Well hello Friends! Welcome to this bonus episode of “Ask the Coach.”

This is something I started a couple of month ago and I promised I’d do it every month or two. And it’s been a few months since the first one, so I thought we’d do another one. 

If you recall, for these episodes, I do some specific coaching based on questions you submit. 

So, for future episodes, if you’re struggling with something at work or if you have a question about anything else related to your career or life, send me a DM on Instagram or email me at carla@thepurposefulcareer.com. It’s always anonymous. I just use the initials of the person who submitted the question.

So, today’s question comes from TJ. And she says:

Dear Carla,

I’ve got this colleague who just won’t stay in his lane. 

We have to work together on big projects and initiatives and that shouldn’t be a problem. We each have our own role (supposedly). But the truth is, when we work together, he just won’t stay in his own lane. He often doesn’t deliver on his own area’s responsibilities on time and instead, he’s all up in MY business. He’s always wanting to work on my things together or giving me his ideas or talking over me in meetings. I’ve even heard him overtly take credit for the work I’ve done. It’s not just me. Others tell me they see what’s going on and honestly, I’m at my wit’s end. I can’t deal with him anymore. I’m so angry with him that I’m afraid of what I might say. And I’m also afraid that while I’ve got my head down trying to get my work done, he’s out there taking credit for it all. And I’m afraid of the implications that’s going to have on my future at this company. Plus, it’s just not fair.

So, my question to you is this. How can I get my colleague to stay in his own lane? 

Thanks a lot. 

TJ

Well TJ, before we get into the coaching, I just want to say…I FEEL you. 

YEARS ago, like 13 years ago, I had almost the exact same issue. So, I know the very real and very negative impact this type of thing can have on you.

And I’ll say that at the time, I didn’t handle it as well as I would’ve liked. At the time I felt like I’d tried everything, talking to him, talking to our mutual boss, ignoring it. And it drove me so insane, I ended up quitting a job I really loved and taking one I didn’t love so much. 

So, when you’re in a situation like this, it’s important to be clear about what’s going on and what you can and can’t control in this situation. That’s when you can be sure you’re operating from the best place…the place that’s going to serve you.

So, let’s get into it.

First, based on what you shared; the situation is that there are role clarity issues between the two of you. Whether they’re happening because those roles aren’t well-defined or whether it’s because your colleague is acting this way on purpose for motivations of his own, I don’t know based on the information you shared.

But the first thing I want you to see is that there’s a difference between the situation or circumstance and your thoughts.

So here, the situation is that your colleague is doing your work. So, whether it’s about role clarity or role overlap or whatever, that’s the fact of what’s happening. You’re both trying to do the SAME job.

The second thing I want you to know is that EVERYTHING ELSE you shared in that paragraph are YO

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