlights [5:00] Dan Siegel Highlights [8:00] Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt Highlights - Safe Conversation [12:00] Crazy Listening Statistic [15:00] Secure Functioning Relationships and Other Stan Tatkin Highlights [18:00] Insight for Therapists and Couples from Peter Pierson [18:00] Affairs and Esther Perel Highlights [25:00] The Shame of Staying With a Partner That Cheats [29:00] Insight from the Couples Panel [31:00] For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast189

Thu, March 22, 2018

SC 188 - Life After Divorce On Facebook - Mark Shapiro

If you're like most people, you spend FOUR HOURS A DAY on your phone and check it ONE HUNDRED TIMES! Is all that time improving your life and the lives of others? If you use social media and want to hear a unique story about rebuilding after a separation, this episode is worth every minute!   SHOWNOTES: Who is Mark Shapiro? [5:00] Some Social Media Fails [12:00] Mark’s Extreme Social Media Experiment [16:00] Why do we Avoid Reaching out to Friends Online? [27:00] Mark’s First Marriage: Before & After [31:00] Showing Appreciation When You're not Feeling it [34:00] What was Open Relationship Life Like? [37:00] Advice for Couples Considering Divorce [48:00] Why Being Real is Important [56:00]   For the full web posting for this Smart Couple Podcast episode visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast188

Tue, March 13, 2018

SC 187 - 3 Stages of A Long-Term Relationship

  In this episode, Jayson breaks down the three stages of long-term relationships, why they matter and what it takes to advance beyond the three stages to the ultimate partnership phase we all desire.   SHOWNOTES: Relationship Stage One: Infatuation [4:00] Relationship Stage Two is Challenging! [8:00] Earning the RIGHT to Get to Stage Three: True Love [9:00] Jayson's Fourth Stage: Love 360 [11:00]  To view this episode's webpage visit https://relationshipschool.net/podcast187  

Thu, March 08, 2018

SC 186 - Moving From Victim To Genius - Gay Hendricks

Ever heard of a freak accident rocking someone's world and totally changing them for the better? Gay Hendricks has one of those stories! If you're interested in the mind-body connection and seeking purpose, a forever partner or a new you...listen closely and Gay may just share all the wisdom you need, without experiencing your own life-altering mishap.   SHOWNOTES: The Gay Hendrick’s Story [15:00] Are You Having the Same Argument Over and Over? [23:00] Gay’s Second New Beginning [27:00] How to Bring Out Your Inner Genius [33:00] The Four Fears and Why They Matter [37:00] Taking Time Each Day To Connect With Your Genius [41:00] A Story About Physical Pain’s Tie to Relationship Struggle [46:00]

Thu, March 01, 2018

SC 185 - Parents-Why Your Kids Need You To Be In Charge - Kim John​ Payne

Kids have been getting a lot of attention for troubling behavior recently...committing mass shootings, posting disturbing viral videos and lashing out at their parents with shocking rage. What is going on!?! In this episode, renowned author and counselor Kim John Payne clears up misconceptions about "disobedient" children and explains how you can bring a balance of power back to your household. SHOWNOTES: Be Inquisitive, Not Accusatory [18:00] When a Child is Distressed, Connection is Key  [27:00] Why it's a Mistake to Give Kids Too Many Choices [31:00] Don't Take it Personally When Your Kid Pushes Your Buttons [45:00] Are You "Peer Parenting"? [49:00] What You Can Do to Take Back the Leadership Role [58:00] Kim's Take on Youth Involvement in Mass Shootings [1:01:00] How to Parent Post National Tragedy [1:04:00] Your Home the War Zone [1:10:00] The Four Types Love & Why We Shouldn't Confuse Them [1:16:00] For the full web post for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast185

Tue, February 20, 2018

SC 184 - Life Purpose, The Cost of Comparison, & Spiritual Development - Dr. John Demartini

Seeking purpose, health and happiness? International educator, best selling author, researcher and human behavior expert Dr. John Demartini can help you find answers! Don't miss this diverse episode with one of Jayson's greatest mentors.   SHOWNOTES:  What we do vs. what we say [10:00] What's your strategy for achieving your goals? [13:00] So you think your job sucks, but does it really? [18:00] Illness, symptoms and the mind [20:00] Thoughts on reincarnation [26:00] Demartini's theories on the rise in autoimmune disease [32:00] Is social media making us physically ill? [34:00] Demartini's opinions on attachment theory [38:00] No such thing as a dysfunctional family [45:00] Beware of the "all enlightened" person [50:00] Can we train our bodies to sleep less? [1:10:00] Cryptocurrencies and financial advice [1:14:00]   To view the webpage for this episode visit  https://relationshipschool.net/podcast184

Tue, February 06, 2018

SC 183 - Why it's Essential to Fight in Front of Your Kids

Fighting in front of the kids is a major taboo, but should it be? What if we started treating each conflict in the home as an opportunity for relationship homeschooling? Jayson Gaddis has spent years teaching kids (including his own) about how to do conflict. News flash: Lectures aren't the answer. Leading by example is! In this episode, you'll learn how to take your family's authenticity to a whole new level AND ensure the young adults in your life learn how to do conflict from someone who cares about doing it right...someone like you! SHOWNOTES: DO fight in front of your kids [2:00] Why it's a mistake to lecture young people [4:00] Young people see, young people do [6:00] What are conflicts in front of kids like at the Gaddis house? [8:00] Shame as a tool [10:00] You're action step [15:00] Check out the webpage for this episode at https://relationshipschool.net/podcast183

Wed, January 31, 2018

SC 182 - Dealing With Your Inner Critic and Inner Child - Richard Schwartz

Not a fan of your inner critic? Want to get rid of it? What if that negative voice inside isn't your enemy but a valuable part of your internal family? Author, psychotherapist and founder of the Internal Family Systems Model (IFS), Richard Schwartz, says our true "Self" exists side by side with the many parts that make us who we are. The trick is putting the "Self" back in the driver's seat. In this episode, Richard and Jayson talk IFS and explore the concept that people are naturally multiple. This one's great for therapists, coaches AND individuals alike! SHOWNOTES Who is Richard Schwartz? [7:00] What makes Internal Family System (IFS) therapy unique? [11:00] The three goals of IFS [19:00] Changing your relationship with your inner critic [22:00] Richard's thoughts on co-regulation [35:00] Is healing on your own realistic? [44:00] Your partner, your "tor-mentor" [49:00] Richard's bits of advice and suggested resources [54:00]    

Mon, January 22, 2018

SC 181 - How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work - Connor & Vienna

Did you know around one in ten marriages starts as a long-distance relationship? Connor and Vienna are one long-distance couple on their way to marriage and, as professional mentors, they have many gems of wisdom to share.  Find out what's working for them and see how their insight applies to you!   SHOWNOTES Who are Connor Beaton and Vienna Pharaon? [7:00] Connor and Vienna's love story [10:00] This couple's tips for long-distance couples [20:00] The importance of communication in long-distance relationships [23:00] What does defensiveness say about a person's relationship priorities? [31:00] Balancing autonomy and the desire to be together [39:00] As relationship coaches, what advice do these two have for all couples? [51:00]

Thu, January 18, 2018

SC 180 - 4 Women Who Are Transforming Their Relationship Life

Wondering HOW The Relationship School® changes lives? If it's really worth it? Curious why more and more people are saying it's life changing and the best thing they've ever done? In this episode, we hear the honest stories of four Relationship School students, each living different lives with unique challenges. SHOWNOTES Who are these four women? [9:00] How The Relationship School did what therapy could not [19:00] Community & Commitment make it work [25:00] Relationship School and your kids  [28:00] What is LUFU? [36:00] Get in touch with your needs [41:00] Top reasons to enroll [48:00] Contest details:   In order to qualify, you must 1)- be able to fly to Boulder CO on your own, 2) pay $100 (for a $1000 course) 3) have not won anything before. 4) be a member of the private smart couple facebook group   There are 3 big prizes.   1st prize: Free ($100 non-refundable deposit so we know you are in) admission to the Embracing Conflict weekend (value $1000). PLUS, you get to bring a friend for half price! boom! 2nd Prize: $200 toward any relationship class (Must be used by Feb 1st) 3rd Prize: $50 toward a hat, shirt or other merchandise in our store (expires Feb 1st)   Instruction to enter: Record a 1 min video of 1) the most triggering behavior your partner (or past partner) does and 2) how you normally deal with it, and 3) what your question is about how to do it better.   Video must be no longer than 1 minute.

Sat, January 06, 2018

SC 179 - Podcast Changes & Top 10 Podcasts From 2017

Happy New Year! In this special episode, Jayson shares his candid thoughts on what worked for the Smart Couple Podcast last year, what did not and the changes planned for 2018. We also get Jayson's top ten episodes list from 2017.   SHOWNOTES The Smart Couple Podcast: Reflections on 2017 and Plans for 2018 [4:00] What's The Relationship School Have In Store for 2018? [12:00] Jayson's 2017 Top Ten Episodes List [17:00] Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla – SC 88 How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress – Stan Tatkin – SC 104 The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships – Stephen W. Porges – SC 116 Ayahuasca, Trauma, & Relationships – Dr. Gabor Maté – SC 134 The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose – Satyen Raja – SC 140 The Trap of Becoming Your Partner’s Therapist – Danielle LaPorte – SC 146 My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection – Ellen Boeder – SC 152 Setting Boundaries With Ease, Grace and Love – Terri Cole – SC 156 Interpersonal Neurobiology – Dan Siegel – SC 158 Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy – Ellen & Jayson – SC 176

Wed, December 20, 2017

SC 178 - Millennials & Marriage - Kiyomi & Joel

Wondering what you can learn from a millennial couple? Turns out it's quite a bit! Kiyomi and Joel are a mixed-race millennial couple that discovers how much their culture plays into their relationship. These two high school sweethearts grew up together and their system for growing together as they mature (as we all do) is inspiring. Think where you come from isn't a big part of your love life? Uncertain a couple so young can offer profound wisdom? Prepare to be surprised!   SHOWNOTES:  Kiyomi & Joel’s high school love story [9:00] What is Relationship OCD? [12:00] Joel’s secret for consistent happiness [17:00] Couple discovers being mixed race affects them [21:00] Kiyomi & Joel’s conflict management method [29:00] What’s the secret to balancing work and relationship life? [35:00] Jayson’s advice when planning a wedding [43:00]

Thu, December 14, 2017

SC 177 - How A Couple Recovered From Cheating - Leahnora & Noah

Couples that survive the toughest relationship challenges are so impressive! Leahnora and Noah are one of those couples. Cheating nearly tore them apart but they made commitments to change themselves and now they're stronger than ever before. What did they do? How do they handle the baggage of their past? Jayson explores the tough questions here. Also, Leahnora and Noah are still working through some common issues around sexuality and conflict and they share vulnerably about this as Jayson gives some relationship coaching. SHOWNOTES How did Noah handle the cheating? [9:00] Leahnora & Noah’s personal growth paths [15:00] Defensiveness isn’t always bad [25:00] Their open relationship experience [29:00] How Noah & Leahnora’s fighting style [35:00] Trusting love’s message no matter the cost [40:00] Jayson addresses their sexuality struggles [44:00] When you’re both triggered [54:00] Don’t respond with “That wasn’t my intent” [60:00]

Wed, December 06, 2017

SC 176 - Why Spiritually Developed People Struggle With Monogamy - Ellen & Jayson

 Is your spiritual growth helping your relationship? Are you collaborating with your partner to better yourself as an individual? Or are you going to your corner of the house to meditate all by yourself? Their careers as therapists and decades of mediation experience have lead Jayson Gaddis and his wife Ellen Boeder to multiple spiritual development discoveries. Turns out even the most spiritually advanced amongst us struggle with relationships. Jayson and Ellen also encourage couples to discover how collaboration with a partner in times of stress can strengthen each individual. This episode is full of tips for anyone interested in bettering themselves and their relationship at the same time! Here are a few highlights:   SHOWNOTES How Ellen & Jayson Benefit from Spiritual Practice [2:00] Spiritually Advanced People Struggle With Relationships [10:00] Strengthening Relationship With Dependence [17:00] Calming Down Together [20:00] Where Spirituality Alone Falls Short [25:00] When “Your” Triggers Should Be An “Us” Thing [33:00]   'Win a Chance to be Coached By Jayson' To celebrate my first book, The Smart Couple Quote Book and the Holiday Season, I am giving away 3 big prizes. 2nd place) $200 credit for any of my courses, 3rd place) $30 to be used in the Relationship School store and the Grand Prize is a 45-minute coaching session for you or you and your partner from me! Boom! Who's in? To enter to win you must go to the Jayson Gaddis Fan Page on Facebook and 1. Find the Contest Post 2. Like the contest post 3. Comment on the post with what you love about The Smart Couple Book 3. Share the post and tag 3 friends   AND extra bonus points: For an extra 5 entries into the raffle, post a selfie of you on your social channels with the book tagging Jayson Gaddis OR leave a review of the book on Amazon. If you leave a review, email us a screenshot of your review at info@jaysongaddis.com . Make sure we see the tagged post as well. Send us an email as a back up with a link to your social post.   Contest is open to anyone in the world until December 10 at 11:59p MT. Winners will be announced on the Smart Couple Podcast and Facebook on Wednesday, December 13th.

Thu, November 30, 2017

SC 175 - Embracing Gender Differences & Hormones - John Gray

According to John Gray, women are embracing their masculine side and men their feminine side more than ever before and our new behavior is significantly influencing our biology and the new challenges that we face in our most intimate relationships. John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus , says that as gender roles change, so are our hormones, making many relationships ... well, complicated. As Jayson finds out in this episode, John Gray is willing to stir up controversy to prove traditional gender roles and behavior shouldn't be abandoned completely if we want to be physically healthy and happy in our relationships.   SHOWNOTES Who is John Gray? [9:00] Stop the blame game [17:00] Putting on your masculine or feminine "hat" [20:00] Relationships in the era of gender neutrality [23:00] The science behind "male" vs "female" qualities [34:00] Is the angry man a feminized man? [39:00] Pesticides and hormones [43:00] Balancing our male and female sides [54:00] Ladies, venting is good for you [57:00] Changing diet to correct hormonal imbalance [1:09:00]  

Sun, November 19, 2017

SC 174 - Details about the Smart Couple Quote Book

The Smart Couple Quote Book is out! This is a relationship book unlike any other. Add tools to your relationship toolbox with just a minute of reading a day. You will learn radically simple ways to avoid pointless fights, have better sex, and build an indestructible partnership. Who is the Smart Couple Quote Book for: - Singles! - Couples! - Friends! - Coaches! - Yoga/Meditation Instructors! - Team Leaders! - Busy People! - Lifelong Learners! - Quote Lovers! and more.... Take a selfie with your Smart Couple Quote Book for our upcoming photo contest!  

Thu, November 16, 2017

SC 173 - Healing Relational Trauma In The Body - Sharon Stanley

Unsure why certain interactions with loved ones get you so upset? Ever struggle to relate to the hardship of others? Psychotherapist Sharon Stanley says the issue could be trauma, trauma you may not even be aware you have. Once we assess our own trauma we can begin exercising our senses and become more compassionate to others. According to Sharon, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to consider the pain in our pasts, only then can we embody true empathy!   SHOWNOTES Who is Sharon Stanley? [6:00] The best ways to connect with a traumatized person [11:00] Interacting with a partner with trauma [16:00] Building strength within the body to address trauma [20:00] The cost of ignoring trauma [25:00] Are you dealing with trauma? [26:00] Is neglect the worst type of trauma? [30:00] The importance of being embodied [35:00]  

Thu, November 09, 2017

Zen Parenting With Cathy & Todd - Cathy & Todd Adams - SC 172

What is Zen Parenting Radio?  Todd & Cathy’s story Cathy’s post-pregnancy identity crisis You can’t make your partner like what you like  Todd’s wake up call  When “husband’ is a loaded term  The ugly side of “Happy wife, happy life”  Getting out of your kids way  Drop the parent “role” and be a role model  Keep your parenting baggage to yourself 

Thu, November 02, 2017

SC 171 - Porn Vs Having Sex With A Real Person - Gary Wilson

Why do so many men use porn? What is it doing for them? I think it's obvious that porn can ruin your relationship, but what's not so obvious is why so many men use porn. What is going on inside the male brain. I have my own theories but I wanted to hear from THE porn expert on this... Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES The link between chronic erectile dysfunction and porn use [11:00] How do you know when porn use is a problem? [13:00] Can people use porn in a healthy way? [16:00] Why are people using porn? [19:00] How many women are watching porn? [23:00] Religion and porn [22:00] When men use porn for ‘stress relief’ [27:00] How internet porn is shaping our sexuality [36:00] How to heal porn addiction through relationship [48:00]

Thu, October 26, 2017

SC 170 - Overcoming the 'Nice Guy' Syndrome - Robert Glover

I used to try really hard to get people to think I was a good guy. This is another version of the "nice guy syndrome." And, it had a big cost. If you are a nice guy, or you are with a "nice guy" you're going to want to listen to this one because it's quite possible the "nice guy" thing is going to really damage your relationship over time (If it hasn't already). Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES About Robert [6:00] How does someone become a Nice Guy? [11:00] Robert’s definition of a Nice Guy [12:00] The paradox of Nice Guy Syndrome [13:00] The cultural belief that ‘masculine is bad' [25:00] The trap of disowning the masculine [28:00] Tips for increasing self-worth [34:00] How to stop people-pleasing [36:00] How to meet your own needs [42:00]

Tue, October 24, 2017

Dan Savage Vs Jayson Gaddis on Monogamy - SC 169

Dan Savage is known for his criticism of monogamy. But what is he missing and why does he think it's a disaster waiting to happen? Listen as Jayson takes a swing in Dan's direction.   SHOWNOTES:  Introducing Dan Savage 1:30 Dan Savage on why monogamy does not work 3:00 Is every monogamous relationship a disaster waiting to happen? 5:30 The potency of 'leaning in' 7:00 Monogamy as an expression of learning to love 9:00

Thu, October 19, 2017

SC 168 - How to Avoid Dating Narcissistic Men After 40 - Bobbi Palmer

If you are serious about not dating another narcissistic man, and you are an awesome woman over 40, 50, or 60, this episode is for you. My guest Bobbi Palmer, of "Date like a grown up" has some great advice for how to stay true to you and get what you want. SHOWNOTES About Bobbi [10:00] How Bobbi met and married the man of her dreams within 6 months [13:00] Getting clear on what matters and what doesn’t [15:00] Talking politics, religion, family and finances on the first date [17:00] How people hide from love behind their careers [20:00] About the ‘Narcissistic Guy’ [28:00] 3 Principles of Dating Like A Grown-Up [36:00] The challenge for older women who are dating [45:00]

Tue, October 17, 2017

SC 167 - Smart Couple Podcast Feedback

Wed, October 11, 2017

SC 166 - Evolutionary Love - Andrew Harvey

Do you ever wonder if your relationship pain is guiding you deeper into whatever you need to heal yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with God? With reality? In this fun interview, Andrew Harvey explores how you can create evolutionary love that is much bigger than the "you" you know yourself to be. Hang on for a wild ride as Andrew takes you into a sacred outlook on how relationships work and how they can serve your soul's calling. SHOWNOTES Andrew’s definition of true love [10:00] Why is love hard? [11:00] 3 ways to build and cultivate true love [13:00] ‘The shadow’ and an exercise in shadow-work [20:00] Taking responsibility for disowned parts of yourself [27:00] Advice about purpose for when you’re feeling lost in life [28:00] The role of suffering on a spiritual path [37:00] A quote by Rumi [39:00] What is the most important thing people need to learn in relationship? [41:00]

Mon, October 09, 2017

What Does ‘Do the Work’ Actually Mean? - SC 165

What Does ‘Do the Work’ Actually Mean? 1:30 Defining ‘doing the work’ 3:00 Developing the self 4:00 What is the inner child? 5:30 How long must we work on the ‘inner child’? 

Thu, October 05, 2017

SC 164 - Loyalty In Gay Relationships - Jean Malpas

Loyalty is essential in a long-term partnership. Is loyalty different for gay couples? What honest conversations and boundaries are you both talking about? In this episode my guest Jean Malpas has some excellent tips for addressing these concerns and for giving your partner the benefit of the doubt. SHOWNOTES Understanding cisgender and transgender [2:00] At what age do people start to identify with their gender? [4:00] An issue that comes up for any couple, gay or straight [8:00] What’s ok and what’s not ok in an open relationship? [11:00] What is the one essential factor in a successful relationship? [14:00] Is there a difference between gay & straight couple relationships? [15:00] Being mindful about areas of shame in relationship [21:00] What is “minority stress”? [22:00] Advice for couples who are struggling in relationship [33:00]

Sat, September 30, 2017

Will Porn Ruin My Relationship? - [SC 163]

What's porn's place in a relationship? [2:00] How porn can negatively affect a relationship [5:00] Porn is not the bad guy [7:00] Porn, like any compulsion, can be a wedge between two people [10:00] Ramifications of porn [12:00]

Thu, September 28, 2017

SC 162 - The Purpose of Marriage and the Truth About Soulmates - Arielle Ford

Arielle Ford explores the ups and downs of marriage, what to do with a new age nice guy, and how to rekindle the spark after stuckness. This week's guest got married at age 44, and realized she sucked at listening and didn't know anything about partnership. And now she teaches people all over the world the about the power of attraction, soul mates, and love. SHOWNOTES Talking vs communicating [6:00] The purpose of marriage [8:00] Shocking facts about divorce [12:00] Women: How to fill up your oxytocin tanks [17:00] Men: How to rebuild testosterone [18:00] Do both partners need to be into growth and development? [21:00] Stepping back into your feminine after being in work-mode [27:00] How to have a difficult conversation in a positive way [33:00] How to lighten the mood when you’re triggered [38:00]  

Tue, September 26, 2017

SC 161 - Are You In An Abusive Relationship?

2:30 Defining emotional abuse 4:45 It Takes Two 5:30 Do you feel safe in your own home? 6:10 It's more complicated than 'just leave.' 7:00 How are you a part of your own abuse cycle? 7:35 Self-reflection and taking responsibility

Thu, September 21, 2017

SC 160 - What Keeps You From Finding The One - Katherine Woodward Thomas

What does your intention have to do with creating a great relationship? According to my guest, everything. If you are single, what vibe are you putting out into the world to attract a mate? If you are partnered, what vibe are you putting into your relationship? This week's guest has so much to say about upgrading your story and your intention and how that can impact how fulfilled you are in your relationship (or future relationship). She also has some practical tips on how to do exactly that.  If you are trying to "call in the one", or just trying to deepen with the one you have already, this interview is going to help you a ton! SHOWNOTES Why do some women have a pattern of dating unavailable men? [11:00] The power of setting intentions [14:00] Self-limiting beliefs and 'stories' we tell ourselves [21:00] Clearing up 'the power of thoughts' for skeptics [23:00] A guided exercise with Katherine for finding your 'false self' [29:00] How to talk to your inner child [34:00] What to do when you're really stuck in your own story [45:00] Katherine's go-to move for when she's triggered [49:00]

Mon, September 18, 2017

SC 159 - What To Do When You Get Defensive

QUESTION When my boyfriend gets triggered and shares his thoughts and feelings with me, how do I not take it personal and get defensive? I feel like this creates a barrier between us when he is trying to reach out and I want to be with him in this moment. But I feel attacked even though I know he's not attacking me - I can hear my shitty defensive tone of voice and feel my body language change. I also can't get my thoughts clear enough to have a mature conversation with him, I'm all caught up in my own BS, it's pathetic! How do I get past this and be present with him? Kim - Fairfax VA SHOWNOTES Question from Kim [1:00] Zeroing in on what makes us defensive [3:00] Working out what you need when you're feeling defensive [5:00] What to do when you're too triggered to think clearly [7:00]

Thu, September 14, 2017

SC 158 - Interpersonal Neurobiology - Dan Siegel

If you want to understand the long term cost of not repairing a rupture, Dan Siegel, who coined the term interpersonal neurobiology, is about to illuminate your mind.  We discuss how we human beings operate when our "minds" and hearts come together, trauma, and how to fight off disease with presence.  This episode is powerful. It's for the science nerds and relationship geeks who want to better understand the human nervous system, mindfulness, and even trauma. SHOWNOTES The 3 facets of the mind [15:00] Where does the mind live? [18:00] What do relationships and the body share in common? [20:00] How you can strengthen your mind through "monitoring and modifying" [27:00] Hyperarousal vs hypo-arousal [31:00] The 4 F’s of a reactive state [32:00] Coming back from reactivity [37:00] What are the long-term costs of not repairing ruptures to relationship? [42:00] How presence helps fight off disease [48:00] The importance of developing an "internal compass" [60:00]

Mon, September 11, 2017

SC 157 - Outgrowing Your Friends

Quote from the Smart Couple Quote Book Stop wasting time with people who don’t support your fullness. Stop apologizing for who you are. Do not spend another day dimming your light because someone’s uncomfortable. Some people you know will always be uncomfortable with your way and will always judge you. Let them go and keep being you as you are. SHOWNOTES A quote from The Smart Couple Quote Book [7:00] Outgrowing people on your path to growth and development [8:00] Surrounding yourself by growth-oriented people [10:00]

Wed, September 06, 2017

SC 156 - Setting Boundaries with Ease, Grace and Love - Terri Cole

Boundaries are essential in a partnership and Terri Cole knows a lot about them. We talk about getting sober, parenting her inner child, what it takes to have your marriage as a top priority and what women can do to balance being independently strong with interdependently connected. This podcast interview is fun and full of gems. SHOWNOTES Terri’s story [10:00] The 3 questions you need to ask yourself when you get triggered [21:00] What is ‘transference’ and how to we ‘repeat realities’? [23:00] How you can become more knowledgeable about your internal experience [26:00] Why is it important to do inner-child work? [27:00] What is a ‘Downloaded Love Blue-Print’, and how does it affect every relationship we have? [32:00] Examples of language you can use to support your partner when they’re triggered [42:00] 1 simple boundary everybody needs [49:00] Consequences vs threats [55:00]

Tue, September 05, 2017

SC 155 - Asking Your Partner To Change

QUESTION: It seems like my husband wants me to change things, and that there are things I want him to change... Is that the same things as wanting him to grow, just in different terms? I’ve heard you say that people can’t change their partners, but you have said that the goal should be to grow. I’m wondering what the difference is. How do you accept that your partner isn’t going to change, but then strive or agree to grow? - Natalie, Denver SHOWNOTES Is it okay to want your partner to change? [2:00] Reasonable vs. unreasonable requests [3:00] Reframing change from a growth-oriented mindset [4:00] Requests that make your partner feel judged [6:00] When is it better to move on than to try to change someone? [8:00]

Thu, August 31, 2017

SC 154 - A Couple's Journey of Getting Stronger Through Postpartum Depression and Conflict - TJ & Denise

This couple learned how to get stronger through postpartum depression and conflict. Listen how they navigated a big personal crisis and how they helped each other get through it. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Denise & TJ's story [11:00] Experiencing spirituality through your partner [13:00] What happens when both partners in a relationship tend to 'take charge'? [18:00] Challenges that come up when you move in together [20:00] Dealing with constant conflict with no resolution [24:00] Dropping the story of 'I don't need anyone else' and finding value in relationship [33:00] How to use experience to be more resourced each time you're in conflict with your partner [37:00] How exploring plant medicines helped Denise & TJ on their journey [38:00] 1 lesson Denise & TJ learnt through The Relationship School ® that impacted them the most [45:00] How to use conflict to understand your partner better [50:00]

Mon, August 28, 2017

SC 153 - When One Of You Values The Relationship More Than The Other

QUESTION: I understand that men generally will put career and providing at the top of their priority list, while relationships might hover near the bottom. Relationship is a top priority for me, so how do I get to the place where i’m ok with not being at the top of the list for my guy? How do I not take it personally? Do I need to be looking for someone who’ll put our relationship at the top of their list and make me a priority - or is that a childhood fantasy?  - Vanessa from Santa Monica SHOWNOTES Vanessa's question [1:00] Understanding what it takes for a fulfilling relationship  [2:00] When two people in a relationship have different values [3:00] How you can express your hurt to your partner without getting 'blamey' [4:00] Should you learn to be okay with not being a priority to your partner? [5:00]

Thu, August 24, 2017

SC 152 - Ellen Boeder - My Wife On How To Repair After A Ruptured Connection

Fighting and emotional upset is just part of the program in a committed relationship over many years. But what separates the smart couple from people who really struggle is being able to repair well. In this episode, my wife Ellen Boeder covers why "the repair" is so critical in a strong partnership. It's essential as a parent, so why would it be any different with your partner. Listen in to get a few tips on how to do this fundamental skill and learn from Ellen and me as we share from our own marriage. SHOWNOTES What does a good relationship look and feel like? [7:00] Why feeling ‘safe’ is essential for a good relationship [8:00] Why ‘I’m sorry’ is a bad repair-strategy [18:00] What Ellen calls the ‘micro-repair’[20:00] How to really listen to your partner after conflict without getting triggered [23:00] What are some quick ways to reset the nervous system when words aren’t working? [30:00] Ellen’s advice on conflict and repair for couples [34:00]

Mon, August 21, 2017

SC 151 - Vetting a Future Partner

QUESTION: I’m single and broken up with four months ago and have decided to take time out of the dating pool to get to know myself more, reflect on my last relationship and to enjoy my own company. The thing is, i know that in the near future, I want a partner. What is your advice on choosing a partner? To be more specific, I’m aware of the relationship process of the honeymoon phase, then the real partnership where you get to know the real person… Since in the honeymoon phase usually people try to be their best selves and not always their authentic selves, how can you identify these characteristics of growth and development mindsets, self-awareness, kindness, trustworthiness? - Mariana from Mexico SHOWNOTES Mariana’s question [1:00] What you can do to really get to know someone you’re dating [2:00] Why do we hide parts of ourselves from the person we're dating? [4:00] How do you get a great relationship? [7:00]

Thu, August 17, 2017

SC 150 - Advice For Single Women Prepping For A Partnership - Marni Battista

Here at The Relationship School®, we focus on the long-term relationship game. But what if you're ready for a relationship but can't find one? This week, I invited Marni Battista  to help shed some light on how single women can break out of their comfort zones, start dating and find a quality guy (without repeating the same patterns over and over again). Make sure to listen for her advice on how to get past the last 10% of unconscious patterns that keep most single women stuck in their comfort zone. Here are a few of the highlights:   SHOWNOTES How Marni became a dating coach [9:00] Learning from mistakes and ‘bad dates’ [15:00] How people get stuck in blame and attract bad dates [16:00] How dating can reveal where you have unfinished self-work [24:00] What Marni calls the ‘love shield’ and how it can keep you stuck [26:00] The danger of quick-fix dating solutions [32:00] Baby-steps for women who need to leave a bad relationship [44:00] Does it matter how you date in the modern world? [36:00] The trap of binge-dating and burning out [38:00] The most common mistake people make in their dating profiles [40:00] Should you tell your date your non-negotiables on the first date? [43:00] Advice for singles who are dating [45:00]

Mon, August 14, 2017

SC 149 - Fear of Abandonment

QUESTION: I keep running away from relationships with the opposite sex when they start to get close or use the ‘L word’, basically because I think I’m not good enough for them or they’d end up leaving me. I also find it difficult to initiate talks with other people - what do I do? - Elias SHOWNOTES   This episode's question [1:00] The irony in running away because you're scared of being left [2:00] Fear of being alone is human. Here's how you can use it to build intimacy [3:00] Working on your triggers around abandonment [4:00] Owning your fear [6:00] Dealing with self-worth issues [8:00]

Wed, August 09, 2017

SC 148 - Past Trauma in Present Relationships - Pat Ogden

Pat Ogden PhD is a pioneer when it comes to somatic trauma therapy. Her work has touched many people including me. Even if you don't think you have any trauma, you likely have some living in your body that your partner will activate. In this episode, Pat has some great guidance to normalize and assist you in taking small steps that will greatly benefit you and your partner as you wade through the daily triggers of long-term relationship. SHOWNOTES What got Pat into studying human beings and trauma [10:00] How Pat helped women who had difficulty experiencing sexual pleasure [13:00] What is trauma? [17:00] Why we see the ‘freeze response’ in people who were abused as children [19:00] How childhood neglect can show up as trauma in adults [20:00] What’s happening in the bodies of a couple who fights all the time? [22:00] The pursuer and withdrawer dynamic in relationship [26:00] Can we rewire our nervous systems together as a couple? [28:00] The significance of the therapist-client bond [33:00] What couples can do at home to work with their automatic nervous system responses [37:00] Is there harm in retelling a traumatic story? [43:00] Pat’s advice on embodying the self [49:00]

Mon, August 07, 2017

SC 147 - Is It Okay To Go To Bed Angry?

QUESTION: What are your thoughts on the ‘Don’t go to bed angry’ rule? SHOWNOTES This episode's question [1:00] When taking a time-out overnight is the best thing you can do [3:00] Rigid rules vs agreements [6:00] How you can make agreements with your partner that leave room for flexibility [8:00]  

Wed, August 02, 2017

SC 146 - The Trap of Becoming Your Partner's Therapist - Danielle LaPorte

Ever feel like you're tolerating shitty behavior, shouldering the burden of being the ‘therapist’ in the relationship, or constantly giving to others (and talking yourself out of your own needs)? Valuing ourselves and having confidence in our boundaries is key to getting more of what you want and less of what you don’t want - especially in relationship. Danielle Laporte is an expert at helping women find their ‘white hot truth'.  She’s got a gift for translating spirituality, self-help and ‘new age’ thinking into something more palatable for women who are growth-oriented and wanting more in their lives. In this episode, we cover why it's a bad idea to be the therapist in the relationship, boundaries, feeling inadequate (and the lies that the 'new age' world sell us), thinking that we’re asking ‘too much,’ how to value yourself and much more. SHOWNOTES Danielle's story [11:00] The difference between someone who learns from their pain vs someone who stays stuck [18:00] How encouragement through childhood shapes who we grow into [19:00] The trap of believing you’re ‘not enough’ and what Danielle calls the ‘Lie of Inadequacy’ [29:00] The issue of inadequacy in relationship and what to do to counter feeling ‘not enough’ [36:00] What is the “Spiritual Woman Trap”? [38:00] Working with the inner-child to move toward wholeness [46:00] Why boundaries matter to the growth-oriented person [47:00] The ‘Poly movement’ - do open relationships work? [60:00] Advice for men, women, and parents [66:00]  

Mon, July 31, 2017

SC 145 - I'm Sorry You Feel That Way

QUESTION: I feel like I’m doing my part setting boundaries, communicating my needs and asking for what I want.  What else can I try? I’ve done the work to learn how to express and articulate my needs, how I want to be treated, what’s not ok with me, behaviour that’s hurtful (very clearly with specific behaviours) and setting clear boundaries.  Some of the behaviours continue even though I’ve clearly told him I won’t tolerate it anymore. When I tell him how this specific behaviour impacts me, I often get a sarcastic “I’m sorry you feel this way” and he just doesn’t listen to me.   SHOWNOTES This episode's question [1:00] How does it feel to get 'I'm sorry you feel that way' from your partner? [2:00] How to diffuse the anger in a heated conversation [4:00] Training your partner to really listen to you [5:00]

Thu, July 27, 2017

SC 144 - Finding His Wife & Creating His Dream Relationship - Dan Doty

Want to know one man's approach to calling in the one? How did he find his dream relationship? What exactly did he do? Then, how did he create the dream relationship even after it got really dark? Find out how to find and create a solid relationship through one man's inspiring story. Once again we learn a lesson from a man who was willing to face himself and go work on what he needed to. SHOWNOTES Dan’s story [4:00] Tools Dan and his wife use when they’re facing challenges in relationship [13:00] When to get help with relationship-trouble outside of the relationship [14:00] How getting clear on what you want on an online dating site can help you meet your dream man or woman [19:00] What Dan did to get himself prepared for marriage [20:00] The danger of pushing your own values onto your partner [29:00] What prevented Dan from bailing after two weeks of non-stop conflict with his wife [34:00] How Dan got into personal growth and men’s work [39:00] Dealing with stigma around men’s work [47:00] How to bring spirituality to men’s work [51:00] How a traditional ‘man’s man’ can relate to the more ‘feeling-centered’ side of men’s work [53:00] The shift in men’s culture and the rise of personal-growth for men [57:00]

Mon, July 24, 2017

SC 143 - Boundaries & Needs

QUESTION: Since a boundary of mine is about to be breached - again - does that spell the end of this particular partnership? I've been lying to myself and my partner about my ok-ness with her quarterly 7+ day adventures with a supposedly platonic friend of hers. It took almost a year to figure that out and come to a place of acceptance with it. Last night during a semi-routine check-in conversation I was finally able to be honest with myself and with her that these trips, which started after she and I began seeing each other just over a year ago, are not ok with me - to the point of being non-negotiable. It turns out that I need my partner to have me as their primary adventure person. In less than two weeks, my partner and this friend of hers are scheduled to embark on a 9 day climbing journey together. - Alex, CA SHOWNOTES Alex’s question [1:00] When people use spirituality as an excuse for not standing up for their needs [2:00] How to find win-win when making requests with your partner [4:00] The difference between setting setting boundaries with your partner and controlling them [6:00] When is it best to take what we’ve learnt from this relationship as practice for the next? [9:00]

Wed, July 19, 2017

SC 142 - Heal Your Past Through Self-Acceptance & Community - Christian Pankhurst

Imagine you're 12 years old, at home watching tv, ears pricked up as you hear your dad pulling into the driveway. Every part of your nervous system listening to the revving of the engine, the slam of the car door, the keys in the front door. All these things might be the difference between being greeted cheerfully, being ignored, or being beaten. It doesn't take long to become an expert at knowing what's coming. The levels of sensitivity we develop to these dynamics as kids has a direct impact on what we get triggered by, how we get triggered, whether we fight, run or freeze. Sadly, many people never get the chance to undo & heal the hurt of abuse and neglect from their childhood, so many of us suffer with emotional blocks, blindspots and triggers for the rest of our lives. Christian Pankhurst is doing the work to help us heal those wounds. In this episode, we talk about some practical steps to help you take control of the emotional triggers & untangle our shame through, what Christian calls 'Heart Intelligence' (or Heart IQ™) Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Christian’s story [8:00] Growing up with a violent father [17:00]  How to accelerate your self-awareness with ‘circle work’ [19:00]  The dangers of the dysfunctional, disconnected masculine [21:00]  A tip for men on tracking their experience for increased self awareness [25:00]  The critical difference between ‘Triggered’ and ‘Non-Triggered’ energy [30:00]  A reframing question that can turn your pain into productive forward motion [34:00]

Mon, July 17, 2017

SC 141 - No Sex. What Do I Do?

QUESTION: Going into my 10th month of a relationship. 2 week break up (his initiation), came back back asking to work it out, showing up strong, committed and communicative. There is only one problem..no sex. He got distant before the break up (last few weeks)...and I asked about it then. He said it was a "him" thing. I realize we need a conversation....but before I do..I need objective insight. He does not touch me in any sexual ways. He holds my hand...and snuggles with me at night, even in his sleep. I am fairly attractive...so don't chalk it up to that. But...this feels so bad and awkward. Has anyone else had this? He has never been aggressive or overly sexual with me, but now it is non existent. I feel like this is an NNN but I do not want to leave a relationship over sex....but...have considered. Any suggestions or thoughts? SHOWNOTES Can you be in long-term, fulfilling relationship without sex? [4:00] How can having kids change your sex-life for the better? [5:00] Why some couples choose a sex-less marriage [6:00] The most common reason couples don't have sex [8:00]

Wed, July 12, 2017

SC 140 - The 4 Freedoms That Develop Masculine Depth & Purpose - Satyen Raja

The feeling of being lost and purposeless in life has a big impact on our relationships.  Men and women have a deep need to not only connect with each other, but connect to a bigger meaning in their life. Satyen Raja is an expert at helping us develop the higher levels of purpose & evolution in our lives - and this affects everything from our work, our relationships with our partners & kids, our fitness and our level of satisfaction with our lives. His '4 freedoms' is an extremely useful exercise to helping you keep your eye on your highest self - especially if we're suffering in feeling lost and without direction. This episode, largely geared toward the men, will challenge you and give you a toolkit that dramatically increase your relationship and life satisfaction if you apply them - listen carefully for the exercises and grab a notebook, because these ones are important. SHOW NOTES How to create a relationship where both partners are learning from and inspiring one another [13:00] Satyen's number one thing he's learned as a man in relationship to his wife [15:00] Men & women triggering each other & how to deal with both [17:00] How men can listen better in conflict without being a 'doormat' [18:00] A martial arts technique to calm down when you're triggered [19:00] The "4 freedoms"  for accelerated evolution and higher purpose [22:00] A 10min exercise men can do to bring more presence to their partner [30:00] How to move toward more meaning in life [43:00] Satyen's "Accelerated Evolution" trauma-release technique [49:00] Satyen's advice for men who are stuck or lost in life  [61:00]

Mon, July 10, 2017

SC 139 - Therapy Vs Coaching

Is there a difference between therapy and coaching? In this episode, I explore the main differences and what matters more than anything else when trying to find a good therapist or coach to help you through your relationship challenges. SHOWNOTES Where should you go for relationship advice? [2:00] The difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and a psychotherapist [4:00] Why do some coaches charge more than therapists? [10:00] Good coaching vs bad coaching [11:00] How bad therapy can keep you stuck [13:00] When should you go to a therapist and when should you go to a coach? [16:00]

Thu, July 06, 2017

SC 138 - How Having Expectations Can Hurt Your Relationship - Christine Hassler

There are two giant ways we screw up our relationships. One is by breaking agreements. The other is by never having agreements to begin with.   Broken agreements can be great opportunities to open a dialogue with our partner about our needs, renegotiate our agreements if they no longer make sense, or even draw a hard boundary around what we will and won’t tolerate.   But what happens when we never have agreements to begin with? Expecting our partner to do, be and act a certain way without clearly communicating is a recipe for an almost certain 'sh*t hitting the fan’ fight.   In this conversation with Christine Hassler, we dive into the world of agreements, communication and what she calls ‘ expectation hangovers ’.   Make sure to listen carefully for the three ways that we fall prey to toxic (and easily preventable) expectations that can blow up in our faces when left unchecked - in our relationships and in our lives. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Christine’s story [7:00] How beliefs ingrained early in childhood can show up as physiological symptoms later [10:00] What depression can tell us about suppressed or repressed emotions [10:00] What Christine calls “Journey Mates” (and why not all break-ups are a bad thing) [12:00] Exercises for self-compassion and self-awareness [17:00] The difference between Agreements and Expectations [23:00] How to handle broken agreements in relationship [25:00] How to handle it when your partner doesn’t meet your expectations [25:00] What is an “Expectation Hangover”? [26:00] What we DON’T want to do when dealing with an Expectation Hangover [28:00]

Mon, July 03, 2017

SC 137 - How to Re-Parent A Triggered Partner

Dealing with a partner who is triggered can be difficult - especially if they respond negatively to your help. Maybe you’ve been here before: your partner is upset about something, you do your best to give them some encouraging words or to calm them down, but no matter what you do, your partner’s gets more and more upset (or worse... now upset with you for trying to help). If you’ve ever been in this situation before and want to know how to prevent it, this episode is for you. QUESTION: How do we re-parent our partner, and meet them in regressive child-like states when they are triggered without infantilizing them? I find when I go into nurturing mode when my partner is triggered, he often responds with aggression, I think in part because it feels emasculating or patronizing, or possibly because he doesn’t feel lovable in those moments. - Caitlin SHOWNOTES Caitlin’s question [4:00] Why do men get triggered when you try to help them? [5:00] How to take care of your man without him feeling emasculated [6:00] Learning how to help each other when you’re triggered [7:00] What to do when your partner responds to your support with aggression [10:00]

Wed, June 28, 2017

SC 136 - Why Self Awareness & Digging Into Your Past Helps You Get A Great Relationship - Alexandra Solomon

A major shift is happening with the way we educate young adults about relationships and sex.  Despite what we hear in the media about the 'hookup culture,' the majority of young adults are very interested in learning about relationships and long-term partnerships. Alexandra Solomon is paving the way in the academic world, educating both students and adults in the all-important long-term relationship game.  If you're a parent or a teacher, this is a great episode to listen to.  You'll get a sense of what the important topics, conversations and areas that young adults are wanting to know about when it comes to relationships. SHOWNOTES Alexandra's story [3:00] Exploring the lessons you learned in childhood [13:00] How to talk to students about sex and relationships [18:00] Teaching young adults to shift from 'performance-based' sex to connection-based sex [20:00]

Tue, June 27, 2017

SC 135 - If Your Partner Made You Listen To This Podcast

Do you have a friend or partner telling you to listen to this podcast?  Don't know where to start and feel pressured to get 'up to speed'?  This episode is for you. SHOWNOTES Should you listen to this podcast? [1:00] Why you SHOULD be skeptical [2:00] How to show your partner that you care about the relationship in your own way [5:00]

Wed, June 21, 2017

SC 134 - Ayahuasca, Trauma & Relationships - Dr Gabor Maté

There’s been a surge in alternative, traditional methods to healing our deepest wounds. One of the main approaches that has gained popularity here in America is the use of the traditional South American brew, Ayahuasca, in guided ceremonies. Dr Gabor Maté, renowned addiction expert, and writer, is back for a second conversation to discuss the benefits & cautions to using Ayahuasca. In this conversation, we also discuss many natural (non-medicinal) methods to healing trauma through the power of present-moment awareness practices, safe relationships and creating space for healing. Here are a few of the highlights: SHOWNOTES Where Western medicine succeeds & fails [11:00] What traditional rituals can teach us about healing [13:00] How Ayahuasca works and why it’s used [16:00] Finding the roots of our trauma [29:00] Dealing with trauma using present-moment awareness [32:00] Why we need to create space in our lives for healing and rest [38:00]

Mon, June 19, 2017

SC 133 - Asking For What You Need Without Making Threats

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship - more communication, more time & attention, more touch - only to find yourself holding back out of fear? Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy.  If it's a 'non-negotiable need' it's easy to feel like you're threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: "I need this or I'm out". S0 do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don't)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well? This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling  you're making a threat to the relationship. QUESTION  You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN's without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background -- isn't it implied that you'll be leaving if your NNN's aren't met? I am missing how to do this properly. THANK YOU for your help and for clearing this up! -Jessica SHOWNOTES Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00] Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00] When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00] Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00] When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00] Your action step [9:30]

Wed, June 14, 2017

SC 132 - 70% of Teens Want More Guidance About Romantic Relationships - Richard Weissbourd

Finally about the real research that backs up the mission of The Relationship School®. Not only are teens NOT being educated about romantic relationships, but 70% of teens and young adults are WANTING more help and guidance around their love relationships. This is outstanding news because it's been a major void. In this episode, I speak with lead researcher Richard Weissbourd about his 5-year study with over 3000 teens and young adults on romantic relationships. If you are a parent, or want to be one, this is a must listen. SHOWNOTES How love evolves over the course of a relationship (and why that’s a good thing) [9:00] Why relationships aren’t being taught in school [14:00] The truth about teen hookup culture [20:00] Learning to talk about relationships and sex with our kids [23:00] Why it’s important to challenge misconceptions about romantic love [25:00]

Wed, June 14, 2017

SC 131 - When You Refuse To Accept Your Husband's Parenting Style

QUESTION My husband’s parents have told me in the past (to them it’s funny) about how harsh they were with him as a baby and as a young child. This might explain why when our newborn has meltdowns he sometimes gets frustrated to the point of telling her to 'shut up' and at times handling her a little rougher than I feel comfortable with. I understand where my husband is coming from, given his past, but I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment or to allow her to be his experiment as he learns how to manage his hurt and frustration.   How can I approach my husband with concerns about how he treats our child? - Christina in South Florida SHOWNOTES When your partner crosses the ‘safety’ line with your child [1:00] The tricky game of setting boundaries in parenting [3:00] If your partner is unwilling to change their parenting style [5:00] What to do when you’ve reached your emotional limit with persistent tantrums [6:00]

Thu, June 08, 2017

SC 130 - Why Male Entrepreneurs Fail in Relationships, & What To Do About It - Jordan Gray

This episode is for the male entrepreneur, a guy who is likely to have a hard time in romantic relationships. If you are dating or married to an entrepreneur, this podcast will help you. My guest Jordan Gray covers some of the main reasons why high-achieving male entrepreneurs struggle to find the same success in partnership as they might find in their businesses. From sexual dysfunction to relationships ending, Jordan will challenge you to take a few simple steps to earn your way into a great intimate partnership and it's not about accomplishing more. You'll have to think differently on this one... SHOWNOTES Jordan’s story [10:00] The connection between sensitivity and self-awareness 21:00] Can too much ‘self-reflection’ time cause depression and anxiety? [16:00] The hidden reason we use the excuse that ‘there are no good men left’ [18:00] ‘Maximizing’ vs ‘Satisficing’ in relationship (and which one is better) [20:00] How success-driven guys can develop sexual dysfunctions… and what to do about it [21:00] Can you work 70 hours/week and still have a good relationship? [22:00] How performance and achievement mindsets can block intimacy [24:00] Overcoming limiting beliefs that kill your connection [28:00] What to do if you’re feeling neglected by a busy, career-driven man [33:00] How to get a super-busy man to unplug, reconnect and spend time together [34:00] Why our libido is the first thing to shut down when we’re stressed [39:00]

Mon, June 05, 2017

SC 129 - The Danger of Over-Burdening Your Partner With Your Problems

How do we not burn out our partner with our problems? Is it okay to have them be the only support system for us? What is a better set up? In this episode you'll hear some feedback on why it's important to c0-support each other and not just have it be one way. Erica's question: Can you speak about dealing with a partner’s emotions during high stress and emotional times so that we can be both fulfilled? Erica's question [2:00] How to help your partner in a way that works for you [5:00] When you should be seeking support outside of the relationship [5:00] How to avoid burning your partner out with your problems [6:00] What you can do to take the pressure off the relationship in high-stress times [7:00]  

Wed, May 31, 2017

SC 128 - Negative Beliefs That Block Your Relationship Potential

Are you aware how your past negative experiences are shaping your current relationship reality? Well, they are and until you deal with those, it will be harder to get what you claim you want. In this episode my guest Mark Groves takes us on a deeper exploration about how negative beliefs can block your relationship potential. And some of those negative beliefs might be buried below your awareness. I'm so grateful for Mark's gifts here and I think you'll get a lot out of this episode. Especially if you like working  your inner psychology. SHOWNOTES How Mark got to being a "Human Connection Specialist" [7:00] How do you know if they're 'The One'? [12:30] A quick tip for when you need to make a difficult decision [18:00] Finding the underlying core beliefs that keep you stuck in unconscious patterns [20:00] How we sell ourselves out for security and safety [21:00] Why people get married when they don't really want to [24:00] The power of subconscious narratives [25:00] Redefining marriage to suit your relationship [28:00] The difference between choosing marriage out of fear vs love [31:00] How you can re-frame your internal narrative to dis-identify from negative thought patterns [42:00] A powerful exercise to take ownership and responsibility for your life [44:00] How Mark handles relationship challenges [50:00]

Mon, May 29, 2017

SC 127 - My Partner Has Issues, What Do I Do?

QUESTION from our listener Jeff: How can a couple grow together and be truly happy if one of the parties has some underlying personal issues? I dive into this question and offer Jeff some basic feedback that all of us need to hear about "issues." If you think your partner has issues, this is going to help both of you, a lot! SHOWNOTES Whose 'issues' you need to beware of [3:00] Do you have to be happy with yourself  before you get into a relationship? [5:00] The two decisions you need to make to deal with dysfunctional behaviour [8:00] How to avoid weaponizing self-help tools [10:00]

Wed, May 24, 2017

SC 126 - How Relational Skills Can Boost Your Confidence

Feeling insecure in relationships is par for the course. So, wouldn't it make sense to learn how to increase your confidence in a relationship? If you expect yourself to be "good" at relationship, your partner will show you over time where you are insecure and weak. So, listen to this episode as I interview 5 graduates of The Relationship School® and notice how they turned their confidence issues around. SHOWNOTES  When insecurity leads to blaming your partner [2:00] Why confidence needs to be earned [4:00] Meet the Relationship School® coaches [6:00] How confidence can change as you work on yourself [11:00] Learning the skills to deal with fear in conflict instead of hiding out [12:00] Owning sensitivity and vulnerability [13:00] What sharing impact in relationship can do for you [14:00] Knowing where you stand so you can build connection with others [21:00]

Tue, May 23, 2017

SC 125 - When Your Partner's Anger Triggers You

If your partner gets angry and it triggers you, listen to this one. There are a couple of basic things you can do to support each other. QUESTION From Kristen in Philadelphia: Just want to thank you for everything you’ve done with the podcast - it’s had a tremendous impact on my life. I wanted to ask you a question about healthy expressions of frustration and conflict. I have a partnership with someone I really love and sometimes, in conflict when he’s extremely frustrated, he tends to pound a pillow or grunt or do some physical manifestation of his frustration. He tends to be more of a fighter - I’m more like freeze/flight. I have a history of physical and sexual abuse. I’ve done a lot of work with it, with EMDR and stuff like that, but still, when he does that in conflict, I find it super triggering, I get really afraid. I talked to him about that and asked him if he could refrain from doing it around me and he was responsive, but I’m wondering if that’s healthy and something I should adapt to and allow for or if it is fair or reasonable for me to not want him to do it?  Any of your thoughts would be super helpful, thanks! What is a healthy expression of anger? [3:00] A powerful technique for handling things when you're triggered [7:00] How to deal with root-cause of anger long-term [8:00]

Wed, May 17, 2017

SC 124 - How to Overcome Erectile Dysfunction

If you want to know how to overcome erectile dysfunction, you'll need a complete reframe on this entire issue. I offer my own personal experience and how I used my shame to get hard again, as well as some exact steps you can take to get in the driver's seat of this issue and overcome it. I sprinkle in some humor to help take the edge off. This is for the men, but also will help you women out there who are with, or have been with, a man struggling with ED. SHOWNOTES Why some men take viagra [7:00] Understanding what ‘soft’ means [11:00] The system that governs your erections [13:00} The three ways our mind can cockblock us [17:00] How to learn from your body [24:00] How to slow down and enjoy your sex life more [28:00] Your action step [32:00]

Mon, May 15, 2017

SC 123 - How to Respect Yourself More

Why do some people get taken advantage of, taken for granted and walked all over in their relationships?  In this episode I talk about one crucial step for getting the respect, appreciation, and value that you deserve in all your relationships. SHOWNOTES The person who is responsible for your relationship [1:00] Who you need respect from the most [2:00] When you tolerate people treating you poorly… [4:00] Your action step [5:00]  

Wed, May 10, 2017

SC 122 - How to Make Online Dating Work For You - Evan Marc Katz

Dating advice on a relationship podcast? Yes, enough people said they wanted that, so we're experimenting with our first dating episode. Evan Marc Katz brings some amazingly simple and practical advice to the online dating scene. There are loads of great tips here to turn dumb luck into a skill. Singles will benefit, but there's some practical relationship advice in here as well. How to have higher quality first dates [13:00] The ‘2, 2, 2’ rule for better connection through online dating [15:00] The power in being passive [23:00] Gender roles in modern dating [24:00] Why you don't want a 50/50 relationship [26:00] Balancing chemistry and compatibility [29:00] The difference between 'Compromising' and 'Settling' [33:00] Fighting vs problem-solving in relationship [36:00] What if you're dating someone who's not into personal growth? [48:00] Why 'Just be yourself' is bad advice [46:00] Why you should be 'Slow to hire, quick to fire' [50:00]

Mon, May 08, 2017

SC 121 - Is Marriage Forever?

What are the pros and cons of looking at marriage as forever? And how can you personally engage in one of the biggest commitments of your life without falling into someone else's programming, but also without hedging your bets and thinking you always have an out? Find out in this week's episode. Question from Heather - Hawaii  "Can you please clarify on why we shouldn’t be striving to stay in a marriage forever? Backstory: I just finished listening to your latest episode about the point of marriage and it really triggered me. Here is why…you do all these amazing podcasts talking about long term relationship and how to make it better and grow not only as an individual but as a couple.. why wouldn’t you want that for the rest of your life? What is the point of trying to sustain a long term relationship when your goal is 10 years or maybe 20 and then you reevaluate… It seems to me that means giving up. Why wouldn’t you strive for forever or 50 years?  If you have a partner that is willing to grow and change with you the entire time why wouldn’t that be your goal. Why would you ever put into the universe otherwise. Why would we work so hard at having a great long term relationship only to have in the back of our minds this isn’t forever. That seems like a bit of a fear of commitment still because in your mind you already have an out. To me that would be a great challenge to sustain a great relationship for 50 years. It would be work yes for sure but well worth it. I am not talking about staying just to say you made it that far I am of course talking about being truly fulfilled for that entire time and always growing to be your best selves." SHOWNOTES Should we be all-in forever? [1:00] When moving on is a good thing [7:00] How being overzealous about your commitments can backfire [8:00] The difference between being ‘all-in’ and being locked-in [11:00]

Wed, May 03, 2017

SC 120 - How to Deal With an Angry Woman? - Terry Real

How do you deal with an emotional woman? Guys are going to want to listen to this. My guest Terry Real shares a ton of insight here in his 2nd interview with SCP including the 3 phases of marriage and the five habits that hurt your relationship. Listen in for more! SHOWNOTES: The three phases of marriage [8:00] The five habits that hurt your relationship [12:00] Why we pick partners who trigger us [14:00] The two main issues all couples have [18:00] The difference between obligatory and voluntary nurturing (the difference can make or break a marriage) [24:00] How Boomers and Millenials treat relationships differently [27:00] How to express complaints so that your partner hears them [34:00] A 2-step process to help overcome a harsh inner critic [39:00]

Sun, April 30, 2017

SC 119 - How To End A Relationship Respectfully

How do you end a relationship with respect and dignity?  People make breaking up a lot more complicated than it needs to be. In this episode, I talk about how to handle breaking up in a clean, direct and honest way. SHOWNOTES Question from Shelby: " I’ve been working on myself through a romantic relationship for about a year and a half now. We really seem to connect deeply when we are together - which is minimal - yet it’s not enough for him to stay in the relationship so that it goes anywhere significant. I feel like I’m just lingering in this relationship that I still have feelings for and it’s not at the level of commitment I want.  I’ve heard you mention something along the lines of 'when you end a relationship, you set the stage for your next relationship.' How do I respectfully end a relationship with someone that won’t see me in person, won’t talk to me on the phone, or if I say anything serious by text, he disappears - in a way that invites a healthy relationship moving forward?" How do I end a relationship and not repeat patterns going forward? [2:00] Ending a relationship like a mature adult [3:00] How to un-complicate the break-up process [6:00]

Wed, April 26, 2017

SC 118 - The #1 Hidden Reason Men Pull Away And Lose Interest

Why do men pull away when they get close? Then, some of them will come back, only to pull away again. WTF is going on here? SHOWNOTES What is going on when a man pulls away? [7:00] The surprising reason he pulls away and disconnects from you [8:00] Why annoying your partner is a good thing (and will happen forever) [10:00] The feedback loop that keeps you both stuck [13:00] Two powerful tips for when he pulls away [14:00]

Mon, April 24, 2017

SC 117 - Can It Work If My Partner Is 50% Into Personal Growth?

Personal growth isn't the end all be all. But it does make a massive difference if you want a thriving partnership over time... QUESTION: “My question is in relation to Podcast #34, Triggers. I’ve heard you’ve say in numerous podcasts what’s required to have growth oriented people, that it requires 100% commitment of “I’m in” to the path of personal development and responsibility and interest in myself for this work to be effective. What do you do if a person is 50% in? What do you do if they’re interested in taking responsibility and owning themselves about half the time? The rest of the time is still blaming, dealing with upsets, resentment and disconnection. The latter is tremendously difficult for me and brings up a lot for me. I can continue to work with my end of it, but also notice 50% is not good enough for me. I want more. Do you come up to this a lot in your work and if so, what are your solutions to dealing with it?" - Max, Boulder, CO - 3/29/17 SHOWNOTES Why you both need to be all-in [3:00] Can a man who has sexual addiction to escorts because of anger overcome his addiction, and how do I stand by him while he’s working on this? [6:00] Would a man cuddle with a female he doesn’t like or interested in? [7:00] What causes a man to cheat when the woman helps with just about everything and will do anything for him? [9:00] How do you know then you’re ready to take the next step in a relationship? [10:00] How can I get him to understand that I don’t want it all the time and it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to him? [11:00] When you and your partner are under stress [12:00]

Wed, April 19, 2017

SC 116 - The Neuroscience & Power of Safe Relationships - Stephen W. Porges

Have you ever wondered why you struggle to learn something new when you are stressed? Do you wonder why you or your partner are so damn sensitive? Well, there's a scientific reason for all of this and in this week's episode, I interview the man who developed the polyvagal theory. He's a real pioneer and someone who cares a lot about you feeling safe, in life, and in your relationships. Stephen Porgess is about to give you a big download on why you might not feel safe and what you can do about it. Bottom line? We cover the neuroscience of safe relationships and how to create them. SHOWNOTES Why we need relationships to keep our nervous systems calm [16:00] How neuroscience understands ‘intimacy’ [21:00] Marriage before, during and after kids [25:00] What to do next time you feel yourself triggered and activated [29:00] How safety and creativity are linked [32:00] Using your tone of voice to facilitate more safety in your interactions [43:00] The surprising truth about our happiest childhood memories [55:00] Why you should never work anything out over the phone [57:00]

Mon, April 17, 2017

SC 115 - How To Ask Your Partner For More Sex

Is your sex drive different than your partner? This can lead to a lot of challenges. Unless, you keep things simple, lead with vulnerability and speak your needs. Listen here for more. QUESTION: Hi Jayson, this is Lillian, New Orleans. I’m reaching out to you today because I notice I’m having a really hard time asking for sex from my wife. We have a history of having kind of a wide libido gap and in recent years that’s smoothed out - we’re more compatible there now than we’ve been before - but I find myself in situations where if we’re away from each other for a long time, like say her work schedule is too loaded or something, I end up feeling kind of estranged from her and there’s some part of me that feels like connecting physically and even sexually would be grounding for me in some way. I don’t know if that’s a thing, but I do know that even if that’s not a thing, I’m concerned about my inability to ask. I’m wondering if you have anything to say about it? Thankyou for your hard work, thanks Jayson. SHOWNOTES If you’re scared to ask your partner for sex [2:00] How ‘leading with vulnerability’ can help open the dialogue [4:00] Why some couples go years without sex [7:00]  

Wed, April 12, 2017

SC 114 - How to Feel More Connected - Ellen & Jayson

Mandy - Smart Couple Facebook Page Feeling connected. First of all, can we explore the meaning of that in depth? To me it's hard to define and hard to ask for and hard to get though my partner really tries. It's a feeling I get that my partner and I are connected. lol. Not helping. We're connected when we're both open to one another, present, affectionate, compassionate. Is it too much or unrealistic to want the goal to be in that heart centered connected space "all" the time? Not literally all the time but you know, like a majority. I could get that feeling from a 2 minute interaction everyday I think. That doesn't seem unrealistic but please tell me if it is. Seems like for a lot of couples men get connected through sex and women can feel connected through sex but prefer to feel connected before being sexually intimate. That's me. Why is that? How to handle when neither is getting what they need? Sex or heart connection. How can I go about being down for sex without a heart connection. How could a man move toward being more heart connected without sex? How do I explain my need to someone who this is all brand new to? SHOWNOTES Is it unrealistic to want to feel connected all the time? [6:00] When life stress gets in the way of your connection at home [11:00] Why ‘islands’ need more connection than you might think [18:00] Learning how to reconnect after you lose connection [21:00] What you can learn from sports teams and musicians about connection[27:00]  

Mon, April 10, 2017

SC 113 - Shame in Your Relationship

QUESTIONS: I was listening to Episode 12 with Dr Keith Witt and was really intrigued about the role that shame plays in conflict and in relationship. Specifically in parenting as well as in long term partnership. I would love to hear more of your thoughts on that. Boyfriend and I are on a break at this moment. The anger I have from my ex is so bad… shame and blame a lot, how can I handle this situation for the future?  Boyfriend has some serious issues with his family and whenever an issue arises he disconnects and becomes distant. I try to be patient and understanding but it does become hurtful.  How do I handle this the best way? What do I do when my husband gives his friend’s wife more attention than he does me? I recently lost my 20 year relationship with my best friend as I called her out & shamed her in a loving way regarding the things she said about a new love. Her response to this was “I threw things back in her face.”  She then ghosted me for 6 months until I confronted her. Turns out she can’t see, call or text me anymore.  Would you say this is her out of integrity with herself and therefore blocked me and wants nothing to do with me?  My fiancé and I are in the midst of a 3-day fight. Should we keep working through it or take a break? SHOWNOTES The difference between guilt and shame [5:00] Seeing shame as your ally [6:00] When it’s ok to shame, and when it’s not [8:00] Understanding how our emotions are giving us feedback [13:00]

Thu, April 06, 2017

SC 112 - How to Deal With Narcissism in a Relationship - Jeff Pincus & Rachel Cahn

Are you dealing with narcissism in your relationship? How do you really know? What are the signs and more importantly, what's going on with you that has you with someone you are labeling as "narcissistic?" In this episode I dive into these questions and more with my friends Jeff and Rachel, both very skilled psychotherapists who understand narcissism and how it can impact your relationship. SHOWNOTES How narcissists relate to their sense of ‘self’ differently [13:00] Understanding how people get their narcissistic supply [17:00] The need for an idealized self-image [20:00] How narcissists counter-intuitively depend on everyone else [23:00] Getting their world [29:00] How to get through to a narcissist [32:00] What happens when partners complain from a place of helplessness [41:00] Being willing to lose a bad relationship [43:00]

Tue, April 04, 2017

SC 111 - Stop Settling for Scraps in Your Relationship

Why settle for scraps in your relationship and be with someone who doesn't treat you with the utmost respect, even during the hardest of times? Well, there's often one reason...Listen in as I challenge you to ask for more. SHOWNOTES QUESTIONS: I’ve been in a relationship. We bought a home together, we’ve split up and I find myself continuing to go back and unable to let go.  How do you know it’s time to work or walk away? [4:00]  My husband doesn’t want divorce and he has had an affair - but he’s neither choosing me nor choosing the affair. What should I do? [6:00] My partner distances himself due to stress and finances for the last two years and puts the relationship on the backburner instead of finding strength in it, is that a sign I’m not being a good support? [7:00] My teenage daughter is currently not respecting my need for time out. She knows it’s important but still having a hard time in the moment and ends up saying hurtful things. Any other tools we could use? [13:00] When to wait in a relationship [5:00]  Your two options when your partner is having an affair [6:00] If your partner is stressed and distances himself [7:00] Why people settle for ‘scraps’ in relationship [8:00] If you’re always ‘the giver’ in relationship [12:00] Learning to soften if you’re a Type-A personality [13:00]

Wed, March 29, 2017

SC 110 - The Healing Power of Touch - Betty Martin

Our culture as 'sexually jammed up' [11:00] The Request - Offer - Invitation method and what we can do to loosen ourselves up [16:00] Betty’s ‘Waking Up The Hands’ exercise and how to test your ‘pleasure capacity’ [18:00] The single biggest factor in the quality of your touch [25:00] What to do when someone asks you what you want but you don’t know [39:00] How to ask for what you want [40:00]

Mon, March 27, 2017

SC 109 - Masculine Woman Dating A Feminine Man

If you are a more "masculine" woman, chances are you'll find yourself with a more "feminine" man. Is this a problem? Not at all. In fact, if you understand basic polarity principles, this can work to your advantage. Unless of course, you want to keep blaming your partner. There is something simpler you can do. Listen for more info...   QUESTION: Can you speak to male/female polarity dynamics? Particularly when the female partner tends to have more of a masculine energy in the relationship - in terms of being type-A, taking action, wanting to get things done - while the male partner has more of a passive, laid back, feminine energy. As the female partner with the more masculine energy, I find this dynamic really frustrating and wonder if it means I’ll be signing up for life where I will be doing most of the heavy lifting around all the practical dynamics of daily life? I was wondering if this dynamic would be too difficult to sustain in a satisfactory way, although we are both growth-oriented, so that part is not a concern. Why we get triggered by our opposites [3:00] You go first (don’t wait for your partner to change) [4:00] Learning to own what you’ve disowned for a better relationship [8:00]

Wed, March 22, 2017

SC 108 - How To Feel Safe In Your Relationship - Bonnie Badenoch

What is co-regulation and how do I feel safe in my relationship? In this episode my guest Bonnie Badenoch goes deep into the co-regulatory nervous system. We discuss the importance of interpersonal neurobiology and how we can regulate each other. She covers the myth and limitations of self-regulation and what we must learn instead. Bonnie is a psychotherapist and healer devoted to helping people feel safe in their own skin. We cover a lot of ground in this one, and I recommend going slow and maybe even listening twice. The myth of 'self-regulation' [13:00] What happens when we're co-disregulated [15:00] How we can feel safe by using a third person [20:00] Why co-regulation is so vital to our sense of safety and security [25:00] If you think your partner is  in their 'left-brain' too often, they might be experiencing this type of acute pain [36:00] The little-known third branch of the autonomic nervous system [41:00] How feeling helpless can mimic death in the body [46:00] jaysongaddis.com/attachment

Mon, March 20, 2017

SC 107 - What's The Point Of Marriage Anyway?

What does marriage really mean? [3:00] Are 50 year relationships realistic? [7:00] Using marriage as a vehicle for your own personal growth [11:00] jaysongaddis.com/10a

Wed, March 15, 2017

SC 106 - One Simple Tip to Working Out Your Differences

SHOWNOTES How to work out your differences quickly [2:00] Understanding how our childhood coping mechanisms effect our relationships [5:00] An effective tool to rate your ability to handle conflict [6:00] The most essential decision to make to handle relationship issues [8:00]

Mon, March 13, 2017

SC 105 - Partner Not Meeting Your Sexual Needs

Is it okay to go outside the marriage to get your sexual needs met? While this may seem like a straightforward answer, it's amazing to me how many folks ask this question who are having affairs. When is this okay and when is it not okay? Listen in for my opinions on the matter. Question: I’m finally reading Mating in Captivity  and it appears that I have a successful life partnership with my husband who I love deeply and care about, but enjoy a better sexual match with another man. The other man is not gender specific in our intimacy, which I am happy with, and is very emotionally available, whereas my husband is not.  I’m feeling unhappy about the infidelity (sounds better than ‘cheating’) that the affair causes, but at the same time, don’t want it to end or my marriage to finish.   As selfish as this is, I’m ok with it.  What does it mean when we go outside the cultural confines to get our non-negotiable needs met? Are you justifying an affair with bullshit? [4:00] The definition of a successful life partnership [6:00] Learning to be our neurotic, weird, true selves in relationship [9:00] If you’re not getting your sexual needs met, here’s what to do [11:00]

Wed, March 08, 2017

SC 104 - How To Deal With An Avoidant Partner & Interpersonal Stress

Stan Tatkin returns and serves up another awesome dose of relationship advice through the lens of adult attachment. From how relationships impact your health, to helping your triggered or upset partner, to dealing with an avoidant partner, we cover a lot of ground as Stan answers 8 or so questions from you, the listener. This one is full of helpful tips to improve and enhance your connection over time. Why is the country feeling so much anxiety? [1:00] The effect that your ‘allostatic load’ has on your life [3:00] What chronic relationship stress can do to your health [5:00] How to not take things personally [8:00] Learning to ‘lead with relief’ to create a safer space for each other [12:00] A great way to handle your partner getting triggered [14:00] Why Carl Jung didn’t like taking patients under 35 [18:00] A rough guide to dealing with avoidant-types/islands [21:00] Should you force your teenager to make eye contact with you? [35:00] The power of ‘jointly attending’ with a resistant partner [37:00] ‘Parallel play’ and its hidden dangers [39:00] How to free up resources for higher development[42:00]

Mon, March 06, 2017

SC 103 - How To Get Over A Cheating Spouse

Question: Once someone cheats on you should you walk away completely and let go, or do you think going through something like this could strengthen a relationship and create a deeper bond? Not sure where to draw the boundaries.  When I found out about the cheating, I spent 3 hours trying to understand why. Am I being too understanding? I’d like to know what your thoughts are when it comes to getting back together with someone that cheated on you.  Any advice?  Spending $20 Billion on 'love' [3:00] What happens when it's high stakes and you're married with kids? [8:00] The surprising benefits to being cheated-on [9:00] How to re-establish trust after a boundary breach [12:00] Finding the opportunity in the crisis [14:00]  

Wed, March 01, 2017

SC 102 - The Surprising Difference Between Divorced People and Married People- Mark Manson

UPDATE: CONTEST WINNERS ANNOUNCED! What can you learn from divorced people and people who are married for a decade or two? What are the main differences? There are two and we cover them in this episode with author Mark Manson. We also explore how Mark navigated a big challenge with his now wife and why self-improvement and self-awareness are so essential to long-term partnership. SHOWNOTES Contest winners announced [1:00] The fundamental issues people have in relationships [9:00] Why we need to communicate without blame [13:00] How to avoid ‘enmeshment’ and maintain a strong, independent identity [14:00] Three questions to ask to dig deeper into your emotional states [21:00] The HUGE difference between divorced people and happily married people [23:25] What do all long-term (20+ years) happily married people have in common? [24:00] One keystone value for a rock-solid, long-term marriage [27:00] What needs to be added to our schooling to prepare us for the real world [29:00] The ‘Self Awareness Onion’  [33:00] Three layers of self-awareness [34:00]

Mon, February 27, 2017

SC 101 - Getting Your Partner TO Meet Your Needs

SHOWNOTES Question: I’d love to hear more about the possible distinction between standing in one’s own needs and then the problematic zone of asking or expecting a partner to change. Asking for change in certain areas seems reasonable and I use my own potential reaction to being asked to change as a measure: “Would I respond well to my partner asking me to change in this area?” But some areas seem tricky, such as Love Languages: “XYZ behaviour that is hard for you is actually what most supports me feeling loved and seen” etc.  Could you speak to this? Asking for what you need [6:00] Meeting your partner’s needs is win-win [9:00] If our primary partnership is unsafe [11:00] Knowing your partner’s needs before they ask [13:00]  

Wed, February 22, 2017

SC 100 - How To Repair in 3 Steps Before You Make It Worse

SHOWNOTES Contest announcement [5:00] How to repair a rupture [8:00] When you trigger your partner: the art of micro repairs [12:00] When ‘macro repairs’ are called for [14:00] 3 steps to the micro-repair [15:00] An example in Jayson and Ellen’s relationship [18:00] Your Action Step [26:00] CONTEST If you're not already, become a member of the Smart Couple community https://www.facebook.com/groups/749008838533400/ Record a 1 minute video on your phone. Do not go over 1 minute. For the video, include your name, where you’re from, and one practical tool or tip you learned from this podcast that helped you in your relationship life Post it in the smart couple group.  PRIZES 1st Prize. Indestructible partnerships course (30 days long) 2nd Prize. 30 minute laser coaching session with Jayson 3rd Prize. 2 free months in the Relationship School Roots Community DEADLINE: You’ll have until Saturday February 25th at Midnight Mountain Time   Winners will be announced March 1st  

Mon, February 20, 2017

SC 99 - Husband Doesn't Want To Work On Marriage

Question: We’ve been together 3 months and I’ve been on a path  of self development for many years.  My new partner is very new to inner work and has not prioritized that. He’s open and he’s curious but he’s new to it all.  There’s a lot of fear there for me because I’m worries as we get to know each other his lack of self awareness and self understanding might create blocks.  I’ve let him know this but I’m not sure whether I should just walk away now and try find somebody who I feel can meet me as an equal, or just accept him as he is. What is the healthiest thing to do in this situation? Finding reasons why our partner ‘isn’t enough’. [2:00] Why it’s hard if one partner doesn’t want to grow in the relationship [4:00] If your partner is interested but slower [8:00] Question: Is it a good idea to tell a prospective partner your non-negotiable about personal development right off the bat? Laying your values on the table [12:00] We all are directing our ‘growth and development’ energy somewhere [14:00] It’s about priorities, not time. [16:00]

Wed, February 15, 2017

SC 98 - Evolving Men's Sexuality - From Porn To Presence - Destin Gerek

Do you ever use sex to avoid closeness? Do you know what happens when a man who is called the Erotic Rockstar hits a wall and falls apart? In this intimate episode, we explore these questions and hear a man's vulnerable and raw answers. You'd be surprised at some of what he has to share. There are some nuggets in this very edgy episode. From politics to porn, we cover a lot of ground. Listen to my guest Destin Gerek share his very personal story of overcoming his ego, feeling his emotions and heart, and then sharing what he's learned (and learning) with other men. SHOWNOTES The most important role men can take to help women flourish [26:00] Why women are usually more emotionally accessible than men [31:00] Getting support from other men [33:00] Knowing when the answer is to ‘leave’ [35:00] How to speak so he’ll listen (and hear your hurt) [38:00] The dangers of ‘programming’ yourself with porn [40:00] Noticing the positive and negative effects of porn use [43:00] Why you should remove the word ‘performance’ from your vocabulary [46:00] For men: how to immediately get more present during sex [48:00]  

Mon, February 13, 2017

SC 97 - My Partner Doesn't Want To Get Married But I Do

If one of you wants marriage and the other doesn't, there will be problems. You both need to get crystal clear and determine how "negotiable" this is. Listen to the podcast for more detailed info on what you can do about this common dilemma SHOWNOTES What if your partner won’t work on it with you? [1:00] Question 1 : My boyfriend and I have been dating 2+ years and have been unable to move forward and feel secure in our relationship because I believe in marriage and he does not.  That said, he does believe in committed monogamous partnership, just not the ‘institution’. I love and want to be with him, but it feels like we’ll forever be in this eternal impasse.  Any suggestions on how to get over this hurdle, or is it simply time to move on? The institution of marriage [3:00] What are you really scared of? [6:00] Question 2: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4.5 years. We both have lost a spouse and have 5 kids between us.  A year ago we got engaged and were living together for 5 months.  He became overwhelmed with the demands of a large, blended family and left taking his two children with him. After therapy and 9 painful months of hurting one another, we’re giving it an earnest try and restarting the relationship. What is lacking for me is commitment. We are no longer engaged and have no plans to live together. I took one of your courses and understand my part - I understand that the relationship has to meet my needs or I need to leave. He’s not willing to commit to me through marriage and will only live in two houses as the blended family is too hard of a situation with him. Is it true that the only way this relationship can survive is if he moves forward towards meeting my needs of commitment and living together at least part of the time? Your ‘Non-Negotiable Needs’ [9:00] Your Action Step [12:00]

Wed, February 08, 2017

SC 96 - Women's Sexuality - De-Armor Your Cervix

If you are a woman who feels shut down in your body or genitals, this conversation is for you. My guest Olivia Bryant helps you understand your cervix and what to do to begin the healing journey. I learned a lot here and am reminded how jammed up we are as a culture sexually. There's so much wounding, trauma, and pain around our sex lives and our guest will help you address one potential area of your sex life that needs attention and healing. SHOWNOTES Learning how we shut down to learn how to open up [8:00] Olivia’s Story of ‘de-armoring’ herself [9:00] Understanding our ‘armoring’ and de-armoring process [11:00] Un-learning bad habits from porn [14:00] How the cervix becomes numb from the wrong kinds of sexual contact [15:00] Things couple can do together to have deeper, better sex (without the pounding) [16:00] Understanding the types, states and experiences of orgasm [19:00] How to tap into the Orgasmic State to enhance your pleasure [21:00] Going slower for better sex [23:00] The De-Armoring Process: where to start, what to do and what to look for [25:00] What not to do when experimenting with sexual healing work [29:00] Dealing with bruised egos: how to give and receive feedback without taking it personally [30:00] Your Action Step [40:00] For more, visit jaysongaddis.com/podcast96

Mon, February 06, 2017

SC 95 - The Problem With Never Fighting In Your Relationship

If you are not fighting after 4 years of being together you're asleep. Why? I'll explain in this episode. I used to be proud of the fact that I never fought in my relationships. But man, was I missing the boat... SHOWNOTES Question:  “You talk about working together and communication. But is there such a thing as working TOO well together, never fighting or getting into an argument? Sometimes I would like to have some type of disagreement or argument. We’ve been together almost 4 years and we’ve not had one disagreement or argument.  He just kinda always gives me what I want. Please help. “ Why conflict is important - and the dangers of chronic conflict-avoidance [1:00] Why the older generations often ‘suck up’ their conflict, and why the mainstream is wrong about conflict [4:00] What to do if your partner is a ‘conflict avoider’ [6:00] How to use fighting as a doorway to greater understanding and connection in your relationship [7:00] What American Beauty can teach us about how not to handle conflict and tension [8:00] How to approach your partner if they’re conflict-avoidant (and how to say it well)[12:00]

Thu, February 02, 2017

SC 94 - 7 Behaviors That Kill Your Connection

Are you killing the connection with these 7 behaviors? My guest Bryan Reeves lays out some of the most common connection killers and what to do instead. There's some really good, practical advice in this episode. Dig in and enjoy   Bryan’s relationship story [7:00] The Masculine-Feminine Dance and the ‘pull-push’ cycle [11:00] Freedom vs connection in relationship [12:00] When she says ‘come closer’ and he says ‘back away (and his biggest fear in life) [14:00]   One way to handle a woman’s anger [17:00] Key Relationship Skill: Connection before correction [19:00] The danger of ‘data-gathering,’ and how our partners feel invalidated by it [22:00] Why ‘mansplaining’ doesn’t bring you closer together [24:00] How one-upping your partner’s problems can lead to toxic arguments [25:00] A simple, impactful two-step principle for better connection and less friction [30:00]

Tue, January 31, 2017

SC 93 - Does His Size Matter?

Here’s a good question from a listener. Essentially it’s about physical attractiveness and size. Check it out: Question: I’m newly interested in a man after being single for 4 years, I have a 5 year old son.  My biggest issue is getting over the ‘drug-effect’ of having someone new and really discovering why we should or are together. I’m all about getting the ‘high’ and attracting guys who are physically fit and are the perfect eye candy to have on my arm.  Right now the guy I’m seeing is just the opposite and I’m having a hard time with it.   Not only that, but his package is small and the sex is not good at all. In fact, he has not been able to even be turned on by me enough to have intercourse. That really hurt me, so we have not had sex since.  I’m looking for ways for us to strengthen our relationship after this experience and advice on how I can get past not having the physically fit man on my arm. What happens if your man has a small penis… and can’t get an erection? [8:00] We attract what we most need to learn [9:00] What matters short-term vs what matters long-term [11:00] Embracing yourself as you are [14:00] How to approach a guy in this situation [16:00] Not taking it personally [17:00]

Wed, January 25, 2017

SC 92 - Abusive Relationships and How to Deal With Them

Are you in an abusive relationship? In this episode we explore some of the hallmarks of an "abusive" relationship and what to do with any form of disrespect, neglect, or abuse. It's actually harder than you think and there's more work to do than to just "leave" the relationship. I answer loads of questions from listeners like you on abuse in your relationship life. I think there might be some confronting and helpful information in here for you. SHOWNOTES What is an abusive relationship? My definition might surprise you [9:00] How to know if you’re in an abusive adult relationship [11:00] The difference between fault and responsibility [13:00] How we heal trauma [14:00] Why ‘just leave’ is often the wrong advice [17:00] What to do if your physical safety is threatened [22:00] The definition of ‘gaslighting’ [24:00] Name calling [31:00] Discover your criteria for abuse [34:00] The I, You and We of thriving partnerships [36:00] On mutually abusive relationships [44:00] Dealing with Stonewalling [46:00] The ‘deer in headlights’ response - and how to use it to your advantage [49:00] If you’re a man in an abusive relationship [51:00] Learning the difference between real and perceived threats [56:00] Firmness vs Anger [1:04:00] Your action step [1:06:00]

Mon, January 23, 2017

SC 91 - Is Flirting Cheating?

I’ve been in my current relationship for 15 months. Right off the bat, we rushed into it both freshly out of our relationships. At 3 months he started ‘hardcore flirting’  in messages to facebook friends of his. He didn’t hide it, but I’m sure he didn’t expect me to see it. I found out because he disappearing act one evening and lied to me at first about where he was.  A few days later, I was shocked, he was sexually flirting with others via messenger.  I confronted him and he told me he loves me.  “It was just talk, didn’t mean anything,” that his intentions were not to follow through on any of it, I had nothing to worry about. Besides this crap, he’s great.  He’s good to me.   Do I get over my fear of him going too far at some point, losing him and just ignore the things he does privately, or do I/should I have ran the other direction as fast as I can? Finding your ‘line’ with flirting [3:00] What if my partner gets defensive when I ask them about it? [5:00] Find your truth: what works for you, what doesn’t [7:00] How to talk to your partner if you’re uncomfortable with their flirting [10:00]

Wed, January 18, 2017

SC 90 - 4 Steps To Solving Money Problems In Your Marriage - Bari Tessler Linden

Money and Relationships! Some say this is one of the top 3 reasons people get divorced. So, do the two of you feel "on the same page" with money or is it a source of tension? If you feel challenged in any way around money in your relationship life, then listen to my friend Bari Tessler breakdown 4 steps to being a more empowered team around money. Any smart couple will want to get this part of their relationship handled and this podcast will be a great start SHOWNOTES Bari’s Money Story [9:00] Combining ‘money-stories’ with your partner: avoid the pitfalls [16:00] What to do when one person in the relationship handles most of the finances [17:00] How men and women can think differently about finances -  and why it’s important to understand money your way [20:00] Have you ever been surprised by a partner’s financial problems, months (or even years) into your relationship? Here’s how to handle it [21:00] When, where and how to bring up the ‘money’ talk [23:00] Should you be saving your grocery receipts? Merging our money can be an important step in a relationship (but it’s not for everyone) [25:00] Dealing with shame around money [30:00] The risks we take by not dealing with our money [34:00] Asking for help with your finances shame-free [35:00] Doing the emotional work first [38:00] A practical tool for dealing with money day-to-day [40:00] How to have ‘money-dates’ with your partner [42:00] The four phases of money with your honey [47:00] What happens when your partner wants to buy something ‘fun and expensive’? [57:00] Getting clear on your money-map [1:01:00]  

Mon, January 16, 2017

SC 89 - Texting and Relationship Advice for Young Adults

A great 3-part question from Nathan from Oregon particularly pertaining to relationships as a young adult. He's also wanting to find mature relationships and act more mature. Check it out.  SHOWNOTES Question - Part 1: How do you navigate technology in relationships?  When is it connecting? When is it disconnecting?  As phones and technological tools are becoming more necessities, how do we use them from a place of strength? The Do’s and Don’ts of Texting and Fighting (especially if it’s serious) [3:00] How to address ‘scary’ topics face-to-face - words to use and when to say them [5:00] Question - Part 2: In an early stage of life, how do you determine what is really your authentic self and not just a reflection of external influences - anything from hormones to parents? What young people can do to discover who they are, what they want and what they value [7:00] Question - Part 3: Could you offer any advice on how to form new relationships, or your first relationships, or how to identify people you want to bring in or keep in your life? A mindset shift that all young adults need to make (some never do) before they can find their path in life and work  [10:00] How to become the kind of person who has high-quality, mature relationships [13:30]   Roots Community: JaysonGaddis.com/roots

Wed, January 11, 2017

SC 88 – The Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this amazing episode full of love and wisdom. Damn can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe so many challenges with simple, detailed examples of how we can transform our relationships into the magic we long for. I know you're going to dig this one. A must listen to probably 2 or 3 times. SHOWNOTES How to use conflict to access your shadow [10:00] Learning to use conflict and complaints to build your relational and emotional muscles [12:00] A practical tool to help you become a master of conflict in your relationship [16:00] How to handle disagreements in parenting [17:30] A specific process you can follow whenever you feel triggered after being criticized [20:00] How to effectively deliver feedback in a way that (almost) guarantees a positive reaction from your partner [22:30] A powerful breathing & thought exercise to do as soon as you're triggered [24:00] The power that  pre-emptive delight  can have on your emotional 'bank account' [27:15] An easy (and fun) way to heal your relationship to your parents [29:00] The concept of  ' intergenerational envy' and how it can put you back in control of healing your wounds from childhood [32:00] How to give and receive feedback without destroying your relationship [36:00] For men: how to best use your tone of voice  to give feedback that lands with love [37:00] The most important role a wife has in her husband's life  [39:00] An elegant 'family hack' to reduce fights and resentments that you can start using tonight  [40:00] What to do if your partner doesn't want to work on your relationship with you [45:00] Annie's definition of 'True Love' [47:00] Your Action Step [58:00]

Mon, January 09, 2017

SC 87 - Why Some Men Struggle With A Woman's Emotions

Why is emotional intensity so difficult for some guys to deal with? [1:20] Why some men can’t handle being around women (and people) who are depressed or going through intense emotional experiences.[4:15] Action step: A constructive way to think and act when we ‘don’t like’ something about our partner. [5:50]

Wed, January 04, 2017

SC 86 - Why People Get Divorced In January & What To Do About It - Charles J. Orlando

Show Notes Charles’ relationship story. [9:50] How we know if we’re ready for marriage. [13:00] Why do you people get divorced in January? [15:00] The #1 thing you can do to prevent a “January Divorce”. [17:00] A micro step you can take to ratchet up the ‘honesty’ in your relationship. [19:00] How to get real, raw and say the hard truths (and how NOT to say it). [21:00] How Charles recently got through a super tough time in his relationship.[22:00] How to know when a relationship has run its course. [25:00] The pacts to make with yourself that help you take responsibility and take back control of your happiness in relationships. [28:00] The reason great relationships take effort - and how to use that effort to create the best possible relationship. [34:00] An unusual type of therapy that Charles uses to turn peoples marriages around. [38:00] Your action step. GUEST BIO Charles J. Orlando is a relationship expert and bestselling author of  The Problem with Women... is Men book series and  The Pact: Goodbye, Past. Hello, Love! , and the upcoming graphic novella  Don't Date A Dick , and he serves as expert host of the hit show  Seven Year Switch  on FYI (currently in its second season).  Referred to as "The Malcolm Gladwell of Relationships" by the media, and "Carrie Bradshaw-meets-Hitch" by his readers, Charles has built a 1,400,000+ person fanbase on Facebook—completely by word-of-mouth—where he offers free, street-smart love advice to men and women around the world. Charles has personally connected with tens of thousands of singles and couples to discover the answers to key questions that plague modern-day romance: What challenges plague romantic relationships in today's technology-centric world; and what do women and men truly want from their significant others—and themselves—in a long-term relationship?   

Tue, January 03, 2017

SC 85 - How Do I Let My Wall Down & Let Him In?

We all have a wall in our most intimate relationships. Find out how to take down that wall in a way that works for you. I've got the first step laid out for you.  SHOWNOTES Martina asks her question [5:00] The first step in dealing with fear. [7:30] How your parents influence your relationship with your partner. [8:00] The truth about fear. [12:00] Jayson gives an action step. [15:00]

Wed, December 28, 2016

SC 84 - Do You Want To Be A Victim Or Get Empowered? - Alexi & Preston

Want to hear how two people move from victim consciousness to a place of empowerment? Alexi and Preston have some bold answers on how to get over your victim mindset when it comes to relationships and your past. If you want to be challenged in a good way, this episode will help you. SHOWNOTES How did Preston & Alexi begin their journey of personal transformation? [14:00] Why do people struggle in relationship? [21:30] Preston & Alexi's backpack metaphor that helps them thrive in their relationship struggles. [23:00] Why Preston couldn't last 20 minutes watching an HBO show with Alexi. [26:00] The lessons from their last big fight. [30:00] Preston shares the biggest tool a man can use during a fight with his partner. [36:00] The deadly sins of love. [42:00] The difference between victim and victim consciousness. [45:30] Your action step. [53:00]   GUEST BIO As the Co-Founders and Co-Creators of The Bridge Method, Alexi Panos and Preston Smiles have supported thousands of people who have dramatically changed their lives by participating in their various programs and workshops all over the world. For the past 10 years, they've both dedicated their lives to learning as much as they could about Human Potential, Positive Psychology, NLP, Ontology of Language, Transformative Studies, Somatic Training, and Esoteric Wisdom to step into their own leadership and truly "walk the walk" of this work.  They are insanely committed to leading others on this same path, and empowering them to step fully into their unique gifts to create a world that works for everyone. Recently married, this couple is truly committed to transforming the way the world works, by transforming the lives of individuals. They currently speak and lead workshops all over the world (both together and separate), as well as run their own widely successful inspirational YouTube Channels.  Both Preston + Alexi released their first solo books in June 2016 under the publishing house of Simon + Schuster; and will be releasing their first collaborative book with the same publisher in January 2017.  http://alexiandpreston.com  

Wed, December 21, 2016

SC 83 - If You Are Bored In Your Relationship - Ellen & Jayson

Is your relationship boring or are you boring? Or, better yet, are you just stuck and unsure of how to deepen your relationship? Boredom is a sign that you are missing something, big. Human beings are not boring. Yes, they may have stunted their development, but behind that wall is a massive ocean to explore. Listen up and find out how to get beyond boring. SHOWNOTES The piece of chocolate that sparked this podcast episode. [9:00] The common phrases we here about monogamy? [10:45] What causes the initial boredom after we get married? [12:00] The traps you might fall into when feeling bored in your relationship. [17:00] The 5 steps to take as soon as you notice you're feeling bored in your relationship. [19:00] The power of the uncomfortable conversation. [21:00] Your action step. [31:30]

Wed, December 14, 2016

SC 82 - How He Got His Wife Back with Ryan Michler

Want to hear how one man got his wife back after a separation on the brink of divorce? It's actually quite simple but requires a certain kind of man to be able to follow through with it and execute. If you are a man, this is essential information if your marriage is on the rocks. SHOWNOTES How & why did Ryan start Order of Man? [6:00] What is the current state of men in general? [7:30] What was the impact of not growing up with a father? [9:00] When did Ryan realize the "honeymoon" phase of marriage was over? [12:00] The two big things that Ryan did to get his wife back. [18:00] Did therapy help Ryan and his wife? [21:30] The huge trap that many men fall into in a marriage. [28:00] The trick to not fall into blame or victimhood. [35:00] Your action step. [42:00] GUEST BIO Ryan Michler is a husband, father, Iraqi Combat Veteran, and the Founder of Order of Man. Ryan grew up without a permanent father figure and has seen first-hand how a lack of strong, ambitious, self-sufficient men has impacted society today. He believes many of the world’s most complicated problems could be solved if men everywhere learned how to be better husbands, fathers, businessmen, and community leaders. It has now become his life’s mission to help men across the planet step more fully into their roles as protectors, providers, and presiders over themselves, their families, their businesses, and their communities. You can find him blogging and podcasting at Order of Man where he is working to help men become all they were meant to be. http://www.orderofman.com   

Wed, December 07, 2016

SC 81 - 87 Year-Old Pro-Sex Feminist Discusses The Female Orgasm - Betty Dodson

Is the female orgasm that complicated and powerful? It can be for some of us, but in this episode, women's sexuality pioneer and sexologist Betty Dodson offers some extremely practical, no-nonsense advice for women (and men) around the orgasm. Hear some enlightening and very intimate details of what a woman can do to dissolve the shame and step into true enjoyment of an orgasm. From group sex to being witnessed masturbating, this episode is sure to confront you and lift you up. SHOWNOTES How did Betty get first started in teaching sex and orgasm? [8:30] What's the current state of feminism and sexuality? [11:00] What does a bodysex group do? [12:00] Why is this kind of bodysex work important for women? [16:30] How often should a woman orgasm to give her vitality? [18:00] Have they figured out where the fluid of a G-spot orgasm comes from? [19:00] What does Betty think about Orgasmic Meditation (OMing)? [20:00] Betty's suggestions on how to experience your first female orgasm. [24:00] Does feeling safe with a partner matter affect the quality of the orgasm? [26:00] How to create a sex-positive world? [27:30] Betty's thoughts on using sex toys for orgasm. [32:00] Is monogamy realistic? [34:00] Best way to heal from sexual shame & trauma? [36:00] Betty's best advice for married couples to revive their sex life. [39:00] Your action step. [43:00]  

Wed, November 30, 2016

SC 80 - A Couple's Vulnerable Story of Falling Apart & Getting Stronger Together with Tripp & Alyson

A brave smart couple shares their "dark period" and how they got through it. Anyone who has been married for a few years, and then adds in a child to the mix, will pretty much get rocked. Tripp and Alyson share what happened and how they got through it. From their day to day check-ins, emotional distance and meltdowns, to transforming their sex life after kids, you are going to love how this couple rocked it out. And hopefully, you can take a few tips home to your relationship. SHOWNOTES The story of how Tripp & Alyson met. [10:00] Tripp and Alyson's wild first few dates. [16:00] How reclaim their connection when it's off. [21:30] How did Tripp learn to be curious? [30:00] One period that challenged their relationship. [31:00] What Tripp had to face in himself to get out of his comfort zone. [38:00] Who did they each reach out to for support during their challenging times? [50:00] Why you can't rely on your partner to fulfill all your needs. [55:00] How to keep your sex life alive after kids. [58:00] Tripp shares his own evolution of his relationship to sex.  [1:08:00] The framework they both set in their wedding vows [1:15:00] Your action step. [1:23:00]  

Tue, November 22, 2016

SC 79 - How To Deal With Holiday Family Drama

Family drama will show you exactly where you and your partner are or are not aligned. Not knowing how to navigate your own triggers around your family can lead to some strange and even painful "gifts" over the holidays. That's why I'm spending an episode on how to deal with the likely family drama that will occur this holiday season. This will help you and your partner (or future partner) know what to do to reduce the stress and be more of a team. That way you can actually enjoy yourself during the holidays! SHOWNOTES Jayson shares his initial stumbles in trying to "fix" his family dynamic. [7:00] What a typical holiday dinner looks like. [9:15] What is your role in your family dynamic? [11:45] 7 tips to better navigate your upcoming family gathering. [13:30] The responsibility of the most emotionally mature person in the room. [15:00] The surprising benefit of having your partner's back. [20:00] How to flip your expectation of wanting your family to be curious about you. [22:00] The truth about judgment. [24:30] Jayson gives you an action step. [32:00]

Wed, November 16, 2016

SC 78 - The Secret Weapon For Men To Deepen Their Relationships With Women - John Wineland

Why do men need more solid men around them? In this episode, we explore the power of getting very honest with other men and how that can benefit your relationships to women. Our guest John Wineland shares his personal story and offers practical yet embodied tips for how a man can learn how to do relationships in a much more powerful and sustainable way.  SHOWNOTES How did John get into men's work? [9:30] The massive opportunity and lessons in fatherhood. [12:30] How death has been one of John's biggest teachers. [18:00] Why just having guy friends is sometimes not enough. [21:00] Does every man need a men's group? [24:30] What is the most powerful spiritual work that John now does? [35:00] What can a woman do to help her man get into men's work? [38:00] The game-changing move that a man can do to transform his relationship. [45:00] Jayson gives an action step. [58:00]  

Wed, November 09, 2016

SC 77 - How To Work With Personality Differences - Joel & Antonia

In this episode, personality hackers and smart couple Joel and Antonia share their personal experiences of working through differences by understanding their partner's personality type. These two use Myers-Briggs, the enneagram, and other personality tests to understand themselves and each other better. I think you'll get a couple of new insights from Joel and Antonia's story that can help you right now in your own relationship. Pay special attention to what they do well and how they work through challenges in a collaborative way.  SHOWNOTES What is a "social technology"? [8:30] Why do you need to understand your partner's personality style? [14:00] How did Joel and Antonia start studying personality? [15:15] The unique history of the Myers-Briggs typing system. [17:00] How thinkers and feelers can work well in relationships. [22:00] Can your learn from your partner's personality style? [32:00] The impact of masculine or feminine personality types. [35:00] The two kinds of thinking styles. [38:30] The best place to start to figure out you & your partner's personality type? [42:00] The traps of personality tests. [44:00] One thing to never do with your partner. [47:30] What caused Joel and Antonia to dive into personal growth? [49:00]

Wed, November 02, 2016

SC 76 - Spirituality & Relationships with Jeff Brown

In this episode, we tackle spirituality and relationships with soulshaping mentor Jeff Brown. Jeff has a great knack for calling BS on the spiritual movement and instead offering grounded, practical, embodied suggestions and pathways to continue to deepen into our wholeness. This one may get uncomfortable depending on where you fall in this conversation. It is my wish that you feel challenged and grow from it.   SHOWNOTES What is Soulshaping? [12:40] What are the most common human struggles that Jeff sees in his work? [14:00] Why most people meditate and so “solo spirituality” over relationships. [16:30] Jeff’s personal definition of spirituality [18:00] How are some teachings distorting the ideas of spirituality and emotions? [19:30] What can men do to grow spiritually? [24:00] The lesson Jeff learned from selling windows door-to-door. [27:00] How can women help men awaken? [29:30] How do Jeff and partner navigate conflict in their relationship? [32:45] Jeff gives his opinion on polyamory. [38:00] What are Jeff’s preferred practices for personal growth? [39:45] Jeff’s twist on the New Age movement. [43:00] Why are relationships so hard? [46:00]  

Wed, October 26, 2016

SC 75 - How To Deal With A Partner That Talks Too Much

You’ve been a with a friend or partner who rambles on right? And, you check out or stop listening, but you let them talk right? We’ve all been there. Well, in this episode, we discuss how important it is to interrupt them and take command of the conversation. Wait, Am I suggesting you get aggressive? No way. I’m asking that you show your “care” for them by listening in an entirely different way. SHOWNOTES What is “captive audience”? [7:30] Who is responsible when someone talks too much in an interaction? [10:30] What is active listening? [12:15] The gift that you might be giving the “over-talker”. [14:00] Jayson gives some examples on how to interrupt. [15:30] Jayson shares a personal story of a dude that talked WAY too much and what Jayson did about it. [21:30] Jayson’s action steps for the listener [25:00]

Wed, October 19, 2016

SC 74 - 8 Steps To Reconnect After Disconnection

Feeling disconnected is a common experience in long-term relationships. The question is how to get reconnected? Well, first you’ll want to start to identify the ways in which you disconnect and locate the source. After some self-inquiry there, you can learn how to reconnect to you, and your partner. Listen to this one to learn how. SHOWNOTES Should you expect that your marriage will last forever? [4:00] Do you need to love yourself first before you get into a relationship? [5:30] The 10 signs that you’re disconnected from yourself. [9:30] The 8 steps to reconnect. [15:00] Jayson’s action step for the listener [24:00]

Wed, October 12, 2016

SC 73 - Men & Vulnerability with Connor Beaton of ManTalks

Do men change? Can they overcome their blocks? Of course. But sometimes, they need a little permission or a nudge from another man. I’m always thrilled to meet men who help other men come out of their conditioning. This week, I interview Connor Beaton, who is doing just that through his ManTalks events. Check it out. SHOWNOTES What is ManTalks? [9:00] The rock bottom that Connor experienced that caused him to shift his life. [10:30] The two options that Connor chose between. [18:00] How traditional masculinity is a pitfall for many men.  [22:00] What does Connor see as the main challenge for men in relationships? [24:30] The unique role of women and personal growth. [26:00] Some the things that make men’s work not as accessible to most men. [28:00] Connor’s biggest lesson in relationships. [33:30] The reality about men and vulnerability. [35:00] Jayson’s action steps for the listener [41:00]

Wed, October 05, 2016

SC 72 - How to Deal With The Distancer-Pursuer Dynamic (Part 2)

Do you want more connection while your partner wants more space? One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. In the second of our two-part series, Ellen and I help the distancers understand and deal with your pursuing partner. SHOWNOTES What does it mean to the distancer with a pursuer partner? [7:00] Is the pursuer really being needy when they want attention from a distancer? [10:00] The link between a pursuer and their childhood relationship with their caregiver. [12:30] A better way to ask for space. [15:00] Why the pursuer can be an MVP in a long-term relationship. [19:30] Jayson’s action step for the listener [23:00]  

Wed, September 28, 2016

SC 71 - How to Deal With The Distancer-Pursuer Dynamic (Part 1)

One of the most common issues in a partnership is the distancer/pursuer dynamic. What is going on here and how do you deal with a partner who needs a lot or one who is distancing. In the first of our two part series, Ellen and I help the pursuers (connectors) understand and deal with your distancing partner. SHOWNOTES What is the pursuer/distancer dynamic? [10:30] What’s going on with the distancer when they are asking for time and space? [12:30] What 2 things do you need to balance when dealing with someone who is distancing. [17:30] The single focus trap that pursuers can fall into. [21:30] How time agreements can make re-connecting easier. [25:30] The positive side of being someone who is a distancer? [26:30] Quick review of the 5 tips [28:00] How this dynamic can be different in a marriage vs dating. [29:00] Jayson’s action step for the listener [33:00]

Wed, September 21, 2016

SC 70 - Saying Yes To Relationship Pain

Running away from relationship pain and problems often just creates more problems. Here I remind you why facing pain is useful. Check it out. Now. SHOWNOTES The simple point of relationship pain. [10:00] The smarter strategy when you’re triggered by your partner. [10:45] How Jayson’s back pain woke him up to something deeper. [13:15] Erectile dysfunction and Viagra as an example of what NOT to do with relationship pain. [16:00] The big signs that you’re hitting the snooze button on your relationship pain. [18:30] Jayson gives your action step. [23:00]

Wed, September 14, 2016

SC 69 - The Grass Is Greener Syndrome In Relationships

The grass is greener with that other person! I used to think this quietly in my mind all the time, no matter who I was with. In this episode, I share my personal drama with this mentality and what it’s really about. Not only that, I offer something to help you get through it. It might just make you more likely to commit to the one you’re with. SHOWNOTES Jayson shares his personal story about leaving relationships when the going got tough. [8:45] The kinds of partners who will more likely have a “grass is greener” mentality. [11:00] How closeness and space impact ambivalence. [13:00] Will a new partner solve the current problem or bad feelings I’m having? [16:15] Jayson’s recommendation if you’re wanting to jump from relationship to relationship. [18:00] When the grass really is greener over there and it might be time to exit. [21:15] Jayson’s action steps for the listener. [ 24:45]

Wed, September 07, 2016

SC 68 - Your Relationship Q's - Anger, Jealousy, Depression, Honesty, Premature Ejaculation & More

It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from.   SHOWNOTES What’s really happening when someone says “you make me feel X”. [6:45] Is it a mistake to stay with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic? [9:30] How to deal with premature ejaculation after you’re married? [12:15] One factor that will guarantee your relationship is doomed. [15:30] How to get your boyfriend to talk more when all he wants is occasional texting? [16:30] Can a guy be emotionally mature if he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings five months into a relationship? [18:15] When a partner struggles with depression, how do deal with a big transition when moving to a new country? [21:45] A partner goes MIA after his mother dies, does this mean the relationship over? [25:45] Is there a limit to being too open and honest with your partner? [30:30] Jealousy when your boyfriend has a lot of interaction with other women on Facebook? [34:00] The best way to eliminate anger? [37:00] Best approach for a couple that is going to be long-distance for two years? [40:30] Personality disorders and loving yourself? [42:45] How to regain trust when a partner refuses to open up? [47:15] Jayson’s action step for the listener. [50:00]  

Wed, August 31, 2016

SC 67 - 3 Steps To Become More Resilient Before, During & After A Fight with Rick Hanson

It is possible to rewire your brain in relationships and build inner strength. In fact, if you don’t work toward this, you’ll be in trouble down the road when the allostatic load catches up to you later in life. In this episode I interview Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s a passionate expert on mindfulness, the brain, neuroscience and relationships. We geek out on the intricacies of the brain but he also brings some very practical tools and insights on how we can improve our relationships by using the natural genius of our mind. Lots of notes to take on this one! Hang in there. It can get dense.    SHOWNOTES Why Jayson was anti-marriage until age 34 [2:00] How did Dr. Hanson get so passionate about brain science and relationships? [11:00] A Native American story about love and hate [13:00] Why is so difficult for couples to work their shit out? [17:30] What are two lessons from the wiring of our ancestors’ nervous systems? [19:30] Two practices to rewire your brain to build your inner psychological strength [22:00] How to stop the negativity train of our mind when we’re already triggered [25:00] Tips for developing ourselves before we get into a fight with our partners [32:30] What happens in our brains when we are triggered by our partner? [46:00] How being chronically frustrated, lonely, let down, disconnected impacts the brain and body. [51:30] The ratio between positive interactions and negative interactions [60:00] A 10-day challenge to the listener on how to radically shift the dynamic in your relationship. [65:00]

Wed, August 24, 2016

SC 66 - Fault vs Responsibility

Maureen writes “I’ve really lost interest in your work since you said on your webinar that if you get cheated on it’s your fault.” Thanks Maureen for prompting this episode because so many people get “fault” confused with “responsibility.” This episode sets it straight. I clear up what it means to choose to be a victim and to choose to be empowered. Even when someone does something “to you.” After you listen, please share your feedback in  The Smart Couple Facebook Group . Also check out the blog post on the same subject here . SHOWNOTES Why people love and hate meditation. [3:30] The difference between fault and responsibility. [6:15] The best way to get back into the driver’s seat of your own empowerment. [9:30] How to not get cheated on again. [10:15] The difference between the victim and the empowered person. [12:00] Jayson’s challenge for the listener. [19:30]

Wed, August 17, 2016

SC 65 - Laser Coaching On Infidelity, Trust, & Blended Families

Chris and Billy Jo are two podcast listeners who won a chance to be interviewed and laser coached by me on the podcast. As you listen, pay close attention to their dynamic, their openness to feedback and most importantly a commitment to growing individually and as a couple. If you got value from this episode format, please share your feedback in  The Smart Couple Facebook Group  and I’ll do more!   SHOWNOTES How did Chris & Billiejo meet and how long have they been together? [8:00] When did they know it was the right time to tell the kids about their relationship? [11:15] Their advice for couples on how to introduce your kids to your new dating partner? [13:30] How has The Smart Couple Podcast helped Chris & Billiejo in their relationship? [15:30] The big lesson that Billiejo learned from a big fight with Chris [19:00] Jayson gives his laser coaching on how to move beyond their repeating patterns. [20:15] The best reframe to heal from blame and resentment with an ex. [24:00] What to do to move beyond infidelity. [28:30] Jayson gives an action step to heal and process blame. [34:00]  

Wed, August 10, 2016

SC 64 - Tracking & Parenting Your Partner With Ellen Boeder

Codependency gets a bad rap. Parenting your partner? Who wants be married to their mom or dad? But there’s more to the story here. And lots of gold if you’re willing to reframe and play the “attachment” game in your primary relationship. My wife Ellen joins me again with her attachment knowledge and personal experience on how to track and parent your partner. We give some personal examples from our marriage as well. SHOWNOTES Why do people freak out when they hear the idea of “parenting your partner” or “co-dependency”? [13:30] What is attachment in a relationship? [18:00] The huge benefit of using the lens of attachment in a relationship. [20:30] What does it mean to parent your partner? [21:45] Track my partner? What does that even mean? [23:45] The “secure home base” and how it can be a great barometer of the relationship. [25:30] The physiological cost of not giving attention to your primary relationship. [27:45] 3 action steps you can take today to improve your relationship. [29:30] Jayson’s action step for the listener. [36:30] Leave your comments in  Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

Wed, August 03, 2016

SC 63 - The Cost Of Stress In Your Primary Relationships with Dr. Gabor Maté

Most of us have no idea how damaging relational stress can be. In this episode, legendary medical doctor and psycho-physio-spiritual trailblazer Dr. Gabor Maté brings some very grounded, practical examples of how relationship stress can impact our lives. The result of stress can be seen throughout the web of our life and it’s up to us to learn how to relate and attach well to our fellow humans. I love how this man turns such complicated topics into common sense. If you want a deeper cut about your marriage, children, or any stressful relationship, this episode is a must listen. SHOWNOTES Why we’re evolutionarily wired to get high off of the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. [2:30] What happens when Gabor’s wife forgets to pick him up at the airport. [13:30] How our partners are perfectly suited to help us grow. [15:35] What happened in Gabor’s childhood that makes his wife a perfect match for him now. [18:00] The long-term cost of not dealing with stress. [20:00] How parents can be compromised by raising their children. [22:30] The link between our relationship health and our physical and mental health. [24:30] What’s the best way to deal with our own relational and attachment issues? [34:00] Why relational healing modalities are so effective. [38:00] What we can learn from pygmy cultures about parenting and relationships. [40:30] How relationship can most effectively be taught to children. [42:00] The effect of Facebook and Internet on kids. [46:00] Jayson gives an action step [50:30]  

Wed, July 27, 2016

SC 62 - 5 Steps To Calm Down Fast During A Fight

Fighting, arguing, and disagreeing are essential in a relationship, But it’s critical to know how. Here’s a short episode to help you understand how to calm down so you don’t do or say something you’ll later regret. SHOWNOTES Why Jayson doesn’t recommend long-term relationship for everyone. [1:45] Why do some couples that use one single email account? Share your thoughts in the private Facebook group [6:15] The likely reason you struggle with conflict in your relationship. [9:30] What defines a fight? [15:00] The 5 steps [15:45] You must have this ingredient whenever you do a “time-out” during a fight. [17:30] The sure-fire recipe for divorce and breakups. [24:00] Jayson’s two powerful action steps for this episode. [28:00]

Wed, July 20, 2016

SC 61 - Listener Questions & My Direct Answers

In this Q&A episode, there were so many great questions. See the show notes below for a detailed line-up. SHOWNOTES How can I train myself to not go to an extreme dark place when I’m triggered by my partner? [4:30] A tool for calming yourself down. [6:00] What’s the best way to balance individual freedom in a relationship to avoid power struggles?  [6:45] How to know when to stay in a relationship and when to leave? [9:30] Why is my husband not desiring me and initiating physical intimacy and passion? [11:45] My boyfriend surfs porn, a LOT. Is this normal? Should I break up with him? [17:30] Should I move back in with my ex? How do I know if he’s forgiving me? [22:00] My partner says he’s not sure if he still has feelings for his ex. What should I do? [25:00] My old boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for eight years, currently off for a year. What’s the best way to get back together? [27:45] The best way to date someone with a mental illness? When do you know if the struggle is too much if they’re not doing the work to get better? [29:45] Someone challenges Jayson on saying “I’m sorry.” [32:15] How do I get my boyfriend to communicate more often and more openly? [34:15] What’s the best way to apply your communication tools with children? Is it the same as with a romantic partner? [35:15] What do you think about when someone says “I’m sorry you feel that way”? [38:15] Should our partner be our “best friend”? [39:30] How do I navigate my fear of enmeshment with my partner’s fear of abandonment? [40:15] Jayson’s powerful action step for this episode. [43:00]  

Wed, July 13, 2016

SC 60 - Keys To Mastering Relationships & Life With Dr. John Demartini

Did I interview Yoda or just world renowned human behavior specialist Dr. John Demartini? Okay, buckle your seat belt for this one and be prepared to have some of your paradigms twisted and your feathers ruffled. I could have grilled this guy for hours, but I kept it to one hour to respect his time. Be sure to listen to this one twice and take notes.  From no one being committed to you, to the fact that everyone is dishonest, I’m sure this episode will confront and serve you in many helpful ways. Enjoy! SHOWNOTES The one statement Dr. Demartini said that rocked Jayson’s world.  [7:45] How infatuation is an insight to ourselves. [10:30] Dr. Demartini’s relationship status? [11:30] Do long-distance relationships work? [12:30] How to be true to yourself in relationships. [15:45] Dr. Demartini’s date with a 95 year-old lady. [23:00] How our values powerfully influence our lives. [24:45] What about when two partners have opposite values? [27:00] What’s the link between health, stress and values? [32:30] What happens if we run from challenge? [35:00] How to deal with someone who is lying to you. [43:15] What about sexual polarity and passion in relationships?  [45:15] Is quantum entanglement a real phenomenon? [49:00] Why do we tend to attract partners who mimic our parents? [55:45] If you’ve been hurt in a relationship, do you need to heal through relationship? [58:30]

Wed, July 06, 2016

SC 59 - How To Create Healthy Expectations In Your Relationship

There are two kinds of expectations in a long-term relationship. Knowing the difference can help you sink or swim in your partnership. See if you can get honest about your expectations of yourself and your partner in this episode. SHOWNOTES The two kinds of expectations [5:45] Why laying a trip on someone doesn’t work in a partnership [9:30] Why trying to force someone to change never works. [11:45] Monogamy as an example of how to set an expectation. [13:45] Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [17:15]

Wed, June 29, 2016

SC 58 - How To Say I'm Sorry Like A Pro

Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode. SHOWNOTES Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00] What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45] A perspective that will empower you when you’re triggered by your partner. [16:00] The secret to apologizing like a pro. [17:30] Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [21:30]  

Wed, June 22, 2016

SC 57 - How Do I Know When It's Too Hard?

Relationships get hard. But how do you know when hard is too freakin’ hard? And, what do you do about it? In this episode my wife and I explore a very common complaint about long-term relationships, especially after the initial honeymoon phase wears off. Are you making your relationship hard or are you making it easy? Believe it or not, you are in the driver’s seat on this. SHOWNOTES How do you know when your relationship is too hard? [5:30] The decision Jayson made that was crucial to his relationship. [15:00] Does Ellen ever feel that motherhood is too hard? [17:00] The perspective that matters most in a relationship [18:45] How to work through conflict in a relationship? [20:15] What about working through conflict on your own, without your partner or community? [22:30] Why it’s not wise to “pick your battles”? [26:45] Leave your comment in  Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group  

Wed, June 15, 2016

SC 56 - 100% Responsibility Vs When To Leave The Relationship & Other Relationship Questions

Your relationship questions are answered in this episode. We cover a lot of ground. One theme is how to deal with “value” differences in an intimate relationship. This one is really good because it can tear a relationship apart trying to fit each other into your respective boxes of how you prefer they be.   SHOWNOTES How long to wait for your partner to blend your families and get married? [7:15] How can partners adapt in a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness? [11:45] Why do men lie? [14:00] What’s the reason our relationship improves when my man hangs out with this guy friends? [17:30] How to tell your guy about erectile dysfunction without making it worse? [20:00] What skills are best to use when you’re highly triggered and avoid an argument? [21:45] How to keep childhood issues from breaking up your relationship? [23:45] How do you know when to take 100% responsibility and when to leave a partner who is not willing to do the work? [26:00] What if your ex is creating challenges for me to blend families with my new partner? [30:00] When you have different values, what’s the best way to deal with that? [33:30] Does it make sense to avoid dating men whose taxi light isn’t on, like Miranda said in Sex & The City? What about when partners have opposite views on how to handle money in a relationship? [40:45] Long-distance relationships: how do I get my man to show me that he’s emotionally ready to commit? [42:45] What should a woman do with her kids when their dad just walks out? [44:15] How to deal with a man who is emotionally unavailable? [46:45] Leave your comment in  Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group  

Wed, June 08, 2016

SC 55 - The Purpose Of Relationship Pain

Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise? SHOWNOTES Your only two choices you have about your relationship pain [4:30] What is one of the harshest versions of relational pain [6:00] The first thing to NOT do when in relationship pain. [11:00] The good news about pain and stress [15:45] What happens when you just bounce from relationship to relationship. [17:00] The link between your emotional pain and your numbing habits. [21:45] What makes someone really unattractive. [25:00] Relationship Pain Daily Practice I have two choices with my relationship pain: 1. Use it to make me weaker by whining, complaining, and blaming others (or myself). 2. Use it to make me stronger by seeing it as my ally to master the lesson it’s bringing me. It’s 100% of the time up to me to choose.

Wed, June 01, 2016

SC 54 - The Class You Never Got In School

One of the most fundamental skills we need to navigate life’s challenges is not formally taught to us. We learn through the school of hard knocks and most of us get some pretty big scars. These scars don’t heal unless you use the very best methods to become stronger. Join me here as I invite you into something very special. Something that could impact us well beyond our life. SHOWNOTES The flawed thinking behind simply wanting a great relationship. [3:00] What could have benefited Jayson had he taken a relationship class as a kid. [4:00] How wanting to be liked is impacting children’s integrity with themselves. [5:45] Jayson’s puts his stake in the ground. [9:15] The big flaw in the current school system. [11:00] Jayson’s bold invitation. [12:30]  

Thu, May 26, 2016

SC 53 - How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin

Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you. SHOWNOTES How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45] What is “secure functioning”? [13:00] How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45] What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30] Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00] What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30] How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30] When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00] What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00] The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00] Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00] The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00] Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00] Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30] Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]

Wed, May 18, 2016

SC 52 - Marriage After Kids, Are You Doomed?

Does having children ruin your marriage? The stats are against most of you who get married and choose children. But why is this, and what can you and your spouse do about it? Find out this and so much more as Jayson & Ellen use their own story as another example of what’s possible during the hardest of times. SHOWNOTES A powerful definition of a mature person. [2:20] The gloomy article on parenting that got Ellen and Jayson fired up. [6:15] The negative view of marriage. [7:50] How women are impacted after having a baby. [9:20] The defining moment that Ellen remembers, but Jayson blocked out. [11:30] The biggest factor that will impact your overall happiness in life [17:30] What Ellen said to Jayson that hit him in the gut like a truck and woke him up big time. [21:45] Ellen shares what Jayson does consistently that helps her show up more fully in their marriage and their family. [24:45] An important perspective that can help you deliver your truth more effectively. [28:00]

Wed, May 11, 2016

SC 51- Use The Power Of Community To Improve Your Marriage

Do you have any friends in your life that lovingly challenge you? If not, you’re missing out on big growth that could help your primary partnership. SHOWNOTES Why loneliness can literally kill you. [2:30] The trap of only relying on your partner for support. [7:02] How you can speed up the learning in your relationship. [9:45] A great way to kill your sex life with your partner. [11:00] When it might be a good time to get new friends. [12:30] The first person who told Jayson he was full of shit (and why he loved it) [15:45] How to skillfully use judgment to help your friends [17:30] How to show up more powerfully when visiting your family. [20:55] Jayson’s invitation. [27:10]

Wed, May 04, 2016

SC 50 - How & Why My Wife And I Chose Marriage

In this episode, I bring on my better half, my wife to rock it out with me. We had fun exploring the early stages of our relationship and what had us “choose” each other. There are some funny and not so funny shares in this one. I’m grateful Ellen is joining us here and here’s to more to come from the two of us.   SHOWNOTES How did Jayson and Ellen first meet? [9:07] What you must learn about your partner before you decide to spend your life together. [14:30] What had Ellen ask Jayson out? [15:05] Shitty advice Jayson got from a therapist and an astrologer. [18:45] How did Jayson overcome his “grass is always greener” pattern? [24:40] One of Jayson’s best accomplishments of his life. [28:00] The simple yet powerful distinction that Ellen did that allowed Jayson to choose to commit. [30:15] How do you know if your partner is “The One”? [33:45] A huge thing that must happen before you should even consider marriage. [35:00] Jayson’s challenge to the listener, both for those in a relationship and single. [43:15]

Thu, April 28, 2016

SC 49 - How To Deal With Value Differences

In this episode, a listener asks about making your partner wrong and how to deal with them when you have very differing values. It’s a common challenge that some couples “wake up” to after being together a few years. And, it’s super tricky if you have kids and need to find common ground. SHOWNOTES The difference between making a partner wrong to avoid intimacy and doing it because of different values? [1:37] How to parent when your parenting values are different? [3:40] What you must learn about your partner before you decide to spend your life together. [5:10]

Tue, April 26, 2016

SC 48 - Men And Their Relationship Issues

In this short episode, I cover why men are so locked up relationally and 3 steps to help a guy transform this so that, you both can have a great relationship.   SHOWNOTES What is at the core of men’s challenges in modern day. [3:20] Some of the big pain points for men in relationships. [4:45] What is the “boy code”? [5:15] How Jayson struggled in relationships. [6:30] Do men really know how to listen? [8:15] Why shouldn’t believe when your man says he’s just “in a bad mood.” [12:00] The missing step after getting good feedback. [15:05] Jayson’s challenge to the men. [17:40]

Wed, April 20, 2016

SC 47 - Powerful Sex Practices with Layla Martin

In this episode I talk with Layla Martin, a zany  and wise, sex teacher who will remind you of your brilliance in the bedroom. From handjobs to female self-pleasure practices, this one is full of powerful sex practices for a couple ready to deepen their sex life.  SHOWNOTES What happened in Layla’s childhood that started her path to helping people improve their sex lives? [5:30] Layla shares the biggest struggle and opportunity she sees in couples regarding sexuality. [10:40] What do women and men each struggle the most with sexually? [12:00] A simple exercise a woman can do to improve her sexual experience?  [20:10] A simple three-part exercise to do after sex that will deepen your sexual connection [26:15] What to do when a woman has a stronger sex drive than her partner. [32:35] How to respond when a guy loses his erection? [33:15] Should a woman have sex even if she’s not wanting to? [34:05] Layla explains one practice to transform a woman’s orgasms and sex life. [36:40] Layla’s take on threesomes and polyamory. [37:15]

Wed, April 13, 2016

SC 46 - Want A Peaceful Relationship? Learn This

In this episode I give you 3 steps toward a more peaceful relationship. And, when I talk about peace in a relationship, it isn’t the BS fantasy most people think of. Check it out. SHOWNOTES Why everyone is dumb in some area of our lives. [4:00] How can we just “all get a long”?  [5:01] Your two choices when uncomfortable stuff comes up? [10:24] The number one reason people get a divorce [13:37] Powerful 3-step process to resolve dumb fights [16:00]

Wed, April 06, 2016

SC 45 - One Key To Get The Best Out Of Your Partner with Alison Armstrong -

In this episode I talk with Alison Armstrong about some major differences between men and women and how to use them to your advantage in your relationship. While I get that the labels of masculine and feminine or man/woman can be incredibly narrow, they are very effective for teaching basic relationship principles. Notice how Alison does this with some age old “labels” to help you see where you naturally  orient and where your partner does. Also, notice when and where you feel you are at your “best” in your relationship. Check it! SHOWNOTES What caused Alison to become hungry to learn about men? [5:30] Why do woman throw their husbands under the bus? [9:50] The metaphor that helps explain why men and women see each other so differently. [12:05] What one factor determines when a man or woman will act at his or her best. [16:30] The best time to talk about a challenge in your relationship. [17:45] How being more accurate about time can help women connect better with their man. [24:05] The ideal perspective to thrive in changing life circumstances. [26:15] The missing piece that women don’t get about a partner who is on his purpose. [32:45] What is a “no-blow” date. [35:00]

Thu, March 31, 2016

SC 44 - Long-Distance Relationships, Entitlement & Sex, Blended Families, Winning Him Back, & Much More

In this episode I answer listeners’ questions on long-distance relationships, how to win him back, entitlement and sex, blended families, divorce, and much more. It’s a shorty but a goodie. SHOWNOTES What does an over-supportive relationship look like? [2:30] What does it mean when a man says he “needs a break” from the relationship? [4:15] How to win back a guy? [6:14] What’s the best way to break through your triggers? [7:43] How to make a 2nd or 3rd marriage work out? [9:07] What to do when your partner only feels criticized? [11:33] How to deal with a man who feels sexually entitled? [13:20] What is the viability of long-distance relationships? [15:28] Jayson’s one-question challenge to listeners [18:17]

Mon, March 28, 2016

SC 43 - Revolutionary Sex for Men with Alex Allman

In this juicy episode I talk with Alex Allman about men, orgasms and sex. Giving her an orgasm isn’t what you think. Alex helps us get more honest and more present with our sex lives and how crucial it is to have other men in your life to bust your balls when you need it. While this episode is for the men, if you are a woman, I know you’ll appreciate how our guest is trying to help the men dance with you in the bedroom. SHOWNOTES How Alex’s childhood impacted his view of masculinity [5:50] The two types of change [11:10] Why being beautiful and successful early on makes change harder [12:45] What happened when Alex was 39 that forever woke him up. [17:55] Why only loving your partner for their positive traits will make you disappointed. [23:30] The most important thing for a man to get that is so simple yet so complicated. [32:15] How the “doting husband” can be sexually repulsive. [34:15] What to do when you have erection troubles in the bedroom. [43:00]

Wed, March 23, 2016

SC 42 - The Definition of True Love

Love. This word is one of the most commonly misunderstood words in the English language. In this podcast I give my definition of what true love really is. Here I cover the 3 stages of love in a relationship. Before age 30, I never got past stage 1. I think by looking at your own experience you too, will see that it’s time to update your definition of love.   SHOWNOTES The difference between love and infatuation. [3:30] The truth about love songs on the radio. [5:45] What are the three stages of love? [6:37] The huge gifts and power in a long-term relationship. [10:50] Two action steps to get started today [12:40]  

Wed, March 16, 2016

SC 41 - Boundaries Part 2 -Relationship Tool

Here I cover 2 types of boundaries. Both are important to learn and practice on a regular basis in your relationship. I also build upon last week’s episode (with Lisa Dion jaysongaddis.com/podcast40 ). Boundaries separate the classic co-dependent couple from the the smart couple and believe it or not, generate a more fulfilling type of closeness. SHOWNOTES The childhood dynamic that affects our relationships today. [3:27] One powerful reality-check question to ask yourself. [5:34] An example of when betraying yourself hurts both you and the relationship. [7:45] The two types of boundaries [11:05] How boundaries help weed out people in your life that aren’t a fit for the real you. [12:30]

Fri, March 11, 2016

SC 40 - Boundaries: Relationship Tool With Lisa Dion

Boundaries are by far one of the most important tools in intimate relationships. How much do you struggle to say no says a lot about how much you value yourself. You must get boundaries if you want to go the distance in a relationship. SHOWNOTES The huge breakthrough insight about boundaries that Lisa shared with Jayson [5:13] The four things our brain is always scanning for to determine there is a threat or challenge [7:24] What is Lisa’s definition of a boundary? [13:20] Jayson and Lisa demonstrate how to set a boundary [16:33] The big fear we all carry in ourselves [20:05] The weakness many of us have in receiving a boundary request [22:02] What are the most common feedback signs our body tells us? [25:50] The three types of boundaries [30:56] Jayson issues a boundary challenge [43:04]

Wed, March 09, 2016

SC 39 - Why You Need To Earn Love Every Day

Is love earned or given to you? In this podcast, I explore what happens when people say “Can’t you just love me as I am?” and then hope for a great relationship. And I also talk about the best practice to do every day if you want a thriving relationship that works, not just one you stumble through.  

Wed, March 02, 2016

SC 38 - How Circling Can Deepen Your Relationships – Decker Cunov

In this podcast, I interview Decker Cunov, a leader who has deeply impacted how I show up personally and professionally. For over 10 years, he's been one of the pioneers in a fast-growing transformational practice known as "Circling." As usual Decker packs a punch in his own funky style. Pay special attention to our dynamic near the end. SHOWNOTES Why does Decker care about relationships so much? [4:17] What was it like growing up as a sensitive kid. [7:15] What IS “circling”? [11:36] How circling is and isn’t like meditation. [15:05] Why does circling matter in relationships. [15:58] A quick way to play “intersubjective tennis” with your partner. [31:34] Decker breaks down the steps of circling. [23:35] What’s it like to “feel another person” in circling. [29:32] Some of the traps of circling. [33:15] Decker starts circling Jayson [43:36] Jayson’s big aha from circling [50:10] What Decker’s son said that blew him away [52:33] The one thing that Decker said that personally impacted Jayson [57:01]

Wed, February 24, 2016

SC 37 - 28 Years Strong Even After Affairs - Satyen and Suzanne

In this podcast, I interview Satyen and Suzanne, both long-time students of David Deida. These two are super honest, loving individuals, and wow have they been through a lot! There share some very vulnerable details about how they navigated religion, affairs, and fighting. They give you concrete practical tools you can try right now with your partner. These guys live it! SHOWNOTES How did Satyen and Suzanne start caring about relationships? [3:07] Why did Satyen resist marriage? [5:40] What ingredient was the “it” factor for Suzanne’s attraction to Satyen? [6:24] What role did religion play in their relationship? [9:22] How did fighting about food bring them closer? [10:56] What impact did David Deida have on their connection? [13:08] How did they create a new template for their relationship? [14:46] The most challenging period of their relationship [16:42] One really important practice to heal from infidelity [19:54] Satyen and Suzanne demonstrate a powerful tool to express emotional pain to your partner [22:28] The often-missed key to understanding your partner [28:43] What is PCP and ISE and how do they create connection and turn-on? [30:50]

Thu, February 18, 2016

SC 36 - Is Polyamory For Me?

In this one, we answer your question, is polyamory for me? In this eye-opening episode, I interview six people who practice some form of polyamory and open relationships. They share their raw and realistic perspectives on both the potential benefits and challenges of choosing polyamorous relationships. They also help explain the numerous terms that can be confusing for a polyamory beginner. And be sure to listen to the very end where I reveal a big aha on what monogamists can learn from polyamorists! SHOWNOTES What is the difference between poly, open and swinging? [10:25] Why would anyone want to become polyamorous? [15:25] What is the same fear that shows up in both polyamorous and monogamous relationships? [25:45] What is a “second base party? [26:20] Does a primary partner always have to feel like they’re in first place? [28:20] How do you navigate polyamory and parenting? [29:16] What is “veto power” in a polyamorous relationship? [30:35] The pitfalls to avoid and keys to remember when starting out in polyamory? [32:34] The difference between a “primary” and a secondary”? [38:20] What is the personal growth opportunity in both polyamory and monogamy? [47:30] Why compersion is necessary in polyamory [53:40] What happens when you slow things down [58:40] How a Q-TIP can help you [60:20] Jayson’s big aha about polyamory [1:05:20]

Wed, February 10, 2016

SC 35 - 3 Words To Instantly Transform A Fight - With Gaby and Raj

In this fun and enlightening episode, I interview Gaby and Raj, two powerful relationship coaches and teachers with a unique perspective on marriage, conflict and personal growth. They are committed to spreading one message—if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). And they share how resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. I love how artfully they weave lightness, humor and play into their work with couples. SHOWNOTES What did one guest say at their engagement party that gave them a reality check? [4:50] How did Gaby and Raj get into relationship work? [5:36] One key distinction on how to view struggles in a relationship [8:15] The two things that define a fight [10:10] Three words that can transform a fight in an instant [13:35] Introverted man and extroverted woman [16:50] How to reframe the things you don’t like about your partner [20:03] Why we attract our opposite in a partner [24:16] Does the behavior define the person? [24:55] What role does community play in a marriage? [25:15] What to say to each other before each meal. [34:28] Different versions of fights [38:40]  

Wed, February 03, 2016

SC 34 - What To Do When Your Partner Triggers You

If you are in a long-term relationship, you’re going get triggered, period. And how you show up in those moments will define whether you grow together or grow apart. In this episode, we dive into an effective process for navigating upset when you’re triggered and how to rock it so you honor yourself and your partner.  SHOWNOTES: What does it mean to be triggered? [1:50] Are you normal if you get triggered by your partner? [3:40] Better questions to ask when you’re triggered. [6:15] What to do when you’re triggered [6:55] The 4 step process for getting centered after a trigger [10:10] The best way to share with your partner after you’ve calmed down [16:40] Why you shouldn’t focus on getting them to change their behavior. [19:44] Review [21:07]

Thu, January 28, 2016

SC 33 - Sharing Impact - Relationship Tool with Joshua Levin

This week, I bring onto the podcast a long-time friend and relationship wizard Joshua Levin, to help me outline a potent relationship tool: sharing impact.  Like many relationship tools, sharing impact is a simple, yet difficult tool to use in relationship. WTF is sharing impact and how can it help you dramatically decrease drama in your relationship? Find out by listening in. This is the first episode in a series on “relationship tools.” This is a new format I’m trying out, so make sure to leave your comments and feedback below. Does this serve you? Do you want more episodes like this? Let me know! SHOWNOTES: Why does Joshua care about relationships? [5:40] Why do we need a tool like “sharing impact” in a long-term partnership? [9:00] What is “sharing impact”? [11:10] By contrast, what do many people do instead of sharing impact? [15:15] Josh shares a personal example of sharing impact [21:05] Jayson and Joshua trade impact back and forth [25:00] What happens after we share impact? [28:00] Josh encourages us to start with ______ [30:00] The difference between expression and communication [35:00]

Thu, January 21, 2016

SC 32 - 10 Ways to Go From An Ordinary to An Extraordinary Relationship with Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell

In this lively episode, Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell lay bare the inner-workings of their extraordinary relationship. And it truly is extraordinary! Bryan and Jennifer share how they came together and worked to build their relationship from the ground up. We get into specifics and details that I think you will find extremely helpful and enlightening here. Bryan and Jennifer also tease us with a few of their “extraordinary-relationship principles”, the rock-solid foundations of their partnership. If you resonate with the idea of relationship designed to optimize the evolution of each individual, then you will love this episode. Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts! SHOWNOTES: Bryan shares a vulnerable realization from his first marriage [4:30] Jennifer shares her own early relationship struggles [8:00] A powerful wedding vow [10:30] Guys: don’t view your partners as “roadies” [12:15] How does Jennifer define intimacy? [15:30] A founding principle of an “extraordinary relationship” [20:30] Another extraordinary-relationship principle in action [24:00] What Brian and Jennifer do to better their future selves in relationship [31:00] The process Bryan and Jennifer use when they are triggered in conflict [33:45] The 3rd extraordinary-relationship principle – being called into your greatness [37:00] Re-framing your partner’s complaints – “All of your fights are the source of your own _______” [44:00] One last extraordinary-relationship principle – (it’s a good one) [47:00]

Thu, January 14, 2016

SC 31 - 2 Valid Reasons For Divorce

If you are the one who chose to get a divorce, or you are thinking about a divorce, than this podcast episode is for you. Divorce is often stigmatized in our culture as bad, wrong, a failure, you name it. But is it really? Isn’t it okay to throw in the towel sometimes? My answer is in this episode, where I talk about 2 reasons why divorce might be, or might have been, a valid decision for you. But be prepared because I also challenge you. Notice if you get defensive and if so, leave a comment below.

Wed, January 06, 2016

SC 30 - For Men Who Suck At Listening

Do you know how to listen to an emotional woman? Yikes! This one’s for the men out there (and yes, some women are not great listeners as well, I get that). If you’re anything like me you know it can be hard to listen to your woman. It’s probably in your best interest to sharpen your listening skills in a way that opens her up and softens her.  How do you do that? In 3 simple steps, which I outline in the podcast.  I talk about what it means to FRACK your woman, and why you want to avoid it.  Also I share 3 words to tell your woman so that she feels validated.  Finally, I bring in a great rule of thumb I share with my wife when it comes to listening and understanding her. You’ll want to hear this one, as it was a game-changer for our whole relationship.  Make sure to leave a comment or any questions you have below!

Wed, December 23, 2015

SC 29 - 3 Ways To Inspire Love Over Time - Adam Gilad

This episode was a lot of fun.  Former dedicated David Deida student Adam Gilad brings some excellent advice during this dialogue. We cover fatherhood, dating, marriage, and why Adam couldn’t do relationship early on and what he “figured out” along the way. He also shares his most recent wedding vows and so much more. I think you’re in for a treat here.  SHOWNOTES: What lead Adam to teach about relationship? [3:55] A personal share from Jayson: re-writing marriage vows [12:30] The #1 thing that made Adam ready for deep relationship [13:40] Adam shares his “one vow to rule them all” [15:55] Reframe: the idea of marriage as “hard work” [18:10] Playing the infinite game of love [25:10] Why do people hold back on asking for what they need/want in relationship? [25:10] The difference between finding and inspiring love [29:25] The 3 ways to inspire love  [33:20] Adam’s answer to inspired marriages [43:15] Adam brings a vulnerable share [44:55] Jayson and Adam swap stories of being a father [47:40]

Thu, December 17, 2015

SC 28 - How To Find A Great Marriage Counselor & Lots Of Other Edgy Relationship Questions

In this 2nd installment of AMAR (Ask Me Anything about Relationships) I dive into your burning questions and it gets a little intense in there! Thanks for bringing it everyone! SHOWNOTES : There’s a lot of great questions in here including: How to relate to someone who’s depressed [5:30] How to find a great marriage counselor [17:45] How to get over years of resentments [26:35] What to do if someone is passive aggressive with you [34:25] And more!

Thu, December 10, 2015

SC 27 - Staying In A Dead Marriage For The Kids

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below. SHOWNOTES: The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00] What is the real issue here? [8:10] The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45] What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15] Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]

Thu, December 03, 2015

SC 26 - The 2 Types Of Co-Dependency & Why You Need Both

Co-dependency gets a bad rap in most circles. I used to shame it as well. Yet, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to see that there is a lot of value to be found in co-dependency, yet it’s important to know the difference between the more neurotic kind and the wisdom kind. In this episode I go into what co-dependency is, where it comes from, and how we can relate to it with grace and honesty in our long-term relationships. SHOWNOTES: How does Jayson define co-dependency? [1:30] Our two fundamental drives as human beings [3:40] The dance of authentic co-dependency [12:00] What’s cool about the drive to be authentic… [17:00]

Thu, November 26, 2015

SC 25 – “I Love You, But I’m Not In Love With You”

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you…”  Maybe you’ve heard this one before, or even said it yourself to someone you were breaking up with? I know I have in past relationships. If you’ve used this statement, or been on the receiving end of it, you need to listen to this podcast. There’s much more to the story. Find out by listening in… SHOWNOTES: A common statement in relationship, but the real meaning behind it [1:50] A more honest statement to use instead [5:15] What is supposed to happen in a real relationship? [11:30] What happens when we don’t learn how to love [13:45]    

Thu, November 19, 2015

SC 24 - Women: 3 Steps To Get Your Man To Show Up In The Relationship - Terry Real

This episode was a lot of fun. Terry Real brings the heat for women and men using what he calls “fierce intimacy.” While this episode is for both men and women, it is largely geared toward women who are with a guy who’s not fully on board. He has some great advice for women, while at the same time challenges men to develop their relationship skills. I know you’ll dig this one. SHOWNOTES: Beginning of interview [4:30] Terry shares how he came to be interested in relationship work [5:00] What is “fierce intimacy”? [7:20] The difference between a good man and a great man [12:30] Advice for young millennial men [15:00] What Terry says to women who are frustrated with their men [19:30] A lot of men who wont do the work for themselves or for the marriage, will get it and rise to the occasion for the sake of… [23:00] 3 key steps for women to work with their shutdown men (this is very good) [26:00] Should women reward their man’s effort with sex? [32:45] The design flaw in the way most therapists do therapy [40:10] Parting comments [50:15]

Thu, November 05, 2015

SC 23 - Finding Flow In Your Marriage - Jamie Wheal

If you’ve ever skied, surfed, or gone outdoor climbing, there’s a good chance you’ve experienced that elusive peak state of awareness referred to as “flow”. Time slows, thoughts disappear, your sense of self seems to merge with the present moment, and everything just…flows! The flow state brings high levels of creativity, learning and connection…all things that we want in our relationships. In this episode, I bring on flow expert Jamie Wheal to dig into an important question: How can we bring this peak state into our long-term partnerships? We also hear deeply personal, wisdom-packed stories from Jamie on the evolution of his partnership.  You’re going to enjoy this one. SHOWNOTES: Start of interview [0:40] What is the Flow Genome Project? [1:30] What’s the distinction between dopamine rushes, drug highs, and “flow”? [3:50] Is there a bridge between peak flow states and monogamous relationships? [7:20] What happens when sex is made into a dedicated practice, similar to exercise or flossing? [12:50] “Erotic Tonglen” [16:50] Shares from Jamie’s personal life [22:50] What happened to the sexual chemistry when Jamie had kids? [28:05] Is the bedroom a place of withholding or safety? [29:05] The unconscious bargain that Jamie started his marriage with, and had to drop to save the relationship [31:20] What Jamie learned about his relationship at Burning Man [33:00] False notions about enlightenment and soulmates [40:30] Parting Words from Jamie [43:40] There are 3 key components of Flow: 1. Rich Environments 2. Deep Embodiment 3. High Consequence  

Thu, October 29, 2015

SC 22 - Cock Talk - 4 Men Getting Really Honest

In this episode, I’m joined by a panel of courageous men: Booster Blake, Jeffrey Platts, Adrial Dale, and Christopher Sunyata.  These men have all done work on themselves, and so are able to get honest and talk openly about their sexuality, their victories and challenges with intimacy, with relationship, and with their bodies in the bedroom.  I think you’ll appreciate the transparency of these men. SHOWNOTES: How has porn negatively or positively affected your sex life? [29:45] If you played with other boys when you were young, did you ever have any doubts that you were gay because you enjoyed it? [27:05] Did you ever have a sexual experience with a boy? [24:00] When did you first learn to masturbate, and what was it like? [17:30] The men briefly describe their relationships to their cock [13:00] Christopher introduces himself [10:10] Booster Blake introduces himself [8:45] Jeffrey introduces himself [7:35] Adrial introduces himself [6:50] Beginning of interview [6:45] Where do these men draw the line when it comes to fantasizing about other women? [37:30] What’s a victory, or celebratory moment, you’ve had with your cock? [42:00] What are your thoughts on working to transcend pornography?  [48:00] A listening woman asks: What is the best segue to bring up sexual topics when there is shame around the topic? [52:45] What kind of shame have men experienced that have been put on their cocks or their sexuality by women ? [58:30] If the woman asks for something different in the bedroom, does a man take this personally and feel like he is not a good enough lover? [1:05:30] Final comments [1:12:45]

Sun, October 25, 2015

SC 21 – 3 Types Of Fights

Most of the time, when we fight with a partner, we “bicker” or go in circles because we are missing what the fight is really about.  In this episode we examine the 3 things people fight about most.  It will be essential to listen to this so you know what the deeper layer of your fights are really about.  Why does this matter?  So you can get to the real issue and resolve it. SHOWNOTES: The 3 types of fights [6:40] Type 1: Security fight – “I don’t feel safe” [7:40] Type 2: Past resentments – Stuff you’ve never dealt with. [11:00] Type 3: Dealing with small, everyday stuff [14:00] Fight, Flight, Freeze – The 3 styles of dealing with conflict [24:40]

Wed, October 14, 2015

SC 20 - Conflict Is Good News - Diane Musho Hamilton

I really enjoyed this conversation with Zen teacher Diane Hamilton. She brings such a genuine willingness to move toward what’s uncomfortable in our relationships. We explore why she left the mormon church and how she got into zen practice. We also take a good look at parenting, marriage, and why it’s so paramount to be able to take our partner’s point of view. I know you’ll appreciate this dialogue. SHOWNOTES: A special guest kicks off the podcast [0:10] Beginning of the interview [5:20] Diane shares the arc of her life up to this point [6:00] Diane’s “genius zone”: Meditation and Mediation [10:00] Skill with conflict = comfort with difference [16:00] Diane shares about the relationship dynamic with her husband [19:30] Diane defines conflict: “Extreme difference that is fueled by emotion, and is very disruptive to the system” [21:00] Why is conflict “good news”? [22:10] The 3 styles of conflict [24:15] Avoidance Accommodation Aggression How Diane uses meditation to work with conflict [29:00] Diane demos mindfulness meditation [32:50] The yogic practice of hearing perspectives we don’t agree with [39:00] Bringing Zen and Integral into conflict [45:40]

Thu, October 08, 2015

SC 19 - 3 Steps To End Relationship Drama

In this episode I unpack 3 really important steps to removing the drama from your relationships. Drama can be a time suck, an energy drain, and can hurt your relationship even more. So, check this short episode out and notice if you are perpetuating drama, or doing your best to end it. SHOWNOTES: What does Jayson mean when he says drama? [2:00] 3 main ingredients to ending the drama [4:40] 1. Reframe it and see it as an opportunity rather than a problem [5:50] 2. Say NO to drama, by saying YES to conflict [7:00] 3. Learn the art and wisdom of understanding each other [13:50] What does it mean to validate someone else’s experience? [17:00]

Wed, September 30, 2015

SC 18 - How Therapist Bruce Tift Helped Me Have The Balls To Marry My Wife

Bruce was one of THE pivotal factors in helping me marry my wife before she slammed the door shut on me. Hear that story in this episode and why it’s so common for couples to struggle. Bruce offers a powerful frame for relationship and intimacy and makes the distinction between the developmental work we need to do, and the possibility that we are “already free” in relationship. Check it. SHOWNOTES: How Jayson met Bruce [1:15] “I give [Bruce] credit for saving my marriage” – Jayson [2:30] Start of interview [3:50] How does ambivalence factor into a long-term relationship? [6:15] The interplay of the basic energies of separation and connection [8:30] Intimacy vs. Closeness [12:30] Bruce’s core philosophy [15:30] Relationship is like riding a bicycle…it’s all about balance [17:15] A good first step for couples stuck in an adversarial relationship – The practice of personal responsibility  [21:31] Why it’s important to let go of claiming that your partner is the cause of your difficult emotions [23:50] Bruce shares about his marriage [26:00] Bruce shares his story of becoming a therapist [31:00] What is a “successful relationship”? [38:00] Bruce shares how parenting has impacted his relationships and his life [42:15] Having kids is a real good practice in how willing are we to let another person just be who they are. [45:40] Sexual intimacy in a long-term relationship [45:50] Approaching sexuality as a disciplined practice [50:30] Bruce talks about personal responsibility [54:40] Bruce shares about his new book Already Free – [1:00:00]

Wed, September 23, 2015

SC 17 - Women's Sexuality - Christiane Pelmas and Rensselear Resch

I got a serious education in this interview with Christiane and Ren. I can get so focused on men’s issues that I lose sight of what’s occurring for women. So, needless to say, this episode was very helpful. Since I have a daughter, I’m particularly interested in how to raise her in a “good” way around her own sexuality. Sure, my wife’s got so much of that covered, but as her Dad, I’m eager to support her unfolding in the most beautiful way possible. So, thanks to these two women and the women who were brave enough to ask some tough questions of themselves and their sexuality. I’m learning and I’m grateful. SHOWNOTES: What lead Christiane into teaching sexuality [8:20] How Ren became a sexual educator – [9:30] What it was like for Ren to grow up in a household that was shame-free around sex – [10:30] Common sexual initiations for girls – [12:30] Sexual co-exploring between children; when is it ok? – [14:20] Why it’s important for parents to do their own work around sex – [17:20] Common roadblocks for a girl growing into her sexuality – [18:50] Sexual pain-points for women in long-term relationship [21:40] What is Erotic Intelligence? [24:40] Going into sexual wounds to heal them – [27:30] How men try to please women in the bedroom – [36:15] An example of a cop-out in the bedroom [39:55] What blocks us from knowing what we want in the bedroom- [44:25] Simple practices for women to move toward sovereignty – [50:55] The female orgasm – [58:50] Parting comments – [1:04:55] Q&A Section – [1:07:50] How do I heal the rift between my heart and my sex? What is the biggest obstacle for women to experience orgasm? How do I connect healthily to my sexuality in the midst of a busy life-style? And many more heartfelt questions

Tue, September 15, 2015

SC 16 - Cock Talk - Men’s Sexual Issues - David Cates

This is another great podcast, and our first one around sexuality, especially as it pertains to men (women’s sexuality coming in the next episode). David and I explore my own challenges and triumphs and what’s going on in the male mind when it comes to getting stuck around “performing” in the bedroom. You’ll dig it. SHOWNOTES: Intro to David Cates [1:16] Start of the interview [4:00] How Jayson reached out to David when he was struggling sexually [5:25] Men stuck in the “performance game” [8:05] Your Cock is a Barometer. Learn to trust it [9:04] What performance-based sex looks like  [14:45] A hallmark of fully mature sex [16:00] Where to start developing a mature sex life [18:58] Sexual pain is just a signal for attention [21:00] When porn becomes a problem [24:00] What to do when given the advice “just have sex” [27:55] Partner Intimacy Practice 31:30] How to do your deep breathing in the practice [38:33] How to touch each other in the practice [40:00] What about performance anxiety for women? [42:56] Finding the right pace – and getting unstuck from your habits [46:34] Rediscovering your heart in your sex life [49:00] Giving yourself permission to be who you are in the bedroom [54:00] The one thing a listener could take from David Cates [56:20]

Tue, September 08, 2015

SC 15 - Ayahuasca & Relationships - Geoff Hanzlik and Richard Furr

Can plant medicine such as Ayahuasca help our marriages? In this episode I interview two very experienced guests who have both done over 500 ceremonies with this sacred medicine. We dive deep into this question, highlighting Ayahuasca’s strengths as a healing modality and where this medicine may fall short when it comes to interpersonal relationships. SHOWNOTES : Jayson’s early Ayahuasca experiences [2:30] Intro to Geoff Hanzlik [4:50] Intro to Richard Furr [5:45] Beginning of interview [6:50] Geoff shares how early depression lead him to Ayahuasca [8:40] Richard shares how he entered the Ayahuasca path [11:35] What exactly is Ayahuasca? [14:20] Potential dangers and downsides of Ayahuasca [17:35] Can this medicine “make you more sensitive”? [22:45] Is group processing needed before and after ceremonies?  [25:00] Bringing therapy into the conversation [26:00] The greatest thing the medicine taught Jayson [28:50] Does Ayahuasca help with our intimate relationships? [30:55] How would one use Ayahuasca to help their relationship life? [39:30] Richard helps those struggling to integrate their Ayahuasca experience [44:15] Inner depth healing vs. developing relational skills – [48:00] Ayahuasca is not a ‘quick fix’ [51:10] “This isn’t a ‘dabblers’ path” [54:50] Richard shares the dangers of pushing Ayahuasca on others [1:00:00] How are relational dynamics addressed in spiritual communities? [1:05:00]

Thu, September 03, 2015

SC 14 - Your Edgy Relationship Questions

In this episode Jayson fields a bunch of great questions from listeners like you. Here are a few of the edited questions: Do you work with people who are actively having an affair and want to continue it? How do I deal with a partner who refuses to do the work? What do I do when I fall out of love with my partner? How can I feel sexually empowered in a relationship when my partner lacks both the desire to have sex and the desire to talk about it? How do I deal with the loss of my partner? How do I tell someone what I need in a way that doesn’t shame them or make them wrong? How do I work through conflict when my partner is stuck in denial?

Sun, August 30, 2015

SC 13 - MDMA in Relationships? - Dr Will Vanderveer

Can MDMA help our relationships if we do this in a legit way? I explore this question with Dr Vanderveer and we zero in on some key factors if you want to improve your marriage or relationship life using medicine such as MDMA. SHOWNOTES  Jayson shares his own experiences with MDMA – [1:50] The Low-Down on MDMA trials [4:55] Who is MDMA for? [6:20] What a MDMA-assisted psychotherapy session looks like [8:28] “There’s something really warm and cozy about that” [10:50] Why use MDMA? -Tapping into shared humanity. [13:22] Why does traditional therapy often fall short? [14:45] The importance of integration and structured therapy with MDMA [18:55] Jayson’s MDMA use in college [20:40] Learning to use MDMA safely [24:00] The “Quality”Problems that MDMA-assisted-therapy brings [35:55] Jayson’s experience of a facilitated MDMA session [38:05] Integrating these experiences into your relationships [40:30] “The context is everything” [44:15] State-Changes vs Trait-Changes [45:30] The future of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy [53:10]

Tue, August 25, 2015

SC 12 - The 3 Evolutionary Drivers In Relationship - Dr. Keith Witt

Man is this guy a force! I dive into a vibrant conversation with integral-psychotherapist and writer Dr. Keith Witt.  Topics range from growth, depression, working with shadow, evolutionary drivers, marriage, parenting and much more.  Bring a notepad for this one! And, get the rewind button ready… SHOWNOTES: Everything is relationships [2:33] Rediscovering monogamy [4:20] How to “make it” in long term relationship [5:05] Getting aligned in your growth [6:15] Causes and cures of depression [8:40] Different kinds of shadow [9:55] The two characteristics of humans in relationships [12:43] Understanding our kids’ motivations [16:45] The  Three Evolutionary  ‘drivers’ in relationship (and pitfalls) [18;09] Integral Mindfulness in relationships. [22:54] Relationships and Kids – and tackling the challenges of it [26:13] The transition to middle age [28:37] What Keith Witt does in his relationships – “Romantic Fridays”  [30:24] The ‘evolution’ of our empathy [36:30] The necessity of shame [39:30] Secure attachment explained [47:15] Developing mindfulness – learn to self observe [53:37] Final Advice from Keith Witt [01:01:30]

Wed, August 19, 2015

SC 11 - Alignment is the New Sexy - Jayson Gaddis

People don’t trust you when you are misaligned. You say you’re “fine” but really you feel angry. Or you say “I love you” but your body language is saying something different. This causes people to pull back from you. The more congruent someone is the more trustworthy they are. We get really pissed when our partner is out of alignment. In fact, we even resent them over time. But that is often a reflection of our own misalignment. In This episode you will learn: Dealing with the ‘I’m Fine’ moment – Unlearning incongruency [1:33] Alignment in your marriage and work [6:00] Being ‘on the path’ to alignment [9:10] Tool: Sharing the Impact of non-alignment [10:07]  

Sun, August 16, 2015

SC 10 - 4 Premarital Conversations You Must Have - Jay Cadet

This episode is key for millennials who are about to get married. Too many people skip this conversation prior to marriage. IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: How to tell the difference between honesty and reckless honesty. The three criteria of honest communication How to offer honesty without being critical. One question to ask before saying anything ‘honest’  How honest communication without shaming can move your relationship forward Learning to receive feedback well The 4 conversations every unmarried couple needs to have (16:45) How to create space for honest feedback Dealing with arguments and conflict in an effective way Knowing when and when not to seek professional help How to have the ‘money’ conversation, especially for young people Keeping things fresh and alive for the long-term The importance of being friends with other couples

Wed, August 12, 2015

SC 9 - Why People Have Affairs and What to Do if it Happens to You

Affairs are so intense. When I was 20 or so I cheated on my girlfriend. When I was 32 or so I had an emotional affair. In this episode I share more about what I learned about myself during those and then I discuss why so many affairs happen and what you can do about it. IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: how to deal with tears and anger in the fire of an affair how to move past an affair with the learning and insight how to move from an affair onto a path of personal development and growth how to see yourself differently in what may lead to an affair how to recognize the “victim” mentality and re-empower yourself how fear plays a crucial role in causing an affair why coming back into your heart is essential to preventing an affair about effective methods for dealing with affairs

Sun, August 09, 2015

SC 8 - When to Stay or Leave + True Love with Annie Lalla

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn : To see your partner as a sacred mirror and sanctuary for the growing your greatest actualized self The true characteristics of a long-term partnership How your partnership is the optimal container for complete transformation of yourself into the highest possible version imaginable How to fall in love and why this is more important than being married How to take radical responsibility for being loved in every moment of your life How to actually get your needs/wants met in a partnership How to know if conflict in your relationship is driving you toward or away from more magnificence There’s a ton in this episode so dive in and go slow. You will also want to check out Annie’s blog post “ Should I stay or Should I Go?” And, Here’s a great question from Annie to ask yourself if you are trying to decide to stay or leave: Is the person I’m being called to become by what my partner’s asking me to become (if you take on the growth-development framework ), will you become a more extraordinary version of yourself? If who they are asking you to become is a constricted, small, tight version of you, then this is probably not the person you want to be with. However, if you identify as the smaller version of you, then, you are going to hear your partner’s feedback as criticism and blame and might make them wrong in the process. So, pay attention to these finer points.    

Wed, August 05, 2015

SC 7 – 4 Stages of Intimacy – Robert & Diane Masters

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn : The importance of recognizing conditioning and seeing its role in shaping a more mature relationship Why knowing your past experiences and stories can re-empower your relationships How to differentiate between healthy shame and unhealthy shame and how they play a crucial role in functional marriages How recognizing stages of an evolving relationship can help you better connect with your partner How to get to being centered and truly connected with your partner without sacrificing independence About the key importance of vulnerability in a marriage About the heart of really deep and truly fulfilling sex And check out these four stages of relationship. We explore these in the episode. 1. Me-centered 2. We-centered codependent 3. We-centered co-independent 4. Being-centered I had a lot of fun with this one. These two “get” long term relationship and what’s required to go the distance. They also know a great deal about shame, blame, and how to get over it by going to the next stage in your relationship. Robert also supports the power of men facing their own BS and his new book “To Be A Man” is going to be worth the read for the men out there. Note, our call got “dropped” by skype at one point so you’ll notice the sound quality change a bit. Just a heads up. 

Sun, August 02, 2015

SC 6 - The 7 Day Sex Challenge for Married Couples - Tony and Alisa

IN THIS EPISODE, you will learn : how to keep a marriage alert, alive, and awake about the interplay of sex and emotional intimacy in a partnership creating simple positive changes in relationship through sex challenges how regular sex and strong physical connection benefit partnership how an “intimacy lifestyle” can create deeper connection what technique of initiation works best for your relationship how to regain the desire and dream conversation in a marriage how to recreate a habit of getting real with your partner

Thu, July 30, 2015

SC 5 - The 3 Types of marriages - Only One Prevails

IN THIS EPISODE, you will learn : How to navigate a partnership by understanding 3 marriage types How to align to the most dynamic, live, energetic, and inspired marriage How to see diagnostically if your marriage is doomed or if you will make it How to get your partner to become a caring type—balanced and evolving

Wed, May 27, 2015

SC 4 - Antidepressants and Your Relationship - Dr Will Vanderveer

IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn : the importance of relationship in integrative psychiatry how to understand what makes the best treatment in psychiatry with and without medication about alternative approaches to allopathic medication with integrative medicine the importance of true intimacy in relationship as medicine critical elements of attaining mental health how honoring yourself in a partnership encourages personal integrity how to maintain your integrity while being true to yourself and getting what you want with connection too how to control the destiny of your relationships and your life

Wed, May 20, 2015

SC 3 - Embracing Diversity in your Partner - Christiane Pelmas

IN THIS EPISODE, you will learn: Why and how partnerships matter and what they require What ingredients are needed to truly tend to your partnership How to work through bad habits by utilizing community for support and healing The signs of health in partnership and “right” relationship How to milk your intimate partner for the biggest medicine The core of erotic intelligence how to break the homogeneity of sexuality What’s next after deep connection, emotional intimacy and vulnerability

Wed, May 13, 2015

SC 2 - What is the Point of Marriage if So Many People Get Divorced?

We continue to lay the foundational context for a rockin’ marriage. Will you be a smart couple or a dumb couple? IN THIS EPISODE, You will learn: REAL-LIFE applications to your intimate partnerships that actually work How to get results in the midst of challenge and struggle What the point of marriage is. If you don’t get this you’re screwed. The fallacy of the “romantic notion of love” About the optimal environment for child growth and brain development How to get away from the chronic stress model of marriage About the ins and outs of the “relationship cycle” The connection between relationship and business success

Wed, May 06, 2015

SC 1 - How to Set Yourself Up for Success in Your Marriage

THE SMART COUPLE PODCAST SERIES The Smart Couple Podcast: A trail blazing relationship podcast promoting unconventional monogamy and marriage–where we teach you how to fight well, master communication, and take your marriage to the next level without compromising your business, family, or integrity. This podcast will become the VERY best relationship resource for growth and success oriented smart people who want to have extraordinary marriages and relationships. We will explore you doing whatever it takes (including some very unconventional approaches) to achieve an awesome, and deeply fulfilling long-term relationship. Your host, Jayson Gaddis brings over a decade in the trenches with couples, families and individuals and most importantly his unceasing and relentless commitment to examining himself as the ultimate lab rat to master relationship and intimacy. He is successfully married (for now) to a brilliant wife and has two cosmic kids who continue to school him about love. Jayson was a formerly jammed up guy who, for six months, when he first entered personal therapy, couldn’t answer the simple question of “How are you feeling right now?” In this inaugural podcast, you will learn: The proper view and context for a successful marriage How to learn and grow from your marriage and relationship challenges (because there’s no way to avoid them) REAL advice with intelligent resources, NOT exaggerated or fantasized solutions Relationship Failure—What it is and why couples get stuck, stagnant, complacent, and afraid How to become a smart couple where you both WIN. Why relationships don’t work and how to get one to work over time